[Tucson]

It has been a less chaotic day with my mother. She threw a glass, a bottle of dish soap, and a jar of jelly in the waste basket. Then she took a jar of peanut butter, walked over to the bathroom, took a bottle of my medicine, and placed both on top of a box in the living room. This is what I found when I was looking for this stuff. LOL

I am more relaxed than usual. This surprises me. I gave my mother a bath today. Getting her clothes off and her into the bathroom was like WWIII. Apparently she is allergic to water. LOL I am now relaxing in front of my new computer, one of two that I have ordered. I am going to keep one. But these things do cost allot of money.

Tucson

Feeling a lot better with my medication change. No longer depressed.

But in other news, I have a busy day ahead of me. Lots of work meetings in general. Just had one at 7am. Next one is 8:15am... in a few mins from now. Stressful day.

Doing ok... Hectic day at work. Seeing my T tomorrow. Actually looking forward to it as I need some perspective on things.

[dangerousanimals]

Seroquel dose is doubling...but I'm kinda glad the meds doctors got to actually see me mildly unhinged. Feel like I talked my way out of inpatient again.

Very fragmented sleep last night. Woke up every few hours.

[hopeless2015]

Doing good today, my goal is to not m8ss a day of work this pay period....I'm two days in

[Coconutzo]

Feeling a bit worn out from running around for other people. I still think I'm stable though. Just a little extra tired.

[xRavenx]

Getting a massage today to try to relieve stress. I figure I might as well do something to pamper myself for a change. I never had one before. It's expensive, but I figure, might as well treat myself. I'm so glad my appointment with my new therapist went well yesterday. I think she'll be able to help me, and she pointed out how I haven't received the best mental health care over the years, which I was able to recognize. Maybe this will be a new beginning. She is a little pricey, but my insurance should cover some of it.

[fishin fool]

Hi guys I am trying to pull myself up by the boot straps as they say.
At least it's a beautiful day.

[Gs550]

Not great. I am still depressed and anxious and unmotivated and don't know what to do. I sort of want someone else to step in and make decisions for me but I don't have a partner or someone who would do that.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Well there's still a spot of red in my hair, but it's not too noticeable, almost missed the time for taking my morning med today, almost forgot about it. Right now just watching so trashy daytime talk shows and laying in bed with a lot of anxiety, ugh I hate anxiety.

[gina_re]

Well I just completed the phone interview with HR for this new job I applied for. I think it went well. However, she told me she wanted to be honest and let me know that this is a very stressful position. I think people don't stay in it very long. So, umm, that's comforting. Now is the increase in pay worth any possible issues down the road?? Either way, this is round one and I would still need to be interviewed by the hiring manager.
I love my current job, but it's not something I can do forever. I want my career to develop and make my $65K investment worthwhile.

[Unrigged64072835]

Just got through pdoc appt. without bouncing my leg off. I fidgeted a little bit, but not enough for anyone to notice. She's a nice person, but boy was I nervous. My AD went back down and she added more Vistaril to go with the extra Neurontin I'm taking. Hopefully that will knock down some of the anxiety without me getting drowsy. We'll see. Other than that a typical day.

[raspberrytorte]

I went to the pharmacy.

Right now I have state insurance. I just got it recently.

ZERO DOLLARS! I picked up five prescriptions... and it didn't cost me anything!

Holy ****.

[scatterbrained04]

Took off work a little early today. I'm exhausted.

[jacky8807]

Still dealing with hella stress and anxiety. Think it's time to go back on klonopin before I lose it

[Wander]

Saw my pdoc's cover doctor yesterday (mine is away). He said I was extremely depressed and suggested IP to do faster med changes. I declined as I don't want to miss university and am not suicidal. Since starting Cymbalta I have been more exhausted and depressed so I thought he would stop it. Instead he wants me to increase it from 60mg to 90mg as he says I have a partial response and the increase should shift my depression. He also said it could take a few more weeks to do so.

Well I started the increase today and will see how I go. See my pdoc next Thursday 22nd. If I am worse by then I may have to consider IP as I can't stand being so deeply depressed. It is consuming me.

[raspberrytorte]

Then I got a packet in the mail about our new insurance. No deductible. Just copays. And I was looking at it and for everything there are zero copays. Holy ****!

Something I noticed about manic depression (I sometimes like to fall back on the old gothic nomenclature) is that while in one polar state, it's impossible for me to imagine or even remember the sensation of the opposite polar state; so while depressed, it's been impossible for me to even imagine the incredible experience of mania, and while manic I could not remember or even imagine the agony of depression. I sense that I am transitioning from a high to low phase, and I feel it coming on like I hear a train approaching from a distance. I'm afraid; antidepressants don't seem to work for me anymore and I was so desperate last time I was depressed (2013-2014) that I was booked to begin ECT when my wife and I decided that we should hold off until we had completed some important transactions (the stress of which triggered (hypo)mania, making the ECT unnecessary.

Muddling through. It has been a couple weeks since my mother has died and I still haven't really cried.
Can I cry on my meds?
I do cry when I get mixed. Of course I do everything when I am mixed. lol

[MobiusPsyche]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Something I noticed about manic depression (I sometimes like to fall back on the old gothic nomenclature) is that while in one polar state, it's impossible for me to imagine or even remember the sensation of the opposite polar state; so while depressed, it's been impossible for me to even imagine the incredible experience of mania, and while manic I could not remember or even imagine the agony of depression. I sense that I am transitioning from a high to low phase, and I feel it coming on like I hear a train approaching from a distance. I'm afraid; antidepressants don't seem to work for me anymore and I was so desperate last time I was depressed (2013-2014) that I was booked to begin ECT when my wife and I decided that we should hold off until we had completed some important transactions (the stress of which triggered (hypo)mania, making the ECT unnecessary.

Thank you for this because this is sometimes attributed to BPD (which I also have). I'm glad to know it comes with BP as well.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

Muddling through. It has been a couple weeks since my mother has died and I still haven't really cried.
Can I cry on my meds?
I do cry when I get mixed. Of course I do everything when I am mixed. lol

I am sorry that you lost your mother.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[p00dlez]

Another bad night. Spent few hours sitting by the toilet nauseated and waiting to throw up. I don't have anything in my stomach so I don't know what I could possibly throw up.

Spent the rest of the night shivering under the covers. Pretty sure I have a fever but I cant find the dang thermometer. My stomach felt like an alien was going to bust out of it any minute. This is really miserable.

Read some sites on the internet and for a lot of people this becomes a chronic condition. If that happens I seriously don't want to be around no more. I only have stuck around this long because I promised my husband I would but how much misery do I have to keep going through. I am tired and I am done.

[raspberrytorte]

My brilliant pdoc is taking me off of gabapentin. She knocked me down 600mg all at once (I was taking 600mg four times a day, now she knocked me down to just taking it three times a day). It is not happening. I feel awful. I have to call. I am NOT going through another clonazepam situation! If she wants me off of this, for no reason pretty much, we're doing it on MY tapering schedule.

So I'm calling today and telling her that we're only knocking me down 300mg at once. And I'm saying TOO BAD if she doesn't like it. ****ing asshole.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

My brilliant pdoc is taking me off of gabapentin. She knocked me down 600mg all at once (I was taking 600mg four times a day, now she knocked me down to just taking it three times a day). It is not happening. I feel awful. I have to call. I am NOT going through another clonazepam situation! If she wants me off of this, for no reason pretty much, we're doing it on MY tapering schedule.

So I'm calling today and telling her that we're only knocking me down 300mg at once. And I'm saying TOO BAD if she doesn't like it. ****ing asshole.

What is her reasoning for taking you off this med if it works for your anxiety? I don't get pdoc sometimes