Still feeling quite awful, but I'm going out for another bike ride this morning. I'm forcing myself to go because I know that staying locked up in my room all day is not good for me.

Hoping to take some nice pictures of the scenery.

[hopeless2015]

Be sure to post a picture blue.....they are always beautiful

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[Daonnachd]

Blue, you do get some beautiful landscapes, not at all how I pictured Boston.

I'm going to be spending much of the day at the beach - Goat Rock & Jenner, CA.

I slept better -- nine hours with a couple interruptions.

I overdid it with the exercise and was painfully sore yesterday and can still feel it today. I won't exercise today and start again tomorrow more gently. I'm so physically so weak and fragile. I really suffer when i overdo it but i just don't seem to learn. Well, that's what follows after being mildly depressed most of the year. I so admire BlueBicycle with her epic bike rides [hope your eye is all better BB!] and Coconutzo with her killer workouts. But that's just not me.

My puppy continues to improve.

Church today at 5:00pm. That's a long ways away tho -- seven hours. Hope i have the energy.

I got paid today! I wasn't expecting it til Monday. It's unusual to get paid on a Saturday. I put a big chunk towards my astronomical vet bill on my credit card. Felt good.

[Coconutzo]

Thanks apfei!
All exercises are good! Too many people don't move at all!

I'm ok today. Didn't sleep well again last night. But here I am, hustlin at work with a (fake) smile on my face. At least I'm well enough to put on the mask.
My home life is filled with impending drama from every direction, and emotionally I'm not so ready. I'm fighting to muster the courage and the will to be well enough to be helpful and positive. My boyfriend says I don't have to be anything to make anyone else comfortable; I just have to care for myself. I'm my so sure. People pleaser over here!

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[hopeless2015]

Doing good today, treated myself to a pedicure this morning...so nice. Ran the dishwasher and just had takeout Chinese for lunch...yum. supposed to go on the motorcycle this afternoon

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Originally Posted by apfei

I overdid it with the exercise and was painfully sore yesterday and can still feel it today. I won't exercise today and start again tomorrow more gently. I'm so physically so weak and fragile. I really suffer when i overdo it but i just don't seem to learn. Well, that's what follows after being mildly depressed most of the year. I so admire BlueBicycle with her epic bike rides [hope your eye is all better BB!] and Coconutzo with her killer workouts. But that's just not me.

Aw, thanks.

I know that sore feeling all too well... Not fun! Hopefully by tomorrow you'll feel better. But at least you know your physical limitations now.

Anyway, went biking to help relieve some of the depression. Pics (click to enlarge):

[hopeless2015]

Great pictures!!

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BlueBicycle: That last picture of the canopy of trees over the path is breath-taking! You sure are getting your fill of beautiful Mother Nature! Supposed to be so good for you -- definitely good for the soul. I have a similar path near me by a river. You've inspired me to get over there, once the weather cools off. I have to take care not to exercise my dog in the heat. She's wearing a fur coat after all. We've been walking after sundown recently and i wouldn't want to walk the river path in the dark. But i see some nice afternoon strolls ahead for us over there this Fall. Summer's having one last hurrah up here!

[Unrigged64072835]

Beautiful pics, Blue! The bike paths here mostly go by corn fields so it's not as scenic.

Pretty quiet today, except for the big thunderstorm that just rolled in. Hopefully it'll cool off because it's been hot and humid here.

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Blue, you do get some beautiful landscapes, not at all how I pictured Boston.

I'm going to be spending much of the day at the beach - Goat Rock & Jenner, CA.

What a beautiful photo!

[Wild Coyote]

Nice pics, Vertigo and Blue! Thanks for sharing!

Quieter day here today. I was super busy yesterday. Nice and relaxing.
Beautiful weather, although a bit warm.

I hope everyone is having some FUN today!


WC

[OctobersBlackRose]

Freaking out that I may not get my insurance card for my new health plan through Medicaid by September 1st and that I won't be able to get my meds as a result (I see my psychiatrist on the 31st), ugh... I can call the insurance company if I really need to though and at least get my policy number, but still we're cutting it really close...

In other news it's raining, I love the sound of rain.

[Gabyunbound]

I'm very sad and frustrated because my sick cat, Schnookie, won't take her medications anymore (she has 5 --she has a pancreatic tumor, but also other medical problems). She has caught on to the pill pocket ruse and last night I had to force her mouth open to get one of them down her throat. It was awful because she was writhing around and I felt like I was torturing her Then she wouldn't come and snuggle on the couch like she usually does.

I ordered pill pockets of other flavors to see if that will work, but if not I'll have to force them down her throat, I hate it.

I was so upset last night I caved and took an extra klonopin with a glass of wine. Bad idea and not worth it. I've got to suck it up and give her what she needs and leave it at that, even if she hates me for it.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I'm very sad and frustrated because my sick cat, Schnookie, won't take her medications anymore (she has 5 --she has a pancreatic tumor, but also other medical problems). She has caught on to the pill pocket ruse and last night I had to force her mouth open to get one of them down her throat. It was awful because she was writhing around and I felt like I was torturing her Then she wouldn't come and snuggle on the couch like she usually does.

I ordered pill pockets of other flavors to see if that will work, but if not I'll have to force them down her throat, I hate it.

I was so upset last night I caved and took an extra klonopin with a glass of wine. Bad idea and not worth it. I've got to suck it up and give her what she needs and leave it at that, even if she hates me for it.

I hope you can give her the medication w/o having to force it, the do what else.to say other than I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear about Schnookie.

My day was okay, even though we had a pretty good thunderstorm this afternoon. At least it cooled things off a little bit.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Freaking out that I may not get my insurance card for my new health plan through Medicaid by September 1st and that I won't be able to get my meds as a result (I see my psychiatrist on the 31st), ugh... I can call the insurance company if I really need to though and at least get my policy number, but still we're cutting it really close...

In other news it's raining, I love the sound of rain.

I have this to look forward to, once I'm at mums I have to look for insurance and get a doctor before I run out of meds.

I had a mini meltdown ( can meltdowns be mini?) the guys who were supposed to come get my furniture and everything else plus the washer dryer were late then refused to take the washer dryer and some other stuff. I've a ton of cleaning to do now that the furniture is gone but my back has given out....so now I just gave up, they can take it out of my deposit. I've not been sleeping thanks to the inflatable bed and it's just too much. Going to go to bed soon and hopefully get some sleep before driving all day tomorrow.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I have this to look forward to, once I'm at mums I have to look for insurance and get a doctor before I run out of meds.

I had a mini meltdown ( can meltdowns be mini?) the guys who were supposed to come get my furniture and everything else plus the washer dryer were late then refused to take the washer dryer and some other stuff. I've a ton of cleaning to do now that the furniture is gone but my back has given out....so now I just gave up, they can take it out of my deposit. I've not been sleeping thanks to the inflatable bed and it's just too much. Going to go to bed soon and hopefully get some sleep before driving all day tomorrow.

You poor dear.
((((HUGS))))
safe travels.
bizi

i should feel good that i got through another crap week

in sted i am feeling.. why am i still here on earth?

i just can't work it out- if i'm meant to be alive (i don't feel alive right now), what am i meant to do here?

yesterday while talking to someone, (just a general conversation), he suddenly said- i think you need medical attention, i know it's not fun, but you have to do it

bit of a wake up call of how bad things were for me yesterday

[Wander]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i should feel good that i got through another crap week

in sted i am feeling.. why am i still here on earth?

i just can't work it out- if i'm meant to be alive (i don't feel alive right now), what am i meant to do here?

yesterday while talking to someone, (just a general conversation), he suddenly said- i think you need medical attention, i know it's not fun, but you have to do it

bit of a wake up call of how bad things were for me yesterday

Perhaps that was good advice. Can you contact you pdoc or T tomorrow and let them know how you are. Thinking of you

[Coconutzo]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I had a mini meltdown ( can meltdowns be mini?)

Ha! Love that! (Not that you had one but humorous thought) I hope you are feeling better today. Having your back out is miserable. I feel for you.

I'm funking so hard already today. It's 6am. I'm leaving the house for exactly three things today. Coffee, breakfast, and to buy a safe. I have a family member that is unsafe coming to stay with me. Maybe I'll buy a puzzle at Walmart (I'm assuming that's where one buys a safe?) Puzzling is the key when I'm depressed and have to be around people. I unfortunately have to be around people all the time because I live in a shared house.

I hope y'all are feeling good today. Hugs, snuggles and pats on the back for the whole team.



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[Unrigged64072835]

If you can't find one at Walmart Lowe's has them. That's where we bought ours.

[Anrea]

Difference between BP and BPD (I suffer from both) BPD can have triggers cause manic/depression/hypomania. I had that happen today, leading to panic attack, racing thought, uncontrollable emotion. My trigger today was the unexpected event.

My insurance company sent me 3 letters stating they were denying coverage of 3 different rides I received to medical appointments. I am sure this will be cleared up - I contacted my insurance company case coordinator whose area is to handle disabled people with special needs.

My purpose for sharing here is to help others when they have triggers create uncontrollable emotions.

I believe my fight/flight system is messed up. I believe this effects both my bipolar - unexpected moods, and my borderline personality disorder moods that happen due to triggers. For BP, I can wake up depressed or manic or both - and I know that it isn't because I am sad, or godly - it is because my mind is out of whack that day. I did not always know this. Now that I have embraced that probable theory, I try not to attach reasons for extreme emotions. (I try to tell myself I am not in psychic contact with the dhalai lama, or that I am not sad due to a reason).

For BPD I cling to thoughts. I repeat phrases during the extreme moments - today, as I rocked back and forth - an explosion of fireworks of emotions going through my head, I just said repeatedly "CAN handle, CAN handle. - and the words and speed followed the freak out. It was something to cling to instead of going to a conclusion.

I try really hard to follow the knowledge that therapy has taught me. Also, that life has taught me. Perhaps a lot of it is just the slowing down of age.

The book of my life would be called.... "Today, I am....". Because I think that was the biggest question of my life. It seems other 'normies' know who they are because they come from a place that they don't question. Somehow - they feel themselves. For me, I am and was... unwritten. Now, I am very written on, but still without definition.

Sorry, theorizing - racing thoughts is part of the outcome of uncontrollable emotions.

I just wanted everyone to consider that all of our extreme emotions come from the fight or flight area of our brains. It is reactionary. (Also for people who also have BP- I believe it effects us too). That part of the brain function seems to be the key area that grows the seed of over-reaction - or under reaction when it seems shut off (creating depression).

On a different note - Lastly I want to say that I am going to be extra nice to my husband today. It must be so hard never knowing exactly what feeling the house will be in for the family members, or significant others who are in a relationship with a person who has mental illness. They deserve kindness and peace when we can give it. Makes the rocky roads, and title waves easier to ride. We have created separate spaces for ourselves - it is very important to maintain balance and equality - and sometimes he has pretty big emotions too - and I have learned to just relax, and allow them for the most part. And when I freak out about something - he tries to do the same. Thankfully, we both seek peace and that creates the desire to help the other back to calm.

Good luck to each of you!

[hopeless2015]

Finally got my groceries done this morning and made chicken tortilla soup for lunch. Watching a ball on TV with my husband. Feeling pretty good today. Got steaks to grill out for supper, I'm all about food today lol

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[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Finally got my groceries done this morning and made chicken tortilla soup for lunch. Watching a ball on TV with my husband. Feeling pretty good today. Got steaks to grill out for supper, I'm all about food today lol

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I'm about food today, too. I generally prep meals for the week, wash/cut veggies, start cooking for the week on Sundays, as its one of the few days I have the kitchen to myself.


WC