[ComfortablyNumb5]

Ok I could of posted this in the OCD section but all my friends are here!

Ok well my bf is very OCD and paranoid about things such as electronics. Just a small example: he won't even set his phone down on a surface. It has to have something like a towel or blanket to put it on even though his phone has a case. When he takes it out of his pocket, he very slowly slides it out and then blows on the screen to get dust off. If a person in trouble ever needed to use his phone to call help, he rather stab his eye out. And don't get me started on his lap top! And I absolutely am NOT allowed to touch anything. He's not hiding anything I know that (I've snooped lol) but I am not sure touch anything.

A few week ago we got into our biggest fight yet. I started to gather his clothes and put them by the front door. Then...I grabbed the almighty laptop!!!! I PLACED it on his clothes and his eyes went RED. Before, he was sitting on the couch not speaking a word and now, after I touched the computer, he was coming right for me. No, he didn't hurt me.

I've spoken to him about why and how. He said he's been like this since he was young and it started with shoes. A kid in grade school stepped on his shoe getting mud on it and my bf cried! He says "when I was growing up I was taught that if you break something, it's not getting replaced so I take care of my things." And I guess he was in therapy for it back then.

We bought a new tv the other day and he spent 10 min telling me how to properly handle the new remote and how to place it back onto the table. "Don't nick the sides! Wash your hands before touching it!"

Question is, do I worry? (Because I sure am). And does this need therapy? This really gets to me and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

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Wow, that sounds stressful for both of you. Does he have his items insured? If not, maybe that would ease his worries. For example, if anything happens to my iPhone, it is replaced for free.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Wow, that sounds stressful for both of you. Does he have his items insured? If not, maybe that would ease his worries. For example, if anything happens to my iPhone, it is replaced for free.

As far as the phone goes, we're on the same plan so I believe they're insured. I'd like to take measures but afraid it will encourage this behavior. Like right now his phone is 3 ft away from us but it's sitting on a towel. He will not allow it to touch the kitchen counter. It's driving me nuts!

[Undesirable]

Did he grow up in a large family? I am like that too, although not to that degree. My brothers used to take my stuff when I wasn't around and ultimately ended up breaking them. I was in a single parent family and my mom worked a full and a part time job to support us so there was no money to replace the stuff they broke. My wife calls me **** with the way I take care of my stuff. I have cordless power tools that I don't want to use because I don't want to mess them up. It definitely sounds like it could be from his childhood like he said. Don't take it personal.

[seoultous]

Does your friend realize that his actions impact his life or is he fine with them? I guess what I am saying is, does his OCD get in the way of living his life? If so, then therapy may help.

I think growing up poor had a lasting impact on me. I have a box of crayons, 64 colors unused that I have had since childhood. I won't let anyone use them. I have raised 2 children and have not allowed them to use the crayons let alone touch them. They just sit there, and have for more than 40 years! I also will not eat the last of anything. I can't count the number of food items that I throw away because I didn't want to consume the last piece of cake for example.

Neither of these things bother me though, so I would not seek therapy for them.

[TishaBuv]

I can see how he is uber careful with his things to an OCD level because of his upbringing. If you can deal with it, I suppose it's livable. But, I'd think twice about him as a father to having his children one day. He could be overly controlling to them and abusive.

My husband was overly protective, for example, won't allow the kids to get dirty. And I put a stop to that right away, overriding him to let them get as dirty as they want to. I wasn't going to mess with my boys' heads like that, and I laid down the law.

Sounds like he's afraid you're going to break everything.

I'm sort of like him, but I'm concerned about germs. Like, I don't want anyone to touch my sh** because they have all sorts of germs. You can only touch my stuff if you use MY hand sanitizer, and I have to be the one to squirt it into your hands (cos I don't want my bottle getting germy). Or, you can wash your hands really well.

I wash my hands or use hand sanitizer all the time.

It started because I almost died 4 years ago from pneumonia... I wasn't feeling well, and then I called my doctor's nurse, who advised me to take DayQuil (cos she didn't know I had pneumonia, and neither did I). Well, turns out I'm deathly allergic to DayQuil. It completely shut my throat and my eyes swelled shut. I was all by myself and I couldn't breathe, but i managed to call 911 before I passed out.

I'm currently working on this problem in therapy. I don't know if I'll be able to fully get over it, but I know it helps me when people are patient with me.

As much as I don't like it, it's good when people slowly push me. Like, if they take baby steps, it helps. I think you should take this approach with your bf.

Before, I wouldn't let ANYONE touch my stuff, regardless if they washed their hands or not, but now I let them touch my stuff if they wash their hands well.

IMO, work with your boyfriend and see if he lets you touch his belongings under his supervision. Take baby steps. For example, take the tv remote and put it down on the table, then let him inspect it to make sure it's fine. Do this enough times (over the course of a few weeks) until he starts to gain your trust. When he supervises it, it lets him feel in control.

Tell him you promise you won't damage his things, and that he needs to trust and work with you if he wants to fix this problem. However, it's important that he sees this as a problem that he needs to fix. If he doesn't see it as a problem or if he doesn't think he needs help, then it won't get fixed.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I can see how he is uber careful with his things to an OCD level because of his upbringing. If you can deal with it, I suppose it's livable. But, I'd think twice about him as a father to having his children one day. He could be overly controlling to them and abusive.

My husband was overly protective, for example, won't allow the kids to get dirty. And I put a stop to that right away, overriding him to let them get as dirty as they want to. I wasn't going to mess with my boys' heads like that, and I laid down the law.

Not to make this about me, but I just have to note:
That's yet another thing my husband resents about me- how I put our children first. Another reason he punishes me in a passive-aggressive way.

Head's up folks

[Anrea]

I also think OCD develops in childhood. My husband is very particular about certain things. I have learned it is just his perimeters. Not really a choice. I respect his needs and understand they are a part of him. I think he will feel you are not respecting his needs if you do things that he would not. My mother said something once," when you love them, you don't notice the little things". It sounds to me like you maybe only love parts of him. I would figure out what those parts are and maybe look for them in someone you're more compatible with in other areas. I think people commit too soon to another, then try to change them into who they want. I think people should commit more carefully, and choose someone they really like - not just love, but like. There are things about this guy you just flat out don't like. And those things are not going away.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

This is his spot on the living room table for his phone. If I put anything on this towel he gets mad. I'm not allowed to touch it! He has another towel just like this on the bedroom nightstand.

He knows it's a problem and we've discussed therapy in the past.

As far as his childhood, he's an only child from a single mother so money was tight.

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[unaluna]

Idk - how would you like it if he dictated to you how to do something personal?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Idk - how would you like it if he dictated to you how to do something personal?

I'm not sure what you're asking?

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I'm not sure what you're asking?

Maybe unaluna means how would you like it if he wanted to control and/or dictate something you do. Such as only being able to a certain product that is completely unnecessary or that he dislikes. I think that made sense...

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I'm not sure what you're asking?

Im asking why are you invading his personal boundaries? How would you like somebody invading yours? I understand it. Ive done it myself. Maybe he IS invading your boundaries?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Im asking why are you invading his personal boundaries? How would you like somebody invading yours? I understand it. Ive done it myself. Maybe he IS invading your boundaries?

I have looked through his phone maybe over a year ago when he let me. I'm not trying to touch it now or invade his privacy, I just think it's unhealthy to obsess so much over an electronic.

And yes he does invade my space. He would sign in to my apple account and read all my msgs but I figured out how to change the password. It's one sided where I would stay away from his things while he knew all my passwords. It's caused many issues.

[Emotionally Dead]

Everything in moderation, lol. What I mean by that is he has some good values, but he is taking them way way too far. It's great that he appreciates what he has, but accidents happen. You concerned me when you said he "came right for" you. What did you mean by that, if you don't mind me asking?

My fear isn't so much about the OCD part, it's about what will he do if something does go wrong? For instance, what if you accidentally spilled something on his
phone? I have a tad of OCD with various things, but what he is doing is creating stress for both of you. My grandma used to have intense insane OCD. Even worse than him. She had it with germs, but she had it with other things too. She ended up getting a virus that spread to her brain. All those years of religiously washing her hands and keeping everything spotless (and I mean spotless), and she still got a bad illness. Now she can't even walk on her own and has to always be in a wheelchair. She was only in her 50's when that happened.

So I just don't think it's a good way to live. I think he needs to try to find help for it. We can't protect everything. And really in my opinion even if he is protecting his electronics he is ignoring something else - his health.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Emotionally Dead

Everything in moderation, lol. What I mean by that is he has some good values, but he is taking them way way too far. It's great that he appreciates what he has, but accidents happen. You concerned me when you said he "came right for" you. What did you mean by that, if you don't mind me asking?

My fear isn't so much about the OCD part, it's about what will he do if something does go wrong? For instance, what if you accidentally spilled something on his
phone? I have a tad of OCD with various things, but what he is doing is creating stress for both of you. My grandma used to have intense insane OCD. Even worse than him. She had it with germs, but she had it with other things too. She ended up getting a virus that spread to her brain. All those years of religiously washing her hands and keeping everything spotless (and I mean spotless), and she still got a bad illness. Now she can't even walk on her own and has to always be in a wheelchair. She was only in her 50's when that happened.

So I just don't think it's a good way to live. I think he needs to try to find help for it. We can't protect everything. And really in my opinion even if he is protecting his electronics he is ignoring something else - his health.

He ran at me after I grabbed the laptop like he was going to put his hands on me but he stopped himself. That is very unlike him and scary to see. He trashed the house too and I HAD to call the cops because I was so scared. Our relationship hasn't been doing good and I blame my MI. But I don't think he had the right to act like he did. I know I shouldn't of touched his stuff but I did not expect him to act like THAT. We were apart for a few days and he came back home apologizing. I can forgive but I cannot forget. He said some really awful things to me as well. I told him I want him to get help for his anger towards me.

[Emotionally Dead]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

He ran at me after I grabbed the laptop like he was going to put his hands on me but he stopped himself. That is very unlike him and scary to see. He trashed the house too and I HAD to call the cops because I was so scared. Our relationship hasn't been doing good and I blame my MI. But I don't think he had the right to act like he did. I know I shouldn't of touched his stuff but I did not expect him to act like THAT. We were apart for a few days and he came back home apologizing. I can forgive but I cannot forget. He said some really awful things to me as well. I told him I want him to get help for his anger towards me.

That is very concerning. The good part is he stopped
himself, but the bad part is that he came at you like that. Not cool. That was my initial concern. What if there was a real accident and you accidentally ruined something of his? It just seems like he is going way overboard for small things and I'm afraid of what could happen if it was something worse.

I know I can't tell you what to do, but if he ever does anything like that again please get away.. He shouldn't have to stop himself from hurting you. I don't know what all you suffer from, but don't blame yourself or your mental health, because obviously he has his own demons he needs to work on. He is definitely not a poster child for a clean bill mental health lol.

[Pikku Myy]

Might be a phobia... I hope it gets better between you too

[zepchic]

Well, I was going to say, just take what you can handle and if his idiosyncrasies are too much for you then let it go or tell him it is too much first. BUT after reading how you had to call the cops on him, this clearly seems like a pretty unhealthy relationship. IMO. You are the best judge of that, but it sounds like there is more going on than just the OCD type behavior.

[*Laurie*]

Oh, wow. It sounds like your BF has a nasty case of OCD. I've been married to a man for 30+ years, he has OCD. I feel like his caregiver, his therapist, and so on. An exhausting role. My husband was never able to create a normal life for me and our children. Just this past month his OCD and panic attacks have really been bothering him...he's a mess, his life is a mess pretty much. OCD is a hell to live with, let me tell you.

The only person who can decide if this needs therapy is your boyfriend. If he cares about you, your feelings alone would be enough to inspire him towards treatment. If he decides it's not needed, he's leaving you with feelings you're not comfortable with. Does he WANT therapy?

Everyone has quirks. What you described with his behaviors would not bother me. I would only want him to change if it was effecting his life. Many people take obsessively good care of their personal items. It would depend on how it effected him in all areas in life vs the comfort he receives via obsessing. It's a tough call. Just because it doesn't bother me, doesn't mean if wouldn't irk the heck out of the next person.

*hugs* thinking of you

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