[OctobersBlackRose]

Went to my DBT group today, watched a movie, so a chill day, went to my individual therapy session, I think my therapist and I found the place that did my neuro-psych testing, so that is a good thing if it is the right place, cause I need to find out why I was never sent my report. Either they never got the payment, or they never sent it out, or it went to the wrong address. Either way I need it so I can give a.copy of it to my psychiatrist. Rainy day here, on t much else going on, got a headache. My Mom got a new car, so there's that.

[fishin fool]

Hi checking in again.
Off to group therapy in a few.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

Upon returning home after five days away and finding that I had spent a couple of thousand dollars, my boyfriend's response was simply, " At least you weren't blowing dudes"

Every thing is silly and good. Can't wait for more adventures in two days

you have to get a handle of this...you are starting a family.
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i'm pretty shocked i've made it to the middle of the week, I guess. not just because of 0 hours sleep, but also because of how i've been feeling

today 1 of my voices is talking to me trying to convince me that we are being watched by the FBI, and i have no idea why (it's so weird)

call you pdoc! this sounds like psychosis. or is this DID?
bizi

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by bizi

you have to get a handle of this...you are starting a family.
bizi

You are so right! I called my pdoc today to talk options!

I have decided that today (or at least what's left of it, it's now the afternoon), is puppy apreciation day

so all join me in a big chorus of woof woof

Feeling somewhat depressed, but it's mostly apathy at this point. No sadness (yet).

It's the crash from my most recent manic episode, which ended last week.

I'll probably be depressed for 2-3 weeks. Then I'll feel better.

Stupid rapid cycling...

[Coffeee]

I've been well, just waiting for a meeting to start at the moment. Starting teaching a class, so that's a big shift in my schedule. I hate waiting around places for things to start.

[p00dlez]

Kinda annoyed at my pdocs office. Called 3 times yesterday trying to get ahold of his nurse to try to get him a message to see what he wants to do about the tegretol situation. Finally asked the lady at the desk to give her a message because apparently they never listen to voice mail and never call you back.

I got to thinking what if I was manic and going psychotic and couldn't get ahold of no one. My pdoc always says just to call him if anything happens but how am I supposed to do that if they never return any of my calls? I would say this is a fluke but this has happened before when I had the panic attack and was trying to get ahold of someone there. Took several days to get anything done.

I hate to bring this up because I don't want to be difficult but I think the next time he says to just call him I am going to tell him all about this crap. Maybe he don't know that its pretty much impossible to call him?

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I have decided that today (or at least what's left of it, it's now the afternoon), is puppy apreciation day


so all join me in a big chorus of woof woof

Woof woof!


I'm feeling the best today!

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I have decided that today (or at least what's left of it, it's now the afternoon), is puppy apreciation day

so all join me in a big chorus of woof woof

Woof woof!!!

been feeling low this afternoon.

ate my dinner in absolute silence, and still don't have any music on

just my fan

Still maintaining Condition Couch-lock, and mine barely fits the definition of a couch: an astute furniture appraiser would describe it as

A ridiculous contemporary miniature wicker loveseat; mainland China via Costco; padded haphazardly with cushions purloined from a dead couch; barely supporting the weight of the aforementioned cushions plus that of an uncomfortably recumbent and unpredictable manic-depressive.

I refuse to get a better couch until other more important transactions have concluded, so I'm running isolation drills on this piece of garbage. The prophet said that all is vanity. Buddha didn't need a couch.

A reminder to all bipolars suffering at or somewhere between our stations of madness (mania, depression and anxiety): This, too, shall pass. It better.

It's 1040 in the Mid-Pacific: Top of the morning to everyone. Next mood swing in 20 minutes!

[Gs550]

Originally Posted by jtesta33

Trigger Warning: Pessimism, Negativity, and Victimhood
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I'm wallowing in self-pity, which in itself makes me sick.

I'm 'normal' well over 90% of the time. The problem is that I live 100% of the time with the consequences of when I haven't governed my behavior.

In a fit of mania a couple of years ago, I slugged a guy in the Charlotte airport. Never mind that I was defending someone. I was taken off to jail and was faced with the decision to either use my corporate Amex to bail myself out, or to be lost for two days until Monday. (Nobody knew where I was. My phone was dead. Cell phones don't take collect calls and my family doesn't have a landline.)

As can be expected, my company didn't like the Amex thing very much and fired me when they found out about a year ago.

Even though I was only out of work for a couple of months, this knocked me into Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Chapter 13 is like a jail sentence where you give all of your 'disposable income' to a trustee for five years. For me at least, this was a big stressor.

I ended up taking a job with a small consulting firm. In that I've spent my career with ethical companies like Vanguard and J&J, it was a struggle from the jump, as I immediately began to see unethical (and borderline immoral) behavior from management.

I would quickly find out that the engagement manager has all of the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or maybe even full-blown psychopathy), and was more than happy to treat me as nothing but a commodity.

Because of my technical aptitude (and the overall weakness of the rest of the team I was on), he dumped all the work on me. Why not? He figured he had me in a captive situation given that I had the black mark of being fired from my previous job, and was in Chapter 13 bankruptcy.

Everything came to a head in June when I had the nerve to go on vacation with my family and things blew up in my absence. Being attacked for exercising a right triggered a blowup and I lost my cool in a closed-door meeting. In spite of all of my productivity and my very strong relationships with my colleagues and our clients, it was lights out for me.

So here I am a few months later, without medical insurance. I can't afford therapy or medication, but I also can't qualify for medicaid. I'm spiraling down and down and it's only getting worse.

The pain is unbearable, but I have to find a way to hang on. I have a very sensitive 9-year-old (one of my triggers, if I'm being honest), and I know it will destroy his life if I do what I so desperately want (need?) to do.

I'm not sure how it helps to write these words, but I don't figure it hurts either. I dunno, good reader, I hope you're doing better than I am. I hope even more that just one of you who reads this happens to be looking for a $125K talent for the reduced price of $75K. (I can thrive in any white collar job as long as I work for a company that values me, as evidenced by the fact that I've had two different six-figure careers.)

I hope this hasn't triggered any anxiety. I hope my trigger warning above was unnecessary. I hope nothing but the best for all who choose these boards for support and comfort.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I hope things get better soon. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Wild Coyote]

Last couple of weeks have been very busy.

Had been doing better, overall, and enjoying life -- started feeling some hope again.

The weather change has exacerbated overall nerve/neuromuscular pain and autoimmune arthritis. This form of arthritis (psoriatic arthritis) attacks organs, like heart, kidneys, etc.-- so has to be treated. Saw rheumatologist yesterday and, due to acute exacerbation of tendinitis and tenosynovitis in feet and hands, have to start more meds -- and I get so many damned side-effects, including severe depression -- am bummed out the arthritis acts up so severely, necessitating systemic treatment.

I love the Fall. it's my favorite season! I have to add these meds every Fall (through Fall, Winter, Spring, getting a partial break in summer). I start each Fall with excitement, end up needing intervention in autoimmune conditions -- and end up sleeping off side-effects for the rest of the season/year.

I keep trying. Just so much, so many difficult/complicated conditions to manage/deal with daily.

I hope others are enjoying the weather/life to the max!


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Went and bought a couple of tops for the year. Still have to see if everything in my closet still fits. It's supposed to warm up again next week so I can't get too excited.

Was making dinner when it decided to boil over. Fortunately it was soup so it was still salvageable.

Just feeling tired. I stayed up late last night and didn't get enough sleep.

[hopeless2015]

Spent the day in bed till 4:00. Lazing on the couch now. Just couldn't face the world today. I'll pick myself up in the morning

[fishin fool]

Hi everyone, crappy day today but tomorrow is a new day.

[Gs550]

Worked again today. Feeling a lot better, actually. I think the higher dose might be working out. And the stomach problems seem to be subsiding.

[dangerousanimals]

No Sertaline...only Seroquel. Fell asleep kinda early last night, but overslept by a couple hours. So maybe Sertaline is making my hypomanic episode worse? Or maybe it's the only thing keeping me awake through the Seroquel? Also feeling more unfocused without the Sertaline. Intrusive thoughts/OCD checks are getting stuck more easily already. I managed to do a lot of stuff, but it took much longer to keep my attention span where it needed to be.

[VerMOZZica]

Went to the pdoc today.He told me I looked lifeless.It sounded like a fitting description to me because that`s exactly how I feel.

bad start to the day emotionally.

hopefully it will get better

[p00dlez]

Today I am giving up on my pdoc office ever calling me back. I am NOT going to call them for the 5th time and be put on hold and have to listen to the soothing guitar music again for half an hour for nothing.

Well I should say it was soothing but now its just making me angry. I will just have to handle the tegretol situation myself. Not sure what I am going to do just yet. Not sure if I should cut up my pills and try to lower the dose or just stay the same till my next appointment or what.

Probably will just stay the same but it better not land me in the hospital again for pancreatitis because I am really going to be angry if it does. I guess I am really on my own. I am not ever going to bother to call there again. It wouldn't do any good anyway because they will never call me back.

Got to thinking about the whole farming thing again last night and I realized that if I am going to be selling papered goats that I am going to have to deal with disbudding this time.

Nobody will buy a papered goat with horns from me, its pretty much unheard of. I never have had a show goat but I hear they wont even let you show them if they have horns. I don't see what the big deal is, all my old goats had horns and I thought they were beautiful.

I seriously CANNOT do disbudding. Well I could physically do it but mentally there is no way I am going to be able to bring myself to do something like that to a baby goat. I cant do it, I just cant and it probably makes me a lousy farmer from the get go.

Maybe I can find a vet to do it. One that will give the poor babies pain killers or knock them out or whatever so it does not hurt them. I am going to have to because I seriously cannot do disbudding and they all WILL have horns if its left up to me to do it.

[gayleggg]

Feeling a bit anxious today but not depressed. I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow as I have plans with my daughter to go to the fair.

[Cocosurviving]

My day is going ok....better than the end of yesterday. I had a problem with a neighbor. But today it's been me and my puppy. My older daughter sleeps bc she works nights. It's so quiet and peaceful in the daytime. I actually can't stand where I live. I really can't stand my neighbor on the right. Her and her kids are so damn ghetto! I came home Wednesday and one of her kids colored on my sidewalk next to my steps. I let it go and did not say anything. Well yesterday I came from walking my puppy. Her 10 yr old was coloring right in front of my door!? The mom was sitting outside talking to someone. The kid should have been at school hell....it was 1:30 pm. The mom looks at my facial expression. Then tells her kid to stop and to clean it up. I went inside and tried to calm down. I relaxed cooked for me and my older daughter. Then she left for work an hour later I was abt to leave. I opened my door and the chalk **** was still all over my sidewalk and on my doorway. I went and got soapy water and my outside broom and cleaned it off. Then I said if it happens again I'm going to the office. As I was leaving out the mom's teenage daughter asked if I was really going to go to the office. I told her "yes" if it happens again. She said well there just kids. I asked her if my 10 yr old came over to there area marking up stuff?....Well mine is a kid too and she knows right from wrong!!