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#26
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You distracted me from my magical madness. You shifted me from my mirthful musings. This must be a good thing, right?
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#27
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I started to share this song:
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#28
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Good night my friends!
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#29
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I'm sure you all are tired of hearing from me but unfortunately I like the sound of my own voice. I took the girls shopping. It was stressful. My one year did not cooperate at all in the store where I needed to do some exchanges. I completely understand how frustrating it is to hear a baby crying but I was clearly doing ALL I could to calm her down. Well this B word pops her head out of the dressing room door just long enough to give me a witchy glare and then promptly closed the door. Well, she is glad she so quickly closed the door and that I had 3 kids with me because I was FUMING! What a witch! UGH! Either she's never had a one year old or she has seriously forgotten. They are unpredictable and that is part of the package. Anyway, the girls thought I was a riot. Apparently they have never seen someone bust a move.
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder Last edited by cashart10; May 09, 2015 at 07:19 PM. Reason: Grammar |
#30
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Abba - Dancing Queen
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
![]() raspberrytorte
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#31
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Awe, I love that song. Makes me happy.
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
![]() cashart10
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#32
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I have so much energy. I just took a very long shower (with no psychotic occurrences.
![]() ![]() Right now I am listening to Eyes Wide Open by Jars of Clay:
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#33
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How are you going now? Still riding the high?
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#34
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I found a song for you......and now I can't remember. Scrolling through my phone......Coffee Cup Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
#35
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Hey Cash.
I have been where you are. Mania is like a fire. It starts contained, can get out of control, and might just burn everything down if you're not careful. I have to say though that I am really enjoying your posts. I believe I know a lot of how you are feeling and i know that it really just helps to unload and vent the goofy *** gobbledygook bubbly lava inside. I wish I had done it here last time I was like this instead of all over my normal friends! I feel like reading them some of your posts and being like see! It's not just me! There is something beautiful and perfectly illustrative of a certain aspect of mania in your posts. There is a thread of sparkle and magic and seductive heat in mania that is undeniably intoxicating and dare I say enjoyable. But it is a terrible beast. That is also undeniable. The paradoxical nature of the universe. Please keep bringing us you mania. Just please make sure you bring us what follows as well. I believe it is so important to keep talking. Stay open. Let us know what is going on with you even when it starts to get bad. Cash you are Manic. What is wrong with you (as you keep asking) is that you are Bipolar and you are Manic. I know how hard it can be to be totally honest with the husband but you really need to. Like really really need to. And your pdoc. Read them some of your posts. (I want everyone to know I am not trying to glorify mania is any way and don't anyone be mad at me or at least tell me they are miffed by what I say because it will trigger me to feel like crap. I'm very sensitive right now. Ha like that's news around here. Right) |
![]() sorand0m
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#36
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Also I have a really hard time telling my husband the whole truth. I don't want to have my fun ruined or I feel embarrassed or I feel like I'm letting him down or like he will worry too much or like he just won't get it and it will piss me off. So I definitely need to take my own advice sometimes too.
When you have kids it makes everything higher stakes. Show him some of these posts. He sounds like he is a nice guy. |
#37
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I actually think you have described it perfectly Capriciousness.
Mania will seduce you and make you chase dreams. We'll be the life and soul for everyone around us. Flights of ideas turn into unwise investments which seem perfect at the time. I won't lie, if I could be a little hypomanic all of my life, my, all the things I could do. The problem is that it is not a sustainable mood and things get unpleasant so fast. Suddenly everyone bugs you, the only way you can stop the thoughts racing in your head is to drink or worse until you're in the gutter. There's always going to be that crash and burn that puts us in a pit of despair for months at a time. Where you just need a reason to breathe. It's not worth the misery that it causes others or that it leaves you in. Be honest to yourself and those around you who care for you, even when you can't look after yourself.
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Bipolar type II, GAD "Even through the darkest days this fire burns, always." |
#38
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Thanks for checking on me. Hehe...still riding the high!
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#39
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I've never heard this and I love it. I will have to listen to it a few more times to let the music and lyrics sink in but what I heard, especially her voice, I enjoyed. Thank you!
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#40
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Quote:
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#41
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Oh no. Cash I am worried. Driving is a big deal.
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#42
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It just doesn't feel severe right now. It feels manageable. It feels enlightening. It feels beautiful. It feels sexy. It feels brilliant. And, I think I am a better, more interested mom. And, I think I'm a better, more captivated wife. I don't think my family would disagree. And, what if it doesn't turn bad? What if it just stays beautiful, remains euphoric? Nothing negative effects me, not even that wreck I just mentioned. It just rolls right off of me like water on a leaf.
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#43
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I wasn't going to tell my husband since there was no damage but he is a mechanic so I was concerned he might notice something. He just said he was worried about the kids riding around with me but he was glad I drive the safest car on the road (I drive a Volvo xc90--he is a Volvo mechanic). He says he knows I am an "airhead" sometimes so what can he do? He told me to be more careful and to treat "that nice car he bought me better." I don't understand why he patronizes me so much sometimes and seems oblivious to reality.
I am fine driving. I AM just an airhead sometimes and I am sure that is all that's wrong.
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#44
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In the mood for some upbeat oldies. I'll think of more that strike me right later.
How Does That Grab You Darlin - Nancy Sinatra Venus - Shocking Blue
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#45
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Quote:
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Bipolar type II, GAD "Even through the darkest days this fire burns, always." |
#46
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Cas ,
Can you please not drive around with your kids in the car? You say it wasn't a big deal hitting another car.. I am betting that other person thinks it's a big thing, Car damage is no fun to deal with. I know your loving this outstanding high... There is no point in me pointing out eventually you will come down and I do hope for your sake and your family its a tolerable landing. Take care
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
#47
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My thoughts? They are quite manageable but like a freight train at the same time. They are gliding through my brain like a dream...real but unearthly. I feel awed by how alluring my thoughts have become. It is wonderful.
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#48
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oh how i drool!
i would give anything for a bit of mania right now, i could use the reassuring that i am bipolar stay calm! land safely ![]()
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![]() cashart10
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![]() cashart10
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#49
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Quote:
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__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
#50
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Quote:
I'm struggling with medication compliance at the moment myself, although I've always taken them when I get the racing thoughts and feelings you describe.
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Bipolar type II, GAD "Even through the darkest days this fire burns, always." |
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