[Hopeful Camel]

I fired my pdoc and went back to my GP. Was taken off the lithium, which I am convinced was poisoning me. I was my old normal self this morning, but the doc was having me titrate down, so I took a half dose and immediately got sick again. I called her today and got permission to just get off the stuff completely. I am so relieved. But I still feel sick right now.

Funny what we let ourselves go through, all in the hope of feeling better. Glad I fired my pdoc. I will get better now.

[Love&Toil]

A decent day, lots of stress but I managed. Now I'm exhausted but wired. Hoping to get a half decent sleep.

[Blitter2014]

Half way through the day. Spent most of the day here on PC. Only been a week since we closed our business. Feeling lost. Don't know what to do or where to be. Not sure who I am and feel as though my identity has been lost. People ringing about the ads we have placed online to sell our assets. Feel wired from the stress of selling everything, trying to calm but not having a lot of success. Wife is mad with me for spending all day on computer.

[Sillywabbit]

I went to my first group therapy last night. It was strange. There is definitely a mix of people which makes it interesting to hear everyone's point of views. The thing that was frustrating, is it's easy for a therapist to say that when you are feeling extreme emotion you should practice opposite action. I guess in just not there yet for it to be that easy. When I am in distress or extreme emotion, I cry, put my head through something or want to be home. I don't find it easy to just say I'm going to get up and go to work. Or find a happy thing to do in the midst of my madness. Hopefully with time I will get there...but it's just hard to imagine. Other than that my days have been mellow and neutral.

[Standup2me]

I have a chill in my bones that I just cannot shake

[Hopeful Camel]

I'm starting to give up hope.

[jack123]

Feeling blah and unmotivated.

[tigersassy]

Depression

[Curious651]

Feeling back to normal today. Was little manic this morning feeling good and energized. Tonight feeling stable and relaxed.

[Pikku Myy]

I am not sure where I am this week...

Right after shutting the computer down, had to come back and totally re-write. I'm kidding myself.

Truth is, I feel like s***. There's been stuff that's consuming me, I feel helpless about it, even though I keep trying like hell. Except that's hard, not knowing what the heck it is that I'm supposed to be doing(!) Or not doing. What will make it better? Or would that make it worse? I'd just like to see some concrete signs of hope. Nothing forthcoming but rare fleeting glimpse-lets is making it really hard to hold on to hope. And really hard to hide just how badly it is destroying me inside. One thing is for sure. Showing makes it worse. My best guess is that the exact opposite has the best shot.

I can stuff things down and cover with the best of 'em. But it's getting incredibly hard to not show it (and really, it's impossible. It's showing, but wildly minimized from how it feels inside). So…. pulling off the total opposite is…. well, I don't know how to describe it, but somehow, I've got to do it.

[Blitter2014]

Just got back from therapy...didnt go well. They tell me its my responsibility to keep myself safe. I told them I don't care, i feel so numb to life so how can I keep myself safe. They didn't have an answer. I had a meds review only last week and I'm to increase my main meds by 100%. My wife is already complaining I'm emotionless so increasing isn't going to help. She was crying and I felt nothing. I wanted to feel, I wanted to tell her it was going to be ok but I couldn't. I don't know if it's going to be ok.

I like innerzones post above wish I could see some glimmer of hope, something beyond todays mess to hold onto. I want to see it, but at the moment its just not there.

Hugs to everyone who has to suffer through depression and other Mental health issues. I have no answers today but I'm not going to give up.

I don't want to get ahead of myself and be disappointed, but this new pdoc is turning out to be really promising. I've never had one that listened and responded like this before. I didn't know they even existed.

[Roblovescats]

Originally Posted by Hopeful Camel

I'm starting to give up hope.

I gave it up for Lent.
Does that make you just Camel?
that's very disheartening to me.
I wish you all the best.... feel hopeful again soon.... I find chocolate is helpful.

[Roblovescats]

Originally Posted by Pikku Myy

I am not sure where I am this week...

Well Heisenberg would said... at least you know how fast you're going!

[Sillywabbit]

Today I hurt my back at work and had a wardrobe malfunction. I was busy busy busy but managed to stay positive. I am still in my neutral zone, I hope this last at because boring is amazing to my crazy racing mind!

[Tucson]

I am here. I have been balancing demands with respect to the raising of my daughter with the care of my mother. This is one day that started out bad. But as the day progressed, I started to feel better.

[tigersassy]

Not feeling well at all today. Tummy is feeling funny. But yesterday's Pdoc appt was not eventful. She noted that it was the first time she'd seen me cry. She lowered my seroquel to 300mg and stepping up to 300mg of lamictal. Work will be interesting today. Here goes.

[Hopeful Camel]

Stayed home sick in bed today. Sort of a mental health day. Feel slightly guilty about it. Trying to dredge up some hope, some feeling of life. Not doing that well. What is wrong with me?

[Standup2me]

I am doing okay today, not great, not good, not bad....just okay

[Roblovescats]

Eat the chocolate. It helps with the dementors.

[tigersassy]

Depressed still. Tonight wife and I are having a date night. Hopefully I can at least pretend to be happy. I've got therapy after work. This will be my last appt with this therapist. Thank goodness. I'm tired and worn down. Can I go back to bed now?

[ozzy1313]

Tired. Up early to take my daughter to drivers ed.

[Hopeful Camel]

Up at 5:30am, back on sleep schedule for the first time in a week. Already feel much better. Yay sleep schedules! I'm going to have a good day, and feel better. That is the plan.

[jack123]

I am feeling irritable and restless. We increased my seroquel last night but still woke up several times. Am going to try to be productive today.