[earthangel1]

I was a straight A student in high school, everybody came to me with homework help. I was a star. I had high hopes of getting into a good college and being a veterinarian. When I was 17, I started getting hit with bipolar disorder and by 18 I had dropped out of school. I am 21 now and can't even hold down a job. It's hard to understand how such a debilitation disease can change your life forever. I am starting to have no hope. I want to go back to a community college but I don't think I could even finish that. Has anyone had the same experience?

[ThunderGoddess]

I was a cheerleader straight A student had tons of friends and loved doing school work and being part of school but around the age of 16-17 that all changed dramatically and I am now 28 I'm a total loner and play video games I work 2 days a week BUT I have an amazing supportive boyfriend who drags me out here and there and respects when I'm feeling anti social and let's me stay home. Yes my life did turn around the opposite way but I'm just as happy and I read and teach myself as much as I would learn in school so it is all what you can make of it I know it's scary and a bit shocking to feel the changes at first but honestly you get used to living with it or you get meds.

[earthangel1]

I've been learning that it can be a gift and I had no creativity before I had bipolar and bipolar has actually made me more social. I was afraid of people most of high school until I got bipolar. The thing with me is, I didn't start taking medication until about this time last year so I really have no experience with feeling totally better. My first psychiatrist gave me a lot of drugs and it really did help, but when I moved, my new psychiatrist made me get off most of them because she was worried about my health.

[ThunderGoddess]

I think it is a gift because it makes you creative when your manic it makes you a social butterfly then when your depressed it's amazing how you hate yourself but care so much about others because you know how low, low can feel. It's like saying it's a blessing and a burden. If your feeling worse being off certain meds I would definitely bring that up to your psychatrist and if they aren't willing to help figure out the proper meds try to find a different doctor if possible because you know yourself best and what is working for you or not.

[Gray Rider]

I'm on the verge of losing a solid career over it
So I can relate.

[Nevvy]

I have a similar story.

I had a bit of a dark period during high school (had a traumatic experience and the world was against me). I ended up going to vocational school and finished with a certification in web design and a GED (because I basically dropped high school for vocational school).

After that I had really simple jobs (housekeeper, working food prep in a cafe, dishwasher, etc) and I couldn't hold any of them down. I didn't have the energy to do it, and snapped at everyone who spoke against me. I hated myself for it, and was constantly calling my partner crying because I just couldn't do it.

Fast forward a few years later when I try college (when I was diagnosed). The first semester was (mostly) fine and then the second semester rolled around. Had a breakdown before exams and didn't know what was going on with me, panic attacks, in bed for days, living off of my Valium to just function in the outside world. I managed to finish my first year (barely) and moved onto my second year. Second year (when I was finally diagnosed), can't do anything really, forcing myself to do the group assignments but cannot get myself to go to class 3/5 days.

I am now busy trying to get into a new college, because the one I am in now just doesn't work (in an honors program) and the harm is outweighing the good it seems. I am hoping the new college can work out for me, but I am constantly doubting whether I can do it. I am afraid of the future, because I know how I am right now, and if I can somehow get relief soon.

I know how you feel, and I wish I could say I could help, but the most I can do is say that I understand, and you are not alone

I can sort of relate. I am an attorney but I'm looking for a job as a paralegal because there's no way I could handle the stress of working as an attorney now. I've been struggling with bipolar depression for more than a year now.

You're still very young and you don't know what the course of your illness will be, so try not to lose hope.

[sorand0m]

Same here.

Qualified network infrastructure engineer and had a great job that paid fantastic and I loved to do.

Bipolar kicked in and I sunk deep down. Lost my job, home, everything.

Don't really have much left to lose anymore. Bipolar can't take more than I have to lose.

[Gray Rider]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I can sort of relate. I am an attorney but I'm looking for a job as a paralegal because there's no way I could handle the stress of working as an attorney now. I've been struggling with bipolar depression for more than a year now.

You're still very young and you don't know what the course of your illness will be, so try not to lose hope.

Just curious, what symptoms from the stress do you get?
For me anxiety hits first.

I made it through college and started my career as an Auditor, then 3 yrs later had a baby.
Decided to stay home. I tried to go back for a few weeks because I couldn't handle the stress. Popped out two more babies, then BAM! I went officially crazy. But we kept it all a secret.

I felt like such a good parent with the first two kids and had hope that I could return to my career once they were a little older.

Now I can't even make friends with moms. I have a hard time talking to teachers. I'm a loner mom with kids. I can't handle the stress of conversations with people besides husband and kids without over analyzing and becoming depressed. Therefore, I avoid them. I avoid triggers so I can be a better mom for my kids. I've even talked my husband into moving to the country so I won't have to talk to neighbors either. Who knows what other people think of me since they don't know the truth!

I'm not the outgoing and fun mother I always thought I would be and I doubt I will never be able to hold a job again with my anxiety and depressive tendencies. Too much rides on me avoiding triggers so I that can pretend to be someone without issues! I just have a lot of "migraines."


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by sorand0m

Same here.

Qualified network infrastructure engineer and had a great job that paid fantastic and I loved to do.

Bipolar kicked in and I sunk deep down. Lost my job, home, everything.

Don't really have much left to lose anymore. Bipolar can't take more than I have to lose.

I was a successful nurse/administrator when the fecal matter collided with the rotary ventilation system a few years ago. I too lost it all---my job, my social status, my home---and I know my life will never be the same again. All I can do now is to try to rebuild my life on a smaller scale, because I know I can't handle the stressors inherent in my former occupation. And what I can do mentally, I can't do physically (which is why I applied for SSDI). I am also 56 years old and nobody wants to hire late-middle-aged people these days, let alone someone with the baggage I have. So I keep my expectations low, and try my best to live in peace with what's happened.

[Simakitten]

I'm a lot older than you, but I too feel that my illness destroyed any hope for attaining the goals that I had when the illness came on. (Btw, I was dx'd as BP, but then a new pdoc dx'd schizoaffective disorder, though there's a fine line between the two, anyway). I was in my third year of a PhD program in education -- had been doing extremely well as the first student in 100 years to receive an Honors score on my prelim exam at a prestigious university. Then in 1993, all the symptoms hit at once -- starting with mania, which I actually enjoyed at first -- but then sinking into depression, which has been my main mood orientation over the years.

I have a lot of regrets but probably wouldn't if I felt better now. But after all these years, the docs just can't get the medication mix that will enable me to handle work again. (I went back many times trying this and that, only to have the symptoms arise with a vengeance each time... so work has been out of the question.)

I try to be thankful for the little things each day though I'm quite isolated and each social encounter leaves me feeling overstimulated as well as exhausted.

But I remain hopeful, even at 54, that one day I'll find the right medications and that my condition will improve. :-) Fingers crossed....

[sorand0m]

Reading through all your experiences along with mine makes for some sobering reading.

Highly qualified/outstanding academically and great careers and it's just taken away from us.

Bipolar might give moments of brilliance but the illness will swipe it away from you. I hope that I become stable enough to live a decent life.

Not much of a dream, and definitely not compared to what I could have been. Or what I was.

[scatterbrained04]

I got pregnant while hypo shortly after graduating high school. I'd never have given my son's dad the time of day in a normal mood. Love my son to death, but I had to give up on a lot of my dreams.

[raspberrytorte]

I haven't given up on my goals and dreams.

I was a mess in my early twenties. Serious alcohol abuse. Part of the reason why I didn't finish college is because of my stupid anxiety, and I have a highway driving phobia, and to continue I would have had to drive 45 minutes, on the highway, to get to school, and that was not happening, and at the time I was unmedicated, and it was bad, and I had my first depressive episode, and that was bad, and I couldn't get a job because I was so depressed and anxious and we had financial issues, and my life just kind of went downhill. For awhile I DID give up on my hopes and dreams because everything seemed so hopeless and awful.

But then I got help and medicated, and things looked up, and my anxiety was kept under control, and now I just focus on my writing dreams. I write everyday. I WILL get my novels published! I'm still working hard at it. I'm 32, but I have time. When you're a writer you have all the time in the world, not that I want to take all the time in the world of course because I want to make it now. We're broke. Seriously. And in serious medical debt (three grand) because of my last inpatient stay. And it would be nice if my life took an upturn and I started having a successful writing career. It would be fantastic. It'll happen. More hard work. All hard work. It'll pay off eventually.

We'll all prevail! We just can't give up!

[Row Jimmy]

I have a similar story but more retrospective. I am more than twice your age and had a lot of promise when I was younger but self-destructed most of the time. I did well in school and was a great athlete. However, I lost most of my friends because I couldn't handle my emotions and was labeled a "nut" of sorts. I was super competitive, talked myself out of every job I had, drank a lot of booze, challenged people to fights, and got bored with life in general.

My primary symptoms are anger, unpredictable behavior, and paranoia and I was in denial for a long time. As my mind raced along, I tried to just keep up with life, never really enjoying anything deeply.

Then, a few months ago, I was diagnosed with mixed state bipolar (edgy bipolar II) after YEARS of misery and I consider it an incredible blessing. My job makes things worse by a factor of 50 and there are days I just want to walk out the door and never come back. But now, the clarity has given me a new incentive to find a job that matches my condition and I can get away from all the madness that is a large part of my life. Plus, I am also leveraging the skills and talents I always had - music, model making, writing - to become more centered.

Take time to find peace and de-emphasize things like career and work. For me, they've come and gone and I'm still standing. The bridges behind me are burned. So be it. I could have been a brain surgeon......but I'm not and that's OK. Look for a fit, gently leverage those "bipolar" things like creativity and joy for life. Right on.

[bella4]

I was first diagnosed with Bipolar in 2005; I actually had a Physician, in the hospital tell me I would make a great counselor and I should pursue a career. In 2007, I started college; I was 37 years old I graduated in 2009 with my Associates degree and transferred to a local University. Living with Bipolar ups and downs, I struggled most of the time and studied probably 99 % more of most of my fellow students. In the end, I was able to become President of the National Honors Psychology Association, I got to present research on a National Level and I received my B.S. degree. I was able to work for a while with my degree, but due to rapid cycling, I have not been able to work for almost two years now. With drive, dedication and determination anything is possible!

[UCMATH]

I was the valedictorian of my high school and was accepted to U of Chicago, U of Pennsylvania, Brown, Duke, Columbia, Cornell, and multiple University of California campuses. I knew I was sick during high school, but it became worse towards the end of my freshman year at a UC campus. I managed to keep up the straight As throughout my sophomore year and through the first part of my junior year. Despite extended periods of severe depression, the hypomanic episodes kept me at the top of my class. I did not need to sleep, and I hardly needed to study at all. My mind grabbed information and made connections far before anyone else could.

I had a mixed episode followed by a depressive episode so intense that I have no memory of a few weeks. I ended up getting an F in a class I was first in, because I didn't have the sanity to go to the final exam, and a C+ in another class, even though I can't remember taking the exam. A gp at the university medical center pulled me out of school after one of my housemates dragged me in. I was hospitalized for a psychotic mixed episode during the summer and wanted to kill myself by fall. I tried and failed. But I knew I was fine and tried going back to school when it started again. I was pulled from school two weeks before classes ended. I tried going back in the spring and made it two weeks before realizing that I was completely manic and would never make it through my classes without crashing. So I pulled myself out. I needed to get control of the BD before going back.

I'll be 24 in exactly a month. I'm not in school, I don't have a job, and I've isolated myself from, or alienated, nearly all of my friends.

BUT...

I'm only 24. Things aren't hopeless, even though I tell myself they are. And I tell myself that a lot. I try to be forgiving with myself, and I try to understand that my life isn't going to turn out the way I thought it would. I'm going take far longer to get what I want than other people my age will, and I have to accept that. Some of my dreams have to die, too, but I can make other ones.

I can't write well anymore, my thoughts aren't as coherent as they used to be, and I certainly can't concentrate for very long. I know finishing undergrad is going to be a big challenge for me, but I'm going to do it eventually. That may mean I have to attend school for a year at a time, taking time off if I feel I have to. There are a lot of resources for mentally ill students, and I have a better understanding of myself and my illness now than I did four years ago. I'll figure out a way to do it, even if it's unconventional.

One of my close friends didn't finish college until she was nearly thirty. Now she has a very, very good job that pays a very high salary. She has intense bouts of depression and was following her military husband around the country, so she had to take a few classes whenever she was capable of it. Maybe you could try taking one class at a community college just to see if you can handle the course load and regain confidence in your ability to succeed academically. Then you could add more classes later on. You can usually transfer to a four-year university after you've finished two years at community, if you'd be interested in that. While you might not be able to become a vet, you could study a related field and help animals that way. In the meantime, you could volunteer at an animal shelter or something like that.

Hey hun, your still young and have a ways to go yet. I wasn't treated for 35 years and has landed in the gutter umpteen times too many. I was an A honor student in high school with a 3.4 GPA in the first 2 years of college. Then it was over. I did feel robbed. You still have a whole life in front of you. You've got a chance just by knowing that I never had. I'm a self employed interior designer that manages to get by today. I'm successfully surviving the best way I know how. You can still be anybody that you want to be. Don't let your illness dictate your life. There are plenty of successful and some famous bipolar affected individuals in the world, you can still be one of them.

Originally Posted by Gray Rider

Just curious, what symptoms from the stress do you get?
For me anxiety hits first.

If I have too much going on, I just get overwhelmed and need to spend more time doing nothing to "decompress." I just feel like I can't do too much in one day or, yes, extreme anxiety and fear will set in.

[intergalactictraveler]

BP1/ treatment resistant rapid cycling. Worked for 14 years, fulltime, got married, thought life would be fine. In 2004, like a boomerang, started to have trouble sleeping, mood started to become unstable. Stopped working f/t end of 2004, found p/t work in less stressful field but each year I kept losing a little more ground and by 2010, I was toast. At the urging of a great friend(now deceased and also rapid cycler)I applied, in 2011, for SSDI and I got it, but my self esteem and confidence have seriously eroded and my physical health has deteriorated. My wife tries to understand but sometimes she doesn't comprehend my behaviors or sleep/noise/stress issues. That's life.

Med Resistant Bipolar Schizoaffective (medical issues prevent use of a lot of medications) diagnosed 9 years ago. I made good grades in high school, graduated college Cum Laude and began my career in the medical field in 2011. Since then its been a roller coaster of hospitalizations, medical leave, and sui attempts. I'm back at work now but fear how much longer I am going to be able to do this. 25 years old and I feel like its ending soon and I just barely got started.

[Homeira]

I come from a family with a history of MI. So in this generation I and my brother have been diagnosed with BP II. There are more, but to keep it simple, I`ll tell you about my brother. The reason I am doing this is to show you how different this diagnose can play out for different people. The first time he came down with major depression was when he was 20. He had studied to be an electritian, and now he wanted to go to engineering school. He moved, got a student loan, started his studies, end everything seemed to be going well for him. But then he went into a rapid downward spiral. I wont go into the details (and some of them I probably dont know either), but he was unable to do ANYTHING but play video-games and occationally hang out with a coulpe of friends. He moved back home also. This went on for a couple of years. No meds, no diagnosis, he had no interest in seeking help. Eventually he got better, but after that he never went back to college. He was in his early twenties, had an education, and he was able to land a job in a ship-yard. Eventually he found work more in line with his education, and today he is sucsessfully working for a company making and installing maritime electrical devices. Among other things. He had to travel a lot in his job, to all different places in the world, Dubai, Rio, etc, wherever there was a shipyard and a port. And none of these trips were sceduled, it was responses to acute problems arising with a ship. In the end all the unsceduled traveling, brought on terrible anxiety-attacs and he went into a couple of years where he was hangig on to his job and his girlfriend and his kid by a mere thread. He was about to lose all of it. Finally, he had a manic episode that was really insane, and that was he was diagnosed. I think he was about 35 or 36 years old then. He was put on meds and pretty soon he started to get better. Today he is working, but hardly does any of the long-distance traveling, makes a good living, has a good relationship with his girlfriend and is a great dad to his kid. He takes his meds and takes good care of himself. So his is a story of success in many ways. He never really gave up, and neither did the people around him. So just because everything looks really dark for you now, just know that my brother was going through a lot of the same things as you are, and he still managed to get through it and has a good life today. I hope this is an inspirational story for you. There is always hope for a better future.

[yanks7]

I made it through middle school before my illness kicked in. Graduated high school in five years with a .9 GPA. I am 31 years old now and about to finish my degree in chemistry and plan on going grad school. I'll be honest sometime I think it makes more sense to go off meds then attend college. It is the hardest most stressful experience I have done almost dropped out like every other week. The only thing that has saved my *** is being open and honest with my professors. If I did not have some sort of handle, albeit a weak one, there is no way I would have lasted this long. Hang in there sometimes things actually do get better and sometimes they don't. Still gotta play the game thou, I guess