Should I keep reaching out to him? What should I do?

I am talking about a different guy. My guy friend Lance has Bipolar and Depression, he use to call me up all the time and I helped him through his problems cause he had no one to turn to. He seemed appreciative. Well I noticed he hasn't called or texted me, but I saw him a week ago and he was drunk and he was saying how much he loves me, misses me, and was all over me basically. He also said "I noticed you stopped texting me" It was a fun night.

But he told me he has all of these court dates, and literally 2 days later he was calling me from Jail, cause he got arrested for public intoxication or something like that. So he says. So I had to answer every call, and someone bailed him out but wouldn't pick him, so I picked him up. I noticed he seemed down. Well I asked him about his court dates and he gave me short answers.

He seems very brief with me. he called me to tell me about his court date but it was because I asked about it through text and he seemed tired and brief. He then a day later posted a depressing post on Facebook, and I texted him this "Hey! Saw your facebook post, if you ever need to talk i'm here, buddy!" He just responded with "Just a shi*ty day" That gives me the message like I shouldn't talk to him or something. I don't know why he is being distant and I don't know if I should take it personally. Honestly, I do cause I helped him before, so why wouldn't he tell me now? Why wouldn't he reach out to me? I am so confused, and I don't understand the distance. He seems very depressed and it seems like he is with holding info on me or something. Also I don't know if this is part of his Bipolar? I don't know if he is severely depressed, (please I mean to not offend anyone with Bipolar Disorder I don't know anything about the disorder) What should I do? Thank you for your input!

I would not take it personally. When I get dark sometimes I am embarrassed by may behavior and avoid people. I also cannot use my energy to reach out. Literally using my brain to communicate with other humans is too difficult.

IME, it is pretty difficult to have a satisfying relationship or even "be there" for someone who is a practicing alcoholic, as your friend appears to be. You seem to be the bubbly type, as i am also, and trust me, i think we get on their nerves even more! I would definitely let it go. If he seeks you out, maybe you dont want to turn your back, but honestly dont expect anything.

I really think that what Alokin said here really sounds like it may very well apply to your friend, because it describes how I behave when I am in a dark period. It really does become too difficult to communicate with others. But it is not personal at all.

Hi Alokin! Thank you for answering! I do understand that if someone is in a dark place they don't want to communicate. When I am severely depressed I don't either, but I guess I am worried if he is talking to other people, except for me. I just hope it's nothing personal. Plus I just don't know if this is part of being Bipolar? (no disrespect intended) I guess I am just confused, and he dished all of his problems to me like months ago, and I helped him through it, so.... I don't understand, if someone helped you in the past through a hard time, then why not talk to them now? Unless I am part of the reason for his depression. Cause he did try to get with me a lot and I rejected. But it was for reasonable reasons. I told him I have 100% loyalty towards him and I am always here for him. But even like a week ago he went above and beyond in the sense that he was trying to kiss me, flirt with me, saying "I love you" way too much, etc. But thank you

Hi hankster! Thank you, and yeah you're right I am the bubbly type, but I do suffer from anxiety and depression, so it's more of an act. Cause I know how it feels to be depressed, I never want anyone to feel how the way I feel/felt, so I try to nurture and reach out as much as I can to those that are depressed. I was alone in my depression, and I was hoping for someone to talk to me and to reach out to me, but no one did, so I guess I have that in my head like you better show that you care about this person and reach out. Thanks again!

Hi Themeanreds! Thank you for your input! I do understand if he doesn't want to communicate. I guess I am just worried if he is talking to other people but me. Then it's like I am going to take it personal cause why not talk to me, and why not talk to me especially since I helped him through his hard time like 5 months ago. It seems like ever since this court date he shut down or something and he is not really expressing much to me about it. Like he is with holding info to me. But like I said I don't know if I am part of the depression, cause he has tried to go out with me numerous times but because I saw how unstable he was I figured we should just be friends. I haven't seen him in like 3 months and then I saw him like a week ago and he was drunk but he was also very aggressive in the sense that he was really trying to flirt with me, kiss me, and he was saying I was "his girl" and stuff like that. Like it was above and beyond, cause he got drunk around me before and he would just flirt with me, but he was doing and saying more stuff than he usually would. So with that said I don't know if I am part of the reason and that is why he is avoiding me? Or if this is part of Bipolar? I am not sure, but thank you!

Wow!!! Me too. I completely ignore texts, calls, and voicemail from almost everyone. I give NO response whatsoever!!!

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I wouldn't take it personally even if it seems likes he is talking to people other than you. I am trying to find a way to say this without it sounding bad, so if it does, I apologize, but maybe it's the fact that you're a cheerful person. When I am down, I may still talk to people, but someone who looks at life as being great isn't what I want. Depression likes to feed itself, so I think that having someone with a good disposition around "makes it angry" so to speak. I hope this makes some sort of sense. I would just give it some time to see if he comes back around. He might just need a little space until the dark clouds lift.

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I really have to agree with this. I do not want try to garner the extra energy to try to look on the bright side, or to try to make my miserable state sound better than it is. During an episode, the episode is all consuming, (at least for me), and anything else really takes a back seat.

If a person has no energy to bathe, prepare meals, or even get out of bed, friendly communication with others goes out the window.

Also durning a mixed state, the world terrifies me, and I stay far away from the phone. I literally will just leave it in the pocket of clothing and put it into another room.

Some things cannot be understood. I am telling you, for real, don't blame yourself. You are just going to run yourself in circles. If he is leaning on others that is his prerogative, you should not be possessive of him, that too will get you nowhere. Sounds like you are not into him romantically, but enjoy his attention, perhaps that is why he is withdrawing from you? You realize that kind of behavior is called leading someone on? I do not think you would appreciate someone treating you like that.

I am nice, but I am not a cheerful person. I know depression and anxiety, cause I suffer from it severely. I was always in a dark hole and because I have nobody that cares around me, I was hoping so bad for someone to reach out to me cause I felt so lonely, and hopeless, that I felt like I needed someone to show me that they cared. Sadly, none of my friends reached out to me, and none of them seemed to care, and because I know that hollow, painful, hopeless, insecure feeling, I try my best to reach out to those that are in a black hole. With that said I never looked at life as great and he knows that. I even said I feel like I am existing not living. I am not one of the types that thinks life is great and it just has small obstacles that we have to get through, blah blah blah. I did help him through him tough time like 4 months ago and he seemed appreciative of me. I do not take offence at what you are saying, so please don't apologize, but I guess I assumed that anytime when he has a problem he will come to me cause I helped him in the past and gave him a whole new perspective on his situation. I haven't contacted him cause I do think he needs his space, but I do want to help him but he is not reaching out to me, but I guess you are right. I just have to wait for the dark cloud to lift. Thank you for answering! I do appreciate it!

I do genuinely care about him as a friend, and it was going to lead to something more, but because of his unstableness and his issues, there's a lot of drama that I can't really get into that circles him. Well, because of those things I figured it would be best to just be platonic friends, cause I need to figure him out more and he needs to sort things out in his life as well. I feel bad if I was leading him on, but those certainly weren't my intentions. I might like the attention, but I do genuinely care about him and his well being. I want to reach out to him and help him as much as I can cause I do love him. I know it's not based on getting attention. I have issues with the whole friend thing cause there were a lot of people I cared about who I thought were my friends but ended up not being my friends and completely cut me out of their lives and used me, so I cling onto pretty much any person that comes in my life, and if he is reaching out to other people then I am going to take it personally and act sensitive about the situation cause I will think in my head "Oh he doesn't look at me as a friend he is like everyone else. Just uses me and mistakes my kindness for weakness"

I just don't want him to cut me out of his life, cause I do care about him. I got cut out of peoples lives too much and it broke my heart tremendously cause I do love people and always want to be there for people but people take advantage of my kindness and use it till I realize what they are doing then they split. I guess that is why I would be upset if he were to talk to other people about his situation and not me. Cause then I wouldn't feel like a friend to him. Thank you for commenting, I do appreciate it.

That is true! I am like that as well! But I guess because he told me his problems months ago and I helped him through it, I figured then he would tell me his problem now. That is what is confusing me. Cause if he never really reached out to me then I wouldn't think by him being distant and such is unusual, but I guess cause we are close friends, I thought he would tell me what's going on, but I don't know he might be in a different state. He might be in that kind of state where he doesn't want to talk about it, where as before he was in a different state of mind where he just really needed to talk and needed help. If that is the case then I will let him go and have him reach out to me on his own, but what I am most fearful of if it's personal. Like if he personally just doesn't want to talk to me, or doesn't want to be my friend anymore. That is what I am most fearful of. Thank you for comment and I am sorry you went through that, I know how horrible it is. Love and hugs!

Sounds like you have no intention to listen to anyone here. You have it all figured out, best if luck to you.