Pregnancy and parenting

I would like to hear some of your thoughts on having children when you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I know there are a lot of people that are bipolar and successful as parents.

Have any of the women out there gone off your meds while you were pregnant? What was the experience like?
What is it like being bipolar and a parent?

I have been married a few years now but it's not something I like to tell the world about and everyone keeps asking me when I am having kids. As of right now I think it is probably not a good idea for me to have them. My current medications are not good during pregnancy, you are not supposed to breast feed on them, and I don't do well off of medication.

I was not medicated and off in la-la land for two years. My complete pegnancy and at least a year after but I hid in silence because everyone said Ideally good mom. I finally found a way to be a good mom but it was rough. If i knew i was bipolar I would have gone med free in a partial hospitalisation program, for the pegnancy.

Have you considered adoption?

I'm not saying that bipolar women make bad parents but if you truly do not think you can stay off medication while pregnant this may be a good option. You really don't want your child to be exposed to unnecessary chemicals.

I can't even comment it's been really difficult. Sobbing just saying that much.

I dont have children, and spending the week with my baby nephew has cemented in my mind that children are not for me. His mum gets no more than 4 hours sleep a night, that is SURE to push me into hypomania, perhaps even mania if it goes on for months. Let alone trying to be off medication, dealing with pain, breastfeeding, ensuring your child has the best possible start to life...

Spending this time with him has made me remember that humans are naturally happy. He is an extremely happy baby. But he has a very stable and committed mother. I think that will make a huge difference. As I have been around young babies with mums that arnt quite as committed and content and you can plainly see the difference in the children.

Its what you think is right for you. Im sure there are bipolar mums out there who have coped well, but dont let all the good stories lead you into a false sense of security, just as you should not let the bad stories scare you off. It will be a challenge, even more so with BP.

I am bipolar, and went off my meds on November 18th in the hope that I would handle it well enough to get pregnant. Some doctors will let you stay on certain meds, but mine said no. He suggested electroshock therapy if I get manic. I am scared of that, I don't know what it is like.

Right now I am suicidally depressed, failing my classes (I am taking 6 credits at the community college), and looking at shutting down my part-time business to check into the hospital.

I'm not terribly worried about being a bad parent, as my fiancé is going to be a stay at home parent, and I also believe that the skills I am learning in DBT are extremely helpful, and because I have a stay-at-home wife who will be a great help (don't be confused, we are lesbians, it will be 2 moms. She can't have the child due to physical disability)

I have two amazing kids and plan to have at least one more. For my first I was undxed and had a completely stable pregnancy and postpartum. For my second I was dxed and went off my Abilify and Wellbutrin and Klonopin and immediately felt better because Abilify was such a terrible drug for me. That pregnancy was totally stable and I was fine postpartum till about five months when the sleep deprivation sent me into mania (hypomania) anyway. I was more delusional than ever but functioned extremely well. (Mania is actually awesome if you have to be up with a baby all night anyway....not that I recommend that at all!!!!). Anyway then I crashed a few months later. Hung on cycling around until he was a year, quit breastfeeding and went on Lamictal and Klonopin and am super happy now.

We thought a pregnancy on meds was totally not an option and looked into adoption big time and were really close to doing it....so close...till we realized we could not afford it. So we decided to really research and consult with people. I read tons of research articles like it was my job. I started to realize this was doable.

Because of the way my illness seems to be getting worse, my husband, my OBs, my pdoc, and my perinatologists are all totally onboard with me staying on Lamictal while pregnant (breastfeeding will be another decision to make down the line but currently the academy of neurology recommends it in mothers on anticonvulsants saying the benefits of being out way risks).

I went to the perinatologists for a pre conceptual consultation and they were basically like Lamictal is no big deal. They have been doing Lamictal pregnancies since 1995. Etc etc. They said i had no more reason to worry than any other pregnant person. They even said they thought I should take the klonopin if I really needed it.

One thing I cannot do next time is the no sleep thing. Hubby knows he has a big job ahead of him in that department. Whatever help and support you can line up do that. I always took everything upon myself. Next time I'm getting a mother's helper and babysitters and putting my other guys in schools etc.

So that is my story and that is where I am. Don't know what you can do about your med situation. It might be a good idea to not just talk to your pdoc but to talk to your OBs or find one who is open and helpful and kind and get a referral to see the Maternal Fetal medicine specialists, the perinats. They have more knowledge about the drugs and their effects on the fetus than the pdoc does and could help you find possible drugs that you could then take to your pdoc.

I am a great mom if I say it myself. I love being a mom. If you want to be a mother you can. If you want to hold your own baby...go for it. Obviously, you need to do what it right for you. I don't know you. But if it really matters to you, you can make this dream come true.

Most important thing is staying as stable and healthy as possible because obviously it scrapes you raw to be everything your kids need you to be when you are in the depths of depression. Do your exercise, get your sleep, don't drink....you know everything they tell us.

Find meds you can stay on while pregnant. Worry about bfing later (it is wonderful to do but having a baby is the magical thing). Find docs who are knowledgable and open and helpful.

Hug Hug Hug!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for all the responses!
I have thought about adoption before. I really thought it was something I would like to do until a woman I know told me she was told by the state she cannot because she had a history of depression and a suicide attempt. I had a suicide attempt in my teens. I'm not sure if I would be eligible to adopt. It is expensive and I don't think it is am easy process.
I knew Lamictal was an ok drug to be on when you're pregnant. I was on it for years and I really believe it saved my life. Just recently my body got too used to the max dose and it wasn't working anymore so we are trying new things. I am really happy for those of you that are happy as parents. At this point I don't know if I can do it, so I will wait and enjoy what I have right now. Another thing that scares me is I read bipolar people have a 90% divorce rate. Sometimes I think it's hard for people to deal with me and I wear them down.

Kittlies, maybe you can find some meds that are ok to be on when you're pregnant. My heart is breaking for you. I hope everything goes back to normal for you soon. Don't let failing some classes discourage you from going on. I failed out of college when I was younger. I got academic suspension for a while but I went back and graduate soon. You can do it! Sometimes you can drop late in the semester. My college it is Dec. 13. It counts as an attempt but you wouldn't get suspended. You should look into it if you are not going to pass. Then you should be able to take them next semester. I hope you get back on track.
Much love

Thanks Sectretsinme I'm having a stable period the last few days, so I contacted my professors and they agreed to give me a couple more days to make up the work.

I got a lecture from a new therapist about how difficult having a child is and how it won't make things easier (as if I thought that!), and she doesn't think my relationship has a strong foundation… all without offering any solutions… I've only met the woman a few times, and she has never bothered to ask much about my relationship, or if I have any experience with children or babies, or what my motivations are…

Although it's undoubtably true that not everyone would be a good parent, I think that for those of us who actively pursue stability and take care of ourselves and know when and who to ask for help, I think we'll do alright.

I was in college having my kids, when everything fell apart and I dx with bipolar, severe depression, I became suicidal, and I was pregnant with twins that were miracle babies. Most meds are safe when you are pregnant, your ob will know, so will the person who is giving you your meds. It is ok about college, if you have a strong enough will and desire you will figure it out, even if you put it on the back burner for a bit. Like secretsinme, I had to go through the process of filing with state to beable to have financial aid giving back to me to finish my degree. I have 6 kids, 2 sets of twins, about 2- 2 and yrs apart, I know how hard it is!!!!!!!! I almost believe from my heart there is no such thing as a mistake.

How do you deal with the daily demands of children when your mood is unstable? Or are you stable?

I have two children and both times i was mild to moderately depressed during the pregancy. honestly, that was managable...what hit after delivery was severe depression followed by two of my only full blown manic episodes (that I can remember). We disscussed a third child and I said ABSOLUTELY not. no way. the lack of sleep was incomprehensible for my stability. that is just me though...but since you asked, i thought i would be as honest as possible.

I am a parent who has bipolar and if you have a supportive partner, 'family' and community supports why not. People are parents with many challenges illnesses disabilities. It is not a perfect world. Have you discussed with your GP and pdoc. I think for conceiving and for the first twelve week trimester and breast feeding you may need to be carefully prescribed medications that don't cross placenta or through breast milk. But just as people with other medical conditions need to plan pregnancy so with mental illnesses.
Not saying it is an easy road but that is life but I also understand the choice for taking another road as well.
All the best for you whatever you decide.

Med wise I am stable, mind wise I can talk myself into whatever, I go to a lot classes, put my faith in God, church, case manager and I have a great psych. Situation wise I have a ex who treats my kids horribly and is out to get me. I am a momma bear and a wreck 95% of the time. I just deal, I have no choice, for me no matter how bad it gets, I just cant imagine not seeing my kids walking down the aisle, meeting my grandchildren. My oldest just turned 16 this yr got her drivers permit, I couldn't stand the thought not seeing her at the sec of state taking pictures like a proud momma, espcially since her dad never even said way to go, and we share 50/50 custody. For me, they are the only thing I ever did right in my life, yes, it was hard, very hard!!!!! and its different experience for everyone, just make sure you have the proper support you need, its not the time, to try to do things on your own.

I was diagnosed bp2 before having kids. I was on abilify and tofranil before and during the pregnancy. I did not breast feed due to meds. So far so good with my son. I'm really loving being a mum. But it's still early days with a lot of heart ache to go. My boys only 9 months old!!!
I've been both mildly manic and mildly depressed since his birth but it hasn't interfered with looking after him. I am the one who does most of the work looking after him.