Overly sensitive and it's killing me.

Anyone else more sensitive because of BP or possibly BPD? Whenever I disagree with someone and it upsets me, i dwell on it for days. I cry. I stay in bed. Or when my BPD comes out, I fight back in a overbearing manor all to stick up for myself. Now mind you, I am going through a major med change and a severe depression so this makes all this 47386 times worse.

Now couples fight. I don't care who you are, no relationship is perfect and it takes work. When my bf and I get into it or his mother (who is a major trigger for me) buts in, I'm a nervous wreck for days. Just yesterday an issue like this happened. We made up and all... But I woke up feeling like it's still a fresh wound. I obsess over it and my bf can't understand why im so tore up over the smallest of fights.

Then there's my family. They don't understand my MI and see it as an excuse not to work. Whenever i talk to my dad and he brings it up I shut down. Leave. Hang up. Then sit at home and cry for days.

I'm well aware my extreme lack of self esteem is a major roll here.

I guess I'm just needing to vent. Im a nervous wreck, new pdoc has me under medicated, my personal life is a mess. And I feel like it's making my BP worse or is it the BP that makes me so unbelievably emotional? Today is particularly hard and in trying my all to keep it together and not cause a scene

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I have not thought about whether my sensitivity is tied to BP, but I react much like you do. In general, I'm overly emotional, even watching animated movies. Yesterday I cried during Zootopia and that's not unusual.

In terms of interpersonal conflict, yes, I dwell on it for days. I get it.

I have always been told I am over-sensitive. I believed it comes from the psychic/empathy part of bipolar. But perhaps it was BPD all along. I blamed BP for everything for 35 years until 2 years ago and they added BPD onto it.

I get weirdly obsessed about interactions too. Example: Walking in Walmart one day and see a lady, "OMG, I am so glad I ran into you! The last time I saw you was 2 years ago by the grocery side door, and I said I was angry at getting fired. I meant, angry at myself - not at them for firing me. I have wanted to run into you to clarify that ever since!"

2 years. And that was over something small.

<3 You are not alone.

Yes I always feel that need that I have to clear things up or have the last word. In the most heated arguments I'll just keep going because I have to get it all out and make sure I'm understood. Most people just shake their heads and say "just drop it!"


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My heart goes out. Truly.

I have a dear friend living with BPD and her life has been very difficult due to her inner experiences re: interpersonal conflicts. She had experienced tremendous excruciating internal psychological pain when others barely register/notice a "conflict." I wish I could makes things easier for her, as her own interpretation/experience tears her apart inside.

She's an incredibly beautiful person! I love her dearly!

She has made major strides in decreasing her own hyper-sensitivity/"reactivity" via learning/applying DBT. She is handling life much better.

I am so happy for her, in that her life is getting easier, more enjoyable.

I feel people challenged with BPD are often misunderstood. Much understanding and compassion, including self-compassion, is warranted and also very helpful.



WC

Years ago I started a fight with my first husband. I started small, and it grew to a hollering rant. It lasted maybe 10 minutes without him saying a word- me telling him everything that was wrong with how he talked to me. How his mother treated me. The choices he was making on our lives, then I burst into tears and said," and I'm having a miscarriage". He then took me in his arms and comforted me.

When it was done I said,"I am sorry, I didn't mean any of those things".

He said, " I know, I have been waiting for you to blow since your miscarriage started". I learned that even though we can seem inconsistent to ourselves, others can identify our patterns of behavior.

Often I do not know why I am angry, and I need to "get it all out" as you stated, to uncover my actual issue.

I am driven to make sure I am not going to be rolled over and controlled emotionally. With all my blending in to be what the other person needs - there are other times I am a like a tornado. I go to clear things up, and there are no rules to stop my focused complete rewriting of the situation/event/purpose. I will be heard, and I make myself very clear, and I will try to take anyone down who stands in my way.

I don't know if it was menopause, meds, or just a good man - but the past few years I have calmed down and learned to be less antagonistic. I still can be. But it is better. I am learning not everything is a fight, and I am safe and respected in my home, so I don't have to face an issue with my husband like a battle.

I don't like having friends for the reasons of interaction.

If you get despondent due to your changing emotions - know that eventually we all calm down.

Soul sister! Man, what a ride we can be!

I'm definitely more sensitive because of BP. You are not alone.
I was never diagnosed with BPD, and I don't think I have it, but I certainly have a few traits. Triggers for me lately: if something doesn't go my way, I cry about it. Also, when I put effort into my relationships, and I get the short end of the stick. Unfortunately, I gravitate towards people with their own emotional baggage, and they gravitate towards me though...so this is bound to happen. I end up feeling rejected a lot, even though I know they aren't overtly rejecting me. Plus, lately everyone is so unreliable with plans...I feel like giving up and saying no one cares.

I get sensitive over little things too. Like today, 2 people pointed out I'm losing weight and kept telling me "don't lose any more weight" a few times during my visit with them. This irritated me so much. I'm not trying to lose weight!! Plus, I know I lost weight, they don't have to rub it in my face what I can't help. I have some health problems and the anxiety makes it difficult to eat. I know a lot of people would sit and say that they wish they'd have people notice weight loss, but I wish they'd mid their damn business, especially since they are telling me to gain weight when right now it's out of my control. I found it rude. Right now, I'm on the brink of tears, even though I may sound melodramatic. I'm so sick of this. Hang in there. ((Hugs))

Thank you all so much. Love ya all. Have a happy and safe holiday. ((Hugs)) ((tears))

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I don't have any specific advice, but do keep close tabs with your pdoc about what is going on so your medication can get straightened out. I know it can and will get better. Sending good vibes and blessings your way!!

P.S. I'm very sensitive, too. My sensitivity causes me more anxiety than anything. Depression and anxiety both suck. What helps me the most when I'm feeling sensitive is to have someone to talk to. Do you have people you can talk to?

I used to be really sensitive, but somehow a high dose of Lamictal managed to get rid of all that. (I'm not saying you should take Lamictal; I'm just saying it magically worked for me.) However, I do know what you mean about being overly sensitive.

I do think it's a BP thing, although BPD probably compounds the problem.

So, I'm just adding another +1 to what everyone else said.

Ok I'm not getting any better. I'm crying and rocking back and forth and I'm just really trying to hold it together until I can call my pdoc in the morning. I'm obsessing very badly about these negative things that are happening in my life and I'm going insane. Pretty much my new pdoc took me off all my meds because "she didn't like them" and started me on some BS that wouldn't even touch a mouse. I'm drinking right now to stop the anxiety and I can't get myself to eat any food. I'm really close to just going to the ER where they have IP on the third floor. It's one thing to be hurt but im obsessing badly over these hurdles In my life. To the point it's not healthy. I have a few seroquel (my staple med that she took me off of!) and I think to save my sanity I'm going to have to take one tonight to calm down and get some rest. I'm so mad at this new pdoc. I'm so mad at the things that are going on in my life. I can't cope right now.

It's a wonderful fun holiday and I hear the fireworks outside and I'm in my room curled up into a ball crying. Every muscle in my body is tense with anger.

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I am sorry you are in so much pain.

You know yourself best. Which is your best option?
Going to the ER in hopes of admittance to IP?
Taking Seroquel?
Calling a crisis center?
Calling your new doctor?

I am sorry. I don't know your personal situation. Do you have friends/family you may call upon?

Please keep us posted on how you are doing?

Please take excellent care.



WC

Well my bf lives here and he has his kids here now. I'm locked up in my bedroom. I have old meds on hand that is a last ditch attempt to stay sane. I also called my brother who lives down the street. I may try and leave and stay there and wake up and call my pdoc. The only thing i think I can stomach is soup. And that's what I want. I know my bf is scared and just leaving me be. I feel like an idiot because his kids are here but I'm doing my all to stay to myself.

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I'm at my dads now laying on the couch and I'm going to take half a seroquel. I'm going to wake up and first thing is to call pdoc. I've been on seroquel for 12 years and she took me off it cold turkey. I have a few words to say about that.

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I do think that in the last few months, since my 'official' diagnosis, I feel like I have become a little more sensitive than I have been in the past.

Thanks for letting us know!

Yes, I would imagine going off "cold turkey" might create a rebound or something problematic. Wow.

I am glad you are safe and have a plan!

Thanks again for letting us know!

Please let us know how things go for you tomorrow?
And... more tonight if helpful, of course.

Otherwise, Sweet Dreams!


WC

Good Morning RxQueen,

I hope you have had a restful night.

I also hope all looks and feel more hopeful to you this morning.

The sudden shift/withdrawal of medication can be very rough. I hope your doctor will lend assistance to you for your needs today.

We are here for you.

Thinking of you.


WC

I've been described as sensitive my entire life. I'm definitely sensitive and I think part of it is my personality (INFP) and part of it is bipolar. Unless I am manic, I run from conflict rather than face it. It's not healthy because it doesn't resolve my issues. I do trust my partner so I can open up with him.

Hugs to all of us sensitive people. xo

I feel so much better since I took that half of seroquel last night. I left two messages for pdoc and I'm waiting for her to call back. I at least need a stabilizer or a stronger AP. The obsessive thoughts have quieted for now. I just woke up so let's see if I can hold it together today!

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I'm so glad you are doing okay and have given your pdoc a call.


WC

Glad your feeling better this morning RX hugs!

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Hang in there, sweetie. Thinking of you.

Thanks everyone. My pdoc called back and she's consulting with another pdoc (the director) about allowing me to be on two APs, she's totally against it but I've always been on two plus a stabilizer and she tried to totally change it up on me. I don't know why she tried to fix what wasn't broken but I'm giving her another chance. I'm hoping by tomorrow she is able to change my meds up. As for today I'm feeling a lot better.

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I'm glad you are starting to feel better. I'm a very sensitive person myself, so I understand your pain. (((Hugs)))