Hope it is ok for me to start the new one. (#9 hit the post limit for a thread.)

How's everyone doing today?

Thanks Innerzone

I am doing ok today. Need to get up and do some outside things before I get sucked into the tv and computer.

I have had excess energy for about a month now and its gotten better since I got the mirena out. I have had full on days and besides the anxiety, its not been too much for me to handle.

Definitely not depressed but the anxiety gets me at times. Im guessing it'll take a few months til my hormones settle again.

Hope you're all well

[gina_re]

First day back at work after my staycation with my nephew. Not bad, and even got some shopping done after I was done with work. It was a pretty productive day.

[LettinG0]

I'm here........doing what needs to be done.....and feeling pretty ok!

[Hopeful Camel]

Had my first therapy visit in forever today. I love my therapist. I feel motivated to get to work with him. I now have a pdoc and a therapist. For the first time ever! I hope that this is the beginning of a new stage in my mental health .... I have needed a coordinated approach to all that ails me.

My knee surgery is Friday. I have to admit I'm more nervous about how I am going to handle this mentally, than I am about the actual surgery, rehab, or pain.

How lovely to read the positive

I am doing well so far, I have another busy day ahead but I do not feel overwhelmed by it which is great.

Im thinking I might do some baking today as thanks for a couple of people who have helped me.

[LettinG0]

I'm doing ok....but, I totally think I need to start seeing a T. My pdoc doesn't seem to think I need one........hmmmm ..... but he is a brand new pdoc and I've only seen him twice....we will see

[Takeshi]

I built up two shelves this morning without a powertool! It almost got me late for work, but I did it without any help. Now they are taking up more space because I haven't put anything in them yet...Heavy lifting tomorrow, and then a lot of reorganizing without a good planning..

I've been doing ok-ish and feeling safe right this moment.

[wikiwiki77]

Feeling a little down today. I feel useless that I can't do more. I wish I could be more productive. My husband works all day and I just feel like I don't contribute.

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[gayleggg]

Mood is staying level. Now, if I could only get rid of the anxiety.

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[Standup2me]

I seem to be hitting a bad patch.
I am trying hard not to slide
There is just so much noise
Whatever happened to quiet?

[wikiwiki77]

I was feeling down and unproductive when I posted earlier. Since then I walked a mile, did 2 loads of laundry and cooked supper. I am feeling a little better about myself now.

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[Lonlin3zz]

After reading a spiritual self-help book " The Power of Now ", authored by Eckhart Tolle, I increasingly let go of some reasons to get diagnosed.

Whether it be a possibility of Borderline Personality or Bipolar Disorder, I'm drained trying to detect the difference between both that might happen to me.

It's causing unnecessary leakage of my energy. I feel like I should learn to take care of myself since I'm a grown up. I have to learn to live by myself.

I got some new babies today! Very excited but the anxiety has been annoying all day.

I saw my pdoc and she said it was likely I would have a reaction after our session... yep I did! I had to put my babies in the field and they would not lead, so I had to carry them. Then they escaped out of the cage and I collapsed in exhaustion. Then I threw up for about 2 hours, crawling between the bath and the toilet! So yeah big reaction. I feel tons better now but still weak.

Mood is still good despite todays pdoc session, I feel like I am finally making progress

[Nevvy]

Fannnnntaaastic the past few days.

Hypo happy and getting stuff done. Annoying my partner a bit because he isn't quite used to hypo me, but he will get used to it. Getting prepared for school again and having my closing meeting with my old psychiatrist today.

Hit a bad trigger today, but fighting to hold onto this high.

\o/

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[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I got some new babies today! Very excited but the anxiety has been annoying all day.

I saw my pdoc and she said it was likely I would have a reaction after our session... yep I did! I had to put my babies in the field and they would not lead, so I had to carry them. Then they escaped out of the cage and I collapsed in exhaustion. Then I threw up for about 2 hours, crawling between the bath and the toilet! So yeah big reaction. I feel tons better now but still weak.

Mood is still good despite todays pdoc session, I feel like I am finally making progress

Babies? Baby what?

[Standup2me]

Bah, I am grumpy, cranky, miserable, slipping and fighting demons
It makes me tired
Life is trying to push me down, but I am strong enough to kick its butt

weather's been helping my mood this week. (let's here it for the rain!). but i don't think i'm content- no scrap that. i know i'm not content and not sure what it is i actually want in life.. questions that's been haunting me a lot

sleep as usual, barely anything

[scatterbrained04]

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I feel like I'm on the brink of having a bad episode of depression. Like it wouldn't take much but a little push to fall into the hole.

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Babies? Baby what?

Goats! My Kids

I love them so much already!

[Takeshi]

Originally Posted by wikiwiki77

I was feeling down and unproductive when I posted earlier. Since then I walked a mile, did 2 loads of laundry and cooked supper. I am feeling a little better about myself now.

I'm like that in the opposite direction. I felt I was doing okay, riding the wave just the way I liked it for hours, and I thought a little bit of normalcy came back to me. As it turned out, it was my wishful thinking, it wasn't like I was derailing or anything but ,, I was jumping up and down like a 5 y/o kid, and the music didn't help. You won't believe how many cuss words one can put into one verse of a rap song. Then I thought someone should come up with "cussing contest" or it could be named "cussing bee"! I gotta google it up later.

I don't have any calming music with me, most of them are ,,Eminem's hardcore rap, he listen to cello and get mellow while he eats his jellos! And I get to listen to his ,,artistic talent.

I'm still not sure whether or not I'd better stay away from the internetz, it's time consuming for sure, but we all know that unless you're doing hopelessly time wasting things, most of the time, you can do smart things on the net, don't know what the point of all of this, ,...

I got loads of great ideas that I could do by myself to help myself, yet ,,,,,,,,,,hmmm

Well, this is life, man. Are we walking on a path, the rail track that was laid for you and you try to stay on it, or are we
creating everything in the direction that you wanna go, doing both laying things down and some more like painting/drawing pictures that you wanna see, (I'm a lone guy so no passengers on my train, remember that pls...),,and my train, it is going full speed ahead, lots of steam coming out of it and it seems heavy, inertia, I need a fine control of it.

I just stop my non sense here.

(.........and it doesn't stop there. Life's neither a competition nor a comparison, at least for me, so I can enjoy the ride. )

@Supernova (lovely usename, You're supernova, Eminem sings about it. Very scientifically romantic name. good for you.)



Now that's cleared out. I remember that about you now. *phew*..........

I'm sorry to hear that you weren't doing good yesterday and two babies, plural, what?

(I'm glad that I'm a man, so I don't wake up one day and be 9 months pregnant. )

Hope you're doing better.

I woke up anxious, so CBT for a while but it didnt work so I said "screw this! I dont deserve this" and took a tiny dose of ativan to help me along the morning without having to throw up every step.

So now that the anxiety is undercontrol I have checked and cuddled my goatie kids and horses, made it back to the house just in time for the rain to hit hard. Its only 9.30 am and I've finished work, horrid weather out. Thinking this is a self nurture day since I will be stuck inside.

[Roblovescats]

Anyone remember me?

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[Takeshi]

Long *** post, no need to pay attention to me.

(What is this thread for? What does it say on #1? if someone can mention that in your posts here, I'd appreciate that..)

Possible trigger:

Yo, forgot to say congrats on new babies!

And nop, I consider myself still new, I don't read much here on PC, who rejected you? I can go and whip that *** for you,,haha. Nice to C U, anyhow and the cat avatar is a cute little thing. kinda hard to resist to feel soft so, maybe next time, I can get on your profile and see what kind of person you are, etc.. from Sunny California. Sounds nice but maybe too much sun for me,,

Well,,I'm checking in the second time today, I just got off work, it was a 8hrs shift, I used to do it without any problems, but past few days has been tough. I slept good last night and it is kinda working against me, I'm still running out of my breath right now, at every minutes that passes, it's like I've been running a full marathon, there's no time to get back to normal breathing, doing normal things like eating or thinking and doing what I'm gonna do in the next few minutes. If I were to do a few little things in the next couple of minutes, I will need to write those down and have to have the list with me the whole time to do things the way I'm supposed to do. Really anything I do has become so hard to do, staying away from this place, reading some old threads in BP forum in search of answeres, listening to musics, and all other things I've been trying don't seemed to be enough to keep my mind at ease.

And I have 14 hrs shifts waiting tomorrow and the day after. Then I get a day off. Some of you may know how I been fairing lately, I go bonkers when there's no structures/reality check/other eyes with me. I have too little personal responsibility, and it's good on one hand 'cos I won't be hurting no one, but on the other, I'm not handling my own mind, I think about making a thread asking specific questions but I don't think that's gonna help. I'm getting used to it, I just have to watch my mind and don't let it wander off every single seconds, every waking hours and this is just too exhausting.

There is this music track by yelawolf, I want it on my Kindle, but if I did that, and if I get to listen to it at every break at work tomorrow or even tonight, that could break my brain apart. Every senses on my body gets inputs, all I can do is I switch focus and try not to stay on one thought, while I have to think about taking a .shower and get ready for tomorrow.

How much sleep would be the best for me tonight? I have no friggin' idea and got no time to search and know. I know this is not a progress at all, it's just enduring, and I'm not looking for a cycle, I sometimes get this pressure in my head and the aspirin I took may have took care of it, though, the speed of which my brain is at work right now is the same, If I stop thinking, following anything for the right amount of time, this room that I'm looking out from my eyeballs might start to spin, li-te-ral^-lly.

I'm gonna stop here. I don't know how this gonna play out, one thing I have to prevent no matter what is to goi off the ledge and forget about my breathing, just black out at home, on the way to work, or at work, unless I'm in bed sleeping, ,,

The learning and getting used to part is true, I can now take shower without feeling every pleasurable sensations, and the shaving's not that dangerous, I do it every morning and I can't call them routine, you set any routine and do 'em without problems at all.

I don't even know what I'm really struggling with, If I let my thoughts to go to places where I see thinking void or someplace, a little feeling start to blossom and I know it drags me into it deeper, more emotions gonna come and ,,sweep me away. I'm not slipping away from reality, I'm trapped in it.

This is me, helping myself, starting my own journal and letting myself out in that way ,,,ain't my style. I need to be here, doing this out bursting. Still got few more things to do, There's no word to describe where my head's at right now. It's just awake. If this were a really piece of paper, I'd be shreading this to pieces this second...when I click and send this post, do I get extra space in my head for me to not so vigilant all the time, lose that control again and repeat that every minutes??

I'm gonna go get myself cleaned up. Y'all have a nice day/weekend.

[gayleggg]

Moon is fairly stable be there anxious is still challenging me, especially in the mornings. It is mid after before it starts to subside. It's keeping me from doing a lot of things so it really sucks.

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