[swheaton]

I'm exhausted today...I've been running errands most of the day. Other than that, only dealing with a little weird anxiety.

[tigersassy]

I'm kindda ****** for no reason. I really want to do things that I'm not supposed to. Its a desire. I want to hurt things but I won't hurt others so I want to hurt me. Therapist is busy all day and I don't want to talk to her anyway. I'm still kindda ****** about the last appointment. And I can't reach my nurse and my wife is ****** about the sex thing.

Tig

I got a text from the mother of my nieces and it was dry and cold and just sad. Fake. It reminded me how seldom I hear from anyone and I cried for a long time. I have to take responsibility for my not reaching out enough or to the right people. I just feel very alone in this illness some days. Today is one of those days so I put on angry music and worked out. Now I am in my PJs at 14:45 and giving in to myself and my computer. Tired. If people knew how much effort it takes to reach out...

[THE16THDOCTOR]

In pain as well. Anxious bordering on panic. Racing thoughts disorganized frantic. This illness blows. I can't get simple worries to go the f away. I truly do not understand how "normal" ppl live without feeling these intense emotions. Must be nice.
I took klonipon so that's starting to kick in thank goodness.

Got my pdoc/T appointment today. Not nervous for once... yet... haha. I think I will keep seeing her but need her to organise extra support which I have been asking for for months. Lets hope this time she actually listens to me, and if she doesnt then I'll go to the local psychologist instead. We have so much to talk about and so little time to do it in. I wish she worked more than once a week and I got to see her more than once a fortnight!! There is so much work to be done and its just not happening fast enough for me. I get wiped out after doing anything at all lately but I am hoping to visit some family after the appointment (and get a free lunch... food is scarce at home).

[LadyShadow]

Another unproductive day gone by, slept till 4pm. I really have to stop doing that so I can try and workout. Ate hamburgers today so that doesn't help my diet. So disappointed in myself today

[robosuplex]

I want to make a post about what I've been struggling with to get it out and also get some support but Im too emotional to write or even think about it. I'm so tired of feeling this way. Im sorry.

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[otroo]

I fired my good for nothing therapist. I show up for my appointment and I am no longer on his schedule now this is not the first time he has done this. I no longer trust him and I do not regret this decision I just hate that I have to find another one.

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[Cocosurviving]

My decent I met with my therapist today and it went very well. We set goals which is a big step for me. I've been going through the process of healing for a while.

I searched for a jacket that I really liked in my sized but was not able to find it 😂

I went to meet my oldest daughter's inpatient therapist. Our session was productive.

I prepared dinner.

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[Curiosity77]

Today was a pretty good day. I feel like i might be coming out of depression. I'm tempted to go and do some crazy stuff to make myself feel more alive, but i'm home and babysitting a 3 year old, so i think it will be a mellow night.

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[Roblovescats]

Pillow! Just give me my pillow. I fell asleep at work in my car at lunch... I'm that tired! Have cat will snuggle... Nighty night sweet dreams my peeps

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[IndieVisible]

I was doing GREAT for 2 weeks! Energetic, inspired, took on multiple tasks and projects and finished them all! Even started cleaning and rearranging my office and garage at the same time! Most needed considering I was stuck in a depressive mixed state for about 3 months. Now it seems Im back in a mixed state but not depressive. I can only call it up and down and wired and tired at the same time. Just like u feel if u had too much coke. Wired but tired. Hard to explain unless u been there. Still getting flooded with ideas but now I can not act on any. Also anxiety has returned and I am also easily angered again

Hope to get to my March 19 appointment in a decent mood.

[LadyShadow]

I feel in a low mood for a year now. 2013 was completely unproductive. 2014 is turning out to be the same. I don't just want to sit around for years. I need to get up and moving. Nervous about someone I met on Eharmony, he asked me what physical activities I enjoy and I am in bed all day every day. How messed up is that? Oh well, I guess another one bites the dust.

[Lobster Hands]

Went to bed really depressed last night and slept 14 hours. Then I woke up and reordered my entire basement. Moved my bed into the basement. Changed the way my bed faced. Moved a couch into my new room. Set up a chess set on a coffee table. Decided to go to hobby lobby to buy plastic thread stuff to make one of those things you hang tools on into a cool wall decoration. Didn't continue on to finish that. Went out for a nice "Wednesday" drive...got back home, realized that I ate nothing today, realized that it was ash wednesday and my parents won't let me eat meat. Paced around for an hour or so. Watched an episode of Hawaii Five-O. "Went to bed"...now I'm on the computer.

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I feel in a low mood for a year now. 2013 was completely unproductive. 2014 is turning out to be the same. I don't just want to sit around for years. I need to get up and moving. Nervous about someone I met on Eharmony, he asked me what physical activities I enjoy and I am in bed all day every day. How messed up is that? Oh well, I guess another one bites the dust.

Don't feel so bad about 2014...It will get better! I can't speak much for eharmony but it could just be a conversation starter.

[feferock]

Having anxiety about the clinic today. Afraid they won't believe me as I should be getting better. Took no pain meds this morning so I can get an accurate feeling of my pain and yowch. If I thought previous days were bad. This is horrible. Sorry to harp on about pain for days but it's pretty much the only thing I've dealt with

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)

[charo224488]

I've been playing around with my meds, trying to fix myself before a dr. appt. next week but it's not helping. I felt so angry and crazy manic, so I cut my antidepressant in half and then crashed. So I thought maybe it was the xanax making me too low, so I cut that in half and was so panicked and sick. So I went back up on both. Now I'm just depressed again, but I can't stop moving. Literally, I'm baking lasagna and banana bread and doing laundry and painting the bathroom and talking on the phone all at the same time and while crying. It's insane. This new med sucks but changing again for the 4th time in 3 months sucks worse, so what to do? I don't know. My dr. is so frustrated with me that he leaves the decision up to me, which I am obviously not qualified to make. Feel like I'm speeding towards something really bad.

I reread the messages I was sent and in a better frame of mind they don't read that bad. They could even be taken positively. Everything was just black yesterday.

I got out to socialize last night. First time in almost a year. I put my foot in my mouth a bunch of times and those moments are replaying in my head over and over. But, I survived it and maybe next time it will be easier.

[mjrwraith]

Definitely in a transition right now. I'm depressed cause I feel I have nothing to look for, and in trying to get something going I screwed up. Now everyone's mad at me and asking me why I did it. I try to explain it and they just get pissed off. I've lost all of my friends. I'm wondering why it's even worth it anymore. I'm so lonely and tired of hurting I want it to end. (Sigh) I doubt that'd even happen though as I'm not even that lucky.

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[swheaton]

I'm super angry today. Of course my husband says, well you have been grumpier than usual. I want to scream and f'ing want to punch someone.

[Roblovescats]

Originally Posted by swheaton

I'm super angry today. Of course my husband says, well you have been grumpier than usual. I want to scream and f'ing want to punch someone.

I would totally let you punch me if it helps....

I feel sorta Ugh blah pthththth today. Not bad but not good. Tired. Bored. Not really sure of anything. Uninspired. Callous. If you painted a Van Gogh of me right now it would pretty accurately portray my general nature at the moment. Maybe not Van Gogh. Maybe more Salvador Dali. Yeah. Definitely in a Dali state at the moment.

Sent from the dark side of the moon

[Notnrml85]

Finally going to see my new GP next week after years of no insurance and undiagnosed problems. Today I'm experiencing a wide array of bipolar mixed symptoms as well as some pretty severe GI problems. Can't wait to find out what's actually been wrong with my digestive system since August 2013!

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[Curiosity77]

Saw my therapist tonight. He thinks my diagnosis should be ptsd, not bipolar. I disagree, because i have had traumas, but my experiences are bettsr explained by bipolar. He had some interesting points though. He can help me come off my meds if i want to. I can't try it until next year because i must see my pdoc and prove med compliance as part of the conditions for me to work. That supervision ends in may 2015, so i have 14 months to decide how i want to proceed. I will carry on with meds and conventional treatments until then, and then decide. It will be nice to have my autonomy back so i can try to go med free if i choose to. I might choose to stay on meds, i really don't know, but i wish my treatments and meds were voluntary. I hate being controlled

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Been quite a ride today. Got up alright and started right in with a phone thing that's been exasperating. Essentially a recorded msg "lottery" to hit a day you are allowed to leave a "msg" (only name and #) to hope to receive a callback sometime in about a week to begin the process of getting help. Finally got through! (After many days of trying.) Hoop one of that expedition.

Took meds. One was a familiar generic, but different manufacturer. Got nauseated and light-headed. Panicked a bit. Hoping those things are unrelated. Laid down, but only for a bit as there's too much daunting 'business hours stuff' bearing down right now.

Really dug into a stressful and dreaded but must do, clock-is-ticking-down money-business thing that makes me feel profoundly stupid. Tried to explain to BF that his helpful idea was stressing me out more. You would.not.believe the convolutions to get through this thing, even with the help of calls to the go-to guy. A couple of breakdowns, but finally got through it thanks to not owning a gun. Only half-joking. It got ROUGH, especially at one point, so pretty proud of pushing through it.

Had a psych appt. (Fortuitous timing, no?! )
Thrown around into emotional extremes, but made it! Pretty zonked now.

[feferock]

Woke up in slightly less pain so yay for that. However my head feels like it's filled with cotton which always happens after a crying day

Fefe(28) -bipolar II
Hubby(28)
Son(8)-aspergers and possibly ADHD and odd
Daughter(5)