[ComfortablyNumb5]

Incase you haven't read my other posts, I'm going through a med change that is not getting better, I'm severely mixed and agitated.

My bf lives with me and that is great. But his 6 year old and 9 year old are here 3 days of the week. I've been in my room because I can't even fake a smile. I can't make dinner. My hugs are half assed. And these kids are disrespectful to my home and neighbors (condo with shared walls) by screaming, slamming doors and crying because they can't play playstation. I can't take it. I've went on a few walks and its hot as **** out.

Well I'm not too proud of what I just did but I flipped. My bf is trying to vacuum the house and his 9 year old is throwing a tantrum because he can't hear his friends on PS4 chat. He AGAIN slammed his bedroom door when my neighbor downstairs can hear all of this going on. And last night he trapped my cat under the bed and throwing stuff at her until she was hissing with fear. My cat has NEVER hissed before! Well after the 4737th door slammed I lost it. I ran out of my bedroom of hell and said "you will not disrespect my house by ruining it and terrorizing my animals!" I looked at my bf and said "all of you leave now. Go to your mothers. I'm not well and I can't take another moment!" And... I flipped a chair down.

Yea, I over reacted but my MI has made me a monster right now. At this moment I cannot deal with all this chaos in my home and I feel taken advantage of. I gave these kids their own rooms and provide them with every toy, electronic, gadget to make them welcome. I can't tolerate these actions in my state of mind.

How on earth do you guys co-habitat with family especially kids when you're mixed, depressed, dysphoric? Because right now, I am all of those things and more!

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Before I was medicated I was like you are now. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I really think dbt is going to help you more than meds at this point. I really think dealing with the borderline stuff will help you immensely. You can find dbt skills online. I would focus on the distress tolerance ones for right now.

I really hope you're not offended. But right now I think it's best for you to find some coping skills you can use right now, until you find the right med combo....

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Before I was medicated I was like you are now. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I really think dbt is going to help you more than meds at this point. I really think dealing with the borderline stuff will help you immensely. You can find dbt skills online. I would focus on the distress tolerance ones for right now.


I really hope you're not offended. But right now I think it's best for you to find some coping skills you can use right now, until you find the right med combo....

No offense taken! I know I need dbt but due to lack of transportation I can't make It to the office twice a week for the total three hours. We're down to one car and my bf works third shift. So for now I'm trying to get into one on one therapy once every two weeks which will be a more realistic goal at this point. I need to work on my anger which usually isn't an issue when I'm on a stabilizer.

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[scatterbrained04]

***hugs*** I feel you. Wish I had the answers!! May be something that would be good to work on in therapy. My kid gets on my absolute last nerves when I'm not doing well. Sometimes I completely flip. Other times I just go in my room an take a time out. One my favorite things to do is challenge him to a pillow fight and wack him with the pillow. Makes me feel better sometimes, especially when he's being a brat.

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You can learn it on your own. I did the classes but misses a lot bc I wasn't stable so I bought the book and taught myself. I mainly use the distress tolerance skills. Only like 4 of them. I figured out which ones worked for me. It's online. I think you'd be amazed at how beneficial they can be.

Also do you have a prn med you can take?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by rose1985

You can learn it on your own. I did the classes but misses a lot bc I wasn't stable so I bought the book and taught myself. I mainly use the distress tolerance skills. Only like 4 of them. I figured out which ones worked for me. It's online. I think you'd be amazed at how beneficial they can be.

Also do you have a prn med you can take?

Thank you I actually was JUST looking up some anger worksheets online. I do have klonopin but when I'm this worked up, it's nothing but a sugar pill to me. I've been begging my pdoc for gabapentin for its calming properties and she says "let's try this and that first". Well doc, this and that is out the window and she's on vacation! I'm seriously considering going to the ER because I am bat **** shaking with rage right now but I'm afraid they'll cart my *** to the third floor loony bin, where I've spent many vacations lol. All I want is to get something to calm me but I don't think the ER will help me.

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

And I admit I'm being irrational but believe me when I say I cannot help it right now. Please I don't want anyone to think I'm this monster.

But just an example, the kids acting up make me immediately think "disrespectful, spoiled, don't care about my house or what I sacrifice for them". So yea, negative thoughts. Debbie downer. I feel like an animal.

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[bizi]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

One my favorite things to do is challenge him to a pillow fight and wack him with the pillow. Makes me feel better sometimes, especially when he's being a brat.

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pillow fight, best response ever!
bizi

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

And I admit I'm being irrational but believe me when I say I cannot help it right now. Please I don't want anyone to think I'm this monster.

But just an example, the kids acting up make me immediately think "disrespectful, spoiled, don't care about my house or what I sacrifice for them". So yea, negative thoughts. Debbie downer. I feel like an animal.

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Oh I don't think that at all. I would have bipolar rages. It was horrible. My poor son. I just yelled but that's enough. He's forgiven me. One time my family threw me a bday party and I was so mad they invited my brother in law that I didn't like at the time I walked home in heels, 5 miles lol.

Too bad you didn't have like 5 mgs of zyprexa prn for right now. So sorry you're struggling so much.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Ok so we all just went to the grocery store. Kids and all. And I was a good girl. I think I needed to get out of the house. It's about to storm out and it feels awesome. Calming.

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That's good, I love storms...

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I know this is OT but it made me laugh... Gave my cats cat nip.

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[alincdytyourmeds]

After watching the Latuda commercials, my 8 year old asked me "you know what I hate about bipolar depression?" "no son what do you hat about bipolar depression" i say with a sigh. "I hate that it makes you so angry" "I do too"
you see you are not alone in this. Hang in there.

I don't do well with door slamming at all. I hope this doesn't sound critical, but it sounds like your boyfriend lets his kids run wild. A nine-year old having a tantrum? Unless he is a special needs child, I think he's way too old to be having tantrums.

The PS4? If I were him, I'd unplug it and put it away and sit the children down and explain changes in their behavior need to be made. Video games are a privilege, not a right. And they are at YOUR house, too.

I'd be hiding in my bedroom as well. I have one daughter that is 16. We have our disagreements but the tantrums stopped by four years old.

I should point out that I'm sensitive to noise and chaotic children. Even if I am properly medicated, lol. I believe in using "inside voice" and no door slamming and limits. It can be hard parenting work, setting limits. It's easier to let kids run wild and do whatever they want.

If their bio mom parents this way, I still think your boyfriend can set limits when the kids are with him.

I think it's in the children's best interest to have boundaries set. It's a form of love, I think. I don't believe in corporal punishment but boundaries, absolutely.

Your neighbor deserves peace in her living space and the cat shouldn't be threatened. Period.

I hope this helps and no offense meant if my viewpoint is unpopular. .

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by alincdytyourmeds

After watching the Latuda commercials, my 8 year old asked me "you know what I hate about bipolar depression?" "no son what do you hat about bipolar depression" i say with a sigh. "I hate that it makes you so angry" "I do too"
you see you are not alone in this. Hang in there.

That's so true. I go from crying like a baby to ready to break everything in a room. It's mental anguish and I think the fact that we are living with this, and waking up not knowing what the day will give, makes us some strong mofos. My family tries to call me week and say "pull it together". If you only knew daddy!!! That's so why I have strong respect for solders or anyone with PTSD. Many of us (PTSD from childhood myself) are finishing a bottle a night. And I've been there. We are strong... But God damn does it hurt!

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

I don't do well with door slamming at all. I hope this doesn't sound critical, but it sounds like your boyfriend lets his kids run wild. A nine-year old having a tantrum? Unless he is a special needs child, I think he's way too old to be having tantrums.

The PS4? If I were him, I'd unplug it and put it away and sit the children down and explain changes in their behavior need to be made. Video games are a privilege, not a right. And they are at YOUR house, too.

I'd be hiding in my bedroom as well. I have one daughter that is 16. We have our disagreements but the tantrums stopped by four years old.

I should point out that I'm sensitive to noise and chaotic children. Even if I am properly medicated, lol. I believe in using "inside voice" and no door slamming and limits. It can be hard parenting work, setting limits. It's easier to let kids run wild and do whatever they want.

If their bio mom parents this way, I still think your boyfriend can set limits when the kids are with him.

I think it's in the children's best interest to have boundaries set. It's a form of love, I think. I don't believe in corporal punishment but boundaries, absolutely.

Your neighbor deserves peace in her living space and the cat shouldn't be threatened. Period.

I hope this helps and no offense meant if my viewpoint is unpopular. .

Amen!!! My bf and I butt heads over the overuse of electronics and how they get away with murder. I was raised to respect and say please and thank you. If I acted like THIS at that age.... Oh better lock yourself in the bathroom cuz dads home. No never any severe punishment but a wooden spoon and many speeches were given. I didn't get my first cell phone till I was 17. These kids have every... And I mean every electronic they wish for. No chores done. Don't even put their plates away after dinner is done. But hey, I'm just dads gf so what can I do.

And I get along with their mother too and her and I agree on a lot of these things. She doesn't put up with crap and she trusts me having a hand in bringing them up.

My bf is pretty much "out of sight, out of mind". So as long as they have a controller in their hands and tearing apart some other room then he doesn't care. I'm always the one that sets the rules in my house yet I can only do so much you know? Thanks for understanding!

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[Wild Coyote]

I understand your concern about potentially losing your composure. Once you describe the entire situation, I feel like you are doing quite well, all things considered.

WC

[BipolarMama31]

I totally get this.

When i get into that kind of mood i just go in my bedroom and lock the door and cry or scream or hit pillows or whatever so the kids dont see me.

With 3 boys running around sometimes its just the chaos that pushes me over the edge.
My husband is more involved with disciplining his son then yours is i think. I have never taken on the role of discipline for my step son. But if my boys are going around slamming doors and throwing tanrums over the playstation or wii (which is literally everyday) i take them all and do breathing techniques i learened in dbt.
Its funny how i use those skills with them to calm down and it also calms me down.
But even my own kids go around acting spoiled and entitled. It is a trigger for my anger.

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