Grrr...

Yes; I am still taking them but I have a tendency lately to forget my morning meds. Here's what I take in the morning: Lithium 450 MG (total 1350), Lamictal 200 MG (total 600 MG), and Vyvanse 50 MG (which I clearly do not need right now but it is fun to take ).

I take enough medicine to dumb me down and usually it does. I think right now I am just taking the wrong stuff. But, that is okay with me.

Venus - Shocking Blue

Goddess on the mountain top
Burning like a silver flame
The summit of beauty and love
And Venus was her name
She's got it
Yeah, baby, she's got it
I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
At your desire
Well, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
At your desire
Her weapons were her crystal eyes
Making every man mad
Black as the dark night she was
Got what no one else had
Wah!
She's got it
Yeah, baby, she's got it
I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
At your desire
Well, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
At your desire
Venus
She's got it
Yeah, baby, she's got it
I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
At your desire
Well, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
At your desire
Goddess on the mountain top
Burning like a silver flame
The summit of beauty and love
And Venus was her name
Wah!
She's got it
Yeah, baby,…

Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys


CREEQUE ALLEY - THE MAMAS & THE PAPAS


Johnny Cash & June Carter - Long Legged Guitar Pickin' Man


Johnny Cash - Man in black


Eve of Destruction - Barry McGuire


Strawberry Alarm Clock - Incense and Peppermints


Light My Fire -The Doors


Strawberry Fields Forever -The Beatles


Janis Joplin - Me & Bobby McGee


The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil


Dolly Parton -- Jolene


Jeannie C. Riley, 'Harper Valley P.T.A.


Buck Owens and the Buckaroos, 'Act Naturally'

Some chick says thank you for saying all the things I never knew. I say, you know, the thanks I get is to take all this **** from you. It's nice that you listen, it'd be nice if you joined in. As long as you play that game girl you're never gonna win.

~Ani Difranco

You wanna hear some manic ramblings? This is a sound off! First of all, I had a woman slam on her brakes in front of me almost causing me to hit her. I am mildmannered and especially don't have road rage but in hindsight, I could have killed her. Not literally. But, maybe, just maybe, I really want to.

I went to a gas station and there was no thing to hold down the gas pump. You had to sit there and pump by hand. What the hell is that about?

Then, I saw a for sale sign on a house advertising their "pool". Well, it was an above ground pool. Who the hell advertises an above ground pool? Tacky much?

Plus, I had to listen to my 5 year old screaming because "I don't want to go to Starbucks" and "hurry up and drive". I could have beaten him. Not literally. But maybe, just maybe, I wanted to. I was gentle with him nonetheless.

Then there is my daughter's big, fat sass mouth. Need I say more?

Want to know how you can drive yourself nuts? Take your sunglasses off, look at them, then put them back on your face. While you are driving. Now repeat this over and over. Why? Because you are stark raving mad. Fun times.

Then, read the paragraph about your manic ramblings over and over and over again as though you are unlocking some sort of mystery. I have been reading and rereading this post, with little interruption, since I typed it at 2:58. It is now 4:16. I have gone and done lost my mind, ha!

And, I've started reading the post again. There's something about her hand holding mine. It's a feeling that's fine and I just gotta say. She's really got a magical spell and it's working so well that I can't get away!

So, the MFer's at Starbucks completely screwed up my order. I paid for that b*****s! Why is all this crazy **** happening to me just now?!! On another note, drinking 3 (2 after 7PM) venti iced white chocolate mochas with no whip is probably not ideal while not grounded.

Edison Lighthouse - Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)


You should listen! It is sure to brighten you day.

Do you guys get tired of my song posts? I don't...because I'm ingenious. Hahaha

Do you guys get tired of my song posts? no I don't

I could leave my husband to be with women, lots and lots of women. But, I love my kids and I love my husband. Besides, if I left my husband, he would have a good case against me for custody of my children because, after all, I am a nutcase. And, I love being a nutcase. Where would I find women anyway? I am a stay at home mom who rarely goes anywhere. Shame on me for thinking such things. But, women appeal to me so much more than my husband appeals to me right now. I could leave him, but right now, I'd miss being with him. He is my world. How would I feel about the custody of my children if I were to be a single mom? I would maybe have to move in with my parents because I simply couldn't do it alone. I don't want to do it and I'm not capable of it. I can barely take care of them as it is because I am a self absorbed *****. Should I leave my husband? Should I fall in love and run away with a woman? Maybe the kids and I could move with her to Florida. Maybe we could start a new life. Or, is this just my 19th nervous breakdown (catch that reference? ). Don't worry, at least for now, I won't do it. Now pray for some freaky reason my husband doesn't read this.

I wouldn't make any big plans until you are stable.

Mania at its finest

So, I'm sitting here at 2 AM drinking tea and eating pop tarts. Great for my figure and my mental health! If the hubs knew, he would give me flack!

I try not to be rash...it's just sometimes desire overrules logic. Thank you very much! I don't think I have to worry about this though. It is my emotions talking and I think I am rational enough to not follow through.

So, I'm sitting here at 8:30 AM drinking coffee and eating pop tarts ( not to mention being bitten by my 1 year old). Great for my figure and my mental health I'm sure! That makes 4 pop tarts in 6 1/2 hours. I'm just trying to watch my figure, ha! Plus I already took my Vyvanse this morning. Stimulant after Stimulant...umm feels good ( Chantilly lace and a pretty face and a pony tail a hanging down. A wiggle and a walk and a giggle and a talk, hmm makes the world go round, round, round ~ The Big Bopper speaking )

Anyway, I went to bed around 4, woke up around 6:30 and woke up in the middle of that sleep (and checked psych central, ha! I can't get enough. If I was obnoxious enough, I would insert the Faith Hill lyrics to its your love. I won't ) I hope everyone is wide awake and bushy tailed this beautiful morning!

Woke up, got out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
And looking up I noticed I was late.

Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
Somebody spoke and I went into a dream.

So, I was sitting in the carpool line and...no wreck this time!!! YAY! But, I put my car in neutral instead of drive and it took SEVERAL seconds of my foot on the gas before I figured out what was wrong. These people surely think I am an either an idiot or incompetent, ha!

I heard this christian song:

Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me. On and on and on and on it goes. It overwhelms and satisfies my soul. And I never, ever, have to be afraid.

Immediately my heart sank. I need you Jesus; I love you Jesus. It's no wonder I'm a mess without you Jesus. I'm so sorry...etc, etc...with an uncanny passion

A few minutes later, I listened to the Beatles:

Always, no sometimes, think it's me. But you know I know when it's a dream. I think I know I mean a "Yes" but it's all wrong. That is I think I disagree.

Immediately I was struck with fierce zealousness. I sang out with intense fervor. I was overcome with emotion, with exaggerated animation. It was an uncanny passion.

So, no passionate decisions about faith and no mindless lusting after music while not exactly grounded...unless of course, my body should start to move, my lips should start to sing. There is so much beauty in music, so much pure pleasure in dancing, in movement. It fills my heart with joy!

Then, of course, we get home and my nephew steps in dog poop and spreads it in my house. It fills my heart with joy!

I love that Christian song. It's by Jesus Culture

OMG! I am about to ****ing explode! I have so much ****ing internal energy. I am like a fire that just won't ignite. I need sex. I need to become my music. I need to eat savory foods. I need to ****ing scream! I need sex. But not just regular sex, I need the best sex I have ever in my life had. I need to rearrange my thoughts...I need them to slow down. I need to make sense of my head. I need to focus. I need a woman.

And, once again, I am listening to this song on ****ing RE...PEAT!!!

The Rolling Stones-19th Nervous Breakdown

Have you been exercising? Maybe a good run or something would help get some energy out?

No; I haven't really made time to exercise but that is a wonderful idea! I will have to go for a run tomorrow night to hopefully calm some of this inner restlessness.

I'm a little afraid to sleep tonight. I am afraid it will be the beginning of the end of this beautiful high!

Sleep wont ruin it. It'll help with a happy high not an angry high.

Hey there. I can totally identify with with the drive thing. Well I don't drive but I mean I want to just leave, take off, not let anyone know where I am or when or if I'm coming back. But I try hard not to. For my husband but also because I'm worried that if I leave, CAS will get involved and cause my husband trouble or try to take the kids. I also LOVE music.