Why so angry rant

I've realised that instead of my mood going all over the place I actually just switch between excitement & open minded to irritable & angry (sometimes agitated & ranting, ranting which often then set off the excitement again). I get "depressed" but it's more agitated than what you would expect. It's low mood combined with the inability to relax. Its maddening, none of the meds have worked other than benzos which I'm not allowed. I cannot settle myself to a comfortable level. I mean it's not like I'm always raging, I just always feel on edge, sometimes it turns into raging.

I pay close attention to my moods now, I do my best to reign them in & not act on my emotions, to the point I don't think anyone actually understands that I'm battling in my head until I have an outburst & then they're all shocked.

I don't know the cause of all this below the surface anger & conflict that I have. It's like I'm in one ridiculously long, fairly mild but still infuriating mixed episode. Or this has nothing to do with bipolar & I'm looking for answers in the wrong place.

Have you ever brought this up with your p-doc?

When I get super agitated, irritated, anxious... it's part of a mixed episode. But depending on the context I've also experienced similar symptoms (except with the addition of depersonalization) when I get a PTSD trigger.

It's a hard thing to deal with. I like to punch/kick/attack my punching bag (I bought one just for that) and then take an ice cold shower to help me literally chill out (it triggers the 'diver reflex' and calms you down).

Maybe take up boxing? Or maybe analyse the anger to better express yourself.

At least you should regulate the anger in some (benign) way or it will dysregulate itself (as you've experienced).

You could have dysphoric mania like me. In mania I get very agitated, annoyed, angry. Do you have a PRN you could take to calm you? I only take my risperdal PRN when I get like this. It really settles the anger.



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How's ur dope smoking going? Benzos?

Sorry you're struggling.

moogs

Sorry for the late replay, haven't been online for abit.

I have let my pdoc know, I think that's why he rx stelazine in low doses, so far as I can tell its for severe anxiety & agitation. It works abit just nowhere near aswell as a benzo.

I've considers boxing actually, I'm just so embarrassed when i go to do physical sports, I used to be fit now I'm just sort of emaciated & I can barely follow instruction, especially if I'm nervous, but it's a good suggestion.

My old pdoc said he thinks it's dysphoric hypomania but it happens ALOT, can you have hypomania for months to years at a time? With short periods of remission or switch to depression?

Hi moogie. I haven't used benzos for months. Still dope smoking though.

I think risperdal may be a good try. Though I'm far from a dr, it's just a thought. It really curbed my anger and agitation. I only take it PRN but it's supposed to me a daily AP however it caused sexual side effects.

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I understand the mood. In my support group we call it black mania.

Do you have enough presence of mind to relate to a rage or an anger?

Are you well enough to write it down on one side and draw a line then say why on the other side? Thus processing the anger or rage.

Good job on no benzo's. I was off them for almost a year. She put me back on a pretty small amount for night time if needed for restless leg syndrome, which is miserable. I was med free 6 months when the rls started last August. There's a possibility it was caused by the benzo withdrawl which can last quite some time. Your current anger could be a lot of things, benzo withdrawl yes still, a sign of depression, or add or mania to name a few. I can get very agitated and angry during hypo or mania. I don't like when my mind won't stop.
There's a website benzobuddies for people getting off benzo's. I did not find any good support buddies there but there was a lot of good info. If you may want to take a look at it. Benzo withdrawl symptoms can last a long time. And now they know benzo's can cause early onset dimentia. Weird how a little over a year ago my pdoc told me "it's such a good effective med". Now she's saying the opposite but it's the treatment for my rls. Other rls med has an ad in it which made me manic.
I really doubt pot is making you angry, you could stop for awhile to make sure though.

Blueinnana I really never related it to a benzo withdrawal as I was only ever on very low doses prn but it's a good suggestion. It's got something to do with GABA I'm certain, as alcohol & benzos help significantly.
Oceanswimmer I am still battling to figure out what the cause of this anger & frustration is, for 2 years now. I'll try the drawing a line thing though thanks.