Husband Being Distant

My husband never seems to want to spend time with me. I'll ask him to go to the park with my son and I or to the mall or go camping but he always says he needs to relax. But every Sunday he has been going to the golf course with his brother to hit balls (I ask to go too but I am never allowed) and he made plans with his dad to go fishing on his next day off (I'm also not invited/ allowed to do this with them either) and he has gone several times with him this summer. I don't understand it. Is my bipolar self getting to him? Is he sick of my crazy? The thing is I tell more to my friends about how I'm feeling than I do him because I'm afraid that he is just sick of it. I don't know what to do to make myself part of my husband's life but I don't know how. His family doesn't help. None of them like me and they are always trying to find ways to push me out.

Can you guys go to therapy together?

We have tried that in the past and it didn't help a whole lot.

Divorce. Find someone thank includes you and are most understanding.

Marriage isn't for everyone.

The world will keep spinning without him and there are billions of other men out there who could possibly be a better match.

Just my opinion.

I can't leave him because I am unable to work and I would not be able to support my son on my own.

Wow, you are in a tough spot. Why don't you tell your husband that you need to be included in his life too. If he can't do it then make some friends of your own, or spend time together with your son' I hope this helps

Have you sat down with him and asked him why is doesnt spend time with you ? Seems like there is a huge lack of communication between you both

Have you filed for disability ? You would need your doctors backing this to really have a chance of being approved and it can be a long drawn out process for some people.

I am glad that you have friends that you can go to. Thats a huge plus .

I hope you will find a away to have a better relationship with your husband...

Do you have a Therapist? If not you need one to help you sort out what to do about your marriage.

I wish you the best

I talked to him and he thinks that when he sits and plays his video games all day that we ARE spending time together but usually I do something else while he plays or I just sleep. I have a therapist that I could bring this up with. Also I have applied for disability three times now, I am waiting to see if I get denied a third time, in which case I will be getting a lawyer, and even if it goes through the amount I get will probably not be enough to support my son and I on our own. And I don't want to just up and leave him. Ugh. I don't know how else to tell him he is pushing me out of his life. He came home for his lunch break and the first thing he did was jump on the computer to start playing Diablo or whatever its called. I'm just so tired of it. I spend more time with my best friend than I do with him.

Are you still in love with him ?

Yes. I don't know, actually. I always feel like I have to compete for his attention and I don't find that trait desirable. Sometimes I fear that I am going to cheat on him. I never would of course, but at night for whatever reason that worry hits me. We don't really connect anymore and we don't have a lot of things in common. We have very different tastes in music and movies. Art and playing guitar are HUGE parts of my life and he enjoys neither. I'm not allowed to go fishing with him and his family or play golf or go hunting. I still love him but I feel like so much has changed.

I go out to the bar at least twice a week after my husband gets off work and my son is in bed just because I get attention when I sing karaoke and people say I have a good singing voice. It's nice to be noticed there.

I had a talk with my close friend and I was surprised to hear that he thinks my husband treats me like **** and that I should at least consider a divorce... I didn't think things were that bad though. I don't know what to think or what to do. I wish I could afford marriage counseling right now! Would that help? Should I wait until our insurance starts and try that? I can't be on my own! Emotionally I cannot do it and I am unable to work to support my son so financially I can't do it either. I love my husband. I don't want to leave him. Is there any advice that you can give to help me out? I don't want to get too stressed because I will start seeing things again and end up in the hospital.

couples counseling was a godsend for me and the girlfriend. I understand it's hard being in a relationship with a bipolar person and there's times were I just don't care if I'm hurting her or not. It has helped me to try and understand her frustrations while giving us relationship techniques that help us with communication and compromising. It has been hard, but it seems to be helping us in the long run. So if your husband is willing to go through couples counseling with you, you should definitely give it a shot.

My husband and I often suffer from "Is it him or me?" family therapy helps figure out what is going on with our family. Therapy has truly saved our marriage even though we have a great marriage BP gets in the way some times.

I will have to give it a shot. His insurance could not kick in fast enough! I'm just so tired of being second to his video games. I'm tired of being told he's tired of my **** just because I ask him to drive when I have panic attacks. I'm tired of being talked to like I'm stupid. I'm just so fed up with him caring about everything else than me.

Marriage counseling will either help the marriage or it will make it clear that you are two different people and shouldn't be together .. If he's not willing to fight for your marriage then you have his answer.. So you can just stay in this situation as it is or you need to work on yourself and do what needs to be done to move on with your life with out him .

I am a "gaming widow". He's also a sailor, so we go long periods of time apart. It's hard but I knew that when we got back together. I miss him even when he's home. Fortunately, I know he loves me & he's wonderful with my kids, who are not even his.

How long have you been together? I'm assuming he was more attentive? I think lots of marriages fall out of the honeymoon stage. What did you enjoy together before? Can you do some of those things again?

How about a marriage retreat? Mini vacation? Marriage counseling is def a good idea.

I hope it gets better. I kinda know what it's like.

Best,

I say sit down with him and discuss exactly what his options are. Let him know you are thinking about leaving. Tell him you want some couples therapy. you two need to reconnect. I hope you find some help.

I will tell him that. I just don't feel happy anymore. Nothing has been the same since we lost the baby. Our relationship will never be the same. It will never feel perfect like it did before and I don't know how to fix that. and if it can't be fixed I will truly be lost because nobody else will want me with all my issues. I'll be alone forever.

We have only been married for three years now. We've only been together for 5 or 6. I don't remember what we did together before. He used to watch me and help me work on my art but he doesn't like that anymore. We used to take walks a lot. He never wants to do that. Sometimes we would go for a short drive around town and just talk but things are just so different now.

Don't think that way their are dating options available for anyone regardless of your diagnosis. There is a website for people with a mental illness. I met my wife on it 10 years ago. No Longer Lonely : Online Social Community for Adults with MentalIllness I hope things work out for you

Thanks for the link

I wanted to share with you all a pros poem I wrote after our loss, before I was diagnosed. I wrote this over two years ago.

As I grow more tired with each day, I know that you can see my mind splitting in half, dividing into sections that either define me or betray me. I know you hear me telling you that something is not right and that you can see that idea echoed through my eyes, ricocheting into my skull, becoming something demented in my mind. I know you can see it, but let’s just ignore all the issues. You are so ****ing good at that. You watch my mind melt behind my eyes, just a wasted, wilting candle, but you ask me what I’d like for dinner, because that, to you, is the most relevant thing at hand and you can’t bare to face the disorienting music. You’d rather watch me scream and throw our dead child’s crib about the room, as if it weighed only an ounce, with a strength that is not mine. You’d rather have me threaten you with hollow words, holding a gun to my temple, at least I thought I was, than make a simple phone call to the pastor, or the councelor, or anyone at all for that matter. You watch me struggle with not distinguishing between what I did yesterday and what I dreamed last night. It must be entertaining to watch my spirit break in half. I miss the day when I knew you loved me more than any other thing on the planet, but now there is another woman: her name is time. Her name is video games and pizza with beer. Her name is ‘we don’t have the money’ and ‘I’m not in the mood.’ Her name is ‘I’m too tired.’ Her name is a whisper of words you haven’t said yet…’I don’t care.’ Her name is a million things and there’s all these things, and there will always be so many things running ahead of me in your own personal race to death in a dead sprint to beat me to the finish line. You don’t seem concerned when I show up at home after walking around alone and crazed in the middle of the night and my face is streaked with blood. Or maybe it was just tears, I can no longer tell the difference. You said ‘it’s time for bed’ and that was it. There was no concern on your face or guilt in your heart. And you can’t see how messed up I’ve become, and you are blind to the fact that self-inflicted pain and bleeding is never a good sign. You don’t see the images I see like an infinite tape of my own true life horrors, of bleeding puddles in the ER, of a tiny fetus wrapped in plastic lying in the garbage. You can’t see it because you can’t feel it, either. I say ‘I don’t want to live anymore’ but you can’t seem to hear me. I want peace and I want sleep. I want to finally feel rested.

sorry for your loss