Broke Their Lamp

I lost my temper and smashed my children's lamp in their room while they cowered in their beds. This is not usual for me. It's extreme. But my kids know how to push my buttons like no one else. How I handle my temper is my own responsibility. I regret acting out enormously. I've been here before, a long time ago, and meds have quieted things down but I've not had enough sleep and that makes me more edgy. They're still awake at 10:30 at night and don't listen when we speak calmly. I should call a counselor tomorrow to discuss this and get parenting advise. I should probably call my pdoc too. It's been a veeery long time since I've seen her. I'm ashamed.

Don't be ashamed, You knew that there was help need and reached out for it
That is a big step in good direction

I know ive lost my temper in the past. It feels terrible i know. Seeing someone to talk about it will help i agree.

My husband doesn't think I should talk to a counselor, he says it's okay, these things happen, in 30 years we'll laugh our butts off about it.

But the fact remains that there is a parenting issue here--getting the kids to fall asleep earlier and the problems with that--that needs to be discussed. New strategies needed. The problem is dh puts the girls to bed and I don't necessarily agree with the routine they have or how late they fall asleep but it's part of our "division of labour" so I don't comment too much on it other than to say they need to go to sleep earlier. He always agrees but then nothing changes.

Ive heard that you should change your sleeping times by 15 minutes per night- if that helps

I've heard that too. But dh is too wishy washy. Anyway, if I'm not going to take over the routine I have to accept things the way they are and not let it get to me. In the morning when I wake them up and get three children out the door before I go to work that it's really challenging. Two kids are not so bad but my oldest is really hard to get out of bed.

This is when I would usually be beating myself up over this episode with great agitation and feel despair and suicidal. So thank gawd the meds are on board to keep that away.

I'm too hard on myself. I feel like a bad mother a lot of the time but I know I'm totally not. I was diagnosed with GAD when I went to a pdoc and discussed my neurosis around parenting.

It's hard being a parent. Tell your kids your sorry, maybe take them to get a different lamp.

Yes. Now comes the task of rebuilding.

I'm sorry to hear of your lost temper and its consequences. I can relate. There have been quite a few times I've destroyed things out of anger too. Once was this bowl my grandmother had given me (nice Japanese china), and afterwards, I realized that the other matching one had already broken, so I had destroyed the only one left, plus I had thrown it *at* my husband, luckily he wasn't hurt. I've cut myself badly smashing down a ceramic oil incense burner onto a desk. Then having to deal with all the guilt and shame feelings afterwards... it's no picnic. I definitely agree that talking with someone about it would be helpful for you, especially if it's out of the ordinary for you. As far as I've experienced, talking about it always helps, and is better than pretending it didn't happen or just trying to forget. Best of luck and hope you're feeling better!

It helps to hear others have gone thru this too. My dd asked this morning if she could tell her friend. Ugh... I feel really bad about myself for it. At least dd and I hugged this morn.

I guess I just feel so overwhelmed at times. Parenting in our culture you are not allowed to be human. You have to be perfect. I am most definitely not perfect. Can't focus at work today, don't want to be here.

Feeling down and depressed and bad about myself. Not looking forward to another monotonous day. Ok that's enough complaining now. Thanks for listening.

Mood swing down!! Lol

Dizzy and tired today.

Why is it so hard to book an appointment with my pdoc? Grr.

I hope you start feeling better soon.

Thanks Miguel'smom

Appointment with pdoc in 2.5 weeks. I am so sleepy today. Left work due to feeling crappy and dizzy and down. Will go take a nap now. I could just sleep the afternoon away...

I'm paralyzed and inactive. Seems like too much effort to get groceries, pick up kids, cook. Usually I can just make myself do it. Today I'm stalling. I just want to be alone.

I can realate as I rage during mania if it becomes too overwhelming. I am so sorry for the situation and how you are feeling.

Thanks cashart10.

Am out and about fulfilling my obligations.

I need to stop over focusing on my emotions as that makes it harder to function. Dh wants me to cook a big dinner tonight. Now I have to go fake smile at the daycare as I pick up the kids. Can't just stop bcuz I feel paralyzed. Too many demands. Perhaps that's a good thing.

Kids are a nasty trigger no matter how old they get. Everyone can reach a stress point. You didn't smack any of your kids, and you were able to get your anger out on a lamp. But it is so good to get some parenting advice. We have done it many times.
Give yourself some leeway here. I don't know if I could do all you do, even if I was not MI. You're doing a lot.

I am doing a lot. And most of the time I can handle it. I have a rep for doing more than average. Hypo?????? Not sure. But sometimes things swing the other way. Anyway thanks for your reply, I appreciate the support.

After picking up the kids, drank a glass of wine while cooking dinner. No eye contact with dh. I feel rotten. Just want to crawl into a hole. Oh well, this will pass.