Yay me! I love my blog!

Yeah, it feels good to know that you helped someone.

I think all the coffee has worn off lmao

I think that is a great idea! I've been feeling like I have posted too much myself, and decided I would not anymore for a while. I do have a blog (predepression episode - stopped blogging once it hit bad) but its too personal (photo, name, lots of personal details) however, this does make me want to open up an anonymous one on the side! I've read your first post (going to read the rest now) and I think its nice! You seem very relatable and excited to get it out there. You mentioned manic depressive vs. the stigma against the word bipolar (guilty). Had a pDoc suggest I was manic depressive - we never continued with any follow up care/treatment etc. but I completely dismissed it when I learned the two were the same. Excited to read more! Glad its a healthy outlet for you! =]

I am listening to instrumentals of bands like linkin park and evanescence. they are nice and peaceful!

See, here is my problem with this. with being here right now. I feel empty... and I'm desperate for something, anything. that is how I get when I am truly alone for a while. it starts small, but grows the longer I wait.

sux. I know it's a personal problem, but thought I would share it. the more I feel this way, the more I don't want to be around anyone. It's like, company over right now would only distract me and would be annoying. I don't want a distraction, I want a solution. lol. I don't know what this is, but at least I can put words to it now. so that's good.

Everyone right now has gone on with their lives, not glued to the screen like I am. right now, I have no life. tomorrow I will, just not right now.

Hey Landskaperdan, I check frequently.

that's awesome to know! How are you doing?

I'm doing good. Even though I'm at work, I still get time to check. It's not like I go from the tie I get here to the time I leave. Although, sometimes I wish I did.

Hi

I had a good day today. I figured out that caffeine makes me ocd-ish which is just great at work. I managed to tackle a lot of tasks that was filed in the procrastination box.

I was wondering about your fish oil supplement. Is it recommended with your current course of meds, what benefits does it have?

I supplement Vit C and B complex - I still need to check if it might have any negative affects with my course.

If you like Evanescence you might also like Within Temptation - that woman has got the most amazing voice.

Thank you for your reply on my post earlier today

This forum is awesome it really makes me feel " not so alone and scared "

Take care

My pdoc says that the fish oil helps with mood stabilization. others on here have said it helps with depression.

we all agree it's good for your heart though lol.

thank you for the music suggestion...

when you are feeling alone and scared, post it. I know that I totally relate to that. right now I feel alone and lost, desperate to find something but I don't know what. So I can totally relate.

I felt the same way when I found it Morigan. Also you might want to have your doc check your vitamin D level. A lot of psych meds lower Vitamin D levels. They put me on a calcium and Vit D supplement.

I'm not a music person, but I love comedy. I watch old sitcoms on TV to laugh, and I download comedy shows on my iPod. Cheers me up, or at least helps prevent as much depression as I could have.

this is stupid! I've had enough now. I don't know why I fall apart when I am alone, which isn't much of the time at all.

i'm handling it better than I ever had before, but I can't help but see the impending doom here. My wife reading this all and getting a surprise about me. She hates surprises and I don't know how to tell her that even though I have this on the inside that I am letting out, that I am still good to go for when she is home. I just don't like the whole, being alone thing.

and even if she doesn't read it today, she could read it at any time.

as if that is not enough....

I have to dig myself out of this hole and be okay for when everyone starts coming home and not have high anxiety.

which I will do.

then I will be fine.

cuz I will have to be.

I'm really angry at the thought that I should have to worry about using a support group! Like, what? I should have to watch my back just cuz I feel this way?!

ugh... rant over.

does anyone else fall apart when they are alone? how do you deal with it?

okay, at one o'clock I am getting into the shower regardless of how I feel and I am getting cigarettes and going to the bank. then I'm gonna come home and lay down until I have to get up and cook! that's the plan

my trial run at home did not and is not going well

Landskaperdan! Haven't seen you for a while! How are you doing?

Pegasus! Hello!

Today was my first day, my trial run at being home alone for the summer. My wife teaches and the kids are back into school so it's the time that I have a lot of time at home alone. Last summer was horrible! full of Self Injury and crisis's and such... it was while I was being diagnosed and everything went crazy. So that was a consideration for this summer for me... to see how much better it would go.

but... my trial run today is not going well at all. I seem to be falling apart! I still fall apart when I am alone and soon I'll have to dig myself out of this hole and be right again for the family for when they come home and ugh! I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!

other than that I am doing okay lmao!

at least I deal with it better so no more crisis's on here thankfully

Ah, did you manage to get your name back? I see. When I have time off work, I spend most of my time on here! Keeps me sane! Lol!

and to make it worse Pegasus... I don't know if my wife is going to read this or not. If she does then it will cause a bunch of stress and calls to the doc that I really don't need to make! so that is raising my anxiety. But I decided to use the support anyways, despite her finding out. So now I did it lol.

yep, got my name back!

Oh well, you need to explain to her that it's better to talk about it and share on a forum rather than going into crisis because you kept it all in.