Have I ruined my relationship with a new freind?

Lately I have been on a high. I have spent $60,000 in antique collectables during the time span of a couple months. My sleep has been non-existent having been restless and wired up but very agitated and unproductive. I then had a nightmare. Reality began to sink in on how I have been behaving and what kind of role model I am being for my daughter. It hurt. By the next day I was up again. Another event in my life is bringing me back more into reality.

I have earlier befreinded an antique dealer. We got along terrific. He was looking forward to meeting me when he moves close to where I live, a return to a place that him and his wife miss living at. In an email, I went into a rant on how difficult it has been to take care of my mother who is in the advanced stages of dementia. I told him I needed to get away for a couple days. I then referred to a regular weekly episode of having to get her into the bathroon in order to clean her up once a week. I mentioned that she screams, bites, and kicks when I this happens. I failed to tell him that my mother is happily watching television after all of this.

Immediately the emails stopped being sent to me from this person who I was hoping would be my new freind. I think I have revealed an ugly side of me. But I do not think he is seeing this outburst as evidence of that. At least I hope this is not true. However, when I told him that every week, when I give my mother a mandatory shower, she screams for the police. I must have come across as a monster. Most of the public is in what I term a "willful denial" about mental ilness and that there is an ugly side of this. In my mothers case, she needs to be made to clean herself. For several months now this means my daughter's mother and the female caretaker gives her this shower, washing her, and dressing her afterwards.

Still, I must of come across as a lunatic in my email to him. This together with relating to him what I have done to my mother every week must have been apalling to him. He is in his late seventies. So even though I can rationalize my part, I now know I have been "manic", and probably have come accross "crazy", and being a "monster" in how I have been treating my mother. I want to state here that I am not happy at all with what I find that I periodically need to do to take care of my mother. It has been breaking my heart. But if I cannot see to her basic needs, she can be taken from me.

I think I made a big mistake with my freind. As I can do, I have ended up mishandling a relationship that has been becoming important to me. Yesterday, I was driving around with another freind like a maniac. Fortunately he is aware of my problem. I also texted my daughter with my rants om how great this will all turn out in the end. She has been worried as watches me go through most all of my bank account. Last night I had a kind of breakdown during an emotianally ridden night.

What do you guys think? Have I lost this person who I was hoping will become my new freind? Scaring him? Most importantly, what have I done to my daughter's thought of me? Scaring her? I am really distressed right now.

Tucson

PS I had been taken off my anti-manic medicatiin just before this happened. I am now titrating up on Risperidone which will take another couple weeks.

You need to come down from your mania, right away. This is serious. I would see your p-doc as soon as possible.

I agree. You need your meds adjusted. I hope your friendship continues but as you say, many people misunderstand mental illnesses.

First of all, you are no monster. What you do for your mom is caring and unfortunately a part of many peoples life's when they have to take care of their sick parents some day. I would do it for mine. I don't know how close you are with this guy but you said you developed a long history. And he's older, he should understand what you're doing for your mom. Maybe it made him uncomfortable to hear but that's not comfortable for anyone to hear about another's pain. If you're indeed close to this person and you tell each other what's going on in your life's then I don't see the issue. As far as your spending, yes your daughter may be worried. Anyone would be if they saw their family going through that. I know my family worries about my MI often. No, they definitely don't understand though. But they still worry. You should worry about yourself right now and getting YOU better. If you have a pdoc then see him asap to get on the right meds to get out of what your going through right now. And the guilt and embarrassment your feeling, we all go through that. Especially after a hypo/manic episode. Hell I just looked at old msgs in my fb and stuff and I feel like a freak show right now. I just now edited a post on here because I said too much about myself that I'm just not ready to put out there. I'm embarrassed right at this moment! We've been there, done that lol.

In no way are you a monster. Your sick. Get yourself better so you can take care of your family. ((Hugs))

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Oh yes. in my zeal at the beginning of this last week, I signed myself up for an antiques auction that is being held in the state of Maine. Inside of an hour, I made the arrangements of shuttle transport, airline tickets, car rental, and hotel. I had the auction site add me to their list of antendees, and had the send me a catalog of their upcoming auction. I also initiated the search for people who would cover for my mothers care through her insurance.

Later in that week, I had examined what antiques were coming up for auction, their order of auction, determined the three I would bid on and their order, and determined their estimated value. I then went to work on a bidding strategy, and at the same time, tried to get my daughter involved in my excitement.

A few days later, things began unraveling. This part started with a specific event. I discovered that I have made the wrong arrangements where the auction lasts two days instead of one. I then discovered there is no refund on my plane tickets. I started to go downhill from there.

Tucson

This antiques dealer is someone that I have befreinded over the last couple weeks. I do not think my relationship with him had developed enough for me to unload on him like I did. I think I have shocked him.

I think I want to go somewhere for a little vacation. But I think I will need to phone my pdoc Monday. I need to get away. This thought was the germ of my plan to attend that auction. Now I really want to get away ASAP. I need to go now. Maybe a trip to San Diego will be better than a trip to the 40 degree weather of Portland, Maine. I wish I could take my daughter. She is growing up so quickly. She did like our trip to Catalina Island back over a half a year ago.

D*mn! I need a girlfriend! That is who I need! Geez. Someone who is another adult who I can have some fun with. A periodic escape. No balance in my life.

Tucson

Is your mania turning twords a Psycotic episode ?
I've read all of your posts and it reminds me of how convinced I was that I needed 200 Barbie dolls. Luckily they didn't cost $60,000.

You say you've gone thru most of your savings. What are you going to do about that?

Geography doesn't always heal. Leaving to go on a vacation sometimes just means you take your mental problems to another location.

You may need ip. It could prevent you from crashing hard on the outside.

I will have to sell some antiques, but this can take some time. Fortunately there will be some interest in what I have to sell, but I think I have overpaid for allot of them, some as much as 30%. I have paid off my credit card and ripped it up. So I now have no more credit cards. I have deleted my credit cards from all my online accounts. It has been all cash for a few weeks now. This scared me a little, but I know this was a smart thing to do. Actually I still have one credit card with a $500 limit. I am paying that off right now. I may rip that up too. I have also just found my overdraft protection at my bank goes to my credit card. I have disabled this feature too.

All cash from now on? This scares me. But I need to do this.

I will call my doctor on Monday. My pdoc works at a public service type of center. It is not really a private business. They use grant money to fund their support of those with MI who have limited income. I do have limited income, but I did have a bank avcount which is almost gone right now. This is only for property taxes and emergencies now. Within the last year, this used to contain over ten times more than it does now.

Tucson

What kind of antiques, specifically?

American antique percussion firearms. The ones that did not fire current day cartridges, but instead used black powder and lead that was cast in molds. There is also one flintlock pistol. Some are quite exceptional as works of art. Others have allot of history behind them. They are actually pretty useless as firearms, which is probably a good thing. I still keep them locked up due to their combined value. The safe was the only purchase decision that I took a couple weeks to make.

These antiques are being actively traded. Most all are in very good condition and mechanically sound. So they do have value that I can recover by selling them. But much of the time they were the result of impulse purchase decisions. So I overpaid, sometimes in a very significant way.

Tucson

I don't have any expertise in black powder guns, but I strongly recommend that you retain a certified and reputable appraiser specializing in antique firearms to give you objective valuations before you make any further purchases or sales.

Bingo!

I have been consuming myself with every aspect of these antiques, which is the sort of thing that hapoens when I am manic. But establishing a fair market value is difficult, even moreso as I am a novice. I was hoping that this new freind of mine would help me in that regard. Well I guess that I have torpedoed that posdibility.

My impulse buying has not helped at all. As soon as I find what I am looking for becomes available on the Internet, I rationalize what is even to me their high price and purchase it. It even does not need to accurately meet the specifics of what I am looking for. But I try. I had one appraised by a local dealer with a good reputation. He valued it at $2500. I paid $4000 for it. This was one of my first crazy purchases. He asked my why I paid such a price for it. Feeling very embarassed in front of him and others there, I exclaimed "It is a Colt!". LOL

Tucson

If you can't get into pdoc asap on Monday I would recommend you think about IP for a good AP and stabilizer. You don't want to take anymore chances with your relationships or money. It would help you greatly.

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I've been there with ruining friendships. I tend to unload on people, then ignore them for no reason. Looking back, I've lost countless friendships because of my mood shifts.

If I may give you some more advice, a dealer cannot function as an objective appraiser due to conflicts of interest, just as an ethical appraiser is unable to function as a dealer.

For example, your "Colt" might well be worth $4000 now or later, but your dealer friend might have told you that your it was worth only $2500 so that you'll gratefully accept a crisis offer of $1800 for it once your manic phase ends and you need to raise money to pay off your credit cards. The dealer will then turn around and sell the "Colt" privately to a collector for $4800. This kind of thing happens all the time.

I'm just a well-meaning stranger on a mental illness forum who chose as an avatar a minor character from a children's television puppet show, so please refer to this link:

Everything You Want to Know About Appraisals and Appraisers

I think the problem is that you haven't known him that long and you're telling him things he may think is too much information. He probably feels uncomfortable with knowing so much personal info.

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Aside from any TMI, another angle occured to me in reading your story. You say he is in his late seventies. Maybe he has personal fears of dementia. That maybe he will have to deal with a similar situation and fears how he would handle it. Or fear of BEING on the other side if it.

Which is to say it's possible there are factors from his end of it, so try not to beat yourself up too badly. Your focus right now should be getting help for yourself. Then you will be better equipped to sort through this. Right? Right.

Btw, it's good to see you again Tucson, despite the circumstances.

(Ahhhh, Lefty -- excellent advice and laughs to boot. Gotta love it. )

Yes, I have recently discovered what you have said here to be true. I find this antique business is a very "loaded" business that has many, those who would normally be considered comoletely upstanding people, to act in very marginally ethical ways. I have been stung a couple time when I have not understood this basic truth to be evident. It is a jungle like no other that I have come across. I do need to keep appraising separate from the dealer who I purchase the antique from.

Tucson

PS This is one reason why I decided to look at an auction for my next purchase. Sure, in their descriptions, they can use a couple suplerlative type words, and sometimes an optimistic one word for the start of its condition. But I find them to be on the conservative side where the description can easily be distilled down to the facts. It is what they do not mention that I watch for. I then contact the auction house in an attempt to have these questions answered. IMO an auction house that has even a whiff of impropriety will quickly have no following.

You do not need any auctions now. I would neither buy nor sell anything right now. You are not stable enough. IMHO

I am giving serious thought to this right now. I need a vacation desparately. Still, why does it have to be this auction? I will call the orginazation that my pdoc works at tomorrow morning. I will request a med change. I cannot see him until my next appointment. This policy seems set in stone. The way of public clinics.

Tucson

This is what I amazing afraid of. He has not responded to my ongoing emails strictly about antiques for the last few days. However, today he has responded by telling me he had a couple for sale that I may be interested in. This is a good sign. Even though he now has a business tone to his emails, he has started to respond. I will keep my end all business too. Perhaps he needs time to process the unfortunate boat load of personal information that I have given him? Perhaps we will just be on business terms from now on? Time will tell. But I will let him make the next oveture to resume our freindly discussions. This may not hapoen, but at least he is not repulsed.

Tucson

So did you meet this "friend" while making deals online or at an auction? Are you sure you didn't misinterpret small talk / general shooting of the $#it to be something more? I used to trade music gear with people online and developed pretty decent report with some of them but they were never anything more than casual acquaintances.