Romance?

Anyone ever have trouble with romance or romantic interests? Like possibly having a date but not sure and anxiously waiting for the person of interest to let you know? Or just getting nervous/scared when you're interested in someone because it usually turns into an obsession and then if anything else happens you enter mania or maybe depression and then go a little bonkers. That pretty much sums me up when it comes to romance. I get all frantic "what if this", "what if that", "maybe she doesn't like me", etc., etc. Is this normal or is it just me or my bipolar or what?

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I can relate to what you are asking here, Becoming.

I guess for me, personally, my part of caution comes down to the fact that I do experience episodes pretty frequently, for seemingly long durations at a time, which suck. So I'm constantly asking myself, "When is the next episode around the corner?"

Because when I do go through episodes they tend to be pretty severe and full on and can cause havoc in my personal life, including in relationships - and in your case, that would be romance.

Makes perfect sense to me what you are asking here.

"What if this" ..... "What if that" ...... you're spot on.

I met a girl I thought I really liked at the beginning of last year. I was unmedicated. Looking back now, I was clearly manic, possibly euphoric.

I told this girl I loved her, wanted to marry her and have babies with her after a couple of months of being with her. I didn't want this, it was the mania talking.

Sadly, she did fall pregnant just as I was entering a pretty bad depressive stage another 2 months down the line. I realised what I'd done and I was horrified with myself. It added fuel to the depression and made things worse.

I guess it was a blessing that she lost the baby after about 4 months. I left her 2 days after she miscarried.

I feel huge guilt and remorse for my actions because I know I damaged this girl very badly with my behaviour. Not my finest hour.

I have to be careful around women when I'm manic. I never know what emotions are real and which ones are driven by mania.

Mania makes me feel attracted to more people than I generally would be in a "stable mood" - if that makes sense Toodles.

So yeah I can understand when you say you thought that you liked this girl and wanted to marry her etc - all the mania speaking.

Mania has made me do many things.

I understand worrying about the episodes. I've drowned myself in video games so much that I cannot usually tell how I feel. I've got to say I may be starting to feel depressed though. I literally have next to nothing to do anymore since I graduated and now I am just at home looking for work and didn't keep any friends except for one from High School. All my friends are scattered around too far to quickly get to.

Well I thought I was suppose to have a date or at least meet up with someone and get to know them and then they just stopped responding completly. I am suppose to say it's more to do with her than me, but it just kind of really sucks.

I can somewhat understand that. With my last ex, I thought even before we got together that I would marry her cause I'd graduate and we'd still be together. That didn't happen and I didn't realize until hindsight that my desire for a girlfriend on top of hypomania was making rushing into it and feeling strongly so much easier.

Sometimes I do wonder if people who are Bipolar can actually have relationships. Heck, I cannot even seem to stay stable when something even MIGHT be more than friends.

Well the thing about Bipolar is that it is harder to function and I understand all that. We still decide to do what we do though. It is just usually not a rational decision when episodes come into play. It is hard to live life without being so effected by having Bipolar sometimes.

I never thought twice about a girl liking me. I knew I was the shh and would play myself accordingly.. I never had much problem persuading girls etc.. Even with my social phobias I could play it off quite nicely.. This was all during my mania times... Truth be told it got out of hand and now married with a couple girls and a wife i realize just how immature I was... Medicine has played a big role in saving my marriage

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Becoming I can get over involved in things in "general" too - different things with different manic episodes for me

(((loophole))) yeah unfortunately mania can make us do regretful things, I'm still overcoming my manic madness that I had

Yeah I have been in the position where I thought every girl that looked at me found me attractive...or that they liked me. I rarely got rejected or just ignored. But at the same time I can be pretty good at brushing it off after a bit. In this case, it took a few days but I think I'm admitting that for whatever reason a girl who peaked my interest is not getting back to me. So that is that and I move on.

Medicine is really important. It's easy to forget how important until you forget to take it a couple days or decide to stop. But it is also weird because it doesn't work 100% of the time. I think we are all better with it than without though.

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I think that is a normal human fear and reaction . I think you would have the same issues if BP or not, now yours may be more intense, and get out of hand quicker...

I believe there is someone perfectly matched for you out there somewhere... I found one and we have been together a long time..I have tested her greatly but she stayed, we have always worked it out...don't give up, relax, look for love not passion, passion fades but true love never fades...this I believe...

I agree with wiretwister. When you find the right person, it just works. I'm not saying it won't sometimes be hard, but you will work it out. In fact, our family motto is "we will make it work". And it applies to more than just relationships. My side mirror on my car is currently held on with electrical tape.

My husband and I just celebrated our 4 year anniversary. He's been willing to stick through all of this with me mostly unmedicated.

I admit that sometimes in in the past it's been hard for me to tell the difference between my feelings and feelings that I am experiencing solely because of the Bipolar Disorder.

I agree. Bipolar does make things more intense. It's just learning to cope with it I guess. I'd like for it to more minimally effect my life...especially when it comes to these sorts of things.

Yeah, she is out there somewhere. I'm still young so there's plenty of time to find her. I'd just like to get a grip on things before I get another serious romantic interest. I tend to somewhat hide from them or do nothing because when my feelings grow, they grow too fast and get intense. I do not want that to keep happening.

Yeah, my mother once told me "If it is the one, it will be easy." In other words, it will not be fighting/arguing about how you want to be treated every week or more. It won't be trying to change someone to make them treat you better. They just will because they'll care about you and they won't need encouragement to treat you right. I cannot wait for that...as much as it scares me at the same time.

I totally relate to the last bit you said about feelings too. I have to check my thoughts quite frequently...especially when in a episode.

Some fabulous advice I got before I started dating my husband was this:

Choose to love the person for who they are right now. If they never change between now and when you die, could you live with it? Getting married and believing you can change the things you don't like about someone is a sure-fire way to end up with some serious relationship problems.

That being said, sometimes people need encouragement because they aren't sure how to get there on their own. My husband had never been around a healthy marriage. He is still learning tools to help him in our relationship. I remind myself that I am being supportive of him as I give him time to learn new habits. Sometimes just putting things in perspective helps.

When I was younger (like.... 7 years ago or so) I was desperate to find the love of my life, settle down, and start a life together. Looking back, I think I should have focused more on learning how to be a good partner before I jumped into relationships.

I hope this helps!!