Am I bi-polar?

I've been having a lot of trouble in my life. For most of my life actually, but the last year has been really bad and as of late I've been thinking that the problem might be me. The more research I do the more it seems I may be bipolar. I know I should go to the doctor but I've recently started working in a new country and am still waiting for my visa and health card to be processed. Once it is I'm going to see a professional.

A bit about me,

Im a gay 26 year old male. I had a very hard, and traumatic childhood. My father was a drug dealer and was abusive. My mother was absent and my brother was mentally disabled. I was an effeminate boy and nobody treated me equal because of that. I grew up in a small Christian town. When I moved away for university my life got a lot better as I started discovering talents I had. Mainly because I was around people who didn't judge me. I became a teaching assistant in math, I became a cheerleader and a dancer and won many competitions, traveled to world competitions and was even on TV. University life was great. I have had, very unhealthy relationships with men and I've also had an addiction to marijuana and alcohol. I've been arrested for shoplifting, fired from jobs and screwed up the relationship with every decent guy that has come around.

Life now is stable. Good job, good finances and I'm comfortable. However, I go from being really excited over simple things, to being really unenthused with just about everything in life. I hate most people and think they are all stupid. I don't have any real friends and I find almost all social situations to be bothersome, tedious and predictable. I'm angry about things in my past. I hate myself a lot of the time, especially my appearance and I have had cosmetic work done on my face and plan to do more. I am extremely impulsive and often make horrible decisions that I later regret. I get in these moods where I feel I absolutely must do something that seems great at the time but ends up being totally irrational. Please help me. I'm alone and sad

I'm glad you will soon be able to see a professional, as we can't diagnose problems on here since we don't have the proper skills need to do that. We can give personal opinions. I think therapy would do you a lot of good. You have a lot of childhood issues you probably need to work through, since they affect the present. You can learn techniques to deal with your impulsivity.

Hopefully, being on PC will help you feel not so alone. There are a lot of good people on here, that are just like you and are lonely and sad. Keep posting and you will get to know us better.

Sometimes I think I was misdiagnosed, rarely rarely a manic episode, living with major depression always. On Lithium for 10 years, taken off by new doc (Lithium toxic), not surprisingly, no manic episodes appeared! Still depression though and on antidepressants only.

Unfortunately, we can't be of much help with diagnosis, but clearly you're struggling and I hope this gets better. I'm hearing struggles with self-esteem, with impulsivity, sadness, with relationships --diagnoses aside, I think therapy could potentially help you with these, also perhaps to work through your childhood experiences that may still be affecting you today, understand them better, mourn them, integrate them into your current self.

I hope you're able to get some help soon once you get your paperwork and status sorted out. Best of luck.

What every one said so far is true, hard to say really and also bipolar is one of the most difficult to diagnose. And I agree you do have some issues you need to work out. But another disorder you might want to read on while you wait is BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. Some times it's hard for some people to distinguish BPD from BP bipolar. It could be neither too! Just too hard to say. Good luck to you!

Another person that agrees with the previous replies, here! It is indeed very difficult to say "yes", "no" or even "possibly" over the internet. From what I've read, there isn't enough to go on to decide on my own personal and definitely unprofessional opinion. I'm also a gay male and I know how difficult it can be, perhaps some of what you are experiencing could more be to do with your sexuality (coming to terms with it fully, overcoming your past, etc) than a Bipolar Disorder.

Everybody has ups and downs in their life and from what you've described it's difficult to say something like "I think it's a possibility" as Bipolar Disorder is a lot more than that. There are also a handful of other mood disorders (depression, dysthymic disorder, SAD, etc) and personality disorders (such as Borderline Personality Disorder) and most of these disorders have overlapping symptoms which can often lead to a misdiagnoses.

I know I said it's difficult to say but there is the possibility. You should definitely see a healthcare professional with your concerns once able to, until then try and keep a track of your mood changes with a mood diary of some sort - this will be useful when following up with a professional. You can also try making some changes at home to see if it can alleviate your symptoms slightly.

Please remember to check back with us once you've seen a Healthcare Professional and feel able to browse all the forums at PsychCentral to better develop your understanding of Bipolar Disorder and other disorders and to get support for issues you face whilst waiting for your documents to be sorted.

Be kind to yourself
RB.

I am wondering myself if I am truly bipolar. Shrink is going on the fact that I had a severe reaction to Prozac when I was upped to 60 mg a day. Had horrible anxiety, insomnia, my whole body was shaking, heart was racing, jittery like I drank a gazillion cups of coffee. I had been on Prozac since 1987 without any problems for OCD, but never on such a high dose. And I had just been taken off Klonopin when this reaction occurred.

My shrink says that this reaction was evidence if treatment-emergent hypomania and now wants to put me on depakote. I truly don't think I am bipolar, and I am afraid of these bipolar Meds if I don't need them. I am just venting here. Sorry for the rant!

I'm sorry this is such a confusing time. Keep in mind that deciding on a treatment regimen should be done in collaboration with your pdoc, and it's a good idea to understand as well as possible why these suggestions are being made; ask all the questions you need to, express all of your concerns. Maybe you can bring a list of questions and concerns into your next appointment. Maybe you could keep a mood diary and share this with your pdoc, and explain what your experiences are like. What you've explained here is very clear and compelling. Best of luck.

Thank u Ultrmar. I am still trying to figure out how to post. Don't know if this will go thru.

I have an appt with a new pdoc (actually a nurse-practitioner) in 2 weeks. I am so leery of going on Meds with horrible side effects if I don't have to. Trying to figure this all out, and truly I don't know if I can navigate this website to see any responses.

Thank u so much for responding. I really wish I could see if anyone else responded, but I doubt I can figure it out. Thank u so much!

. They said my message was too short. I am so trying to get help so I think I lengthened my message. I really need help and support.