[Phoenix_1]

I feel really blah. I have so much to do before Thursday and I can't seem to get started. I have to totally clean my apartment, do laundry, and so on. For 6 weeks after knee surgery I won't be able to do either. I woke up at 3:30 again. I'm tired and don't feel like doing anything. No motivation at all.

I'm definitely not manic, and my depression is tons better. Mainly I feel angry that because of bipolar and fibromyalgia, my life has not turned out the way I wanted it to. It's hard accepting that I have limitations, but I keep up the good fight.

I'm really bored and feel unfulfilled. I'm trying to make myself available to take business calls from 9-5 M-F because I need some new clients for my law practice! At least I have a firm goal now. It's not easy waiting.

[AnxietyGirl916]

Once again, I only got 4 hours of sleep.



We'll see what the day brings.

[Amelie10]

I took a really long nap today which I regret. I do well with short naps, but this was over two hours. I have some work I really need to get done, but I just stare at my Today List and say, "not today." Hoping for some inspiration tomorrow.

My depression is definitely better, but I just can't get going with work.

[redbandit]

I haven't been feeling well since last Thursday, when I got really sick. Physically sick though, it usually doesn't make me depressed. Then over the weekend I pretty much did nothing my husband was out of town and I couldn't force myself to do anything.
Blah now I have a migraine. On a better note, turns out I got the job after all. So, for a few weeks I will have two jobs! That's never happened before Lol
I do feel a lot better when I go to work. Might be the opposite of the rest of the world hahay

[AnxietyGirl916]

Congrats one the new job redbandit! That's exciting news!

[lostincornflakes]

I had to take my mom to another specialist today. This makes Her fifth dr. An urgent referral was made by one of other Dr's. I get really anxious when I have to go somewhere I have never been. We find the office no other patients and they take her right back. 20-25 minutes later the Dr comes and tells I need to take my mom directly to hospital. Her last lab work showed her sodium levels dangerously low. The Dr said it could just be from over hydrating. If that was it levels should be normal, however if it was still low he wanted her in the hospital. Well it was still low. Had only gone up 3 numbers. So they admit her and of course I'm freaking out Googling low sodium which only freaked me out more. My mom is 78 and she has been in and out of the hospital a lot the last couple of years, mostly for blood transfusions. I've been taking care of her for a few years now, and she takes care of me. She under stands my mental issues and is there for me. My dad died 10 years ago and today 9-11 is his birthday which is just making me sadder. Not sleepy whatsoever.... Gonna be a long night.

Good for someone who sleeps in a split pattern....3-4 hours in the morning and 3-4 hours in the evening. I work 12am-8am. My T said I would do much better if I were on day shift and slept at night, since that is how are brains are wired to do it.
So you know me, never one to do it the easy way!

[A Red Panda]

I've been really tired and worn out. True, it's the first week back at school with the kids.... but I've also had a lot going on in the evenings and on the weekend and I really do NOT want to be doing ANY of it. I'm crying less, but that's only because I'm around other people so much that I can't and when I get home I just want to sleep. So the depression is still around, but I function well when I'm with others and it mostly only hits properly when I'm at home because I ignore it the best I can the rest of the time.

I've also had a lot of anxiety while around other people. Not my students mind you - but with other adults.

[Moreta]

I feel really rough this morning. I'm so hot, sweating everywhere, but I'm cold and shaking at the same time. I hope I'm not getting sick.

[Phoenix_1]

I don't know how I feel. I guess the word would be frustrated. I have a ton of things to do before going into the hospital tomorrow, and I felt like yesterday was just a waste. My daughter is sending me a check and on Monday she said she sent it overnight, so I spent until 1:00 waiting for it. Then I texted her and she said it'll be here today, not yesterday. I have to get it to the bank before 5 pm, so I hope it comes early in the day. Meanwhile, I've been waiting all day yesterday and will be again today for my bank to call me about delaying my car loan payments for a month until my disability cheques come. I left a voice mail with the bank and she didn't phone back, even though I told her I needed to speak to her before going to the hospital tomorrow. And I have to buy groceries, pick up my prescriptions, and I have lots of other errands to run today. I didn't do them yesterday because I spent all day waiting. I can't run errands while sitting at home waiting for the mail and waiting for phone calls. I wanted today to be calm and cool so I could prepare myself mentally for surgery.

Yesterday I did manage to get some things done. I cleaned the apartment, did laundry, and cooked some food to freeze for after surgery. I guess it wasn't a total waste.

[roads]

This is getting to be too much ... bipolar and physical problems & no one professional with both in their knowledge base. So many of us have both problems--there must be some answer ...

[pepperlynne]

Today I feel okay, which is one hundred times better than I've been feeling which is mixed. I went to a psychiatrist for the first time today(before I was only seeing a therapist), he said that I am Bipolar II, mixed, rapid cycling. He prescribed an anticonvulsant. I feel a little apprehensive about taking it, but anything to get rid of this never ending cycle of being up, then down, then both at the same time. It's torture. So I hope it works.

Not feeling much of it today...and I know its not gone...but its nice to remember how it feels to be free of all the bipolar crap....even if just for a day.

I think I'm doing ok, I feel bored mostly. I saw my T today, we talked about my son possibly being deployed (he's a soldier) and how I'm pushing that away so I'm not anxious about it...basically I'm trying really hard not to think about it, not worry about something that hasn't happened yet. Meds are working I guess cause normally I'd already be in tears over it and panicking and he's not even on the list to go. We talked about my IQ test scores, I don't think I'd ever told her the numbers before, she looked surprised. She also said the visual spatial deficit would explain a positive response to the computerized adhd test. So maybe I don't have adhd? Who knows. She said it does explain why I can't clean house well...I can't VISUALIZE it! Whatever. We talked about my other son and his fiance moving back in with me and dad. She doesn't think its a good idea and its probably not but I can't really tell my kid no you can't come home. Especially after I already told him its ok if he does. But I have been very busy, I've made two blogs, one for mental wellness and one for my 'other' friends and family (yeah, the normies). I'm also going back to my live journal acct and posting some of my other poems on it and I'm going to figure out how to put my story on it. That will be a challenge. Am I hypomanic doing all this? I don't know. I still have dirty dishes in my sink and unfolded clothes in my bedroom so my energy isn't that far up. Just a lot of mental energy right now I think. Oh and wallyworld couldn't get me two of my meds today, that irritates me, walgreens was always so much better, too bad they lost the insurance contract. Anyway. I think I'm ok.

[AnxietyGirl916]

I'm ok today. Not up, not down. I just am. I've been hypo the last month, and I think it peaked in the last week. I'm probably on my way back down. Ugh.

[roads]

How do you know if it's time to accept that things can't get better? No matter what you or anyone does?

Originally Posted by Roadie

How do you know if it's time to accept that things can't get better? No matter what you or anyone does?

There is no time to accept that, that's when you ask for help, and you keep asking for help until you get what you need to feel better. As painful as things can be, as badly as we can hurt we still can't just accept it. I know, I felt like if I can't make the pain go away what else can I do, but eventually the pain did lessen and was made bearable and I am ok. But I got help, I told my husband, my drs, the worst time I went to the hospital for 2 weeks. I did what I needed to do to be well. Because there was no accepting any alternative. Seek help, call your dr, go to the hospital if you need to. Do what you need to do to be well.

[lostincornflakes]

Doing OK. Didn't do much. Thankfully my mom was released from the hospital this morning. Get to look forward to more Dr appts. Hopefully they can find out what's been going on this time. On a positive note my son came over and BBQ some pork chops. :-)

[Margolomania]

Been going through mixed states the past days, with a few moments of feeling ok. Been trying to look for an affordable psychiatrist in my area but haven't had any luck in the department. Wishing luck and blessings for myself and for everyone here

[Phoenix_1]

In less than 4 hours I'll be in surgery. My daughter told me not to worry, that these surgeries are routine now. Thinking back, she's right. My mother had her first hip replacement in 1987, 26 years ago. I'll be fine, I'm sure. I'm anxious, but I think that's pretty normal. And I slept a full six hours - bonus.
I'll be back on the forum really soon.

[Moreta]

I feel a lot better today. Left work at lunch time and went home and slept till 5. Went and did my job at the bakery, then when I got home I went back to bed. Had to get up at 5:15 this morning to do the inventory call, but since I got butter and eggs yesterday, I didn't have to go shopping this morning, so I went back to bed. I have a headache, but nothing major. Mood wise, I'm ok. I keep waiting for something to happen though, since I started the Depo Provera. Nothing really going on yet, which is nice. I need to walk today, so hopefully I'll get in a mile at lunch time, then maybe walk some more tonight, when I get done with shopping. I'll see how I feel then.

[AnxietyGirl916]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

In less than 4 hours I'll be in surgery. My daughter told me not to worry, that these surgeries are routine now. Thinking back, she's right. My mother had her first hip replacement in 1987, 26 years ago. I'll be fine, I'm sure. I'm anxious, but I think that's pretty normal. And I slept a full six hours - bonus.
I'll be back on the forum really soon.

Good luck with the surgery. Thinking of you.

[roads]

I've got no one to help anymore with job or medical problems, feel bullied & ignored because of age or failing mental sharpness ...
want to go to my cave and leave the world--can't see ever surviving there again

[Phoenix_1]

My surgery is done and the Dr said that it went well. The only hitch is my extremely high tolerance to pain meds. The max dose isn't working. Ouch. But I'm really glad that it's over.

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