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#901
Apr 09, 2014, 05:02 AM
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It is 3 AM. My mother wants to go outside to visit her friend Nancy. I have locked the door so she cannot go outside and hurt herself or get lost. She yelled at me to let her go outside. Then she threatened that she was going to break the window if I did not let her go outside.
This all happened at 2:30 AM. I am going to have to get up at 6 AM to take my daughter to school. My stomach hurts because of the acid. My anxiety is high. All of this is a perfect combination for depression to set in. I hope not. Things are getting out of control.
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
 Anonymous45023, Curiosity77, Phoenix_1
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#903
Apr 09, 2014, 07:20 AM
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Getting back into the swing of life. Its bloody hard, but one foot infront of the other til all of my jobs get done. Just keep pushing is my motto at the moment.
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#904
Apr 09, 2014, 10:23 AM
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I am angry at the world
Everything stinks Everyone is so loud Lights are far too bright I just can't deal with this anymore I want to run away |
| Phoenix_1
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#905
Apr 09, 2014, 10:51 AM
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Was very active this morning despite the nagging depression. Now I'm left with idle time for the rest of the day and no motivation to do anything about it. I really doubt the doubled wellbutrin is going to snap me out of this. Not sure what it will take but am really wondering, "How long can this really last?"
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#906
Apr 09, 2014, 10:54 AM
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coming out of a hypomanic/manic episode and feeling incredibly depressed now that I can see the chaos and damage of my behavior.
I *know* what I need to do to get myself healthy but don't have the energy to make myself do it. |
| Curiosity77
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#907
Apr 09, 2014, 11:12 AM
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I am horribly depressed, miserable, wanting to SH. I despise myself. I see no point to anything- I just want this all to end.
__________________
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| Anonymous37807, Anonymous45023, Curiosity77, Hbomb0903, Phoenix_1
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#908
Apr 09, 2014, 11:54 AM
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Why doesn't tapatalk let you give hugs? This really bothers me. I check the forums on my phone 90% of the time and I can't give hugs.
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin  |
 Curiosity77, tigersassy
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#909
Apr 09, 2014, 01:21 PM
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Got a doc appointment today at 3. Crazy thing is, last week I was dying for this appt. It couldn't come soon enough because I felt SO bad that it seemed the life preserver that was going to save me from drowning, or something. Now I have goals, but its not that big a deal.
BP and the drastic changes to my behavior and emotions during episodes are so surreal sometimes for me. I have a list though, so I won't sit there like I have before when I feel okay and just be like, yeah I'm fine.
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Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
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#910
Apr 09, 2014, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Bipolar II - ADHD ~A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?~ Albert Einstein |
| charo224488
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#911
Apr 09, 2014, 10:13 PM
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It looks like a lot of people are struggling today, so hugs to anyone who is hurting.
I'm doing well, feeling pretty stable. I'm going to California for Coachella tomorrow, so I'm very excited and looking forward to some sun! I'll be off PC for a few days, which will be weird because I've been on here a lot since I joined in February. I'm doing so much better now than I was then, and the support of this site is a big part of the reason why. So thank you everyone!
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
| Hbomb0903, Phoenix_1
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#912
Apr 10, 2014, 08:16 AM
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Thinking that right now would be a fantastic time to stop my meds. I'm all better. I'm happy and creative and clap my hands. I'm almost out of seroquel anyway not that its helping anyway. And psychiatrist will probably swap around meds the 21 to something different. I really just want the seroquel hangover to go away. The only thing its good for is making me sleepy. So much to do. Gotta run run run sad day as I can. You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man (woman)...... ha ha ha. Yay!
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| MotherMarcus
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#914
Apr 10, 2014, 09:31 AM
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Depression persists. Going to an AA meeting today and out to lunch with my husband if he can get away. Should be walking the dogs after I fold the laundry. What exciting stuff . . .
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#915
Apr 10, 2014, 10:50 AM
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This pain is unbearable.
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| Anonymous37807, Anonymous45023
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#916
Apr 10, 2014, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
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| charo224488
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#917
Apr 10, 2014, 11:23 AM
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Still very tired. Went to my first assessment for addiction therapy today, went well and for the first time in a while I got treated like an adult and with respect. Also been offered anxiety management first session this weekend. Should be interesting. I've lost faith in the UK's mental health services recently.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
~ HEY! I run a site on mental health called The Manic Years. I'm looking for some brave souls to share their own personal encounters with mental health. Are you up for sharing your story? Please get in touch on themanicyears@gmail.com. Thank you  ~Follow my blog here; http://themanicyears.com Lola Olivia ~ 7/11/11 ~ my reason for breathing Bipolar Affective Disorder type 2 - (2013) 'Borderline traits' Dissociative episodes |
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#918
Apr 10, 2014, 11:45 AM
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...feelin' a bit overwhelmed today; tired of waiting to hear about the decision for my disability and I need to get on with my life. I really can't afford to keep waiting and tired of putting my life on hold while they piddle around. That really frustrating, because we have to hurry up and make sure we get everything in by a certain time, and then they just doddle with making their decision while our lives hang in the balance. I'm considering just getting a job because we're already on the verge of foreclosure. But I don't know who will hire me with my track record. Plus I need to keep going to therapy appointments in order to keep getting my meds, and I'd have to miss a lot of work to do that. And it's really hard for me to keep a job because I get too sick and start falling apart. Don't know what to do.
__________________
"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
| Anonymous45023
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#919
Apr 10, 2014, 03:50 PM
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Tiger
Do not stop your meds You are not all better You are not cured. You are the most important person in your life Remember that |
| MotherMarcus, tigersassy
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#920
Apr 10, 2014, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Whoa ! Slow down dude . LOL. |
| tigersassy
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#921
Apr 10, 2014, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Tig
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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#922
Apr 10, 2014, 05:27 PM
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So yesterday something happened that has changed everything. I was suicidal but too scared to carry through, and I was texting with my dr. and he over reacted and called 911 and I was hunted like a dog by police and brought in a cop car to the psych er. I have been seeing this dr. for 15 years and never has he done this to me. I had never been to a psych hospital and was so proud of this fact, and now I have that, too, to beat myself up for. Turns out my BP was so high that the psych er wouldn't take me anyway and made me stay at the regular er for 9 hours while they tried med after med to get it down. They put a cop outside my door. They made me show them that I took all of the ativan. Then, when they finally got it down to an acceptable level a cop took me to the psych er, they told me I belonged in the voluntary psych er, and I asked them if I could leave without being seen and they said, "sure, have a good night". So all of this for nothing! My bp is still out of control, no one even looked at the cuts on my wrist, and when they left me in the regular er refusing to let me leave they let me have my purse with me, which they searched, and which had in it a boxcutter and 10mg. of xanax. I should have just finished the job. Now I am SO ANGRY at my dr.- smug bastard saw me today and basically laughed at me and told me I'm making way too big a deal out of nothing. NOTHING? To me, it's not nothing. I am humiliated and I feel so betrayed by him and feel I have no one to turn to now for help, no one to trust. I offered to go into his office yesterday when he said he was concerned, but no, he instead calls 911. And the hospital did NOTHING! I am beyond depressed now, exhausted, hung over from all the drugs, and pissed. I feel the most miserable that I've ever felt, like the pain is too much for me to handle. I feel no hope, see no light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I see no point to fight any more. I can't take this existence any more. I've never been so disgusted with myself, so void of any light or energy. It's like I'm already gone.
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| Anonymous37807
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#923
Apr 10, 2014, 10:37 PM
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I had a good day. I feel better now that I have been taking the full dose of my meds. I went in to see my accountant today for tax time. He did something unusual. He told me over and over again how I seemed like a new person since I saw him last year. I told him I am finally taking meds that work. I still ruminate about what happened with him today.
By the way, what foes "SI" mean as in "I need SI"?
__________________
Bipolar II and GAD Venlafaxine, Lamotragine, Buspirone, Risperidone |
| Phoenix_1
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#924
Apr 11, 2014, 04:59 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
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 The switch has flipped. More like a dimmer switch in reverse. Built up speed as it went. It was fun last night and earlier today (yabber yabber laughing joking, mixing up words and swapping syllables from one word into another in a sentence, laugh some more, repeat the goof etc, can't hold a thought, go to put gas in the car, turn onto the road and have no idea why I'm there), but started veering into uncomfortable as the day went on. Antsy energy, but not getting things done. Pinball brain. Almost crawling out of my skin, but not quite. Muscles all tense and sore as all get out for no reason, wth? Knocking myself out for some (hopefully solid) sleep (took the meds, waiting, will hit hot shower). Do NOT want this to go ugly. That whopper mixed ep a year and half ago scared the **** out of me. Soooo, trying to bring it down a notch or two. This week's been a ride. Ahhh, Tig, all better would be nice. I totally get where you're coming from. When it's good, it's f'in fantastic. Just be careful. I'm glad you've got someone keeping an eye on you so to speak and the meds. (My BF's got that job. We live in different time realities, so when I speed up, he really notices it. I suggested I was going to not sleep at all last night, and he said, "Oh NO YOU DON'T!!" Haha, I was just messing with him.) (((((Charo)))))
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| charo224488, tigersassy
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