[raspberrytorte]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Was sick all days yesterday (drank too much sunday night), missed both of my doses of meds, and the Geodon started giving me really bad withdrawal effects, on top of being sick. Lesson learned, don't drink while on my meds...

Yeah. I can't drink at all either because of my meds. One beer makes me puke the next day.

I got my hair cut and went out for lunch today to a mall far away. It felt nice to get out. I was home all yesterday and it was a long day.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Yeah. I can't drink at all either because of my meds. One beer makes me puke the next day.

I had 5 mixed drinks, held it all until 4am on Monday, then everything went south from there, probably experience some med withdrawal at the time too since I did not take my night dose of Geodon Sunday night. But now I know to limit myself or just not drink at all.

[Unrigged64072835]

It's been a little bit busy today. Had T this morning and that was good. Got my hard drives back so I'm working on stuff now. Had to stop working because my shoulders started to hurt while sitting at the computer. I need new glasses because it's getting harder to see fine print. Making dinner once my husband wakes up from his siesta. Daughter felt better today so she went to school and work.

[Wild Coyote]

I have a very toxic family -- esp. 2 actively alcoholic sisters (likely with PDs, too). I have had to have a life where family toxicity does not predominate.
My husband and I have had my elderly mom living with us since my stepdad died. Enter family toxicity. My mother does not know how to set boundaries with family, cannot discern lies, etc., and brings all of this back into our lives.
She keeps it all going on her phone (texts), in person, etc.

One sister came to the house, brought her husband and son and daughter, walked in the front door and through the house, would not acknowledge, or even return a hello to, my husband and me. They sat down in the living room and just stared at us! We'd tried to converse with them and they would not reply, just stared. Only my niece would say anything. When they were finished staring, they got up and walked back out of the house, without a word.

We were later told, by a third party, they were looking for our mother and did not want to talk to us. So, why come storming into our home and act so rude? They can reach mother by phone or text. If they don't want to be civil enough to even say "hello," then why let themselves into our home?

It's more difficult for family and others to manipulate our mother with us around. My mother has 4 adult children and 3 step children. Nobody else stepped up to help her after my stepdad died. Six months later, we were still the only ones helping her, it was very clear nobody else was going to help. it's been years now and no offer of help from any of them.

I want to help my mother, yet I do not want this toxicity in my home or in my life. My mother is scared to death of anyone setting limits; she's afraid they'll never come to see her again. We cannot agree to being treated like this.

I'd awakened to a boatload of toxicity again this morning because My niece's 21st birthday party was last night. My mother was invited. We were not invited -- again -- because we set limits on rude behaviors. We also do not drink enough, their parties are all part 'til you pass-out parties. Their son and daughter have been repeatedly put at risk, esp their daughter because of the drunkenness and the failure to protect their children. (Daughter has been seriously traumatized by assaults at these parties. They drank more after their daughter was assaulted, instead of drinking less and protecting her from then forward. They are the hosts of these parties and put her at risk.)

Last night was a huge drinking party, esp because my niece was turning 21 -- legal drinking age. It was all over FB. The decorations on the cake are all liquor bottles, kegs were lined up.

(My niece has been severely traumatized by these types of parties and the drunken older men there, in the past -- she even went through 18 months of court trial --investigations, preparation and trial-- because of it all... and has never been the same.)

My mother attended for the first 2 hours, was disgusted and left.

So my morning, this morning, was filled with all of the ongoing issues -- issues mother expects me to solve.

There's nothing I can do. I tried everything before I'd started setting limits and keeping myself out of harm's way. I don't want this toxic crap in my home or in my life. If I have to give up on helping my mother in order to live a life free of this, I will have to. It's so frigging depressing, so damned toxic, all of it. It pushed me into a paralyzing depression today, I so do not need it!

Uggh! Uggh! UGGH!


WC

P.S. My childhood was very traumatizing. My father was actively alcoholic, volatile, unpredictable, violent before he took his own life. I've lost 2 brothers -- one to a car accident caused by a drunken driver, one lost his life to the ravages of alcoholism. I have worked very hard to have a sane life, a sane home.

[Coconutzo]

Oh coyote!
My heart breaks for you. That is a terrible amount of family unrest to find yourself in the middle of. Sending all of the positive feelings and strength your way. ((((Hugs))))

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm sorry that you have to go through that, Wild Coyote!!

[Wild Coyote]

I'm sorry. Maybe that was too much to note in a "check-in" thread?
Please forgive me.


WC

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I'm sorry. Maybe that was too much to note in a "check-in" thread?
Please forgive me.


WC

you are fine!
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

It's so stressful, I was dissociated when I wrote it and did not know I had written it until I found it when reading the thread.


WC

[gina_re]

I barely got anything done at work today. Everything that I avoided last Friday was leftover for me to figure out today. And I was so tired, it took so much effort. On top of that, one of my friends came back from maternity leave today and I was running my mouth most of the day with her. I have to go to bed early so that I can hit the ground running tomorrow.
On a lighter note, an email of internal job postings was sent and there is a job I'm actually interested in applying for. I read and reread the job description and feel as though I'm qualified for it. Plus a little bump in salary couldn't hurt. Time to dust off my resume for an update to submit.

[gina_re]

WC-
I don't think you wrote too much and I'm glad you shared. It really does sound like you're stuck in this situation, and when anything jeopardizes your sanity...I'm the first one to say get rid of anything that is bothering you. But this is family, so it makes things difficult. It's like me and my mom, I'm happy to have her stay here if she needs to for financial reasons, but my mood gets so low I don't know if I can do it again. But she's my mom! I wouldn't be alive if it not were for her. Your situation is way more complicated and stressful. I wish I had some amazing advice for you, but I do empathize with you. I hope it somehow is resolved, if possible. Please take care of yourself.

[Coffeee]

Today was a good day. I had an appointment with my pdoc and she took me off lithium which should hopefully give me more energy. Went fishing today with the husband, didn't catch anything but it was fun. A good day!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Coffeee

Today was a good day. I had an appointment with my pdoc and she took me off lithium which should hopefully give me more energy. Went fishing today with the husband, didn't catch anything but it was fun. A good day!

I do a lot of outdoor activities with my husband, too! We have a lot of fun!


WC

Doubled my dose of Abilify. Feeling slightly better... but obviously still depressed since it takes a while for it to kick in.

Only got 5 hours of sleep 😱

I feel tired though

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I barely got anything done at work today. Everything that I avoided last Friday was leftover for me to figure out today. And I was so tired, it took so much effort. On top of that, one of my friends came back from maternity leave today and I was running my mouth most of the day with her. I have to go to bed early so that I can hit the ground running tomorrow.
On a lighter note, an email of internal job postings was sent and there is a job I'm actually interested in applying for. I read and reread the job description and feel as though I'm qualified for it. Plus a little bump in salary couldn't hurt. Time to dust off my resume for an update to submit.

If you want it, go for it! That little bump in salary never does hurt.

Yesterday was an ok day. A couple of staff members at my job are making me want to pull my hair out though.

[p00dlez]

My oldest son moved back home and I am happy about that. He's finally out of that darn city and I can take a sigh of relief that I don't have to worry about that no more. I stressed out all the time worrying about his safety living there.

There was a group of thugs outside his apartment asking for his belongings as we moved him out of his apartment. I know how it goes with people like that first its asking, then its demanding, if they think your a sucker and they can get away with it. Thankfully he didn't have much and we got the heck out of there before things turned out bad. I have lived in major cities before and I know how people like that operate.

I have been cleaning his stuff for days because he had roaches in his apartment and I want to make dang sure none of them make it into my house. I think I am finally done but I worked my butt off all weekend long. Most of his stuff went into my barn, just his clothes and a few things went into the house so I think I am safe from the bugs.

Overall I am just glad to have him home. Hope he never moves to a place like that again.

[gina_re]

Looking through my phone to see if there is anyone I can trust to talk about this job I want to apply to. Nobody. This saddens me.
And I'm super tired. I have a pdoc appointment next Thursday and I was considering canceling it since I started to feel better. But this is a doctor I know nothing about since my pdoc is apparently on maternity leave. Maybe a different look of what I'm taking will help. Plus I'm always tired and this makes me lose my concentration. I probably just need a new bed, I've had that thing forever now that I think about it.

[hopeless2015]

Having a good day mentally. My concentration is even good today. I have friend who always has some kind of drama going in her like who was messaging me this morning. I'm starting to seriously think she needs therapy. I feel like I can't help her and she needs professional help. I don't know how to tell her that without insulting her. I'll figure it out

[Coconutzo]

Looks like at the end of today I will find myself a caretaker for a drug addicted family member. I'm what you would call slightly overwhelmed.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Went to my case management appointment, my DBT group, and my therapy appointment today, went well, but my case manager thinks I'm doing better than I actually am, sigh, will people ever believe me, just cause I show up, and am articulate doesn't necessarily mean I'm doing well, it just means I want help, amd cam articulate my thoughts for the most part...

[Gs550]

I'm not doing well. At all. I can't stop crying and I didn't go in to work today and I couldn't even call in sick so now I don't know if I have a job. I keep thinking I should go IP but I've never done that before except through the ER and that 72 hours in CPEP is awful. Plus I don't know how I'd pay my bills if I do that. So.... I don't know where I'm at. I have a friend who thinks I should go but he also said I should get disability (so I can pay my bills while I'm IP) and he has no idea how long that takes and how little it pays.

[Unrigged64072835]

Today was up and down. I got my haircut, which feels good.

However, my husband's grandmother died, his uncle wiped out the family fortune and bolted to California, and his stepmother now has lymphoma. I'm keeping an eye on him and just being there for him.

[gina_re]

Well talked to my sister earlier this afternoon. She helped me with the whole job thing. I ask her advice because 1. she's awesome at writing stuff like that and 2. she learned resume writing skills while she was in school a few years ago. So I feel a little better. Thought she didn't want to talk to me for some reason based on previous text messages. But then again she has two children and works at home so...I guess I need to cut her some more slack than I already do. Just desperate for attention. I feel like I overwhelm one person and when I feel that I have, I move on to the next person, and on and on and back and forth...

I decided to cancel some oral surgery i booked. I had botched oral surgery when i was 14 and i just can't go thru that again. I'll change up my blood pressure meds [they were impacting my gums], and step up my hygiene and cleanings but i just can't go under the knife again. A weight off my shoulders.