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#1
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I started Topamax 7 days ago and it seems to be kicking in. Prior to that I was very up. I miss it. I was a machine at my job. In the world itself, I felt like I had a whip in my hand and could dominate everything (I'm submissive by nature). I felt impervious, invulnerable.
That's not my norm, although I'm good at my job. I miss it all. I don't want it to go away, even though it would have eventually. But I don't want it to never come back. How do you deal with losing that?
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() Last edited by Velouria; Sep 13, 2014 at 09:37 PM. |
#2
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Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. As my husband says "Life around here is never dull."
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Lamictal Rexulti Wellbutrin Xanax XR .5 Xanax .25 as needed |
#3
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Oh the sweet feelings of being manic!! I love that high so much. Its a drug. Its a natural drug. It feels so good until....the powder is gone. Yep I know it well.
How to deal with it? Well you sigh a little bit and except that this needed to happen for your safety and the safety of other people around you. Then in a day or so you will start looking back at some of the stuff and go "OMG did I really do that?" "I actually said that or thought that"? LOL Been there too. In the mean time. Just take it one moment at a time. ![]()
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I asked God to keep me safe from my enemies, now half my friends are gone. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Bipolar I MDD -------------------------------------------------------------------- Lamictal-100mg Effexor-225mg Trazodone-100mg propranolol 80mg |
#4
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i want the highs too! all the time!
this is what i was talking about elsewhere... do i really want stability? ugh! i donty know how to cope with losing that, im kind of in mourning about it too. |
#5
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Quote:
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#6
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Thanks all!
See the thing is, technically I only have bipolar components, according to my doctors. I forget or am reluctant to tell them things. So in my mind I'm thinking I can get away with not being on the mood stabilizer. And then I think about how I blew through 3/4 of my savings this summer. And I'm supposed to be saving up to move in with my boyfriend. So I'm trying to look at the negatives, but the euphoria is a very strong contender. My therapist thinks I overspend when I'm depressed to make myself feel better. Or she'll say I'm reluctant to move out. But that's not it. I couldn't control myself. And I wasn't depressed. I shop less when I'm depressed. Anyway, I think first I really need to start being more open with my doctors. But I am also really going to miss that feeling.
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() |
#7
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I wish I could just be a little above normal, yet not hypo manic, so I could function so much better.
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#8
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Agreed. I feel like the Topamax has slowed me down to an uncomfortable level. I felt like I did nothing at work the other day compared to most days.
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() |
#9
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I fear that this will turn me into an echo of myself.
__________________
"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() |
#10
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If you think the Topomax has you snowed under to much . Open up and be honest with your Pdoc and there are other medications that you can try that wont leave you feeling so low.
Good luck ![]()
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
#11
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![]() I keep telling myself I'm just gonna give it a month, and if I'm still not happy with it then, I'll let my doctor know. I just don't want it to slow me down at work like I felt it did the other day. But it coulda been burnout. Been out for two days. So we'll see.
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() |
#12
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I am unmedicated, I was diagnosed bipolar II by three people and prescribed Lithium but I never took it. I saw a nutritionist and pursues other life style options. When I am doing it it works to reign me in a lot, but it is hard to maintain. For example, if my life structure gets topsy turvy I fall really far. I am saying all of this to say that one of the reasons I did not get on the meds was because of the feat that is being discussed here. I love being high! I don't have long depressive phases, but they are brutal and I am depersonalized or derealized a lot. I also lose touch at a certain point when I am high, make crazy plans that end up crashing and burning somewhere. Each time I think, man I should just go on meds, but I am scared to lose those highs. :-/
I feel ya...
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Whether you are a big deal or a small deal, there is always some kind of a deal going on. - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche |
#13
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Is there a way we can trigger the mania I really need to get things done. I quit my job and have left us in a really bad financial crisis. I need a bout of mania so I can get the confidence needed to get a job and feel like everything is going to be ok. I have a job interview today but I'm nervous as hell and thinking I'm not going to get it and how horrible it's going to be if I don't. I don't even have milk for my one year old.
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#14
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But I felt the Topamax slowed me down too much at work last week. I skipped it today. I should give it a good, honest shot because I have to be honest -- I didn't blow through 3/4 of my savings this summer solely out of depression. I'd have felt way too guilty/not had the motivation to spend that much money. And I live at home and don't pay rent so . . . I really need to figure something out to get that sort of behavior under control. I'm supposed to be saving up to move in with my boyfriend. I was honest with him and told him about it. That slowed down side effect goes away for some. I'm just used to being a machine when I'm working. I hate stuttering along. I have to give it a few more weeks, I'm just experiencing a dilemma over it.
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() |
#15
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Quote:
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Whether you are a big deal or a small deal, there is always some kind of a deal going on. - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche |
#16
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Thanks! And I will!
__________________
"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression. Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type). Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD. Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety. Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out. MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . . Well, at least I still have my sense of humor. ![]() |
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