My therapist tricked me

Went in today crying and feeling very hopeless. This depression keeps coming over me in horrible, hopeless, unrelenting waves. She basically was saying how there is no fix, there is nothing that will make these waves stop for good. There is dbt, therapy, medication all of which I do, yet the depression still comes and drowns me.

She then asked if I had pictures of the recent painting and remodeling I had been doing. I showed her the chairs I re-covered and she asked about the process. We talked about paint colors, and before I realized it I was talking and laughing and wasn't crying anymore. I realized what she had done, and I said- this is what I am going to have to do for the rest of my life, isn't it. And she said yes.

I understand life is not a piece of cake for most people, but it is very hard to accept that I am going to have these struggles forever. I cry a lot. I feel hopeless A LOT. But then I talk about about something as mundane as paint and I am able to get out of my head for a few minutes. And then there is a glimmer of hope

This part really describes my current mindset. I just cannot accept that this pain hurts so bad. I've been hit so hard with the depression this time that I've lost my faith in this world.
Life was not always easy, but suffering on this level just isn't humane. I hate when people tell me I need to "get out" more. Do they not think I realize that simple fact?

7 weeks ago I forced myself to pull my car off the interstate and call my husband and folks for help. I was going to drive my car into a pole at 65mph.

I am not there right now, but heading that way. This pain is awful. "normal" people don't understand. The horrible hopeless feelings are feelings they don't understand.

I am so sorry you feel this way... And i get that normal people dont understand. They really dont.

wanting to drive into on coming traffic was what turned me to a pdoc... better idea I think..

I've actually cleaned and done stuff since I got home from the therapist. Her distraction did help- I need to stop thinking about how this is how I will be for the rest of my life and try to focus on this day.

Yes. Keep using this technique to distract you. Depression tricks us into thinking it's going to last forever.

I remind myself every person on the planet has a recurring struggle they will have to cope with their entire life , so it's not just a mental health issue.

Im glad you were able to see things in a clearer picture.

I often have to use techniques that distract me. Sometimes the depression takes over though. I do understand your pain

See yeah I get you. Going out can actually occasionally complicate things. I had a close call recently too. Closed my eyes, felt a massive surge of adrenaline, got shivers all over my body and nearly took that step. A good sign I stopped myself I suppose, but it was a very close call. Back at work next week too. And it almost happens whenever I'm on my way to/from work.

Outside is often a risk. I feel much safer indoors, at home.

Focus on those tiny things that bring you happiness. It seems to be working

Just remember that it cant last forever all day everyday. I like to think one minute at a time and visualize a happy calming picture in my mind. I know with my bp1 before my meds...it seemed hopeless. all is not lost and what goes down must come back up

What it is about driving- the urges had been there for a few weeks and I imagined senarios- never wanted to die- just be in the hospital for a bit to take a break from the world. That day was really scary though. It's been about 19 years since I was that close. I suppose from now on when the thoughts of driving off the road start again I should do something right away. The people in my life would let me stop and take a break and re-group. It is just SO HARD to ask for help when you need it bc it's then that you don't want it.