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  #1  
Old Aug 13, 2014, 05:41 PM
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tailie angel tailie angel is offline
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Yesterday our landlord came into our apartment to look at our electricity and said we needed to clean up because our place was a mess. We cleaned a lot but both sinks are still filled with dirty dishes. I can't stay home. Every day my husband is at work I go to a family members house because if I stay home, I just sleep a lot and put my son in his crib so I can rest or let him play in his room while I rest on the floor. But either way, whether I stay home or go out, the dishes just don't get done and I can't ask my husband to do them because he works all day. I have anxiety about doing them, I keep feeling like if I do them there will just be more and more dishes, I will never get them done! But I am anxious thinking about them sitting there forever too. I'm horrified. How do I get past this? Tomorrow I go out of town for my son's appointment so I will be gone all day. I'm thinking about trying to stay home friday but I'm just so scared I will sleep all day. I keep waiting for a 'good day' to come by so I will feel like cleaning, but if a good day does come, cleaning seems like such a waste of such a good mood! Has anyone gone through anything similar to this? I just want to be a better mother and a better wife. BUt everything about being either one of those horrifies me. I wish sometimes that I would never had kids or that I should have waited and I hate those feelings because my son is everything to me.
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  #2  
Old Aug 13, 2014, 08:55 PM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
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I go through this everyday when I am depressed (and sometimes when I am just extremely anxious). Normally my house is clean and straightened (well as much as it can be with 3 small kids) but when I am depressed, like now, it is a pig sty and I am terrified, terrified, to clean it. And it's inexplicable.

My mom always tells me to focus on one thing at a time. So maybe you could stack them all up and wash a few then walk away, wash a few more, then walk away. Or maybe, if you are depressed, you could explain that to your husband (if he doesn't realize) and he may want to help you. I feel guilty for how much my husband does around the house when I am like this (I am a stay at home mom and he works also) but I simply cannot function well enough to do it on my own. I don't know how I'd survive without him. Sorry I don't have more/better advice but I want you to know you are not alone. Minus the details, this thread could have been written by me.
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  #3  
Old Aug 13, 2014, 09:03 PM
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I have a thing against dishes too. I hate them because, like you say, you work on it but it's never done. We have a large family and a teeny tiny sink so it's always overwhelming. That's why I take on other tasks and my husband usually does the dishes. It's a compromise. I think Cashart10 had a good point about mentioning to your husband how you're feeling and asking him for help.

How old is your son? I am very familiar with a sense of being paralyzed while you are at home with children. I used to be that way with dd1 before I was on meds. It's very difficult. How long have you felt like this?
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  #4  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 01:38 AM
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I can relate to your problem. My husband works in construction. He always tracks is crap like sheet rock so I just quit cleaning the floors. I also never make my bed, and just soak pans and pile the up on the stove. I keep thinking all of this will have to be done over and over again so what's the point. I usually take 3 hour naps and spend most of every day in a night shirt. Because of this I don't answer the door. I know doing this just makes depression worse, and I know living in a clean home lifts my spirits. It just seems like such a freaking daunting task and where to start? I have add and ocd which just makes it confusing lol. You're not alone, and you have much more pressure with a child.
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  #5  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 06:46 AM
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Double Edge Double Edge is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tailie angel View Post
Yesterday our landlord came into our apartment to look at our electricity and said we needed to clean up because our place was a mess. We cleaned a lot but both sinks are still filled with dirty dishes. I can't stay home. Every day my husband is at work I go to a family members house because if I stay home, I just sleep a lot and put my son in his crib so I can rest or let him play in his room while I rest on the floor. But either way, whether I stay home or go out, the dishes just don't get done and I can't ask my husband to do them because he works all day. I have anxiety about doing them, I keep feeling like if I do them there will just be more and more dishes, I will never get them done! But I am anxious thinking about them sitting there forever too. I'm horrified. How do I get past this? Tomorrow I go out of town for my son's appointment so I will be gone all day. I'm thinking about trying to stay home friday but I'm just so scared I will sleep all day. I keep waiting for a 'good day' to come by so I will feel like cleaning, but if a good day does come, cleaning seems like such a waste of such a good mood! Has anyone gone through anything similar to this? I just want to be a better mother and a better wife. BUt everything about being either one of those horrifies me. I wish sometimes that I would never had kids or that I should have waited and I hate those feelings because my son is everything to me.
You're definitely not alone. When I lived alone, my house was meticulously clean and stayed that way. Never a thing out of place. When I lived alone, however, I was mostly always hypomanic, rarely depressed. By the time I got married, PTSD and MDD had taken over, and my husband is not a clean person by nature, having grown up with *everything* being cleaned for him. He'll just take things out and not put them back, and inexplicably leaves trash on the counter instead of putting it into the trash which is RIGHT THERE. Slowly but surely, the house would get messy, and I would clean it, and it would get messy again, and I would clean it again, but again it would get messy.

I finally got sick of cleaning something that would always just get ****ed up, so I gave up. Now I have the same dish problem you have. The worst part is, I'm not the one dirtying the dishes. The rest of the house looks like a tornado hit it. Even thinking about cleaning it makes me want to crawl into bed and pass out. I feel like it will never get done. We've made plan after plan to "spend the weekend" and clean it all up, but it never happens. I never want to, and my husband always lets me get away with my depressive "I don't want to" talk, so nothing ever happens. I wish he would just clean things on his own and help me out, or at least not make a worse mess. House chores are just the worst. I feel for you. Hang in there.
Thanks for this!
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  #6  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 09:30 AM
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Old Aug 14, 2014, 10:46 AM
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The only way that I can do it, is to break it down into pieces.

I think to myself, okay I can handle vacuuming...and I don't care how long it takes because my goal was to vacuum
The same for laundry, etc, etc

The little pieces make me feel so not overwhelmed
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  #8  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 12:52 PM
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Mrs. Mania Mrs. Mania is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Double Edge View Post
You're definitely not alone. When I lived alone, my house was meticulously clean and stayed that way. Never a thing out of place. When I lived alone, however, I was mostly always hypomanic, rarely depressed. By the time I got married, PTSD and MDD had taken over, and my husband is not a clean person by nature, having grown up with *everything* being cleaned for him. He'll just take things out and not put them back, and inexplicably leaves trash on the counter instead of putting it into the trash which is RIGHT THERE. Slowly but surely, the house would get messy, and I would clean it, and it would get messy again, and I would clean it again, but again it would get messy.

I finally got sick of cleaning something that would always just get ****ed up, so I gave up. Now I have the same dish problem you have. The worst part is, I'm not the one dirtying the dishes. The rest of the house looks like a tornado hit it. Even thinking about cleaning it makes me want to crawl into bed and pass out. I feel like it will never get done. We've made plan after plan to "spend the weekend" and clean it all up, but it never happens. I never want to, and my husband always lets me get away with my depressive "I don't want to" talk, so nothing ever happens. I wish he would just clean things on his own and help me out, or at least not make a worse mess. House chores are just the worst. I feel for you. Hang in there.
OMG!!My husband also puts trash on the counter, directly above the trash can!!! Makes me insane! I sometimes tie off the bag and sit it outside the backdoor instead of walking it to the tote, which makes him crazy. Really? He can't put his trash into the can, or tie it off, or take it to the tote- but complains if I don't take it all the way!!! Division of household chores has never been even though, even when I worked 70/hour weeks to his 30/hour weeks. Since I haven't been working, I do everything- I start work in a week and I already smell trouble! And no-it's not the trash!
Hugs from:
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  #9  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 12:54 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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How about a timer?

I've heard that some people set a timer for overwhelming tasks.

How about cleaning the dishes for 15min at a time? Whatever you don't get through will have to wait for your next 15min session.

Once not too long ago, my bedroom looked like a clothing bomb had been set off in it. Everytime I picked up an item to fold I would burst into tears. I kept waiting for a good day, but gawd it took way too long and being drowned in clothing was getting to me in a huge way.

So I used the timer technique, except I didn't use a set time, I used music instead as it helps motivate me when I clean. I was like, ok I'm going to listen to these 3 songs while I fold my clothes, and when they're done, I'm done too.

Turns out that this was a really good trick for me because I had actually missed music and ended up listening to the whole album. My OCD thankfully kicked in and my room was spotless by the end of it.

I know how you feel, I felt pretty useless and overwhelmed too. But remember to take baby steps, 1 foot infront of the other, its not a race.
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  #10  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 01:19 PM
jesusplay jesusplay is offline
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stop using dished, get disposable stuff
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Thanks for this!
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  #11  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 02:35 PM
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lilypup lilypup is offline
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Okay, when I was dealing with this, I got on a site called flylady.com
These people actually are going through the same thing...some with mental illness and some just struggling with problems cleaning.
You will find a lot of support there. She has a simple (very simple) routine and you add a baby step per day. I mean these are baby steps..not hard at all. In short order, I had the house cleaned up and even my cupboards and closets cleaned out. It was actually good therapy for my severe depression. Try to plan to do one fun thing with your baby every day. Coloring, or singing and dancing while holding him, doing and exercise while holding him (depending on his age). You can be a good mom while depressed. And it gets your mind off of things. PM me anytime..I remember being in your shoes and it was really tough.
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  #12  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 03:38 PM
Anonymous41462
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I do as JesusPlay posted and use disposable dishes. You can get really cute ones at Target. My favorite are the zebra-print ones.
  #13  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 10:19 PM
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tailie angel tailie angel is offline
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Thanks for all the advice. I have felt like this for months now. The crock pot I used, like, two months ago has been rinsed out but I STILL have not actually cleaned it! I don't know why but the thought of cleaning it actually terrifies me and I'm afraid to tell my husband this because I'm afraid that he won't understand or will get angry with me for not being able to do one simple task. To top things off my son goes three days without a bath sometimes because I am too terrified of him drowning to put him in the water and when I do the baths only last like five minutes. The fear has been getting worse and worse the more I have dreams about him drowning and I can't seem to shake the fear that he will drown in the bathtub. Maybe I mentioned that in my original post? I'm not sure... I will try the timer method and then the disposable dishes when they are done. Just explain to my husband that dishes cause me too much anxiety.
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  #14  
Old Aug 14, 2014, 11:21 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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I would assume your husband is aware there is a problem if your crock pot has sat there rinsed out for 2 months ... So The Timer method or listening to X amount of songs and just do it , just do it ... Just small steps .. Its easy to get sucked into the anxiety and panic and over thinking ... At some point everyone just has to force themselves to do things we dont want to ... But once you push yourself it really does become easier.. So stop reading this right now and just go wash a one dish

Just a bit of tough love ...Why ? because we all need it sometimes.
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  #15  
Old Aug 15, 2014, 07:05 AM
Anonymous46777
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i felt a lot of pressure untill i reaised that if i wanted to i could just throw everything away and buy a new cheap set of dishes. giving myself permission to say f*** it actually gave me the motivation to get stuff done.

when im feeling like the job is too big i split it up too
first the glasses and cups
then plates and bowls
then silverware
and then pots and pans

if i dont do it all i can say "oh well at least the glasses are clean"

something else... if ive tackled the kitchen one day and its spotless i let myself order a pizza or chinese for dinner so that i have an extra day to enjoy the fruits of my labor. rewards baby!
Thanks for this!
tailie angel
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