Today has been tough. I think I am processing things or grieving. I know the crying feels productive. But the anxiety has been triggered. Some by pain some by needing to trust my partner can handle me and my animals in time of need. He is doin his best but I have to guide him - at least he is trying for me.

[Pikku Myy]

I am not doing too well this week either. I am just constantly anxious, easily irritated, and can't stop my mind from thinking. I hate it.

[gina_re]

I'm better...but physically I'm not that great. I'm also nervous to get the results my physical I had last week. My eating is horrible and I know it contributes to how bad I feel, but I cent help it. Then I start feeling guilty, etc etc etc

[Moreta]

Did too much today, so I'll probably do nothing tomorrow. I went to water aerobics, contacts a lawyer about appealing my denial of SSDI, and went to CVS to get some stuff. I feel beat, but I just made dinner, so I just have to wait for it to finish cooking. Will probably be an early night for me.

[gina_re]

Yup. I have a cold.

[Nammu]

Still feeling kind of numb since going back on the AP. I try to remember to change the mood thingy here as often as once a day...but mostly it's a stab in the dark...hmm what emotion should I feel. Numb gets boring after awhile. Perhaps it's more of a hope? If I put down a mood I'll feel one? Oh well I'm just nattering on here to avoid more boxes of crap to sort.

I'm not feeling great right now. I broke up with my BF this afternoon. That we loved one another was not in question but for reasons I won't delve into trust had come into question. It became apparent that no matter how much he tried to prove he loved me I would always question the trust. Leaving him was something that had to be done.

And it kills me.

Obviously I have a lot of emotions to deal with; but, this has another impact to my life.

The fact of the matter is he was my life. We spent 3 days together each week. Those three days were basically my life. Yes, I have some activities I do each week but the point is that I had grown dependent on him to have a life of activity and reward.

I am now faced with wondering what on earth I shall now do.

[gayleggg]

I'm not feeling very well today but I don't think it has to do with my mental health for a change.

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[L.Green]

Hi, I'm totally new and I have a bit of stage fright. After 8 years being stuck in depression then feeling really amazing for like 11 months, now I'm just kinda riding the ride. Not going way to high, and my lows are pretty low but very short lived. Right now, I'm feeling... Well

[BlackSheep79]

I just found out this week that my department will most likely downsize. I'm completely freaking out. I probably will find out this next week. Stress triggered the psychosis a few weeks ago, and this is ten times worse. I'm not up to a therapeutic dose on Geodon and I'm freaking out that this will trigger it again. I just don't know what to do? I'm praying that I'm going to still have a job, but I also don't want others to lose there job. I'm stuck in the middle on my feelings. I feel hopeless right now.

[Upsidedownandinside]

I'm doing ok today,
Not too depressed, not elevated either.
Maybe meds are working.
A bit of anxiety though, but not too bad.
Have stuff to do, but sitting at work.
Need to get my concerta so I can focus again., studies have to start up again.
Haven't got much get up and go though. Feel lethargic...

[PrincessxKitty]

I would say today was a good day for me

My anxiety and negative thoughts were triggered multiple times throughout the day/night but I was able to ground myself, challenge the negative thoughts, practice being mindful, and staying positive.

It was definitely a challenge though, I'm not gonna lie...

[scatterbrained04]

Found my son's bedroom floor, but the rest of the house is covered badly in his toys. All I want to do today is get rid of stuff, but he is ALWAYS home and fights me. Feeling so overwhelmed. Not sure what to do. We have too much stuff, and it's causing me so much anxiety.

[hopeless2015]

Doing better today than I have in awhile... I'll take it

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[Curiosity77]

Crying and confused

[fishin fool]

Still here

[BlackSheep79]

I slept really good last night, yay me! Went in for OT today, just a few hours. Miss my hubby, he's been working a lot. Still on and off struggling with accepting that I am going to have to be on APs for the rest of my life. The thought that I experienced psychosis is a struggle for me. I just don't understand why I am having trouble accepting this? I think part of it is being scared it's going to happen again is what is really bothering, it was terrifying for me. I thought someone was on the roof dragging furniture around. Now I find myself dismissing it and thinking it had to have been thunder I was hearing, but I know I heard those sounds the next day at work and no one around me was acting like they were hearing anything. Just ranting out loud, it could have been so much worse, and I think that is what I'm afraid of because I'm under a ton of work stress right now. Hope everyone is doing well.

[Standup2me]

BF wants to come to the P.doc with me this week.
He says that I don't always tell the dr the truth (which I admit is true)
But...I am not too sure if I want him there

[gayleggg]

Feeling pretty jittery this morning. I should feel better. We finally found someone to explain all the Medicare stuff and set up a policy for my husband, but I still have doubts about whether we did the right thing. Everything is so complicated and that is a trigger for me. I just wish I could be sure we are making the right choices.

Too, my friend is feeling better and wants to start back to work. I'm anxious and am not looking forward to starting back. I don't know why I like what we create. It's just anxiety. Like she wanted to start back today but didn't call me until 10 and I hadn't had a shower yet and didn't want to start that late considering it would take me half an hour to drive to her place.

As you can see, I'm all over the place today. I decided to stay home and wash clothes and start fresh tomorrow. I just hope the anxiety is less tomorrow.

[kimber1234]

My brain is FRIED! Mood is fine. I think it has more to do with what I've been eating, adding the med in the afternoon, and being a hall monitor for the PSAT all morning. You wouldn't think sitting in a hallway would drain you but WOW! am I DRAINED!

[gayleggg]

My mood is very low. My day has been off and I'm feeling irritated and depressed. My husband is getting on my nerves.

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[Standup2me]

P.doc tomorrow. Tell the truth or lie? Am I fine, or spinning downward? What a situation to be in

[hopeless2015]

I don't know sometimes I think I'm OK then I think I'm loosing my fing mind

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[Curiosity77]

Awful night last night, because i told my BF/ex that he can't stay until the end of the month, and his reaction was awful. He said some awful things, and was aggressive and a little scary. I think i'm right to make him leave. He broke up with me abruptly, and it's my apartment which he only moved in with me a few months ago. I said he can stay one week. He apologized after, and then sent apology texts and texted lots of pics of our cats to me through the day while i was working. He's out now, but should be back any time, and i honestly don't know what to expect. He's very confusing, and narcissistic.

I saw my pdoc today, and it went well. She wasn't as pushy about meds as i expected. I didn't want saphris, so she gave me an Rx for seroquel, and said i only have to take it if my mood goes off again. So just to have the Rx in case. She was supportive about all this stuff, and said he doesn't seem well, which i agree.

So i'm feeling ok right now, but don't know about the rest of the evening.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I shouldn't be posting here but that message made me really happy; I freaking knew it.

My mom has a form of bipolar, as confirmed by her psychiatrist the other day then relayed to me.

I guess it's just nice to have an explanation, labeling the behavior that scared me so much growing up. I know that my mom has very low lows, but I've never seen her manic. I have seen mood shifts before, and was usually on the receiving end since there's no one else around. Even now, she'll blame me for ruining her life one day and call to chat a few days later. That said, it struck me when so much of her treatment, from diagnosis to medication, was related to bipolar, yet she denied it and called me an idiot if I ever brought it up.

The way my mom puts it, her highs are "being a normal person", with appropriate emotional responses. I don't know about that, but it's definitely a wider range compared to depression.

Guess I'm fascinated to know that there's an explanation for it, even if we're increasingly estranged.