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#951
Apr 13, 2014, 11:17 PM
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I suppose I was better for the time the homeowner was here today before heading back out of town for a few days. And it was sunny, very sunny, and nearly warm.
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#952
Apr 14, 2014, 02:25 AM
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Very…. subdued. (code for pretty much depressed but don't quite want to write that). Anyhow. Meeting with someone about disability tomorrow. I spent the day writing thoughts (not so much for tomorrow as to grasp reality/scope of why we're there and having to do this). I tend to minimize. But seeing it in black and white? Damn. (Mental mostly, but some physical too. BF set mtg up, or it never would've actually gotten done.) Beside that, I didn't get diddly done. Still, exhausted.
Aside from that business, I should be in a good headspace! Pisses me off when brain has other ideas. Trying. But struggling and can't snap it. Just going to go to bed. |
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#953
Apr 15, 2014, 01:23 AM
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Did art again for first time in almost a year over the weekend.
 Sent from the dark side of the moon |
 Anonymous45023, charo224488, Curiosity77
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 Phoenix_1, swheaton
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#954
Apr 15, 2014, 02:23 AM
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I got home today from the Coachella festival in California. It was a really great few days. I had occasional moments of low mood or anxiety, but mostly I felt really good. I got to see a bunch of great shows, and hung out with my sister and her husband a bunch. I missed everyone at PC, I'm out of the loop after being off line for 5 days. It'll take me a while to catch up.
I'm trying to stay positive and keep the festival feeling, but it id hard to come home and be alone after a few days spent having fun with people.I want this to be the start of good spring, so I'm looking for new projects.... It's time to start planning for Burning Man.
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| Phoenix_1, Roblovescats
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#955
Apr 15, 2014, 09:41 AM
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Depression continues. Still hanging on by a thread. At least I got out of the house already: went shopping at the pharmacy, took care of a long grocery list and did some dishes. Now it'll be internet until about 11:40 (when I go to an AA meeting). Later it's making the spaghetti we were going to have last night but didn't. I guess that's not too bad for one day. It just feels like it.
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#956
Apr 15, 2014, 10:57 AM
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Stuck somewhere between depression and mania but not completely stable either. I think everyone in my life is ready to walk out and I feel so alone.
__________________
"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten" - G.K. Chesterton Dx- Bipolar Disorder I PTSD OCD Meds- I am currently Med Free 
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| Anonymous45023
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#957
Apr 15, 2014, 11:20 AM
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Feeling all over the place and agitated. Can't wait till this coming monday to maybe get some relief. I'm tired of this lack of focus. It's making work difficult and life in general difficult.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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#958
Apr 15, 2014, 03:39 PM
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Had an alright day. Dipped the past few weeks. Missed meds last night due to tiredness to I'm expecting an ever bigger dip in the next day or two! Anxiety management therapy tomorrow, addiction therapy on thurs.
Hope everyone is well Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
~ HEY! I run a site on mental health called The Manic Years. I'm looking for some brave souls to share their own personal encounters with mental health. Are you up for sharing your story? Please get in touch on themanicyears@gmail.com. Thank you  ~Follow my blog here; http://themanicyears.com Lola Olivia ~ 7/11/11 ~ my reason for breathing Bipolar Affective Disorder type 2 - (2013) 'Borderline traits' Dissociative episodes |
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#959
Apr 15, 2014, 03:55 PM
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I see the Pdoc today
I guess I might have to actually agree to therapy.... don't want to |
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#960
Apr 15, 2014, 06:11 PM
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Second post today. I think that I'm mixed again. I'm tired all the time but I've got the racing thoughts. Everything is making me irritated. I'm wanting to create but I lack the energy. I'm unable to focus. I just want to crawl into a hole but I don't at the same time.
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin Last edited by tigersassy; Apr 15, 2014 at 06:47 PM. |
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#961
Apr 15, 2014, 10:41 PM
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Better for having a purpose today, to be here for the phone repair guy ...
and for having prepared a nice dinner for two, of fresh grilled salmon, steamed spring peas, and jasmine rice. Better. Calmer. I'm not stuck here all alone, alleluia.
__________________
Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
| charo224488, happywoman, Phoenix_1, swheaton
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#962
Apr 16, 2014, 12:12 AM
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Feeling more and more inspired every day. Might get the paints out!!!!
Sent from the dark side of the moon |
| swheaton
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| charo224488, happywoman, Phoenix_1, swheaton
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#963
Apr 16, 2014, 12:23 AM
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Really really tired of being in pain. Can't wait till the medication change is finished with my son and he is stable and healthy. I can't stand the meltdowns and the anger. Kids are home all week for spring break and its tuesday and feels like saturday already. Much xanax needed to get through this week. Kids keep asking to go somewhere but when my son can't even behave at home I am definitely not taking him out n public to misbehave. I really hope I make it through this without having a nervous breakdown and honestly a psych ward stay would be like a vacation.
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| happywoman
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#965
Apr 16, 2014, 09:34 AM
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Feel like I regressed even further into depression last night as thoughts of not wanting to live came up again. My husband is having a really tough time dealing with me verbalizing my mood and thoughts. Today I feel pretty down in the dumps. Will really have to force myself to take the dogs for a walk and go to the AA meeting at noon. One of those days where EVERYTHING seems like a monumental task. Just want to go somewhere and hide.
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| Anonymous45023, charo224488, happywoman, swheaton
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#966
Apr 16, 2014, 09:48 AM
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Still unbearably depressed- just breathing seems like such an effort.
__________________
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| Anonymous37807, Anonymous45023, happywoman, PoorPrincess
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#967
Apr 16, 2014, 11:52 AM
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Hugs...
Sent from the dark side of the moon |
| happywoman
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| charo224488, Phoenix_1
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#968
Apr 16, 2014, 11:54 AM
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I desperately want to beat someone to death I'm not particular who it is. Thats just what I want. Should probably talk to my therapist but shes useless and it might turn into her being my victim. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Turned out inwards. Broke a year long free from cutting. I can't do this. Monday can't get here soon enough.
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin Last edited by tigersassy; Apr 16, 2014 at 02:27 PM. |
| happywoman, PoorPrincess
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#969
Apr 16, 2014, 01:45 PM
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I have the shakes and am screwing up at work big time.
Feeling worried about it As much as I hate my job, I don't want to lose it Getting close to the "Somebody please help me" stage |
| happywoman
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#971
Apr 16, 2014, 05:27 PM
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not a good today; ended up being half hour late to my psych. appointment-psych. doc. was mad; talked about meds but i spaced out and couldnt remember what meds i was on
i need to find a job and SOON, but i don't know how i'm gonna do that and still make it to all my appointments that i need to go to anxiety kicking in bad
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| marmaduke
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#972
Apr 16, 2014, 10:29 PM
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I'm able to access my mental health records online and after my appointment she put on there that I had a "history of medication noncompliance." I don't know why she said that.
 I know she was upset because I was so late, and I don't blame her, but for to put that in there seems a bit spiteful.
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| marmaduke
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#973
Apr 16, 2014, 11:43 PM
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It was my first day back to work after being in California for a few days, and if was hard to go back. I have to spend this weekend working on a paper and studying. I'm not in school, this homework is part of my job. It makes me want to go back to school, but i don't know if that's a good idea. I'd be giving up a good job and it would be expensive. Plus i got really unwell during my masters program because of the stress. So maybe it's just a dream that will never happen. I have so many things i want to do, and no ability to do any of it. I'm just stuck, and time keeps passing. It's like i'm waiting for something to happen to make life feel exciting again, but nothing ever happens. My life is so G rated right now, it's awful. All i do is what is expected of me and it sucks. I don't know how long i can maintain things this way, but i know i can't do it forever. I need to take some risks, otherwise life is too predictable and boring.
I am sacrificing a lot for my job. I am forced into sobriety, and forced to take meds if i want to work. I like my job, and it pays really well. If i walk away from it i don't know what i could do, and i would definitely have to change my lifestyle a lot. I feel like i've sold out. I've traded my freedom for security. I'm scared to let all of that go. I have 13 months left of being monitored and forced tk be sober and medicated. The term was 40 months, so i've made ir through a lot of it. But 13 months is still a long time. I'm frustrated and angry with my situation because it feels like my back is to a wall. So my option is to just walk away. I could move to a cheaper apartment and get an easier but lower paying job. But that would be letting the system win, because the monitors are expecting me to fail. I feel like i'm being tortured by all of this, and it just goes on and on. When i was away last weekend it felt like none of that was happening. It felt even like a vacation from being bipolar. I still had to take my meds, but things felt really good. Now i'm back and dropped back into a life i don't like, a life where i am being controlled. I think constantly about quitting this job and getting my freedom back. It sucks to have to make that choice because i actually really like my work. Fml Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| marmaduke
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#974
Apr 17, 2014, 09:19 AM
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Another of deep depression. How long can I go on like this before I have a complete nervous breakdown?
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| Anonymous45023, charo224488, happywoman, marmaduke
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#975
Apr 17, 2014, 10:19 AM
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Just found out that my division is being sold off.
They told us by email, we all came in today and learned the news Cowards Have to update my resume Have to start looking for a job Thank heavens there is a lot of work here. Still in shock |
| charo224488, marmaduke, Sad&Bipolar, shortandcute
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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