[ozzy1313]

Once again I am starting to think my problem isn't a mental illness- I just suck as a human. I am so wrapped up in my own mind that I am terribly selfish and find it so hard to reach out to people. I have zero sex drive, and haven't for so many years- my husband isn't happy with it and I'm about to tell him it's fine if he just gets it elsewhere. I don't even care anymore. As far as sex- it just seems too intimate- I don't want anyone touching me.

I have no interest in my kids lives and lately have been working more nights just so I don't have to be home because I feel like I am a negative force in the house.

I have fooled around with other married men and my main concern is if people found out my life as I know it would be ruined (he is my manager). I do awful things and then punish myself for doing them.

I sometimes feel like I have no soul- I'm just empty inside. And I fear that this is just me. This is how I am. It's like I have no feelings.

Hello Ozzy: Your post was of interest to me because I often feel the same way about myself. I sometimes think of myself as being a defective product on an assembly line... kind-of like what we refer to in automobiles as a "lemon". I was just put together wrong to begin with & there's just no way to fix the problem. Unfortunately, the quality control inspector was in the "can" when I passed by the inspection station. So I ended up getting "shipped out" along with the good product...

I've read a few books with regard to Borderline Personality Disorder & I'm personally convinced, when I was younger, I could have been diagnosed with BPD. Now that I'm older, however, my condition has simply deteriorated into a long-standing major depression & generalized anxiety disorder, along with an overlay of Gender Identity Disorder.

I know I have no soul. The center of my being is similar to the center of the Milky Way galaxy. At the center is a Black Hole... Supposedly nothing that falls into it can escape from a Black Hole. So eventually I'll be sucked down into oblivion. I'll just fade away like the Cheshire Cat, leaving nothing behind but my grimace... ()

[Justugh]

well see what u just said proves u have a soul ..............u hurt from the actions

someone with no soul would not care .......and done alot worst (blackmail robbery tieing the guy up and taken photos then walk away leaving him there) that is evil stuff ............u feel bad about what little things u did u got a soul

and as for worring about him saying anything well he can not he would lose his job .........the sheer fact u work under him makes it a no no in most place (opens up the place to lawsuits) so they would can his *** in a sec ....then when ever he tried to get a new job and they contacted the old one they would tell them why was let go unless they sign a contract no to talk about it from some kind of settlement .........he will lose more then u .......so that fear should be less then u have

the rest of it ........lady u should really see a doctor and talk with them ..........if this is something u do not want the family to know about until u are little stable and able to handle it then tell them u are signing up for a Yoga class and use that time to go and see the doctors

once u feel up to it sit your guy down and tell him whatz going on ..........u guys got kids and he has stuck around with no sex so u know he loves u .........odds are he is hurting too because u are and has no idea what to do to fix it (guys are fixers and we can not do anything to help we freak out little)

[Blitter2014]

I asked my Pdoc about Borderline Personality Disorder only a couple of months ago. His questions and what you have described are along the same lines. Not to say that is what you have, but I would certainly be talking to your Pdoc about what you are experiencing and see what help is available.

The fact that you are posting on here and looking for answers to me indicates that you want this situation to change, and are looking for answers, which in itself shows you are not a bad person.

[Victoria'smom]

A lot of this could be aggravated depression. I know when I'm agitated I want nothing to do with my family or sex, unless it's a means to intentionally physically hurt the person. I often wish my husband's meds killed his sex drive. It's good that you found a temporary solution to keep your kids from your negative mood. but it's a temporary solution. I don't believe in souls but you obviously care or you wouldn't be concerned. Are you in therapy? Have you talked to your therapist?

BPD criteria

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, promiscuous sex, eating disorders, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

[Trippin2.0]

If you have zero sex drive, have had zero for years now and cannot stand anyone touching you, what kind of fooling around with your manager can you possibly be getting up to?


Emotional affairs hurt too, but I'm sure a marriage has better chance of surviving one of those as opposed to a sexual affair...



Just curious and confused, I don't mean to pry:0


You're not bad at being human or soul less, you wouldn't be posting if you were.


I think you've gotten some good suggestions, self-care and learning to love yourself again, may just be what you need in order to engage with your family once again.

[Bipolartist]

I can relate to your post and all of the responses. Until I read through it, I was thinking I too have no soul. I'm an awful person. But then I realized - and you should too - that reaching out for help is proof that we are troubled by our behavior and thoughts. Feeling guilty and worried and then expressing this to others and asking for help, like in this community, are all signs of having a soul. We just all need some help sorting through these things. I hope you find some peace.

[Curious651]

Been here a week ago. Sorry for your thoughts and the space you are in. Struggled with similar thought in post week ago. Told that I was in bad place and it will pass. Guess what? They were right! Hang in there.

A lot of time, the BP illness itself will create many feelings or self doubt within someone. I deal with them daily myself. A lot of times, whether we want to believe it or not, the disease drives people to do some pretty outrageous things. But in the end a lot of it can be track down to the illness itself. I've been through a lot in my life, a lot of it through fault of my own, and I know a lot of things I have done and said aren't fully me. Even if its not bipolar causing your actions, I can still guarantee it is not because you are an awful person.