I fought being diagnosed for yrs. I was on sleep meds and was like, I want sleep it can't be bp. Then I went into a a psychosis and ended up in the hospital bc I hadn't eaten or slept for 5 days. In the hospital they were like bp 1. I was like I need evidence. So I took 4 different tests. They came out bp 1 with PTSD.

I don't find anything cool or glamorous about having bp. If anything I think it's not cool and not glamorous. Now I'm on these meds and gaining weight. It completely sucks. And I need to be on these meds especially for sleep bc I just got out of the hospital a few days ago bc I was barely sleeping. Found out it was a combination of bp and sleep apnea. So until I get that all figured out I'm gonna still just going to be getting minimal amount of sleep.

My life completely sucks right now.

I mean I do love the hypo part. I wish there was a pill to take to bring it on, but since going into that psychosis my hypos turn on me and I end up in a bad mania. My family says though that always happened I think I'm just more aware of it.

But even in my hypos, I start lots of projects but never finish them. Idk this lack of sleep is making me so angry. And I have a month and a half until the sleep study. This sucks!!

[~Christina]

I'm sorry your going through all of this , I can relate. If you start gaining weight talk to your Pdoc there are weight neutral option that can be tried.

One thing to try and remember and yes I know its hard but Bipolar always cycles always.. You will cycle out of this.

Who scheduled your Sleep study ? The hospital or your Pdoc or PCP... You may want then to call and try to get you sooner.

Keep posting here

[DelusionsDaily]

Sunshine1995: hope things get better for you. I understand not finding bp cool or glamorous. Neither do I.

[Mountainbard]

Hi sunshine, bp definitely isn't cool or glamorous. Like you I was unaware of my hypomanic episodes for a long time. And like you I've got sleep apnea, which is another kind of misery altogether. As Christina said, hold onto the fact that you will cycle out of this. And with the right meds and a little luck, you'll get stable, and find that life doesn't suck at all at that point.

all the best,
Randy

[MotownJohnny]

Well, please forgive me for intruding in the Bipolar forum, I lurk because I was diagnosed as BP II a couple of years ago, then it was changed to PTSD, but I wonder from time to time.

It's only cool and hip and glamorous if you're Katherine Zeta Jones or Billy Joe Armstrong (of Green Day). If you can afford a treatment facility that is like a 5 star hotel, and you have the press fawning over you, and you pop up on the cover of People before you go back to your multi-million dollar life.

The reality for average people seems to be it's Hell, all the way around, emotionally, socially, financially, career-wise. It's SO hip and glamorous to have something that let's them lock you up in restraints like a criminal.

[BipolaRNurse]

Somehow, I don't think either CZJ or Billy Joe Armstrong thinks bipolar is cool and glamorous. They merely have more money and better access to treatment. But in the dark of night when bad thoughts creep in and sleep doesn't come, they're no different from the average BP.

[MotownJohnny]

Probably true. But they have support and admiration of fans . The average person gets scorn, ridicule, lack of understanding.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Agreed. There is nothing "cool" or "glamorous" about having bipolar.

[Pikku Myy]

No. I don't either, but that is the way I am. Realized I can't help it and accepted the fact. Hugs

[loophole]

I can totally relate about bipolar doesn't equal awesome... in fact it annoys the living crap out of me when it seems like people boast about being bipolar... I don't know to me it's like I saying I got aids man I'm so awesome/cool... just a rant of mine... having bipolar has basically made my life a living hell.. in fact I felt the best ever unmedicated. . Unfortunately I was ruining life for everyone else... got kids and a wife now... so now it's not all about me.. which is hard to swallow cause in all honesty I'd rather be selfish.. but anyway.... I can relate

[Curious651]

I can't believe anyone would think this is cool or anything, but crap. I know that for me I typically go from depressed to further depression, to more depression. When a manic stage does come it is like a huge freakin weight off and I can finally see the sun. I embrace this time knowing it will be gone soon enough. I also accept who I am and the cycles I go through. Unfortunately I cannot change that. If I could be freakin normal, I would take that faster then hell. All I can do is realize I will have bad days, months, and feel freakin suicidal at times. So if I can be happy once in a freak while, I am going to embrace it. Sorry, starting to feel some sort of way.

[Crazy Hitch]

Totally agreed. My mania has never ever been cool or glamorous- it's always been turmoil and hell.

And the added bonus of depression. What a joy. Not.

I do sometimes look at "successful" BP people and think why not me? But we never knows what goes on behind closed doors. Robin Williams. Enough said.

[Honeydew1]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I'm sorry your going through all of this , I can relate. If you start gaining weight talk to your Pdoc there are weight neutral option that can be tried.

One thing to try and remember and yes I know its hard but Bipolar always cycles always.. You will cycle out of this.

Who scheduled your Sleep study ? The hospital or your Pdoc or PCP... You may want then to call and try to get you sooner.

Keep posting here

Great advice! We always cycle out. Just hard for me bc I make a lot of commitments when I'm up or tell people things that I get embarrassed about when I'm down.

[venusss]

BP is not cool and glamorous.

But I am And bp just happens to be a part of me.

[Tucson]

I have too many responsibilities in my life for it to be upset by my affective disorder. I see Bipolar at a minimum a nuisance and at the worst potentially devastating. I cannot take too seriously a person who thinks their mood swings are a good and exciting part of their life. I would not even want to be just manic.

[koshrov]

You're situation is very similar to mine. I've had chronic insomnia and sleep apnea for most of my life so I refused treatment for psych issues because I attributed everything to insomnia. I told my doctors that all I needed was sleep. I managed without meds for a while but eventually my sleep deprivation, stress, and who knows what else got to me and I had a horrible episode that landed me in and out of the hospital over the course of a year.

I also hate the meds as they have caused weight gain and other side effects for me too. All I know is I can't afford jail time or another hospitalization so my goal is to be stable on as little medication as possible. You're right, BP is not cool or glamorous. Hollywood makes it seem as such but the fact is, people with this disease often suffer miserably. I hope you resolve your insomnia. I'd like to recommend a book to you that has helped me; Say Goodnight to Insomnia by Dr. Gregg D. Jacobs. Good luck to you.

Thanks everyone.

I'm doing much better, finally sleeping. And I held on Christina to that part that u said that I will cycle out of it. Whew, that was hell and again thanks everyone for your support.

[jack123]

I just live with it because I can't change it. Have lost everything at this point and now have to pick myself up and find a way to start over. I know it won't be easy but I can't just sit here and rot. No I do not feel glamorous

[Curious651]

this is second time I read this thread. This is the last time. I don't mean to be a jerk or anything, but for some reason I read the posts and I go ballistic!!! Go from good mood to anger, rage, depression, huuuuh! Thought if I would try it again I would feel or do something different. Sorry I am Nuts!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Curious651

this is second time I read this thread. This is the last time. I don't mean to be a jerk or anything, but for some reason I read the posts and I go ballistic!!! Go from good mood to anger, rage, depression, huuuuh! Thought if I would try it again I would feel or do something different. Sorry I am Nuts!

There is something in this thread that is a trigger for you. Your not a nut !... I always say be safe and take care of yourself. If you start reading something and it upsets you just stop reading right there get out of it and dont revisit the thread.

[Katieissweet]

You should see a shaman he would help direct those high energies(hypos) to their correct source.

I use to be what could be described as bi polar,huge grand creative bursts and excitements then coma like depressions but I haven't had it for four years now.
No medication or anything.

In traditional cultures they say a dead warrior has inhabited you that causes the depression or in ancient cultures that the gods have given you a divine spark that causes the creative surges.

You have to understand the DSM is written by a bunch of old rich white men Who have never experienced it,who don't believe they have souls and who are pretty limited in their life experiences,it's not the gospel.

Originally Posted by sunshine1995

I mean I do love the hypo part. I wish there was a pill to take to bring it on, but since going into that psychosis my hypos turn on me and I end up in a bad mania. My family says though that always happened I think I'm just more aware of it.

But even in my hypos, I start lots of projects but never finish them. Idk this lack of sleep is making me so angry. And I have a month and a half until the sleep study. This sucks!!

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

You should see a shaman he would help direct those high energies(hypos) to their correct source.

I use to be what could be described as bi polar,huge grand creative bursts and excitements then coma like depressions but I haven't had it for four years now.
No medication or anything.

In traditional cultures they say a dead warrior has inhabited you that causes the depression or in ancient cultures that the gods have given you a divine spark that causes the creative surges.

You have to understand the DSM is written by a bunch of old rich white men Who have never experienced it,who don't believe they have souls and who are pretty limited in their life experiences,it's not the gospel.

Thanks for that, interesting take....

[newtothis31]

Hi Sunshine- This is my first time reading your thread. I want to share that I sympathize with you. I had similar circumstances to you (no sleep for three weeks- had a psychotic episode) and ended up inpatient for six weeks, then OP for 1.5 months. When I was diagnosed, I was on Olanzapine which caused me to gain about 20 lbs.

Not that weight is everything- but I was able to stabilize six months later and got off the AP. Since then, I've lost the weight that I gained on Olanzapine. I hope that you realize that recovery (especially after a psychotic episode) is a long-term process; it won't happen overnight but it will happen if you continue to work at it.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

You should see a shaman he would help direct those high energies(hypos) to their correct source.

I use to be what could be described as bi polar,huge grand creative bursts and excitements then coma like depressions but I haven't had it for four years now.
No medication or anything.

In traditional cultures they say a dead warrior has inhabited you that causes the depression or in ancient cultures that the gods have given you a divine spark that causes the creative surges.

You have to understand the DSM is written by a bunch of old rich white men Who have never experienced it,who don't believe they have souls and who are pretty limited in their life experiences,it's not the gospel.

that.... actually makes a lot of sense.