Not Sure About This

I started Topamax 7 days ago and it seems to be kicking in. Prior to that I was very up. I miss it. I was a machine at my job. In the world itself, I felt like I had a whip in my hand and could dominate everything (I'm submissive by nature). I felt impervious, invulnerable.

That's not my norm, although I'm good at my job. I miss it all. I don't want it to go away, even though it would have eventually. But I don't want it to never come back.

How do you deal with losing that?

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. As my husband says "Life around here is never dull."

Oh the sweet feelings of being manic!! I love that high so much. Its a drug. Its a natural drug. It feels so good until....the powder is gone. Yep I know it well.

How to deal with it? Well you sigh a little bit and except that this needed to happen for your safety and the safety of other people around you. Then in a day or so you will start looking back at some of the stuff and go "OMG did I really do that?" "I actually said that or thought that"? LOL Been there too.

In the mean time. Just take it one moment at a time.

i want the highs too! all the time!
this is what i was talking about elsewhere... do i really want stability?
ugh!
i donty know how to cope with losing that, im kind of in mourning about it too.

I love the highs like everyone as well. I've learned to be happy being depressed if that makes sense. Since after we've had the euporic mania, there's no middle, everything else is a low. Just enjoy it while it lasts, then through time you'll learn to be content without them. At least that's what I've done. Best of luck!

Thanks all!

See the thing is, technically I only have bipolar components, according to my doctors. I forget or am reluctant to tell them things. So in my mind I'm thinking I can get away with not being on the mood stabilizer.

And then I think about how I blew through 3/4 of my savings this summer. And I'm supposed to be saving up to move in with my boyfriend. So I'm trying to look at the negatives, but the euphoria is a very strong contender.

My therapist thinks I overspend when I'm depressed to make myself feel better. Or she'll say I'm reluctant to move out. But that's not it. I couldn't control myself. And I wasn't depressed. I shop less when I'm depressed.

Anyway, I think first I really need to start being more open with my doctors. But I am also really going to miss that feeling.

I wish I could just be a little above normal, yet not hypo manic, so I could function so much better.

Agreed. I feel like the Topamax has slowed me down to an uncomfortable level. I felt like I did nothing at work the other day compared to most days.

I fear that this will turn me into an echo of myself.

If you think the Topomax has you snowed under to much . Open up and be honest with your Pdoc and there are other medications that you can try that wont leave you feeling so low.

Good luck

Thank you.

I keep telling myself I'm just gonna give it a month, and if I'm still not happy with it then, I'll let my doctor know. I just don't want it to slow me down at work like I felt it did the other day. But it coulda been burnout. Been out for two days. So we'll see.

I am unmedicated, I was diagnosed bipolar II by three people and prescribed Lithium but I never took it. I saw a nutritionist and pursues other life style options. When I am doing it it works to reign me in a lot, but it is hard to maintain. For example, if my life structure gets topsy turvy I fall really far. I am saying all of this to say that one of the reasons I did not get on the meds was because of the feat that is being discussed here. I love being high! I don't have long depressive phases, but they are brutal and I am depersonalized or derealized a lot. I also lose touch at a certain point when I am high, make crazy plans that end up crashing and burning somewhere. Each time I think, man I should just go on meds, but I am scared to lose those highs. :-/
I feel ya...

Is there a way we can trigger the mania I really need to get things done. I quit my job and have left us in a really bad financial crisis. I need a bout of mania so I can get the confidence needed to get a job and feel like everything is going to be ok. I have a job interview today but I'm nervous as hell and thinking I'm not going to get it and how horrible it's going to be if I don't. I don't even have milk for my one year old.

I haven't been diagnosed bipolar but feel that I might be for a variety of reasons. My doctors say I have bipolar components (agitation and paranoia are the most pronounced as far as they know).

But I felt the Topamax slowed me down too much at work last week. I skipped it today. I should give it a good, honest shot because I have to be honest -- I didn't blow through 3/4 of my savings this summer solely out of depression. I'd have felt way too guilty/not had the motivation to spend that much money. And I live at home and don't pay rent so . . . I really need to figure something out to get that sort of behavior under control. I'm supposed to be saving up to move in with my boyfriend. I was honest with him and told him about it.

That slowed down side effect goes away for some. I'm just used to being a machine when I'm working. I hate stuttering along. I have to give it a few more weeks, I'm just experiencing a dilemma over it.

I here you. Hang in there. Let me know how it goes!

Thanks! And I will!