[anneo59]

sounds neat, hope all going ok for you. sorry am late responding, still learning how to navigate PC

[pepperlynne]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

There's a meme out there somewhere... it says:

"You ever have one of those days where literally everything pisses you off? Someone could say, "Hey, look at that rainbow!" And I'd be like "**** that ****."

It's 8:30 in the morning and that's about where I am today.

I hate that I have to dress up for work. I hate that I look so damn pale and it's almost July. I hate the shoes I had to wear today. I hate that my husband never puts his keys back. I hate that I have to be at work right now. I hate that I have a pdoc appointment today. I hate that I'm here. I hate that people are going to talk to me. I hate that everyone else seems so damn chipper. I hate Tuesdays.

I have these days all the time. It's nice to have someone to relate to.

[pepperlynne]

Today I started the day very down, and slow. I am in a rut. I have class, and do not want to go. I don't want to be ambitious about anything today. I just want to stay inside and I don't want to be missing something while staying in. Maybe I will just skip class today.

[Blue_Bird]

New to the Check In, very low mood today. Going through a depression phase

[lostincornflakes]

Another day and a very hot one at that! Hanging in my room as usual watching TV and playing around on my tablet. Made dinner. Have appt w pdoc tomorrow. Just another day followed by yet another day.

I don't know what to say anymore since I am being spied on.
I can't even get any peace now. Want to die.

For the second time within a week, had a second highly sui day Monday (the other being the previous Wednesday, though they were quite different in nature). I can go quite a bit beyond the usual recommendations of danger, but even for me, calmly making a checklist and writing letters is a bad sign. Doing considerably better the last couple of days. Weird thing is I'm don't really think I'm depressed(!) That's pretty f'd up.

On a lighter note! Putting in applications for apartments (yeah, wasn't exactly doing that on Monday) Looked at one today. BF is desperate to get out of our current situation (seriously alcoholic housemate is triggering), so putting in an app. despite the fact it's wigging me out, phobia-wise. Another unit appeared online today at a different building, and I am SO following up on that one tomorrow! This stuff is so stressful! Plus paperwork freezes me like a deer in headlights. Simple application, completed (uhhh...mostly) in "only" about 3 hours. I haven't dealt with subsidized housing before, but... and in light of that, how bizarre is it that... I was worried this morning that I don't make enough to be able to get in. (And not w/o cause --for a number of their properties I don't.).

Want to just (instantly) BE in a place that works. It'll be the third move in just barely over a year. Dreading serious physical pain (we've both got chronics that really can't handle moving). Just hope it isn't incapacitating. Yeah right. When does it get easier?

i am really struggling today.

not just with my bipolar, but finding it hard to find reasons to live in general

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by SpiritOfAStorm

I don't know what to say anymore since I am being spied on.
I can't even get any peace now. Want to die.

Spirit, please call your pdoc and see if you can get in to see them right away, you don't sound well.

[Phoenix_1]

I'm so so. I got a whole lot of stuff accomplished yesterday. I applied for disability and the social worker said it would go through with no problem since I was already approved in April. I just hope the money comes before I go to hospital so I can pay my rent. I also went and dealt with my landlord yesterday and gave them tons of paper. I'm in government housing so my rent is based on my income. (thank goodness!). I took in my pay stubs for the last two months, and all my income tax papers for 2012. My knee was too sore to go to the store to buy groceries, but I did go to the farmer's market in the morning, and I got some really nice fresh veggies.
Today I spend all day at the Surgical Assessment Centre. I had blood taken at the lab on Friday, and this morning I go see a doctor and he'll check me from stem to stern to make sure I'm healthy enough for surgery. Then this afternoon I have "knee class". I guess that will teach me and the other patients what the expect from knee replacement surgery. I've watched the surgery on YouTube and watched videos (from accredited hospitals and physiotherapists) about rehab. I feel I'm very prepared. There sure is some weird stuff on YouTube though, some patients have made their own videos, and one guy told us to take our own pain drugs to the hospital because the nurses don't give you enough pain meds. OD waiting to happen. haha the only pain drugs I have here are Tylenol and Advil. They won't be much use I think. 7 days til surgery and counting down. The centre suggested that I take a loved one or caregiver with me to knee class. When I said I had no one to bring they weren't happy. I don't know what their problem is, I should be the one who's not happy that there's no one to bring. Anyway... today I'll be busy. Hopefully it'll keep my mind off my boyfriend.
Sorry to be so long winded.

((((Phoenix__1))))
Thanks for your concern. I am fine. Hurt, betrayed, SPIED ON, but I will be OK.
There is nothing lower in the universe than a maggot that feasts on dead things.
I am down and hurting, posting my feelings, battling my mental illness, and I get tattled on because some do-gooder decided that my ex needed to know. That imbicile has no idea the damage they have done.
I am fine...I am not the one with the spies!

[Phoenix_1]

Sorry Storm. I thought that you may be paranoid. But they really ARE spying on you. Take care of yourself. ((((Hugs))))

Sent from my Note 2 using Tapatalk 4

Oh yeah....thanks for making me chuckle....yes "they" are real people...or a person....no its not paranoia...although the idea that some a-hole is reading my posts does make me kinda paranoid.
And isolated since I don't know what do say or do. Can't really share much anymore.
I dunno, maybe I will anyway. Who cares.

[lostincornflakes]

Glad to be home. Had appt w pdoc. Told her how I was feeling and she listened. My normal 30 minute appt turned into 50 minutes. I really like her and realized my last pdoc just wasn't into it. In/out new prescriptions in hand ten minutes tops.

Anyways she subscribed Wellbutrin SR. 100 mg twice daily. I go back in 3 weeks for adjustments. Asked if it would cause weight gain and she said no, so I'm hopeful. I then had my annual assessment w my caseworker which took another 45 minutes.
Then went to fill new prescription. My 30 minute appt ended up being out of the house for 4 hours. All this during an extreme heat advisory. I'm beat!

[A Red Panda]

Second day of classes over! The kids, who I know are a tough crowd, have been on good behaviour. Not naturally mind you... yesterday we practiced walking down the hallway and lining up, and today I made one kid stay inside for a few minutes. haha.

However, I've gotten them to be pretty productive and overally they have been having a really good time and I'm quite proud of their behaviour so far.

It's been a good distraction. I've been a bit of a wreck inside since the pdoc f***ing up with my appointment. I see Mental Health Guy on Tuesday, so I hope that he's sorted it out (I can only make the appointments through mental health anyway). I really have no faith in the hospital, that's been the second mess up in two weeks. And that appointment was booked in July! You'd think that with a psych patient you'd NOT mess up quite that enormously. The pdoc's not even in town all the time and it's hard to get things booked with him - so why on earth wouldn't they reschedule with me if he wasn't going to be there?!?! Idiots.

[Margolomania]

Had a week's worth of vacation that had me re-energized, yet at the same time, the end of it has also left me feeling very discontent about my current home and lifestyle. I wish I could turn things around as easily as people make it seem so, but eh. I'm caffeinated, I'm back at work which I'm happy I still have, and I just have to keep focusing on feeling motivated than discontentment.

I had very little anxiety over going to work today I took my time with my jobs and kept positive. All went well and I thought I would be finished late, but I didnt, slowing down and taking my time actually didnt take any more time than if I run around like a chook with its head cut off. I was surprised by that, and now I know for next week

My mood is great, I am still procrastinating over going horseriding but my pdoc thinks that is something we can work through in therapy so I am not beating myself up over what I *should* be doing with my days. I am so pleased with how well I am going and I feel like I am finally getting to know myself instead of being a passenger on this crazy ride.

[Phoenix_1]

Not so good right now. I had a day at the surgical assessment centre yesterday. The dr says I'm healthy as a horse, except for arthritis requiring surgery, and bp2 of course. My blood type is B+. That sounds like a joke. B positive.
My boyfriend is being very distant - not sure what's up with him. Why did he even come back if he's going to treat me this way? It really makes me wonder what he's thinking. He says he's busy. That's b******t. I'm starting to get scared about my surgery and now he won't even talk to me. So very not good.
I see my pdoc today, so that's one good thing. First visit since my (3rd) dx. First visit since I finally believed that I have bp2. I have so many questions for him.
I'm sorry I haven't been participating much in the forums lately. I'm feeling low and introspective. I'm trying to think of every detail I can to get my apartment ready for when I come home after surgery. I'll have to use a walker for six weeks and I need to buy and install things to retrofit my apartment for my temporary handicap. So much to do! And I'm alone, my kids don't live here, and there's no one to help me. I think I'm in self care mode right now before my surgery. I know I need to keep a positive attitude for my surgery, that it's very important to be positive, and I'm trying. It's hard when I have no one to talk to and I'm so lonely.
Thanks for being here everyone. I appreciate you all very much.

[lostincornflakes]

Good morning! Second day on Wellbutrin SR at 100 mg. Tomorrow I increase it to 100 mg twice a day and see how it goes the next couple weeks. I'm really hoping it helps me w my lack of motivation and social anxiety. My pdoc said its weight friendly which is a plus.

Finally I have a day where I have no errands to run or people to drive around. :-) Need to get some house work done tho, we will see how well that works. Hope every one has a good weekend!

[AnxietyGirl916]

Hi all...new to the thread here. Newly diagnosed and on some meds. Titrating up on Lamictal and Abilify.

I'm doing ok so far. I'm on an upswing right now, so my mood is generally ok. Minor anxiety and sleeplessness. I'm dealing with a cold right now so I'm pretty miserable right now. I'm hoping things will get better so I can enjoy my weekend.

[Blue_Bird]

Mood is very depressed still. Just working on trying to find the right combination of medicine. Can't wait until I find some stability.

[Moreta]

Well I woke up at 5:30 this morning, even though it's the weekend. ugh. I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, so I was looking forward to sleeping in this morning. Guess not.

[A Red Panda]

Moreta: I feel you. I've been up since 4-4:30... stayed in bed until about 5:30am though, tryyyinnng to fall back asleep. I really needed the sleep too.

Must be something in the air? I also have been up since 4:30. I layed in bed till 7, possibly in and out but since the noise in my head NEVER stopped, that is only an assumption.
I have learned how to completely relax my body even while my mind is racing at the speed of sound.
So I got the depression under control, now its time to get the noise supressed.

[Phoenix_1]

There has to be something in the air. I woke up at 3:30. I got up and had a cup of hot milk with vanilla, and did manage to go back to sleep for one more hour.

I went out yesterday and got the final items I'll need after knee replacement surgery. I came home with a walker and an aluminum reaching stick thingy. I feel old, like my grandmother or somebody. I'm only 59. My mother was 73 when she broke her hip and needed these things. I feel very very old today.

I can feel myself falling into the abyss of depression. Not what I wanted to do, now that I have only 6 days to go before knee surgery. I was hypomanic in July and August - why do I have to get depressed when I need to keep a positive frame of mind to heal from surgery? Life isn't fair.