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#501
Jun 04, 2014, 02:00 AM
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Second date tonight with a guy i like. It was really fun. Now hopefully i won't **** things up by being too crazy. Hopefully. Although i think there is a wild side to him, so maybe it a little crazy would be ok. Will have to see how it goes.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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#502
Jun 04, 2014, 02:15 AM
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First day back to school today. I think it went ok, I am taking a Public Speaking course and Intro to Life Sciences course. The science class is online so that is nice-ish (I am not easily motivated to read textbooks). The Public Speaking class is in-seat, however an old coworker of mine is in the class so I at least knew someone. Depression hasn't lifted any however.
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#503
Jun 04, 2014, 05:26 AM
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Can't focus. Trying to understand emotions is taking time away from work. It's thunderstorming with chance of severe weather today. Wish I were at home and not at work.
Tig
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
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#504
Jun 04, 2014, 09:43 AM
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I had a hyperventilating balling my eyes out crying body shaking panic attack that lasted for over an hour yesterday. I think it's safe to say the Klonopin isn't working sometimes.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder." - Chuck Palahniuk |
 Anonymous45023, charo224488
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#505
Jun 04, 2014, 10:38 AM
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Pretty much recovered from gall bladder surgery a few weeks ago. If I wasn't crazy I'd be happy about that, but of course I'm not. Being really sick gave me something else to focus on, and now I'm back focusing on my thoughts and they are never good. Swinging from hypomania to depression in a matter of hours, so I have wonderful ideas but can't sustain the energy to complete anything. Feel like I am racing towards death faster and faster, like it's all over and there is nothing left but to endure every awful day.
__________________
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| Anonymous45023
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 cubshadow
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#506
Jun 04, 2014, 12:13 PM
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Quote:
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder." - Chuck Palahniuk |
| charo224488
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| charo224488
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#507
Jun 04, 2014, 01:00 PM
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Today has been really good thus far. I have felt "normal" all day. Hopefully this keeps up.
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| cubshadow
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#508
Jun 04, 2014, 01:02 PM
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I don't even know what normal is anymore. I think I've completely lost it. And being mixed is one of the most complicated and conflicting things in my head and in all my symptoms.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder." - Chuck Palahniuk |
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#509
Jun 04, 2014, 01:19 PM
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Feeling really down today like the other day. I ended up missing work like usual. I'm so disappointed in myself every time I miss work. Contacted my pdoc about it to find out what to do because it's getting worse.
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#510
Jun 04, 2014, 03:08 PM
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Feeling very bored and frustrated today. Also quite angry that this bipolar depression just doesn't seem to let up. Whatever did I do to deserve this bull****?
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| Anonymous45023, Hbomb0903
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| cubshadow
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#511
Jun 04, 2014, 03:19 PM
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I'm feeling quite mixed today. I've been drifting through a numb state for awhile but every now and again strong feelings will surface. Today I feel angry and confused. I feel lost and helpless. I am frusterated waiting for a call back from a job I interviewed for but at the same time I am unsure if I would actually be happy in the new position. I am angry that I feel so 'crazy' and have no opportunity for relief anytime soon. I am in a hot-cold state in my relationship. I have been having vivid dreams and I awake from them feeling so confused with whether or not I am pleased with my life at all. I have had a strong urge to try art, painting specifically. I have never picked up a paint brush and really do not have much creative ability but the urge is so strong I can't resist. I have so many things I want to do but have no spark to gt me to actually go do them.
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| cubshadow
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#512
Jun 04, 2014, 04:44 PM
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I am doing okay
P.doc bumped my Prozac back up, amd it seems to be working |
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#514
Jun 05, 2014, 01:39 PM
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About to head to my second in-seat class today. Day 2 of being content, this is nice.
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| cubshadow
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#515
Jun 05, 2014, 02:15 PM
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Been at rock bottom, missed my second day of work I couldn't even shower or brush my teeth. Pdoc called back and gave me a few Xanax three times a day and split my haldol up between morning and night. I hope this works, been on the verge of going IP.
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| Anonymous45023, Blitter2014
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#516
Jun 05, 2014, 03:24 PM
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Pdoc has told me to increase medication despite my concerns. Didnt do it last night as we are going away for the weekend, first time in a while just to have a break, and didnt want to complicate it with a meds change in the middle of ti.
Pdoc was good and listened to concerns and said we would review in month, but am worried about how going to react to upping meds that already caused insomnia and manic behavior. Start on Tuesday. On good note, finally got car back and insurance paid, so some good came out of not having a vehicle for the last two weeks. Free hugs to everyone who needs one 
__________________
"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes"  Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions |
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#517
Jun 05, 2014, 04:04 PM
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today is tough. I went to a job fair and ended up leaving, thinking "yeah as if I'm going to be able to perform". all I can think of is wearing that stupid mask all day, that masks that keeps people from the inside where I'm ardently fighting myself, picking my clockwork apart and being critical of every passing moment. I think about my time management skills. how difficult is to get out of the bed. how I can't apologize every. damn. day. for being late. I'm terrified I'm letting my family down, I feel like **** because all of my friends are sophomores in college and on their way to relative happyville (or, comfortable living/careerville). my town is being gentrified, I'm sick with a mono-like virus. I want to work for myself, as I am talented and could run a great business, but my brain is unable to put two things together in a coherent fashion. so planning, completing things. it's all out the window. I'm making an album cover for my god brother and it's taken me a month of diligently working--and it doesn't even look good. I know I can do better than this. be better than what I am. I know I need meds. I just. wish my mom or dad would support me. I need help. I can't take care of myself alone at this point
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Anonymous45023
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#518
Jun 05, 2014, 04:08 PM
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Quote:
all of this. I feel this. at the bottom of my heart. I rapid cycle, too. it's so frustrating to be so lucid and ready to work and then be crushed. it kill the ****ing soul. kills it. but I keep a journal or all my incredible ideas so that one day, when I beat (or at least, cope) with this monster, I'll be able to draw on a wellspring of pre-formulated wonder-deas. keep pushing, friend, in hopes that one day you'll realize at least one of the amazing things brewing in your head. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Last edited by Wren_; Jun 05, 2014 at 04:43 PM. Reason: Administrative edit |
| charo224488
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#519
Jun 05, 2014, 04:10 PM
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Quote:
mixed? like mixed race? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote:
woohoo! hopefully he's a little bit crazy. they're few and far between, but the wild ones can be wonderful mitigators for the wildness in our heads. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Last edited by Wren_; Jun 05, 2014 at 04:42 PM. Reason: Post merge only |
| Curiosity77
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#520
Jun 05, 2014, 07:50 PM
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tried to get myself away from isolating and now it's going to be worse than ever
__________________
The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow Don't give up |
| Hbomb0903
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#521
Jun 05, 2014, 10:55 PM
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Pizsti, why is to going to get worse?
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#522
Jun 06, 2014, 12:33 AM
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Quote:
Sent from my GT-I9305 using Tapatalk
__________________
"Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes" Success and failure are two of many words we get to define, not society. Our success depends on definition and intentions, not actions |
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#523
Jun 06, 2014, 02:27 AM
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Maybe i'm leaning toward hypomania. I don't want to sleep, and hypersexual. Got into a pretty crazy situation tonight... Which i will leave out the details
 lolThe last thing in the world i feel like doing right now is taking meds that will sedate me and going to sleep. I have to meet with my boss tomorrow at 9 am to review patient cases, and hopefully that will go OK. It's a little stressful having a pdoc for a supervisor at work because i worry that he will be assessing me. Ok... Time for saphris, lamictal, seroquel, sleep... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?" "Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me." |
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#524
Jun 06, 2014, 04:38 AM
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I'm not feeling very supported at all. PC'ers say they are supportive and are there for you but I've had to ask for support a few times and get very little response.
There are a few that actually reply but a lot just pass you by. For those who do reach out, I thank you so much.
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The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow Don't give up |
| Anonymous200280, Anonymous53806
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| Blitter2014
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#525
Jun 06, 2014, 08:33 AM
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I am doing okay
I finished a few big projects this week, and it makes me feel like I am in control |
| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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