[cashart10]

I want to flush my meds. I want to think like a normal person. I compiled a list of songs to try and convey my very conflicted mind, and conflicted heart, and even my conflicted hands and feet. Of course you don't have to listen but I needed to kill some time (lots and lots and lots of time) and not make any rash decisions. I want to leave and drive. I could sneak out, but if my husband found out. Well, let's say it's a good thing I worry about his reaction to things. If I didn't you could call me a fool. I wish I had control over my "moods" instead of my meds having control. My life was better before meds. I might have been unwell but I was also naive and unaware. You don't have to lecture because I sadly won't do it.

Here Goes:

Rolling Stones - 19th Nervous Breakdown (ESPECIALLY)

Simon & Garfunkel - I Am A Rock

Rolling Stones - Mother's Little Helper

Ani DiFranco - Evolve

The Beatles- A Day in the Life

The entire Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band album, if you've never listened, please bookmark this and listen sometime. It might be the best album of all time:

Johnny Cash Get Rhythm

Patty Griffin- Flaming Red:

Willie Nelson - Stay a Little Longer

Hello Goodbye - The Beatles

[raspberrytorte]

I don't think going out and having a drive is bad. I do that sometimes. It feels really nice to get away and be by myself for a little bit and turn the music up really loud. It's something I enjoy very much.

Sometimes I want to flush my meds too and say screw it. Of course I won't.

I don't blame you for wanting to. To me it seems like the meds are making you worse right now. (Just my opinion of course. I'm not a doctor.)

I sometimes feel I was better when I didn't know what this bipolar nonsense was. But truth be told, I'm better on my meds,.....especially my depression. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I hope you feel better soon.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

I don't think going out and having a drive is bad. I do that sometimes. It feels really nice to get away and be by myself for a little bit and turn the music up really loud. It's something I enjoy very much.

Sometimes I want to flush my meds too and say screw it. Of course I won't.

I don't blame you for wanting to. To me it seems like the meds are making you worse right now. (Just my opinion of course. I'm not a doctor.)

I agree that going for a drive is not bad typically. It is one of my favorite things to do. Trouble is, I am more than prohibited from doing it in the wee hours of the morning because it usually means my mood is more than a little off. Therefore, I am usually driving far faster than the speed limit and for potentially hours at a time. It worries my husband greatly (rightfully so). I'm...just being thoughtful and careful, ya know? (ha, I'm kidding, I'm not careful, just worried. Being a worrywart helps some when you are out of your mind). Plus, today my husband locked the door and when I asked him what he was doing he told me he was counting money. I said oh, how much do you have in your garage fund now (he is a mechanic and we need a bigger garage so he can work at home more)? He told me how much and said "well, there'd be an entire grand more if you hadn't had your little spending spree." OOPS! He was mostly kidding, but it looks like he was counting, and he doesn't know about all of it. I told him we'd work out a deal.

I agree with you entirely about the meds. I was serious about wanting to flush them but I won't do it. And, for the last few days, instead of feeling ever so miserable, I've just felt sly, and sexy, and busy, and ****ing in raptures. I keep forgetting to take them. I feel like Susan Sarandon: Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me (just saying) and if it doesn't subside, I will probably end up in the hospital. Thankfully, my pdoc told me and also told me to tell my t that I have been at this long enough to know when I need to be hospitalized or not. My t asked if that was freeing. Or if I felt proud of that. Truthfully, at the time, it both scared me and made me very grateful. It was not freeing and I did not feel proud. But, it's funny nonetheless. I just had to say.

This post has taken me a very, very, very, very long time to write. Thank you for responding. Raspberry!

[cashart10]

I am not a fan of country music at all but it is a curse (that goes a long a little with a passion for theatre, I'm sure) that I know a portion of every genre of music. Which brings me to this:

Toby Keith - I Wanna Talk About Me

This song is, in my opinion, horrific, but it cracked me the **** up right now because it is just what I was thinking. Only it's probably not even true. I wanna talk about you you you you usually but occasionally, I wanna talk about me! Ha! But, you don't wanna talk about me and that is totally ok. If only someone could get me to stfu! Do you guys know that I didn 't use to cuss? Seriously, I know some of you probably think it's garbage still and I don't mean to offend, but it is ****ing freeing to me in a sense because I used to be such a good little Christian girl that I never did it. In fact, I felt badly for thinking it.

[cashart10]

And, I don't mean to offend anyone and sound condescending by saying "such a good little christian girl" because I am still a christian. I am just more easy going. Well, some of the time I am, other times I am not at all. That's all for now. I am going to shut the hell up.

[cashart10]

Anyone else like music as much as I ****ing love music? I think I am made of music. Mostly Rolling Stones music, their old music. Seriously. I am posting this song again with the lyrics below. It's like they ****ing knew me (minus the parents--mine were awesome) when they wrote the song.

Rolling Stones - 19th Nervous Breakdown (ESPECIALLY)

19Th Nervous Breakdown Lyrics

You're the kind of person you meet at certain dismal dull affairs.
Center of a crowd, talking much too loud running up and down the stairs.
Well, it seems to me that you have seen too much in too few years.
And though you've tried you just can't hide your eyes are edged with tears.

You better stop, look around,
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.

When you were a child you were treated kind
But you were never brought up right.
You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night.
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax.
And your father's still perfecting ways of making sealing wax.

You better stop, look around,
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.

Oh, who's to blame, that girl's just insane.
Well nothing I do don't seem to work,
It only seems to make matters worse. Oh please.

You were still in school when you had that fool who really messed your mind.
And after that you turned your back on treating people kind.
On our first trip I tried so hard to rearrange your mind.
But after a while I realized you were disarranging mine.

You better stop, look around,
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.

Oh, who's to blame, that girl's just insane.
Well nothing I do don't seem to work,
It only seems to make matters worse. Oh please.

When you were a child you were treated kind
But you were never brought up right.
You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night.
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax.
And your father's still perfecting ways of making sealing wax.

You better stop, look around,
Here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown.
Songwriters: JAGGER, MICK / RICHARDS, KEITH
19Th Nervous Breakdown lyrics © ABKCO Music Inc.

[cashart10]

Wait, maybe I am the mother in this song!!!

[cashart10]

I'm scarring newbies. I'm embarrassing myself. FACEPALM!!!!

Someone please remove me from I can't freaking think of the name of this place....psychcentral.....before, I say something REALLY stupid. Put locks on my keyboard or something!

Retract many previous statements. Pull out one of those Men in Black thingys to erase all of your memories.

[cashart10]

Hey? Where are TigerSassy and Hooligan? Especially TigerSassy? It's been a lonnnnng time and she was really struggling? Anyone know anything?

[Brophy]

Me thinks the mania does abound.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Brophy

Me thinks the mania does abound.

Wanna hear a funny joke?

I'm taking my daughters and niece shopping for my niece's birthday tomorrow. I seriously just peed my pants a little typing this.

[cashart10]

somebody do something
anything soon
i know i can't be the only
whatever i am in the room
so why am i so lonely?
why am i so tired?
i need backup
i need company
i need to be inspired

Face up and sing - Ani Difranco

[cashart10]

****ING DANCE!!!! There is NOTHING better to do. You can even dance while you're on the computer. I bet you'll even find yourself biting and pursing your lips while you do it. TRY IT!

[~Christina]

Cas, Please tell your husband your really up in a way that isn't good. You need to come down a bit. Are you taking your meds as directed? If not ,please do.

I'm worried about you and where this is going

[cashart10]

WTF is wrong with me?

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Cas, Please tell your husband your really up in a way that isn't good. You need to come down a bit. Are you taking your meds as directed? If not ,please do.

I'm worried about you and where this is going

He's snoring.

[cashart10]

All in good fun!

[cashart10]

No no no no no...not to you, to me. the were for you. The was for my husband snoring.

[~Christina]

When he wakes up then, as I doubt your sleeping much anyway.

I am worried you will crash and burn, You did last time and it took you forever to get outta that depression.

[cashart10]

And WTF is wrong with me? All in good fun!

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

When he wakes up then, as I doubt your sleeping much anyway.

I am worried you will crash and burn, You did last time and it took you forever to get outta that depression.

You are such a sweetheart! I promise I am fine. He already tole me earlier he thinks "maybe I'm a little manic." So no worries!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

And WTF is wrong with me? All in good fun!

You are Manic ! I'm sorry that you can't see it. I just hope that you have a better landing than last time

[cashart10]

That wasn't directed at you, it was self-explanatory from another post...I'm sorry I'm a little confusing. Please don't think I was being snippy, I wasn't!!! I appreciate your concern...even when I don't need it.

[Brophy]

There's nothing wrong with you. Just your brain chemistry taking a stroll on its own. I hope the come down doesn't drain you.