[Secretum]

So everyone who has been following my last thread knows I've been in pretty severe distress the past several days. Tonight I feel really Sui, though Ive been worse in the past and survived. I'm thinking about going to the ER though, because I have to try something different. I need to stop having these Sui crises every few weeks. Maybe I'd learn in the hospital how to better manage this?

I just have some questions:

Do you think I'd be admitted? I've thought about Sui to the point where I have several potential plans I could use if I get impulsive/brave enough. At the same time, Im fairly certain I wont act on the impulses because Im scared. I've also been having dramatic mood shifts from depression to elation to extreme anger, and have been hallucinating.

2. If Im not admitted, could I still get a script from the ER doc for a PRN that I could take to help calm me down?

3. How long are most hospital stays?

4. How much does the hospital cost for someone with moderately good insurance?

5. Would it be worth having my t paged tonight to discuss this with her? I feel like she is upset with me, and might not like being paged. At the same time, she could probably best help determine if I should go to the ER.

[wildflowerchild25]

Yes I think you could be admitted for sure. I would definitely get admitted with that, though I ALWAYS get admitted. If you're not admitted, they may give you a prn. I dunno because I'm always admitted lol. Stay would range from 3-10 days depending on insurance and where you are. Some states have crisis units that are only 24-72 hours but mine doesn't. My shortest stay was five days and longest was a little over two weeks. As for cost it really depends. I have a high deductible so I have to pay $2000 out of Pocket and the. Everything is covered.

As for your therapist she works for YOU so I would definitely page her and eff her if she "doesn't want to be paged". I wouldn't even work with a therapist like that. If I need help that's what you're there for!

But honestly if you are in danger just go to the ER. They can help you get on the right track and not become a suicide statistic :-( we definitely don't want you to go!

I hope you're able to feel better soon!!

[Nammu]

You should def be admitted, but it will depend on whether nor not any beds are available.

I agree with flower child you need to have your T paged and let her know that you have a few plans thought out. It is part of her job.

Is there a psych emergency services where you live? Just google psych Emergency services, your area. Some places have people who will come to you other places are open 24/7 and can be a safe place.

[Secretum]

Thanks for the fast responses. I just called my therapist; she was really sweet and put all my fears of her being angry with me to rest. She does think I should go to the hospital; she is now calling to see if they have beds. She'll get back to me soon.

I'm really scared to go in, but I'm more scared of what I might do to myself otherwise.

[Yoda]

[~Christina]

Glad you reached out for help..... that takes courage You will be fine.

[Nammu]

Good for you, this is never an easy step to take. No doubt it was the illness that whispered to you that your T was angry. I'm glad you called her.

[Curiosity77]

I'm glad you are getting some help. Sui thoughts and hallucinations can be a pretty serious combination. I don't know how length of stay works in the US with private insurance. I'm in Canada, so hospital is free. I think they aim for 2 weeks or less per admission, but I have been in 3 weeks. They base length of stay by how the patient is responding. Hospital sucks, but it's better than the alternative. Hang in there.

[Secretum]

Thanks for all the support, everyone. They decided to let me go, because I was feeling a little better. I'm really embarrassed; I called everyone important to me (parents, boss) and told them I was in crisis and might need to go inpatient, because I felt they needed to know. If they did admit me, my parents would have to know because they'd be paying for it, and my boss would have to know because I obviously wouldn't be able to work. If I ever have to do this again, I'm only going to tell anyone after they decide to admit me; no one needs to know this!

I still feel a little shaky, still have urges. I am still seeing my t on Friday, and I was instructed by the social worker at the ER to call my pdoc, so I'm going to do that.

[regretful]

There's no shame in getting yourself checked out...I was hospitalized in late Dec/Jan and I had no idea if I'd be admitted or not. At any rate, I'm glad I went then because it probably saved my life. I do hope that things improve for you.

[Nammu]

Regretful is right. It's better to get checked out than to keep it to yourself and end up losing the trust of those around you by acting on the impulses. Its scary the first time. Speaking as a mother I prefer my child to ask for help.

[wildflowerchild25]

You know, the more I hear other people's stories, I really think the doctor in the crisis center has a vendetta against me. I've literally seen the same doctor since 2001 every time I went there, which was often unfortunately, and EVERY TIME I've been admitted! My first time was when I was fourteen and my therapist forced me to go. I had told her I was suicid but didn't have a plan and repeated that to the crisis doc and he admitted me! And every time after that.

Aaaaanyway I'm glad you went! Definitely better safe than sorry. Don't be embarrassed. And if you feel bad again in the next few days don't hesitate to go back.

[Secretum]

I still feel bad tonight, but I don't want to go back to the ER so I am trying hard to distract myself from the sui thoughts. I just watched an episode of House, my favorite TV show.

I see my therapist tomorrow. Hopefully we can discover what ever is at the root of all these depressive and suicidal feelings, so I can get past this. I can either die or live the life I always wanted to live. Staying where I am now, getting dangerously sui every few weeks, is not an option anymore.

It's really stupid, but in a way I feel like the hospital rejected me, like all the med schools I've applied to. I know the hospital is a bad place, and I don't want to be there, but I still feel kind of hurt that they rejected me.

I really need to get over myself.

[Nammu]

If you have to just go hour by hour; for the next 1 hour I am not going to make any decisions. Do that until you see your T. If you need to go to ER just to be safe until you see your T do that. What ever it takes. You are worth it.

[littlemiss44]

It's not stupid. The hospital is not a bad place...it's just hard to know why we have to be there. They didn't reject you. Something made them think you'd be ok. Were you completely honest with the sui impulses you've had? I'm actually surprised they didn't admit you cause you sound really down. You need to be easier on yr self and you don't need to get over yr self. You are dealing with a very debilitating disease that requires treatment. Please don't hesitate to go back for fear of rejection. When I went two weeks ago they were going to admit me but I decided...after being there for four hours...that is just get an emergency pdoc appt for the next day. I made it thru and didn't si. How are you doing right now? Where is yr mood? Are you having sui thoughts again?

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

Is there anyone you can stay with tonight? Can you go to a different ER?

[Secretum]

Thanks everyone for your support. I think that the taking it hour to hour thing is a good idea. I feel like I can keep myself safe until my t appointment tomorrow at noon. If I start feeling otherwise, I'll post more here. But right now I'm feeling much safer.

Ironically enough, I have a suicide prevention walk on Sunday that I want to attend; I'm heavily involved with the organization that plans the walk. So that means that I have to stay alive and out of the hospital so I can attend the walk on Sunday. I got a bracelet with the name of our organization on it tonight; I think I am going to wear it as a visual reminder that I have something to live for.

[littlemiss44]

You do have lots to live for. Having mi is so hard at times. It can zap the life right out of you and make us hopeless. You are important. Please don't let it win. You can do this just like others have said...go hour to hour if you have to. Distract yr self with tv reading or walking. Getting fresh air can help alot. Stay safe and we're here if you need us. Just a click away. Hugs

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk