[Starks518]

Previously, approximately a month ago, I wrote a topic about being depressed due to my breakup with my ex. I was really suffering. Since then, I have had my ups and downs but decided I need to actively try to make things better for myself outside of meds. Started exercising more, took a 30 mile bike ride yesterday with a nice picnic. Anyway...

After feeling as though I wasn't depressed over my ex anymore (who some of you commented it sounded like she was exhibiting more borderline tendencies than bipolar...she was originally diagnosed borderline then switched to bipolar with rapid cycling). I decided to reach out to her. Not to reconcile, not to be friends but because one of the children missed her so much she was crying wondering what she did wrong that my ex won't be her "friend" anymore.

Saturday I called my ex and we spoke for 15 minutes. She brought up on her own that it was awkward when we saw one another at work and I agreed it was weird. She brought up on her own that she could not be my friend right now and the relationship was over and she was doing "really, REALLY good". I let her know I was only calling for the child in question and it was weird with work and the issue of the relationship is moot because I have moved on and am talking to someone else. She said we could say hello at work and be friendly. I agreed and said I understood, said to have a great weekend and hung up.

While at work today I sent an email to my ex giving her encouragement about some difficult work stuff she had coming up. 4 hours later I check my email and I see one from her that says not to contact her, she is going to show her supervisor and tell on me to my supervisor and executive director. I am 35 years old and a professional, she is 31. My career is my livelihood. I was shocked. How, in less than 48 hours, did I go from talking to someone who wants to be friendly when we see one another at work and be amicable to someone threatening (like a child) to tell on me for writing an encouraging email?!?! I am completely dumbfounded. I immediately went to my Executice Director to alert her of the situation and let her read the email I sent. I also told my supervisor who knew some of the situation. They both shook their heads and apologized I am having to deal with this and said how sweet the email was. They assured me if her supervisor called that she had no ground to stand on and all it did was make her look highly unprofessional and that they stand behind me 100%.

Oddly enough I don't feel depressed about this, like I normally would. I feel more sad for my ex and choosing to bring work into the equation and somehow get me in trouble or fired from my job. Mostly I feel embarrassed having to explain this to my ED and supervisor. I have apologized profusely.

My question is basically WTF?! How, in less than 48 hours, do I have someone telling me it's awkward in work situations and let's say hello and someday let's try to be friends to me saying I was strictly calling for the children and I've moved on and I understand and then writing a dang encouraging email to someone reacting this way? What did I do?! Obviously I won't be contacting her EVER again but shoot....what did I do wrong so I won't ever do it again?!

[raspberrytorte]

Cease communication with her completely. Ignore her at work (unless you two have something you need to do together I guess, work related).

[Nammu]

I agree, have nothing to do with her. Try to explain to the child that for some people it's too hard to continue to see people who remind them of others and that it's not something he/she did but don't blame anyone. Emphasizing that it's nothing they did, no blame anywhere. It's just the way something's are.

[Aardwolf]

I would cease all contact for the time being, not just for work benefits, but also for your own sanity.. I would imagine her Bipolar may (or may not !) have something to do with it, but i can't really comment as I don't know her.
Break ups are always difficult at the best of times with people displaying odd behaviour, let alone when you thrown mental health in the mix. I've seen it many times in my line of work how peoples reactions to others, be it; friends, family, spouse or otherwise can go from one extreme to the other in minutes..

[Starks518]

Ceasing communication is done. I can't afford to reach out even for the sake of one of the girls (who lost their mother to bone cancer 5 months ago suddenly and them only being 9 years old). I stupidly thought maybe my ex could be an adult and be okay for the sake of the children who have been through so much in the past two years but I know this is not going to happen.

Oddly enough I would expect me to be in the depths of despair right now but im not. It feels like more of a relief even though I'm embarrassed I had to notify my work.

Just odd that it went from saturday her saying let's say hello at work and be cool because she feels so awkward and let's be friends but not right now to threatening my career. I don't feel I am going through a manic phase nor do I feel depressed. It's more like, "Okay whatever. But if you screw with my career I will have to be proactive." I feel like I should be more depressed. And I feel blindsided by her switching from being the one to actually being nice after months to switching to "im telling on you". So, so bizarre.

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Yeah, that sounds pretty manipulative.. Definitely keep your bases covered for the future.

She sound like she is hurting and needs some time and space. I would steer clear for a while.

[Starks518]

Definitely. I thought she had that and could be okay for the sake of the children. The conversation on Saturday, was the first since the break up, and I thought it went well. No deep talks, no relationship talks, etc. it was for the child who was so upset. I did not bring up any relationship or friendship issues. Simply said I understand not being able to be friends now and that was okay and that I was not at all looking to reconcile because she had made that clear and I was in a new relationship. Today it was a different story; incredibly mean to me again and threatening my job.

I have no ill will. For months I was in the depths of despair to where I ended up hospitalized. But I have had time, been put on new meds, excersizing, downing time with friends i neglectedx basically getting my life back together where I don't want to lay in bed all day, every day anymore. For the moment I have pulled myself out and am doing great. Unfortunately it seems as though while I have accomplished this for myself and gotten to the point where I don't want to spend out the rest of my days in solitude she has taken a turn. Or maybe she hasn't. Maybe she said she wanted to be amicable two days ago Jem changed her mind. Maybe she doesn't like that im happy again. Maybe she doesn't like that I am seeing someone new. I have no idea and I can't figure it out and I refuse to spend all day in bed trying to. But I don't feel like I should be punished all over again and threatened to lose my job when she was the one who said we should say hello at work because it was too awkward for her. I have to protect me, too. I have to not let this pull me down into a horrible, dark place. While I care tremendously I can't go that route again while I'm FINALLY starting to feel good. Even thoughts makes me feel selfish and I should try to help, I know I can't because she is now resorting to trying to ruin my career after she was the one who said we should talk.

Please tell me I am not being a complete selfosh a$$hole with this. I really hope not.

[Starks518]

Sorry for the typos, my phone isn't of ask stance with this but I genuinely appreciate all of you well rhought out responses and take them to heart.

This Friday, unfortunately, we have to be in a 3 hour training together. I am only hoping to all things I believe in that she does not speak to me and leaves me alone. I am a softy with an ultra sensitive heart and I feel bad shutting people out when I feel they may be hurting but I have to do this for my career and to not be told horrible, mean things about me (that I know aren't true) in order to not be in a deep state of depression again.

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Definitely.
Just keep your piece, and try to put yourself in a mindset where you are feeling comfortable and confident with who you are as a person and if you must talk to her, be general, and with no emotion.

It sucks, but thats what i would do

Smile politely and nod. Do not feel guilty for being happy.

You're not being an a-hole at all! So no worries on that.

(That 180 btw? Classic borderline. Don't bother trying to figure it out. As there is no logic to work with, it would be a futile effort. Save yourself the frustration and put it from your mind.)

I'm so glad to hear that you have pulled out of the depression! Yea!

You are puzzled over why you are not finding yourself in the depths of despair. If I may give a little theory ... I think that this recent incident is confirming that you made the right choice in ending it. Whether it is on a conscious or an unconscious level, your mind knows that, and validation feels good.