[darien]

It's interesting because I notice that whenever I have racing thoughts, my mind races a million miles an hour thinking of everything that has happened, can happen and is happening in my life and which each thought a wave of emotion hits me as it passes by according to it's subject matter. But I also notice, that while my mind is racing a million miles an hour, I frequently have myself singing song lyrics and tunes in my head in between...And I really feel like listening to music increases these racing thoughts and puts a huge load on my brain which causes my troubles.

Also I was reading about how listening to music can put a strain on the brain because with each song not only are we processing what we are hearing, but we also attach the song to things that are meaningful to us, whether its past experiences, or things that we wish for in the future - and mindfulness teaches that we should be here in the present moment - so it's interesting for me to say that music is a bad thing, because I am an audiophile and I got studio monitor speakers on my computer, and I also have one of the best headphones on the planet connected to an external DAC and amplifier and I always play FLAC music... But now I feel like music is a bad thing and should be ERADICATED FROM THIS WORLD!!

However, as always - nobody wants to listen to me, even though i could literally fix this entire planet in 1 week if i had my way, but since nobody ever listened to im just biding my time here on this planet and hoping to die as soon as possible, because since people didn't listen to me, there will always be suffering in this world and the coming years will get much worse as pollution, overpopulation and corporate greed increase. I feel very sad for all the people having children these days, because they cannot even imagine the torment their kids will have to face in the future.

[HALLIEBETH87]

When my mind is racing it always has music in there. I'll hear same song over and over

[BeyondtheRainbow]

^Mine too. I've been tormented the last few days by a parts of a song from Moulan mixed with about 3 measures of classical music, over and over.

I think this is just part of it though; I don't think it is actually hurting the brain. There are lots of things on repeat in there for me; even sometimes my thoughts will go on a loop, like I need to think them more than once. Or memories. I get lots of memories repeating and often it's the same ones from episode to episode. I think it is just something the brain does, not something we can avoid in any way.

[cashart10]

Hi and welcome to PC. I am sorry you feel so despondant and that you feel no one listens to you. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

Before I comment on music, I just want to ask you if you or anyone who knows you think you are having any symptoms of mania. I don't mean to upset you but your post sounds a little like you are experiencing delusions of grandeur. Aside from that, you stated your mind is racing incessantly. Maybe if you are feeling this way you should contact your psychiatrist (pcoc), or if you don't have one, seek one out.

That stated, I have a serious obsession with music. My pdoc asks me at every visit how I'm doing "with the music issues." My husband freaks out if I am listening to the same song on repeat or if I listen for too long as he knows listening in either of these contexts is often amplified during an episode or even that listening can be a major trigger for an episode.

[Keegan2015]

^^I second Cashart ... Can't tell if Darien is trying to be humorous / sarcastic or if he's actually being serious (you can never be sure on these forums). if he's being serious then the last couple of paragraphs are pretty manic sounding....

To answer the question though, yeah some music causes my thoughts to race. Particularly uptempo hard rock and metal.

[BlueInanna]

yes! I go crazy over songs that won't leave my head! Doc said this is normal for mania. So a few days ago, I found a soothing song and play it on headphones, or just make it loop in my head instead of the crap song.

Really interesting topic - yes, I get all caught up in these memories and story lines of past, present, future. I go pretty much into delusions of some other life. And I'm just stopping myself - the new med helps, my mind has really slowed down I'm so relieved.

If you're interested, find a soothing song to replace the bad loop? I'm amazed it really helped me. Music can be so emotional & you know smells are too that's why perfume is such a thing. Both are strongly tied to memories.

But music is not all bad - I'll never believe that - I love music and think it's the most intelligent thing about culture next to kindness.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Blue-D you tend to get stuck on good memories or bad? For the entire last year I've had a loop of every time I ever screwed up at work playing in my head. It won't stop, I just have accepted it the best I can and hope that when I am well again I never think of those things again. Those thoughts are much worse than they were when I was realizing I could not work anymore; at that time I was concentrating on what I could no longer do (I had surgery with severe akathesia afterward that landed me IP and my brain never bounced back fully which was the last straw for the sinking ship that was working after stupid Medicare enacted a new rule a few months before that was making life impossible) and not what I'd done badly but now it is all things done badly, all the time. Even things I didn't do badly but that my patients didn't necessarily like hearing count or times drs. didn't listen to me and things got worse or various other bad scenarios. It's weird that my brain is so stuck on that; i haven't worked since 2011. But that's what it has chosen (this all got really bad when I had a put my national certification into retirement last January or February; I wasn't doing well and that was the last straw and then it just never got better). I'm so sick of some of those memories.

[BlueInanna]

Both - I get stuck on the good and the bad. I have done a lot of work on letting myself free from the guilt and bad memories, but I still go there. I also real (sp?) into a fantasy world based on a past love I never got over, or happy times I felt very in touch spiritually. Hmm.. complicated I've never tried to articulate this. I'd just say i'm in my head a lot! Way more than I want to be! So this bella's lullaby song from twilight - it's awesome - only neutral memories - maybe that's why it works? And I love the pianist's talent.

[BlueInanna]

By the way I spend a lot of time worrying about the planet & future of humanity & my children. And try to explain the sorrow I feel to friends they don't get it. They are good earth conscious people but somehow they can stay calm in their head with what we are facing. I went to the ocean the other day and it was intense. I went on a long walk with my friend and tried to explain to her how strange it felt to me to be ok in this moment. I felt like mama ocean had the power to transmute all our pain, and I don't mean in a dooms day way, I felt it in a beautiful metaphysical way. My mind had slowed down just enough for me to understand that. Coming out of that evil mania where I was so paranoid I thought I'd been cursed by someone, coming out of that just now made me see the sunlight on the water in such a different way. Maybe my point is things are sometimes less black & white than we see them while in an episode. And I'm going to go back to mindfulness therapy which will hopefully help me find that inner balance.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

At this point it's not like there's a lot of really helping me besides listening in therapy and letting me vent. My therapist points things out sometimes and makes suggestions but there's no hard work being done. But I've known him 10 years. I can see in his face when I am getting too black/white and he doesn't want to bother confronting me on it but kind of feels like maybe he should.......usually he just says "oh, rainbow, you know that's not true" and we move on but honestly I have not a clue what he is referring to later on. It will go away someday and we'll have rational conversations again but for right now I think I live where there isn't much grey. Which makes me think things like my pdoc hates me if she's not getting the hospital worked out. Not true; i pretty much asked her. Or so many other examples. I can see also when I throw one at my mom; she never knows what to do with it. I do understand why.

I will be so glad to have a brain back.

[darien]

People don't believe I have what it takes to fix this world, and they can't even notice that it is from my brain that sparked this thread which crated such an eye opening dialogue.

[RomanJames2014]

Yes!
For my manic self, music becomes everything. If I'm not listening to music, I am writing and creating or singing in repetition or hearing the music in my head over and over again.
When I am listening to music my mind explodes and takes wings. It's an amazing euphoria and I love that moment that it happens.
Music and the response that I have to it is just little bit of light in this dark illness.

Rock on!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Keegan2015]

Originally Posted by darien

People don't believe I have what it takes to fix this world, and they can't even notice that it is from my brain that sparked this thread which crated such an eye opening dialogue.

yeah you're really changing the world here, buddy

[touched by fire]

Yup music totally influences my mood and I can change which mood I would like to be in with a song, when I'm struggling. When I'm balanced it's not as easy. Everything you stated is true and I have talked about this very topic with my doctors.

I have to listen to music though... there is just too much *noise* in my head going on... sometimes just being able to control what I'm hearing is what keeps me from going off the deep end.

[Imah]

Darien said, "However, as always - nobody wants to listen to me, even though i could literally fix this entire planet in 1 week if i had my way".

LOL! Darien, HUGE HUGS to you. I know exactly that mania feeling and agree I could also fix the entire planet. How about if all bipolars get together, get off meds, mania attack and take over planet. What a revolution we would have. <3

As far as the music goes. Perhaps its a chicken/egg thing. Which comes first.

i think we all have our, " musical triggers"

i know for me, music (90 percent of the time) is a relief.

but yeah... songs with strong lyrics that i relate to in a bad way can set my thoughts racing- and make me feel bad

[bbTofu]

Originally Posted by darien

It's interesting because I notice that whenever I have racing thoughts, my mind races a million miles an hour thinking of everything that has happened, can happen and is happening in my life and which each thought a wave of emotion hits me as it passes by according to it's subject matter. But I also notice, that while my mind is racing a million miles an hour, I frequently have myself singing song lyrics and tunes in my head in between...And I really feel like listening to music increases these racing thoughts and puts a huge load on my brain which causes my troubles.

Also I was reading about how listening to music can put a strain on the brain because with each song not only are we processing what we are hearing, but we also attach the song to things that are meaningful to us, whether its past experiences, or things that we wish for in the future - and mindfulness teaches that we should be here in the present moment - so it's interesting for me to say that music is a bad thing, because I am an audiophile and I got studio monitor speakers on my computer, and I also have one of the best headphones on the planet connected to an external DAC and amplifier and I always play FLAC music... But now I feel like music is a bad thing and should be ERADICATED FROM THIS WORLD!!

However, as always - nobody wants to listen to me, even though i could literally fix this entire planet in 1 week if i had my way, but since nobody ever listened to im just biding my time here on this planet and hoping to die as soon as possible, because since people didn't listen to me, there will always be suffering in this world and the coming years will get much worse as pollution, overpopulation and corporate greed increase. I feel very sad for all the people having children these days, because they cannot even imagine the torment their kids will have to face in the future.

Sounds like you're in some distress, and perhaps you connect this to music because it seems to exaggerate your state.

I'd like to point out something you might already know;
It is known today that music can manipulate/activate areas in our brain that are responsible for increase in activity (mental/physical), sometimes it is even compared to drugs.

So I can totally see how some music may worsen the racing mind, but imho - rarely it will 'create' a certain state on it's own.

We use to listen to kind of music that aligns with our mood.
We will prefer sad music when we feel bit down..
For example I'd listen to something very exuberant and full of tension and color when I feel like I'm in a rush, feeling high. And the music will enhance whatever emotion I experience - almost magically. (God, I love Beethoven).

I understand how sad you feel about world's problems, I feel that way too sometimes, but how can I benefit the world if I, too, will be miserable?

[newtothis31]

That is a great observation. I stopped listening to music for a long time after my diagnosis. It's only been in the past year that I feel like I can handle, and even then- I won't listen to certain songs.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Same here newtothis. I will only willingly listen to what is on my iPod. Otherwise things tend to annoy me more. I didn't start listening to music until 10 years after diagnosis. Music being a problem was actually one of my very first signs; I stopped going to church because it was too much for me to be there. I hate stores that play loud music.

[wiretwister]

right now I am obsessing over a korean girl group , do not understand a word but just love the sound of it , it lifts me up and is keeping me going

... but it's a two edged sword ... too much and it swirls in my head all night ... actually causes severe headaches ... so I can be depressed or suffer pain ... right now I am going for the pain ... the consant ringing in my head ... so far xanex helps ...

I really feel this is not good for me long term ... but it's all I got right now ...

ps: my pdoc wants me back on geodon .. but I swore I would never go back on a ap again ... non-complient coming

[ToxicCupcake]

I just went through this at 4am this morning. The same song playing in my head over and over. And I was having the same conversation with myself over and over at the same time. It's not a new experience to me.It happens more than I care to admit. It's maddening. I never knew if this was "normal" and other people experienced this. I was scared to ask anyone, really. Is this what you call mania? I feel some sort of relief that I'm not alone and sad too that anyone has to deal with this. I have no way of coping with it, I just hope that some other distraction will come along and snap me out of it.

[JamesDeanLives]

Music can play in my head non stop. I can hear it when I sleep. When I'm feeling good and up I listen to music all day. From before the sun comes up to well, to when the sun comes back up.

[Takeshi]

Very interesting thread, thanks. My gmail account is full, so I can't transfer any music right now to this dumb kindle. I listen to the same songs from my kindle and my dumb phone over and over again and I enjoy the experience. First, the music don't play in my head on it's own, it stops when the player stops, I feed my brain and try to accelerate it, the music that I listen to sometimes feel too slow. I was looking around doing ppl watching on train ride today, everyone's feeding their brain with some information, they almost looked like an addiction of some kind. This is just one of my favorite theory right now, I say you listen to fine music, and you should be fine. Recently, I feel that my mind has this waves of perspective changes, and I love them all. When my mind is in sync when I hit the play button, the mind starts to race up. One try to take over the other, chasing the speed, buzz! Eradicated? Please create instead. Someone out there put their hearts and souls into them, that's music. Someone like you might have done it.

As for fixing the world in 1 week, why 1 week? What's the plan? I was out and about trying to do just that today. The beginning of it anyways. No one can confirm the truth you see and my truth seems to change during the course of the day. Everything's connected to each other. As bbTofu pointed out, science explains a few things, you suspect the cause and the effect, you probably know it to be the truth. Just use it!

[bbTofu]

A thought came to my mind now about music.

At times, I look for someone to share my emotions, a connection. Sometimes there is a human being to connect to, sometimes it doesn't work.. the other person is in very different "frequency", at times it would be my dog but she might be sleeping ..

So, what's left? Yes, Music.
Yesterday I felt sad, just sad. and when I turned on Scarlatti's K34 Sonata, I felt this connection, it's like me and the sonata became One.
That is what makes me appreciate music so deeply.