[Tucson]

I have had a busy and difficult day. I cleaned up my mother from a mess that she made on her bed, took her to her pdoc for stronger AP medication, showered her which was a constant physical struggle with her screaming and hitting all of us, went shopping for things for the home, and watched the presidential debates.

All turned out well. Now back to my video course on Photoshop

Tucson

[Standup2me]

I'm lost. Lost to world. Here in body, but not in soul.
Hearing music in my head and using it to escape.
Peace and quiet I beg for you
I am so lost

back on the internet after i was off yesterday afternoon (dam work in our area)

was frustrating actually, i was in the middle of writing a somewhat important email

no sleep yesterday (great start to the week then sleep wise)

today I am having my big 10 inch pizza, so I am looking forward to that (actually I kept thinking today was wednesday) but it's 1 of the things sleep does to you.. makes you get the days mixed up

pretty stable in mood- voices pissed me off a little this morning because they were going on about some random things.. but it's okay now

and I've got sia on!. yes i have. i'm not actually listening to EA. lol

Sooo sleepy...

I'm definitely descending into a depression now -- I can feel it. Mood is rapidly declining.

I feel like going back to bed already. S***.

[dangerousanimals]

Forgot evening meds because I was drunk...showered last night (which is what made me sleepy some time after 11pm). Woke up at 4am with a headache. Seems like I'm just going to keep this headache all day.

[hopeless2015]

It's only 10:00 and I have to get through the rest of the day at work....sigh. I can do this!! Hugs to all struggling today

[Gs550]

I'm trying to drink my coffee, I don't want it. I haven't smoked since sometime yesterday afternoon and I don't care. I'm more worried about the coffee. I won't be functional if I don't have caffeine.

Strangely, even though my stomach is kind of upset thinking about those things food does not pose the same problem. I'm going to make myself a grilled cheese.

Counting down the days till the side effects go away.

[p00dlez]

Went to see the Dr today. I got some good news and some bad news. Good news first. First she was a lot nicer to me and she actually listened to me this time and even commented on how I had really been through something else as of late. She also commented on how its hard to care for me and its a balancing act with all the medications I am on.

She was right though Pancreatitis is pretty much h*** and it was pretty bad starving myself to try and get over it. More good news, she listened to me about the diabetes medications messing me up and basically that metformin was a diarrhea machine. So with that she gave me a referral to a endocrinologist so I can be put on insulin. YAY!

Now for the bad news. She said the tegretol could also have caused the pancreatitis too and pending the results of the blood work she did today I may have to come off of it. Man that scares the crap out of me because I am totally dependent on the tegretol so I am sure there is going to be some withdrawls and also there goes my stability down the tubes.

I also have no foggy clue what my pdoc might put me on. I don't know every mood stabilizer but I do know I cant take lithium no more because it was messing up my diabetes so that's a no go.

I also heard bad things about Depakote so that one scares the crap out of me. I guess that leaves lamictial but I am not sure if that will cause pancreatitis too.

So I guess its a win for the diabetes thing and a big loss for the bipolar disorder. Waiting till I get these lab results tomorrow then guess I have to call my pdoc. Kind of worried about this.

[Gs550]

^ to be honest, I've heard bad things about all mood stabilizers. They all have serious side effects. They all work differently for everyone. Like me, I got Stevens Johnson (the really bad potentially fatal rash) with tegretol but it works well for you. So you never know. I do get it, though, med changes are never fun, says the woman whose stomach is all kinds of effed up.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Working on figuring out what happened to and why I never received my neuro-psych report in the mail back in 2012, I know 4yrs later, but thing is I lost the card for the place I went to to get it done, and don't remember the name of it. It's like a mystery I have to solve, cause my therapist brought up the possibility of autism with me, and I was actually dx'ed with Aspergers and Bipolar, back in 2012 after the assessment I had. So here's to solving this mystery, and figure out why I never received my report, could be as simple.as a wrong address, the never sent it or they never received payment (but wouldn't have they called me if that happened?). Idk I want this so I can give it to my psychiatrist and so I don't have to do the testing all over again.

Other than that, made dinner, chicken with creme of mushroom soup on top and rice. Pretty good actually, one of my favorite dishes. Have my DBT group and individual therapy tomorrow, showing off what we put in our self-soothing boxes this week (I think). I keep being over prepared evry week so far. . Now just a lazy night, lurking around here, and watching TV, don't have cable so nothing is on, boo.

[scatterbrained04]

Felt anxious much of the day because of needing to write up an employee. Can't hardly walk I'm sore and stiff from working out yesterday. I'm waddling everywhere lol Learned my local library is doing away with fines on overdue items (score!).

[Unrigged64072835]

Uploaded my latest pics to Flickr. Did three loads of laundry. Dropped off a bunch of stuff to Goodwill. Looked over my husband's technical drawings to see if he misspelled anything. (I seem to be the walking dictionary in my household.) A pretty busy day. Oh, and I made chili for dinner.

[xRavenx]

Seriously....how long should it take to fill a medication? My pharmacy was supposed to have my new medication in the day after my doctor called it in since it was out of stock. I figured a day is fine to go without it. Well, they called me today and said, "Sorry, it won't be in until tomorrow after 2 PM." It's frustrating. I even called Pharmacies around me, and they said they didn't have it in stock either and would have to order it, so I have no choice but to wait. Hopefully tomorrow it will be ready to pickup.

Is there a DSM code for couch-lock depression? I'm thinking RAD: Recliner Adhesive Disorder. They'll sell you a drug for it.

[p00dlez]

Originally Posted by Gs550

^ to be honest, I've heard bad things about all mood stabilizers. They all have serious side effects. They all work differently for everyone. Like me, I got Stevens Johnson (the really bad potentially fatal rash) with tegretol but it works well for you. So you never know. I do get it, though, med changes are never fun, says the woman whose stomach is all kinds of effed up.

Sorry your stomach is effed up. Watch out for pancreatitis. If it starts hurting right under your ribs in the middle of your belly go see a dr for that stomach ache. Especially if you feel bloated or feel like something is inside your stomach. Nauseated too.

Yeah I am not too happy about all the side effects of all these meds I am on. I would have never thought that the tegretol could have played a part in the pancreatitis but I guess it could have. I thought it was just the glimepiride. Now I just don't know what to think.

Since I am bp1 I am thinking my pdoc is going to want to put me on some sort of mood stabilizer I cant go on ADs, but really I am wondering if some of these meds are worth the risk. It just seems like they try to fix one thing with meds and it messes up something else in my body. Starting to feel like I am running out of options.

i'm pretty shocked i've made it to the middle of the week, I guess. not just because of 0 hours sleep, but also because of how i've been feeling

today 1 of my voices is talking to me trying to convince me that we are being watched by the FBI, and i have no idea why (it's so weird)

Bad nightmares

Trying to keep my head above the dark waters.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Seriously....how long should it take to fill a medication? My pharmacy was supposed to have my new medication in the day after my doctor called it in since it was out of stock. I figured a day is fine to go without it. Well, they called me today and said, "Sorry, it won't be in until tomorrow after 2 PM." It's frustrating. I even called Pharmacies around me, and they said they didn't have it in stock either and would have to order it, so I have no choice but to wait. Hopefully tomorrow it will be ready to pickup.

I feel you. I've had that problem with my Latuda, especially the first few months I was on it. They always had to order it. Now they keep it in stock for me, but I make sure I always call in refills for it a few days before I'm out.

I hope they have it ready for you this time. That can be so frustrating. (((hugs)))

Originally Posted by Imalooney

Bad nightmares

Trying to keep my head above the dark waters.

keep going- I am sure you can do it.

((((hugs))))

[dangerousanimals]

Sleeping less. Having fewer nightmares, but more mumbling hallucinations layered under other noises while awake. I was told to stop taking sertaline, so today is the first day without it.
Feeling suspicious about feeling good...maybe it's still too good.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Is there a DSM code for couch-lock depression? I'm thinking RAD: Recliner Adhesive Disorder. They'll sell you a drug for it.

That is a RAD description if I've ever heard one. Otherwise it could be called STUCK, Shi.tty Therapeutic Unkempt Couch Ketosis.

[Coconutzo]

Upon returning home after five days away and finding that I had spent a couple of thousand dollars, my boyfriend's response was simply, " At least you weren't blowing dudes"

Every thing is silly and good. Can't wait for more adventures in two days

[jtesta33]

Originally Posted by Buttercup11

Continued from last thread

Trigger Warning: Pessimism, Negativity, and Victimhood
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I'm wallowing in self-pity, which in itself makes me sick.

I'm 'normal' well over 90% of the time. The problem is that I live 100% of the time with the consequences of when I haven't governed my behavior.

In a fit of mania a couple of years ago, I slugged a guy in the Charlotte airport. Never mind that I was defending someone. I was taken off to jail and was faced with the decision to either use my corporate Amex to bail myself out, or to be lost for two days until Monday. (Nobody knew where I was. My phone was dead. Cell phones don't take collect calls and my family doesn't have a landline.)

As can be expected, my company didn't like the Amex thing very much and fired me when they found out about a year ago.

Even though I was only out of work for a couple of months, this knocked me into Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Chapter 13 is like a jail sentence where you give all of your 'disposable income' to a trustee for five years. For me at least, this was a big stressor.

I ended up taking a job with a small consulting firm. In that I've spent my career with ethical companies like Vanguard and J&J, it was a struggle from the jump, as I immediately began to see unethical (and borderline immoral) behavior from management.

I would quickly find out that the engagement manager has all of the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or maybe even full-blown psychopathy), and was more than happy to treat me as nothing but a commodity.

Because of my technical aptitude (and the overall weakness of the rest of the team I was on), he dumped all the work on me. Why not? He figured he had me in a captive situation given that I had the black mark of being fired from my previous job, and was in Chapter 13 bankruptcy.

Everything came to a head in June when I had the nerve to go on vacation with my family and things blew up in my absence. Being attacked for exercising a right triggered a blowup and I lost my cool in a closed-door meeting. In spite of all of my productivity and my very strong relationships with my colleagues and our clients, it was lights out for me.

So here I am a few months later, without medical insurance. I can't afford therapy or medication, but I also can't qualify for medicaid. I'm spiraling down and down and it's only getting worse.

The pain is unbearable, but I have to find a way to hang on. I have a very sensitive 9-year-old (one of my triggers, if I'm being honest), and I know it will destroy his life if I do what I so desperately want (need?) to do.

I'm not sure how it helps to write these words, but I don't figure it hurts either. I dunno, good reader, I hope you're doing better than I am. I hope even more that just one of you who reads this happens to be looking for a $125K talent for the reduced price of $75K. (I can thrive in any white collar job as long as I work for a company that values me, as evidenced by the fact that I've had two different six-figure careers.)

I hope this hasn't triggered any anxiety. I hope my trigger warning above was unnecessary. I hope nothing but the best for all who choose these boards for support and comfort.

[p00dlez]

Well some good news. The lab results are in and my lipase is a cool and comfortable 259 which is in range. It seems the pancreatitis is gone now, hope it stays gone. My Carbamazepine Level (tegretol) was 10.7 which is also good. I am still calling my pdoc about this whole thing and getting his opinion about it.

Got a few weird results, seems Sodium, Chloride, and AST are low but it wouldn't be my blood work unless at least something was weird about it. I am sure its not important or I would have got a call about it already.

Found me some chickens for the farm that are already half grown and feathered out (so they will survive the winter). Its too late for baby chicks they wouldn't make it through the winter. I might get them but I am going to wait and see what all of these med changes are going to cost me and also the appointment with the endocrinologist first. Have a feeling its not going to be cheap. If I have to can do baby chicks in the spring.

[Unrigged64072835]

Spent the day learning about Web site building (again). It's something I want to do but have been puttering on and off with it throughout the years.

Also spent some time at the mall walking around and looking at clothes. Found some I like, but my arms are too big. If I buy the size that fits my arms it's too big in the front. I should go through my closet and see what clothes from last year fit.