[Cocosurviving]

I took a extra long nap this morning-afternoon. Picked up my youngest daughter from school. Then prepped for our plans. We arrived ahead and of our party so I could hold the table. Initially there were to be eighteen people. Then it changed to ten but my nerves were still on edge. Only four attended and we had fun. My daughter liked her gifts too. I met her little new BF. I don't like him. It was her bday yet I paid for her meal??? So if I did not pay he was going to let her pay for her own meal on her bday??? No comment!

[Moose72]

In bed. Can't sleep. Taking 2nd melatonin. My friend decided to go biking with his buddies instead of come see me tomorrow. Meh

Originally Posted by Moose72

In bed. Can't sleep. Taking 2nd melatonin. My friend decided to go biking with his buddies instead of come see me tomorrow. Meh

((((hugs)))))

I hope you get to sleep

[hopeless2015]

Yeah it's Saturday...groceries are done and put away...going good to lunch with hubs in a few. It's kind of a cool dreary day but I'm feeling pretty good.

I took so much Seroquel last night (because I wanted to get rid of this mania) that I ended up sleeping 14 hours. Jesus. But hey, it works. Can't complain. I was getting 2-4 hrs of sleep a night.

Maybe I'll take less Seroquel tonight. Or take none at all.

[MissCathryn]

Lamictal made me VERY tired. Started talking it at night, and that helped tremendously.

[Gabyunbound]

The other day I somehow managed to take my night meds in the morning instead of my morning meds. This included 100mg of Seroquel. After about half an hour I started to feel very very dizzy and sleepy and couldn't figure out why. Pushed through to showering and dressing, getting ready for work. Then I realized what I did. I could barely stand up (I CANNOT take Seroquel during the day), but got in the car anyway because can't afford to miss a day of work (I'm a freelancer, and only get paid if I work). But on the road, I nearly drove into the ditches on either side of it a couple of times, turned around at a nearby gas station and went home.

I emailed management and made up something I don't quite remember except something about having taken a sleeping pill by mistake. I was falling down out of it, but had to send them something.

I felt like such an idiot, so stupid, so down on myself! How had I not looked at the pills and noticed what I was taking??? I told my mother about it -we're close- and then she emailed me that I should never be taking a mediation that does that to me at any time of the day. I didn't respond and luckily she hasn't brought it up during subsequent conversations; don't want to get in to that whole explanation.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Went to the store to buy some pens, came out with a folder, some cereal, and some benadryl, oops, went out to eat with my Grandma. Still have my toothache, but I think it is because my gums are bleeding, idk, not going to go to the dentist right yet. Going to keep putting on oragel (Sp?) and rinsing with salt water and take some ibuprofen to help.the pain. Did some of my DBT homework, still have to write those letters, but I'm scared to, I don't want the recipients to be mad at me, one is my current case manager and the other is my old case manager. Idk how I'm going to word them, especially to my current case manager cause that on is about her not believing my autism diagnosis, even though I was dx'ed in 2012, and I'm wor on getting the records to prove it to her and my psychiatrist, my therapist already believe me cause she asked me if I'd been tested, and she said it made more sense than BPD, as she is a DBT therapist and works with clients with borderline personality disorder. My Mom forced me.not ot believe my DX until this year, cause she said my personality changed after I got dx'ed, well hasn't she ever heard of other mental illnesses and possible mild untreated psychosis (which I believe I was starting to go into not too long after my autism diagnosis), that's where my personality changed and I still haven't recovered from it, it lasted for a.freaking year, if not longer, but it was very mild though, if it really was psychosis, I have to show my therapist and psychiatrist some.stuff I wrote in other threads on here and see what they say. But back to my ASD dx, no one but my dad, his Gf and my therapist and myself believe it, probably my Grandpa as well, but he's dead so I can't talk to him abou t it, but I have in the past, and he said he's noticed something was off about me since I was little, and we have video proof of it. So the letter to my current case manager is going to have to wait until I get my records to prove to her I have ASD (the Aspergers type). So now I will just focused on writing the one go my old.case manager about him telling me to "push thorough" my anxiety a couple weeks ago when I was in the middle on an anxiety attack. I took it the wrong way, but my therapist wants me to write a letter to him using an approach called the DEAR MAN approach, amd stand up for myself and tell him why it bothered me. Truth is I'm scared to stand up for myself, chase everytime I do I get shot down. My HS band director did this to me when I tried to stand up to him for taking a small solo part away from me amd giving it to someone else even though I could have handled 4 notes, all cause of my visual impairment, which I believe is discrimination, and a year before I had a small.solo part it was a "call and response" part, and I was the call while the first chair trombone was the response. I had no problem with it, even from where I sat (I sat in back) I memorized the part and watched for my cue, we took that piece to district and state band competition and received first place both times, so obviously I didn't mess up my part, didn't hear any mess up in the recording etc. But a year later I couldn't do the same? Wtf and when I tried to talk to him about it he shot ms down saying it was non negotiable, wtf and he though I was a really good player, even giving me the Directors Award, so the solo went to our baritone player who couldn't even play his major solo right. To this day it bothers me, and that I tried standing up for myself and go shot down. This is one reason why I don't stand up or advocate for myself, too.scared of being shot down. So these letters are freaking me the Hell out, because I risk being shot down again. Idk what to do, it's racking my brain to no end, but I have to do it, ugh why can't things be easy for me, I hate my brain sometimes...

TL;DR I have letters to write to stand up to a couple of people.and Im scared to, cause I'm scared of getting shot down.

Sorry this post is so long today, this is just what is on my mind at the moment, and I communicate best in writing (talking about me feelings is hard for me to do).

If anyone makes it through this whole post, you deserve lots of hugs.

[Unrigged64072835]

Did some Web site stuff today. Took a walk this morning, as well as a shower. Cooked beef stroganoff for dinner; it was really good. Not a whole lot other than that. Will hopefully do more tomorrow.

My diet is unravelling. I don't feel excited about meeting the possible friend i made plans with tomorrow. I don't know what is wrong. I feel lousy.

[VerMOZZica]

I feel tired and empty.At least I got some stuff done today.I cleaned the house.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by apfei

My diet is unravelling. I don't feel excited about meeting the possible friend i made plans with tomorrow. I don't know what is wrong. I feel lousy.

jane I hope you feel better today and meet up with this new friend.
You can always restart your diet. YOu can be proud of your weight loss efforts,,,
bizi

I am on for a bit before I watch steuart little (that's twice in 2 days)

I own it now, so why not?

feeling relatively calm. a little depressed. need to cook my roast today

have a talk with someone tonight on another website (funnily enough, the same website i dissed on another forum a few days ago)

wishing I could sleep but ah well

can't win em all

Got 2 hrs of sleep last night. Grandma kept wandering in here... 4 times. She figured out I had a doorstop, and she was able to kick it out of the way! (FYI, she has dementia and sundowning, so she gets really confused at night and tends to wander about.)

I also took some Sudafed that my mom gave me without remembering it's a stimulant! I can't handle stimulants! Now I'm all wound up again. This is totally going to fuel my mixed state.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Doing laundry, listening to music, amd wrote one of the letters I was supposed to write, and it's not even 10am yet. I've been up since 5:16am.

[hopeless2015]

Up and having a coffee, got chicken in the crackpot for chicken and noodles..trying a new recipe. Need to do a little cleaning today. Sunday is always a quiet day at our house.

[xRavenx]

I see my pdoc again for a 2 week follow up. I am starting to feel slightly better on the increased dose of Lamictal (XR version for first time too), although I'm still not fully out of the woods as far as depression goes. I have more energy though than before, and my mind is more active.

I'm praying I won't switch into mania though. I will be curious to see if she adds Lithium, which is what she was originally planning to do. I'm a little undecided about that decision though since I am starting to benefit from the med increase, so I'm wondering if it is even necessary.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to a park a bit further from our house. Lots of people taking pictures of their kids. We managed to get through and took some pics ourselves. Just had to be a bit more patient.

Tired and not wanting to make dinner but being pushed to so off I go. I think I'll just make a simple soup.

I met a woman from my Scrabble club for a couple games and it wasn't any fun. She's really good and i had to struggle for every point. I won both games but it was close. We hardly chatted. I won't ask her again.

My diet is in ruins. All that work just to blow it.

It's just been one disappointment after another after another today. Even upon waking. Turned out to have set the alarm for nothing.

Trying to psych myself up. There are still a few hours left to salvage the day.

Not feeling it though. I just want to crawl into bed with a good ol' dose of fukitol.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Went to the store to buy some pens, came out with a folder, some cereal, and some benadryl, oops, went out to eat with my Grandma. Still have my toothache, but I think it is because my gums are bleeding, idk, not going to go to the dentist right yet. Going to keep putting on oragel (Sp?) and rinsing with salt water and take some ibuprofen to help.the pain. Did some of my DBT homework, still have to write those letters, but I'm scared to, I don't want the recipients to be mad at me, one is my current case manager and the other is my old case manager. Idk how I'm going to word them, especially to my current case manager cause that on is about her not believing my autism diagnosis, even though I was dx'ed in 2012, and I'm wor on getting the records to prove it to her and my psychiatrist, my therapist already believe me cause she asked me if I'd been tested, and she said it made more sense than BPD, as she is a DBT therapist and works with clients with borderline personality disorder. My Mom forced me.not ot believe my DX until this year, cause she said my personality changed after I got dx'ed, well hasn't she ever heard of other mental illnesses and possible mild untreated psychosis (which I believe I was starting to go into not too long after my autism diagnosis), that's where my personality changed and I still haven't recovered from it, it lasted for a.freaking year, if not longer, but it was very mild though, if it really was psychosis, I have to show my therapist and psychiatrist some.stuff I wrote in other threads on here and see what they say. But back to my ASD dx, no one but my dad, his Gf and my therapist and myself believe it, probably my Grandpa as well, but he's dead so I can't talk to him abou t it, but I have in the past, and he said he's noticed something was off about me since I was little, and we have video proof of it. So the letter to my current case manager is going to have to wait until I get my records to prove to her I have ASD (the Aspergers type). So now I will just focused on writing the one go my old.case manager about him telling me to "push thorough" my anxiety a couple weeks ago when I was in the middle on an anxiety attack. I took it the wrong way, but my therapist wants me to write a letter to him using an approach called the DEAR MAN approach, amd stand up for myself and tell him why it bothered me. Truth is I'm scared to stand up for myself, chase everytime I do I get shot down. My HS band director did this to me when I tried to stand up to him for taking a small solo part away from me amd giving it to someone else even though I could have handled 4 notes, all cause of my visual impairment, which I believe is discrimination, and a year before I had a small.solo part it was a "call and response" part, and I was the call while the first chair trombone was the response. I had no problem with it, even from where I sat (I sat in back) I memorized the part and watched for my cue, we took that piece to district and state band competition and received first place both times, so obviously I didn't mess up my part, didn't hear any mess up in the recording etc. But a year later I couldn't do the same? Wtf and when I tried to talk to him about it he shot ms down saying it was non negotiable, wtf and he though I was a really good player, even giving me the Directors Award, so the solo went to our baritone player who couldn't even play his major solo right. To this day it bothers me, and that I tried standing up for myself and go shot down. This is one reason why I don't stand up or advocate for myself, too.scared of being shot down. So these letters are freaking me the Hell out, because I risk being shot down again. Idk what to do, it's racking my brain to no end, but I have to do it, ugh why can't things be easy for me, I hate my brain sometimes...

TL;DR I have letters to write to stand up to a couple of people.and Im scared to, cause I'm scared of getting shot down.

Sorry this post is so long today, this is just what is on my mind at the moment, and I communicate best in writing (talking about me feelings is hard for me to do).

If anyone makes it through this whole post, you deserve lots of hugs.

I'm hoping that writing out all of these feelings has helped you feel a little better.

[gina_re]

What a weekend. It started out well. Mom was over yesterday to help finish pulling the weeds in my front yard. If she didn't come, it would still be a work in progress, so that was extremely helpful. Since I hadn't really seen or talked to my mom in a loooong time, I just kept running my mouth about everything. But then as she was getting ready to go, I started feeling guilty and was teary eyed from some of the stuff she was telling me. Basically about money, and the guilt comes from me wanting to move and her living on her own has messed her up financially. I just want my mom happy, and financially secure.
Today I woke up with bad anxiety again. I just couldn't get myself to get up and move. The only reason I was finally able to pull myself out of bed was because I was hungry. And I desperately needed food, so I had to go grocery shopping. And I had to force the dreaded shower only because I hadn't had one since Thursday. I took a Vistaril before I left, but it was still hard, I felt like everyone was looking at me. I just needed to get through it. I ended up spending more than I would've liked, and that's including me not buying certain items. I came home still anxious and took more Vistaril and eventually passed out on my couch. Woke up and threw a pizza in the oven, finished painting my nails, and here I am for a few minutes until my night cocktail kicks in. Nervous to go to work tomorrow.
Hope everyone else is ok.

started the new week on..... yes, you figured it out, no sleep.

I took the advice of people on here not to watch american horror story )they didn't actually say don't watch it, but I could tell from the descriptions it wasn't a good choice so when the postman comes later it's going back

cut this morning (breaking a run of just 1 day)

no other plans. just do what I need to do to get through monday

[Coconutzo]

I've been down. My home life is garbage. My moods are garbage. My self control is on point though. I've been doing a good job of talking myself through my feelings. I only had one outburst and it turned into the worst fight in months with my partner. Aside from that, I've been successful at stifling my outward expression of pain and discomfort. You might not even notice if you didn't pay attention to the amount I sleep. I actually stopped drinking. I'm going to the gym. It's the only thing that gives me any pleasure. I can't read without crying. Reading is usually my salvation, but right now it fills me with the most profound hopelessness.
Gym. Sleep. Avoid feelings. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Gym. Sleep.
Oh I can't stop eating garbage

[Nammu]

Ready to go back to bed