Husband told "everyone" I am BP:(

Good afternoon-ish

It has come to my attention that my husband has told 3 of his co-workers ( i know all of them) and 4 of our friends that I am BP.

I am not happy with this. "Everyone" is not educated on BP. As you are probably aware there is a stigma attached to this "condition".

I can't see myself socializing with these people ever again.

His opinion is that I have to face them sooner or later.

I have known these people for many years. They know who I am. When I go into a depressed state I normally distance myself from them, thus, they have not experienced "sad" me.

I feel it is something personal. He has been diagnosed with depression. I have not told a soul.

He is on Cilift and smokes cannabis daily. We are on completely different wave lengths. I find him extremely irritating at times. Especially now that i have PMS too

One of the problems in our marriage is his daily consumption of cannabis.

He rationalizes it because I made a VERY good friend with my BF's husband recently. We share such a special bond - everything 100% platonic. My husband sees it as "emotional cheating" - My Best Friend has written me off. I am not allowed to contact her husband and vice versa. We have basically admitted to our partners that we love each other...

Anyhow...

Like I mentioned in my previous thread my husband forgave my for my infidelity. He wants to work to save our marriage. Our marriage has got it's problems - but for most of it - IT WORKS WELL - I feel like i work harder sometimes, like I am the one doing all the compromising. I feel like his child at times/ or his best friend. He is 11 years older than me....

I don't want to live with a stoner everyday for the rest of my live. He says he will stop - has MANY times in the past. Lied about stopping on numerous occasions.

Is he going to justify everything he does by saying:" You had an affair and is BP"?

....ain't nobody got time for that

FYI - i think a lot of this anger is PMS and not BP aggressiveness - But WOW what a combo!

Hope to hear from someone soon

educate them, break the cycle of ignorance.

Embrace who you are and what you have.

I think your diagnosis is personal and not up to your husband to share. I think his anger at you for the affair hasn't been dealt with and that's his way of sticking it to you. Now that the cat's out of the bag,however talk to them,see them again and you can prove you're not" crazy" if that's what they think about Bp

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You say that you have a platonic relationship and have a special bond, yet refer to it as emotional infidelity. Have to ask if you "love him" or are "in love" with him. There's a big difference. It sounds to me like you and your husband have many issues besides him telling folks that you are BP. Are you committed to continuing the marriage because you love your husband or for some other reason? Seems to be that you are in a tough spot. I do hope you'll consider things thoroughly. Any chance of couples counseling?

I can see your point about him telling your mutual friends about your diagnosis. that would just piss me off if my wife did that, and I would be left with feeling responsible to explain myself to whoever she told. Not to mention the other people that they will tell. I would have to assume that sooner or later word would get around to everyone.

I can see myself getting standoffish with the mutual friends. That's prolly not the best way to go. I think the best advice is to continue on like normal, like nothing has changed and if any of them want to change the dynamic of your friendship because of the news, then they can just screw off. You never know, You might be backed by most of them. They might even be questioning your husband as to why he told them! Telling him that it's not his place and stuff. Doubt your hubby would share that part of the story lol.

It really does sound like he is using your diagnosis and emotional fling, if that's even what it was, as a means to do whatever he wants. I hope that ends soon, and he realizes that it's not about keeping score, but about two people doing the best that they can with what they have to live together and be there for one another.

I think Muppy said it right- there are a lot more issues here than just hubby telling others you're bipolar...and I am a cannabis addict (clean now for nearly five weeks!), so I know for a fact that it does a marriage no good, with the smoker clamming up in their green fog.

No bueno wish I had more advice that helps, but if he does not quit smoking, not much will get accomplished.

I think you both need Therapy couples counseling and your own one on one therapy. There are many many issues that need to be addressed.

I hope you can find solutions that will work for the marriage.

Cats out of the bag as far as BP goes.. Probably be best to muddle through and just deal with the folks asking you stupid questions.. Most people don't really want to learn about BP they may just want to know why you haven't "shaved your head like movie star BP'ers"

Good luck

Thank you, I agree becoming "all weird" now will make matters worse.
They need to see that I am still my old charming self

Thank you Worthit, He is hitting the gym hard trying to resolve some of his anger issues. Even though he says he understands why "it" happened - it think the road ahead is a long one. I will show my friends that nothing has changed.

Ha ha I appreciate your sense of humour

Actually i am going to groom myself ( hair, nails, facials, new outfit ) and look like a million dollors the next time they see me, they will wish to be BP

WE are both seeing therapists, and i think couple counseling is on the menu for sure. A 13 year relationship is will need some repair and maintenance.

Thank you for the reply Christina!

Oh you could not be more right deelooted!!!. I have only addressed a couple of issues of our 13 years relationship.

Congratulations on being clean for 5 weeks! May there be many more
I use to indulge and can honestly my health physically and mentally has improved by an order of magnitude!

Thank you for replying!

Thank you for understanding Landskaperdan. Today is the first day in 2 months that I actually feel ok ( not manically depressed ). You pointed it out well, it is not about keeping score, but working together in a team.

I am not going to close the book until I know I have given 100%.

Thank you for the reply

Hi Muppy

You don't beat around the bush! The question on loving "him" or being in love is one i have asked myself over and over into the wee hours of many sleepless nights.....

My husband was my first love I met him when I was 17 he was 29 at that stage. I love him dearly. Our relationship have become stale. For instance he would regularly walk away while I was busy talking to him -( not just when he was stoned )

My "special friend" really wanted to listen to everything I had to say. He thinks I am fascinating and absorbing. He really saw the person that I am. He appreciated "me". Something I haven't felt with my hubby in years. He is an incredibly interesting person with the most beautiful heart. Still, is it infatuation or love?.... Lets see how I feel after week 6 on the meds...I think it is possible to love more than one man.... But I am all for monogamy physically if you know what I mean.

My husband has pulled out the "big guns" on improving and saving our relationship. I think he realises that he has neglected me. I will show him the same respect and put in effort ( not that I have much energy - my attitude is wrong - too little too late ) That needs to change immediately

Thank you for hitting the nail on the head. It is definitely a topic that needs to be resolved.

Thank you for the reply!

What a mess - too bad he didn't recognize what a private matter bp dx is... I'd understand more if you guys had good close communication and he needed some friends' support for his processing. To me, no wonder you became close with the special friend. Also - I don't see it as infidelity - you stopped it before it got to that point it sounds.

Therapy could really help. He should apologize for lying to you about his stonerism, telling people your private business and accusing you of infidelity. A marriage should be a team. But I know I'm a dreamer, it's probably never so easy.

Sorry that happened. I'd be furious...

A marriage can be a team. Doesn't mean the team won't squabble though!