[UpDownMiddleGround]

So, I posted a few days ago that I adjusted my medication to less than half of what is prescribed. Tomorrow will be a week since I first made an adjustment. Today was the first day that I have kind of felt like I might need the other meds. The information that I read about coming off meds is that a lot of people will get to a point where they begin to have withdrawal symptoms and they will think they really need their meds when they just need to wait it out. I am hoping this is the case with me. I wonder how long I will have to wait.

I'd called my case manager the other day to tell her what I was doing. She did not answer so I sent her a text message. She never responded. Maybe because she was supposed to say, "Be compliant." I don't know. I have not told anyone close to me what I am doing. I figured if I tell them, they will be looking for reasons to tell me to go back on my meds. If I don't tell them, then they may not notice.

I'm beginning to have some of the anxiety and overwhelming thoughts. I hope this passes. I really want this to work.

I feel like I don't really have anyone that I can talk to about how I feel. I wish I could tell my best friend so that we could talk about it. Feels kind of lonely.

[Skeezyks]

Hello UpDownMiddleGround: The Skeezyks is no longer on med's. I've been on a few different things over the years... took myself off of all of them one-by-one. Personally I never had any difficulty going off of them. The last one I was on (the maximum recommended dosage of Cymbalta) I was on for a couple of years I guess.

I went off of Cymbalta with my pdoc's knowledge. He suggested a schedule which took me from the maximum recommended dosage down to nothing in 2 weeks. I thought this was very fast. But I did it & had very little difficulty... just a bit of jitteriness. Of course, everyone is different & my experience may not be yours.

Depending on how long you've been on the med's you've been taking, & how much you've been taking, a week is pretty quick to reduce down by half, from my perspective... although as I wrote above it worked for me. It would really be best if you could consult your prescribing pdoc or other mental health professional with regard to what you are experiencing. It can be difficult knowing how to proceed when you're trying to do this all alone.

[Victoria'smom]

I hope the thoughts pass. Talk about things here

[~Christina]

There are so many things to consider when going off meds ..

It takes time for medications to build up in your system so its going to take time for it to clear out of your system , then... Your brain needs to recovery back to its function before the medications were started.

When I went off my Lithium it literally took about 3 months for my brain to adjust to "pre med" state.

Have you researched the "half life" of your medications? You can also ask your pharmacist for info on the way certain medications will truly leave your system.

Good luck and please reach out for professional help. Stay safe

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Today, I seemed ok the majority of the day. I was able to concentrate at work. No racing thoughts. I went to an event this evening and was social. I got a little overwhelmed with the crowd and had to step away but for the most part I was ok.
My only worry . . . Alcohol craving. . . A friend pointed out to me once that I only talk about going to get a drink or I show interest in drinking when I am elevated. I took note of it when she told me that and I have found it to be true. Tonight, on the way to the event, I was hoping there was going to be alcohol there. I had a glass of wine, and had to really fight not to get a second one. I became preoccupied with wanting to leave and by myself a bottle of wine and drink it tonight. All the way home, I thought about stopping at a store to buy something. I didn't let myself stop. I said I would post about it instead. I really, rarely drink. But tonight, I could totally get wasted. I'm not going to drink anything else though. The last time I got drunk, I went on a manic ride for 3 weeks or so. I don't know if I was headed there anyway or if the alcohol triggered it. I really don't want to find out. I will just stay on pc for a while until I get sleepy. Maybe the feeling will pass in my sleep.

[Dontspeak]

Hi UDMG,

Have you been able to write anything down? You had mentioned a chart, and I had suggested a journal bc my handwriting is the first to go to.

Also, are you listening to the signs? As they tally up- let's say, drinking more, over elation, poor response to crowds... do you have plan for if the no meds is not working well? Doc route? Friend of family member in the loop?

Just checking in.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Thanks for checking in Dontspeak. I haven't really thought again about journaling. I do remember thinking on Thursday and Friday that I was not going to attempt to take notes during my workshop because I didn't think I would have very good notes -- meaning I thought they might be fragmented. Didn't really make a connection until now. I have been thinking a lot today and I decided that I would go ahead and journal. My handwriting looks a little more messy, but not a whole lot different.

I see signs that things are not going so smoothly. I just can't decide what to do with it. Do I wait it out, or do I give up? Is it withdrawal or do I need the meds? I feel like if I call my doctor, he is going to never agree to me trying to come off again. If I tell my therapist, she is going to call me irresponsible. If I tell my friends, they will be frustrated. And my family. . . they are just clueless.

Today is not going so well. I'm in the bed. I made a goal earlier today to go to a meeting. I got dressed and went. I thought about the fact that sometimes when I get myself going, I will feel better and not want to lay back down. Not today. I landed back in bed, slept for two hours, woke up even more tired than I was before I went to sleep.

I sent a message to my case manager earlier today. She couldn't talk at the time. when she contacted me back. I was at the meeting. I told her we didn't have to talk. At the time, I thought I would be o.k. Now I regret that I told her that. I really don't have a plan. . .

[Dontspeak]

Yeah, I mean this is I think what concerns a lot of us when we hear about people going off their meds. Because maybe when you're on them you can have that plan, but when you're off them, that plan goes out the window. So I'm frankly a worried. You're using words to describe someone not very stable

I assume Sunday is closed. Monday morning, are you going to call your case worker? Your therapist is questioning your choices. Yes. Not your personhood. Don't confuse the two. Look I've been posting all day instead of studying for 3 finals. I'm making bad decisions too.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

I have not told my therapist. when I saw her last, she told me to keep taking my meds. I don't even want to have the conversation with her.

I guess, in my mind, if I don't stay the course and ride it out I won't know if it is truly withdrawal or if I need he meds.

I looked up half life, but I really don't know what it means. How long does lamictal, Ativan, Wellbutrin, and Risperdal stay in your system? how long does it take to reset? knowing that would be helpful in deciding what to do next.

[Dontspeak]

Ugh, I'm so sorry you feel like you need to go through this. I feel like it's the BP talking. I really do.

Soooo... I may have missed an earlier thread but it sounds like you feel worse without them- so why did you stop taking them in the first place?
You sound scared and vulnerable... Maybe you should wait until you have all of your ducks in a row (support from your MH team, friends, family, etc.) and then make an effort to stop, if that is what you want to do.
And also, as long as you didn't get rid of the meds, you could always go back on them.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

I thought I had a plan but now that I'm in the middle of it, it just feels like it is falling apart. i still have my meds. I'm just trying to figure out if it is withdrawal or a need to be medicated. I am scared and maybe a little vulnerable. Maybe I will give it a few more days. I really don't want to call my doctor and tell him that I screwed with my meds. I don't know what to do to increase the lamotrigine safely. I'd only thought about reporting a success story. . .

You need to call you doctor, fess up, and get instructions for getting back on your meds as soon as possible.

[bizi]

I think that I would increase the risperdal as it has the best chance of keeping you stable in my opinion. Why are you going off meds?
bizi

[Dontspeak]

This is also part of MI. We get better bc of the meds, and then go off our meds. Some of us. So it's nothing they haven't heard before. Don't beat yourself up, but take note! Lamotragine takes titration. Call your doc. Tell them your scared. Asking for help is very brave and empowering!

[UpDownMiddleGround]

A little history: I was diagnosed at a time that I was in a very bad and toxic marriage at the point of break up. My pdoc and T both noted that it was hard to separate the emotions of divorce from unstable mood. The thought of going off of meds has been with me for some time. A few months ago, my doctor was on board with a decrease, until I had a PTSD episode that triggered depression. Since then, we have been going in the opposite direction. I was at a pretty stable place and then I met two different people who announced they had BD. Their behavior was so erratic that I thought, my diagnosis just can't be right. I think I am being treated for the wrong thing. So, I said that I would goito go off of my meds to see where I stand on this side of divorce. I just need to know that the dx is right and not just side effects of the wrong medications or life events.

[Dontspeak]

It's funny that you say that! A good friend of mine, one that I've known since 1995 that had been dx with major depression was dx with BP. I told her no way, you don't have it. Well she said listen, here's what happened, and described a psychotic break (which I don't have, I get mixed episodes). So you know what? It manifests in more than one way, you know that from PC, we are the same, and we are different. Anyway, so are our treatment plans.

But you are one person, working with a T and pdoc, and they are evaluating you and saying look, this is happening and we need get to from here to here. And this stressor puts you at risk so let's not make changes today. Let's wait.

I'm in finals. I would like to change my AAP, but that would be a bad idea right now

We need to be stable to handle to handle our life events. I know October, January and May and particularly bad months for me. Even my saliva tastes different.

[bizi]

We are all different and present differently. Some bipolar folks present with agitation and depression, high anxiety which can lead to ptsd episode and further depression like you. These mixed episodes are hard to control with meds. I suggested keeping on the respirdal, it can act like a mood stabilizer and keep hypomania at bay if you are at risk for this. What are you doing that has you concerned, if you don't mind sharing here.?
bizi

[Fuzzybear]

[violetgreen]

It sounds like you're suffering right now. Dropping your meds so quickly could be a contributing factor. Your posts feel like agitation to me. For me, that's a hard place to make rational decisions, or to follow through. It's ok to ask for help. It's ok to mess up. It's ok to want things to change, but why does that have to happen one way, or immediately? I hope you reach out to your t and pdoc right away. I feel worried about you. I hope you are safe.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Originally Posted by bizi

We are all different and present differently. Some bipolar folks present with agitation and depression, high anxiety which can lead to ptsd episode and further depression like you. These mixed episodes are hard to control with meds. I suggested keeping on the respirdal, it can act like a mood stabilizer and keep hypomania at bay if you are at risk for this. What are you doing that has you concerned, if you don't mind sharing here.?
bizi

I guess my biggest concern now is that I have no energy and I feel really overwhelmed at the thought of going to work tomorrow. I went to church but the whole time I thought about just how drained I feel. I'm back in the bed now. I feel more tired today than yesterday. I want to isolate. My son will be home soon and he will ask what I did this weekend and I won't have anything to say. He will take one look at me and get worried. I don't have it in me to fake.

Today, the thoughts of my lack of purpose on life have started to creep in. I know it's not healthy thinking, it just doesn't keep the thoughts away.

I'm safe, just "down"

Sending you hugs. I hope you find what works for you soon, or this depression lifts. It's hard to make decisions when depressed and we tend to go on autopilot in a way. Stay safe and do your best to make good choices for yourself.

[bizi]

could you list your meds? what they were and what they are now?
bizi

[UpDownMiddleGround]

I am prescribed Wellbutrin, lamotrigine, Ativan and Risperdal. I am taking some of the Wellbutrin and lamotrigine.