...Deep Breaths

I think my husband is going to cheat on me. I think he already has in his heart. He has been so cold to me lately and today he was "stuck in traffic" for a strange amount of time . I was so resolved earlier that he is going to cheat, I was ready to pack up my kids and leave. If I bring it up to him, he will just be condescding and tell me I am delusional. I know I'm not... It makes me furious and sad. I am so flipping insane. I know I'm now being cold to him but rightfully so. Earlier he asked me if I was mad and I wryly said no. Then he told me I had the best poker face he'd ever seen. I'm afraid of what this will do to my happy family. Am I a ridiculous person?

Well there definitely must be something going on there (not necessarily an affair) to conjure up your suspicions about this.

Maybe you're going through a bit of strain in your relationship or your feelings have changed and everytime he does something, no matter how small, alarm bells ring in your head, furthering the cycle that you believe he's being unfaithful.

You're not ridiculous but it sounds as if some counseling is in order, for you, and then maybe couples therapy.

Please don't leave on a whim with your kids because you are suspicious that he may be thinking he might have an affair.

You only move to plan B if you have PROOF - not suspicion - that he's been unfaithful.

Be well.

My ex wife and I had a rough time together. I thought of cheating on my wife during our marriage. But I never did cheat on her.

You really need to talk to your husband. He's been aggravated with you for about a week but remember you're manic. You guys need a therapist to help.

I think being unstable might be driving a lot of this thinking..Try not to make important decisions right now.

When do you see your Pdoc or T next????

You need an independent third party to discuss this with. Ideally a mutual friend who knows your situation well enough to be able to tell you if what you suspect seems likely from their point of view.

Darvula

I need to fly... I need to fly.

I am RAGING mad and I cannot handle stress.

Cashart I really wish you would reach out to your Pdoc and T for help .

Your kids need you to be healthy for them.

Stay safe

i don't know what is going on, but I do notice that your post do not seem to match your mood. If you're in mixed or particular cycle, you may be jumping to thoughts. I know my thoughts race and change from minute to minute at times. This could be what is going on. If your not willing to see someone, perhaps at least an open conversation without yelling or blaming would help. Sitting down and stating what you're thinking and how it is affecting you. That is different then blaming and accussing him of something he may not be doing. Please be patient and open. Sometimes when I am in that mood I am shut down and not hearing a thing. Be thinking of ya

Thank you all for your responses. When I said I was raging mad, I was not referring to my husband, I was just speaking of in general. Earlier when I was driving on the expressway, I was so enveloped in a song, I swerved in the other lane, this on top of speeding. The sound of the wind shield wipers was piercing enough to make my ears bleed. But, that song, Willie Nelson's"Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain" was enough to take my mind away from this this world: love is like a dying ember, only memories remain. But, my kids were in the back seat and they had to listen to their zoned out mom blare Willie. At least it was far from the anger I felt towards them earlier...thank God I didn't show it. I love them so much. As for my husband, I love him very much also and we don't even fight...like I mentioned, with his wry comments and my being a little off, I am believing very bad things. I talked to my mom and she reassured me (alluded that my thoughts are in left field) that he is not cheating. Then, tonight, he went out to eat with his friend Travis. I am trying to hold down my anger...I am trying very hard to be reasonable...but, I just want to take an hour long shower and blast beautiful music into my ears. I want to blast passionate music that will take my mind so flipping high, I won't feel anything but pleasure and this rage will fall off my shoulders.

Sorry to keep blowing up this post but I need to! I just heard my hubs, who is working late, pull into the driveway and jiggle the keys to get into the door. When I got up, he wasn't there. I am terrified someone is hiding in the basement and going to kill us. My hubs is on his way home and can't get here fast enough. I am afraid I may actually pull out my hair.

Cashart, I have not read your other posts, but simply based on this one, yes, you do appear delusional. Note that when a person is delusional, she does not always realize that she is - that is the trickiest part of psychotic ideation.

Let us look at what you said.

He is cold.

You attribute his coldness towards you to his either having been unfaithful already or plotting to commit an act of infidelity.

So in your mind, if spouse A is cold, it makes sense for spouse B to suspect that spouse A is unfaithful.

OK, let us go on:

you are being cold to him
you know you are being cold to him
you feel justified in being cold to him

But wait, are you unfaithful to him?
Because earlier, you interpreted coldness as a sign of his being unfaithful to you. So, it must follow that you are unfaithful to him. But you are not - that you know. So, the logic is sick here.

I hope you can see that.

It seems that other people who have responded on your thread know your situation a little better and that you are basically manic. I am just analyzing the post as a stand-alone piece of information.

Because it seems that yes, you have irritable mania, and yes, you have delusions, and because it is known that manic people tend towards impulsivity, your current state is a recipe for disaster unless you acknowledge where you are and seek help. Do not make any far reaching plans at all - wait until you are through this phase.

Hire a private investigator. My dad is a PI and I help him out from time to time.

80% of the time when hes hired by the wife, the guy is cheating.
20% of the time when hes hired by the husband, the woman is cheating.

I do not think that this family needs a 3rd party investigator on top of what they are already dealing with - a manic mother speeding on an expressway with children in the car. The only 3rd parties they need presently are mental health professionals...

Your right i didnt read everything

I flat out asked my husband if he is going to cheat on me last night. He said no. This led to a very, very ugly conversation. I am switching back to my old doctor next month because my current doctor is relocating to an hour away. He said "I hope Dr. can friggin work miracles." He also said **** *** to me which he has never in our 11 year relationship said anything close to that. He said I've been sick for two years straight now and that would wear on anyone. He said he doesn't know what he will do if I don't change. . I wish he would tell me how he REALLY feels. Now off to shower for the first time in four days since I couldn't take one last night. YUCK!

((hug))zz...good luck.

Thank you. I am not thinking clearly, I think but I cannot work out that these things are false.

((HUG))z Hope all works out!

Cashart, I think he did tell you how he REALLY feels, and was honest with that. He is very clear and you know it - you know that he is at the end of his rope because he cursed for the first time in 11 years. He also says that things have worn on him, which seems totally believable, and that he does not know what he will do if the madness continues, and that he does not know what to do is consistent with his saying that this has been going on for two years non-stop; it is also consistent with his cursing for the first time. So he is not playing games with you nor is he trying to trick or deceive you - he is being open, honest, and authentic in what he says. You think the conversation was very ugly; I think it was very helpful in that it confirmed that he wants to stay with you but does not know if he could persevere for much longer. Nothing ugly - it is a call for action. What do you mean by saying that you are switching to your old dr. in a MONTH? Do you mean that you tried to get an earlier appointment with the old dr but could not because the dr. is booked? Or is because the current dr. is relocating in a month? Because if you can help it, you must see the old dr NOW. And tell him what you H said yesterday, so that the dr. would appreciate the sense of urgency. If the current dr. is relocating, there is no sense in seeing that dr for another month - whoever is going to be your dr. in the near future must see you NOW. Ideally you should be inpatient until the mania subsides, but if that is not feasible due to the children, you should be seeing a psychiatrist regularly. When is your next appointment? which dr. will see you at that appointment? Do you have Zyprexa on hand? What has most helped you in the past?

My current doctor is seeing me until she relocates. I see her in two weeks. I have not taken zyprexa in years because of the side effects but I am taking two different anti-psychotics. As for my husband and I, I understand what he is saying but not the logic. We have always had a VERY strong marriage, I've put up with a lot too. But our love and our commitment has overcome the obstacles. I know I am not making sense planning to take the kids and leave but I could really do it. It makes sense in my head. And now I have major anxiety over these posts. What if my husband finds these and reads them. Would he ever be violent with me? I don't think so. Or, what if my psychiatrist comes looking for me on the web and finds me and thinks I am totally insane. I'm going to have
a nervous breakdown again. I cannot afford anymore time in the hospital.

Your husband does not sound like somebody capable of violence. Plus, he already knows everything - there would not be new information for him. Pretty much same for the psychiatrist. I think it is delusional thinking speaking - in reality, the psychiatrist has neither time nor inclination nor curiosity to come look for you on the web.

You are not totally insane - you are making sense and your sentences are perfectly coherent and well-formed, but you do exhibit delusional, paranoid thinking.

That you do not think that the husband would be violent shows that you are not totally insane.

Apparently Abilify is not working for you, because your dose is huge and still, psychotic ideation is present. Except for Klonopin, all your meds are given to you at really high doses. Maybe the new pdoc can review that - maybe you need different meds at lower doses instead.