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#926
Jun 12, 2016, 07:08 PM
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Finally went and got new summer clothes. It hurt so much standing and bending, but I did it! I'm down 2 sizes but not down enough to fit into last summer's clothes. I got 2 really cute short sleeved blouses and 2 t shirts. And 2 pair of Capris. Could only handle that much bc of the pain. Also went and got tobacco and tubes to make cigarettes for my cigarette making machine. Then picked up some groceries at Safeway.
So far a productive day. 
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 Nammu
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#927
Jun 12, 2016, 07:17 PM
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Some days I feel so comfortable being me I think I am normal. Today I wonder if I have ever been normal in my life. What is reality? Is this a dream?
Last edited by Anrea; Jun 12, 2016 at 10:44 PM. |
| Anonymous41403, Nammu
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#928
Jun 12, 2016, 07:29 PM
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Quote:
 I've seen it: it's awful. 
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
| Anrea
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#929
Jun 13, 2016, 01:36 AM
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Still doing very badly. SI, agitation, low mood, irritable and inpatient. Doctor added Latuda and increased Lamotrigine. I hope it kicks in soon. Still, I am IP right now so i will be walking a fine line getting on a plane less that 24 hours after discharge! I am going on a 4 day holiday on Thursday morning. At least I have that to look forward to but coming home scares me as I won't have anything to look forward to and have to get back to work which I am not up to right now. Worried i might do something.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
| Anonymous45023, Anrea, Icare dixit
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#930
Jun 13, 2016, 09:10 AM
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I've been feeling shaky and nauseous the last few days. I wanna get off this roller coaster!
__________________
Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 |
| Anonymous45023
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#931
Jun 13, 2016, 09:54 AM
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Stayed home sick today, at least I'm not depressed but boy is my stomach upset
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Anonymous45023, Unrigged64072835
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#932
Jun 13, 2016, 12:52 PM
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Going back to work after 2 weeks off. As always, am anxious about it. I'm doing a swing shift (in a hospital) and hope I'm able to stay awake til 11:30pm. I just hope one of these days I don't get so anxious, it's in large part because of my s**t memory, so I make mistakes I shouldn't and then am really hard on myself.
All I can do is the best I can, this is what I keep telling myself. I also need to find a T near me (not an easy feat because I live in an isolated area) to help me with it, I'm just afraid of missing more work and they won't take my Obamacare insurance which many docs around here don't. On the other hand I know these are just excuses... |
| Wander
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#933
Jun 13, 2016, 03:58 PM
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Yet another slow day. Daughter came home sick but she's feeling better now.
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#934
Jun 13, 2016, 04:31 PM
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Only days of work left...count down...26
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Takeshi
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#935
Jun 13, 2016, 05:53 PM
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Getting anxious to find out what is up with my ear. I've had loud constant ringing in one ear and hearing loss for 6 weeks now. My ear feels physically weird. My noise sensitivity issues are insane now between bipolar and my ear issue. MRI next week and hopefully some answers in 2 weeks.
Sent from my LGLS990 using Tapatalk |
| Anonymous45023, Anrea, Takeshi
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#936
Jun 13, 2016, 06:11 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
 Takeshi
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#937
Jun 14, 2016, 11:57 AM
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Feeling "like myself" today.
Do y'all ever feel as though you are three people? 1. Productive, calm, capable, introspective,responsible and friendly 2. Carefree, wild, indulgent, energetic, creative, arrogant and angry 3. Weepy, self hating, defeated, meek, self destructive, and lost Today I am of sound mind after days of laying in bed unbathed and crying constantly. Getting up and making breakfast, going to appointments and handling the household care feels like winning. Please please let me stay person number one today. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Anonymous45023, Nammu, Takeshi
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#938
Jun 14, 2016, 12:10 PM
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Appointment today with nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. 20 minutes every 3 months. I am thinking I need to start seeing a talk therapist again, but I don't feel like it. I haven't been taking my meds consistently for awhile now, just pop one occasionally the last 4 days. Otherwise, haven't really taken them since I think it was March 6th (I have that written down somewhere). I had gotten this alarming dispenser, and started to lvl out, but got sick and blamed meds and bla bla bla from there. The med dispenser was great, but really friggin loud. Like a fire alarm was going off in the house 4 times a day. ( I am supposed to take 11 daily). Have had a couple bad episodes, but I don't really care. I over eat so often, and am so fat that I don't want anyone to look at me and I don't let people take pictures of me. My husband says I am not fat, but what does he know. I need the mania to help me not eat and get skinny again.
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| Anonymous41403
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| Takeshi
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#939
Jun 14, 2016, 01:17 PM
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I'm having a ball. I'm living. In shorts, no shirt, flipflops and Marley and Buffett in my ears all day and all night.
Life could have been this good the ten months I spent in sheer hell with depression. But I wouldn't have never met any of you, my family. I hope each and every one of you gets God's help to realize that it will go away. Nothing is forever, not even depression.
__________________
]Roses are red. Violets are blue.[ Look for the positive in the negative. PIRILON. If lemons fall from the sky, make lemonade. Unknown. Nothing stronger than habit. Victor Hugo. You are the slave of what you say, and the master of what you keep. Unknown. |
| Anrea, Nammu
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| Coconutzo, Nammu, Takeshi
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#940
Jun 14, 2016, 01:37 PM
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Good day today, this has been about two weeks out of depression, so very thankful
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Anrea, Takeshi
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| Takeshi
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#941
Jun 14, 2016, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
I feel blessed to have bipolar because of this. I know that nothing every lasts. Which has given me a new appreciation for everything in life and has made me so much more resilient Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Anrea, pirilin
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#942
Jun 14, 2016, 03:12 PM
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I was just looking at a paper that I need to fill in, that's too complicated for my situation, it involves a bit of money, a medical bill to be specific. It's probably unavoidable that I'll be making a scene at the hospital over payment, I'm confident that I won't get too mad unreasonably. Well, I could be facing a stupidity of anyone out there, I'll still need to hold myself in any situation that may arise. Although it's a bit difficult for me right now to remember the purpose of this mission, (it won't be an experiment, experience! there's a huge difference.), I'm holding myself together pretty well considering, I just feel that I can't do overly wrong because all the proof I need is within my heart. I'm brewing my coffee and I'm really pressed for time. Ahhh, I need a focusin pill.
ETA: I guess I was a bit too vague in this post. This'll only be the second time I'm seeing this kinda doctor, he seems to be a jack of all trades, from other place, a sleep study specialist? Y'know, this hospital I'm vising have this pictures of optic topography explaining what MI lights up which part of brain, all neatly displayed, so I'm not trusting 'em at all. I have a bit of sleep issues, so I'm gonna ask that. The point is, what am I really paying for? My goal is to get some kinda diagnosis out of this mission, I'll be needing that to continue onto the other mission. This hospital is run by this prefectural government(is this a word?), it's the biggest in my area. I'm checking the system, so other's won't be taking advantage of? Meh, that's not exactly whatever this is. Private practices, yeah, I can't say anything about them even if they suck and drug people who won't be really needing them. How much "informed" consent would I get, if I opt for their psychopharmacological treatment? Furthermore, do they offer supplemental option like psychotherapy? I just have questions for the quote unquote, the mental health care system!!! Call me what you want, I'll be the grandest asshole 4 YOU today. (No worries, you just go about your business, come home safe, make your family happy and all that. Family obligation is the most important things in my book for you, not me. Talking too much just like yesterday at the barber...I complimented him! ) Last edited by Takeshi; Jun 14, 2016 at 04:14 PM. |
| Anrea, Prism Bunny
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#943
Jun 14, 2016, 04:38 PM
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Good day!
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Anrea, Takeshi
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#944
Jun 14, 2016, 04:44 PM
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Today was a good day thankfully. I didn't feel any pressure at work or anything, which seems to have been one of my main triggers recently. We've been so busy (and under staffed) that I've been working upwards of 50-60 hours per week. The overtime pay is nice, but I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted by the end of the week.
Anyone wanna come help me clean and pack my apartment for moving??? LOL!!! 
__________________
Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 |
| Anrea, Takeshi
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#945
Jun 14, 2016, 04:53 PM
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Justjace I'll pack yours if you pack me me!
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Anrea
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| Takeshi
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#946
Jun 14, 2016, 05:37 PM
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Takeshi, it seems like your plate is full! I hope it all turns out well, though.
__________________
. The man who chases two rabbits, catches neither. - Confucius  Good for life: Work like a dog. Eat like a horse. Think like a fox. And play like a rabbit. - George Allen
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| Anrea
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| Takeshi
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#947
Jun 14, 2016, 05:46 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 |
| Anrea, Nammu
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| Takeshi
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#948
Jun 15, 2016, 12:17 AM
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Quote:
 I have and I'm losing now.
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| Anrea, Coconutzo
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#949
Jun 15, 2016, 12:18 AM
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Boring day today. Been upset about that shooting tonight. Tomorrow will hopefully be better. I have a lot going on tomorrow...
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| Anrea, Takeshi
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#950
Jun 15, 2016, 12:43 PM
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Got a lot done at work this morning , I hope the afternoon goes as well and fast
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Anrea, Takeshi
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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