Bipolar Check in thread #13

Nammu · Oct 13, 2016, 10:50 AM

Not feeling great physically. My back is tricky, I've had fusion surgery so I need to be mindful of how I move. Tuesday I ran out to get a pre made but not baked pizza and twisted while getting out of the car. Every step with my right leg was torture. It's better today but still painful. I was planning to go to the next town over to a over 55 convention and get advice on Medicare advantage plans.......well I'll see. I have the choice of parking down town, paying a high price and maybe still walking a ways or parking a ways away and taking a shuttle, standing around with other folks till it arrives and waiting for it to come, it only runs once an hour. I also need to find a winter coat..blaa I hate shopping.

Coconutzo · Oct 13, 2016, 11:06 AM

Sinking and stressed.
I was feeling pretty great, and now I'm overcome. It's low level feel bads. I know I could be worse. I can't focus on anything and have a bit of anxiety. The world! It's painful to look outward,to open my phone, to turn on the tv. I'm getting hammered with negativity at every angle. I'm getting swamped with bad moods from everyone in my house. I'm getting snapped at and asked of and no one bothers to ask how my day was. It was bad. I had to breathe through it.
And I read for respite, but books just make me cry and feel empty. Everything sounds awful except for napping.
Is it time for a nap yet?

hopeless2015 · Oct 13, 2016, 11:07 AM

Hope you get some relief Nammu
Doing good ok, crazy busy here at work and I'm having trouble getting back into the groove. Oddball things keep popping up that need immediate attention and I can't catch up the daily work. Oh well it will all work out....just venting for a minute...

Espurr1989 · Oct 13, 2016, 12:44 PM

Busy day and I will be busy until tomorrow afternoon. Trying to squeeze in breaks where I can, but I am craving the weekend. I'm hoping friends and family will allow me some down time this weekend.

raspberrytorte · Oct 13, 2016, 02:26 PM

I want to rip my face off. Just ****.

OctobersBlackRose · 04:17 PM

Figured out why I have a toothache, I think it is because I keep clenching my teeth, I think it is a side effect of my meds, idk. Anxiety is down today, on a scale of 1-10 my anxiety is at about a 5 or 6, still kind of high, but better than an 8, 9, or 10. Other than that, at dinner, meatballs in spaghetti sauce, my Moms spaghetti sauce which I haven't had in about 4yrs (I don't get invited over to her house for dinner ever anymore). Listening to some music to distract myself from sad thoughts and the little bit of anxiety I have. I think my Dads Gf had her phone stolen and her number was the one given to the place that did my neuro-psych testing, so idk how they'll contact her to pick up my records when they're ready if her number changes if she doesn't get her phone back. She'll probably have to call them to see if they're ready, idk yet. It seems whenever I have good luck, bad luck is always lurking around the corner. F*** this S***, getting frustrated a little, at least I have music to calm me down. I still need to write those stupid letters to the two people so have to stand up to for their comments to me, I don't want to do it, I'm scared to do it, I'm not good at advocating for myself, or standing up to people, I'll probably write the letters, give the letters to them and run and hide from them (so much for appearing confident). I still have other DBT homework to do that I don't want to do, I hate homework, but I gotta do it. That's what is on my mind today...

Oct 13, 2016, 04:27 PM

I figured it out: I've been passing through EKR's Five Stages of Grief in response to my disease; problem is, I may have been doing it wrong. After ~25 years of Denial, I have finally passed into Anger; yet I have been cycling in and out of Depression, the fourth stage, all this time. Is my grief disqualified under EKR's standard? Do I need to go back and start in Denial all over again? That would certainly make me Angry.

Unrigged64072835 · Oct 13, 2016, 04:37 PM

Lefty, I don't think there is a set standard in the grief process. Just feel what you feel.

I didn't get much done today as I have been battling a sinus headache all day. Antihistamine and naproxen don't help. I did go through my photos from yesterday and selected a few to process and publish on my Flickr site. I'll probably do that tomorrow if my head stops hurting.

Moose72 · Oct 13, 2016, 05:15 PM

I'm going to church choir rehearsal tonight with my 15-year-old son- the first time for me in several years. I went to Starbucks with my eldest today for his birthday. Was nice. He's 19 now!

My meds seem in order today too. Except that my thyroid med isn't at the pharmacy and I have felt tired the last several days without it.

Standup2me · Oct 13, 2016, 10:43 PM

I am tired of taking pills
I am tired of weight gain
I am tired of cycling
I am just so damn tired

Moose72 · Oct 13, 2016, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Standup2me

I am tired of taking pills
I am tired of weight gain
I am tired of cycling
I am just so damn tired

I hear ya. It gets old.

Wander · Oct 13, 2016, 11:43 PM

Been very busy with work, university and processing trauma with my T. At times I am very functional and am able to keep up with work and study but the trauma stuff can overwhelm me and suck me under. It has been very helpful to talk about it, to process it and find a way to let it go yet part of that process is facing the pain and the awful truth about things. It is tough work. A few days ago I was even suicidal but it passed. I have been more emotional and intense, filled with rage and a sense of abandonment. This makes me a bit wild and self-destructive but so far I have been able to stay safe. I seem to switch from being very together and stable to being wild and out of control. It is stressful.

bizi · Oct 14, 2016, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

Been very busy with work, university and processing trauma with my T. At times I am very functional and am able to keep up with work and study but the trauma stuff can overwhelm me and suck me under. It has been very helpful to talk about it, to process it and find a way to let it go yet part of that process is facing the pain and the awful truth about things. It is tough work. A few days ago I was even suicidal but it passed. I have been more emotional and intense, filled with rage and a sense of abandonment. This makes me a bit wild and self-destructive but so far I have been able to stay safe. I seem to switch from being very together and stable to being wild and out of control. It is stressful.

This is hard work that you are doing.
You are worthy of this effort.
((HUGS))))
bizi

gina_re · Oct 14, 2016, 07:56 AM

First day of buspar, hopefully this works..

bioChE · Oct 14, 2016, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gina_re

First day of buspar, hopefully this works..

Best of luck to you!

Having a good day so far. Yesterday I too off work for one of our daughters' eighth birthday. It was a good day.

gina_re · Oct 14, 2016, 08:58 AM

I woke up in a good mood for the first time in I don't know how long....but I just don't feel like working. This time it's not really because of the anxiety. I just don't want to. I'd rather be outside or something.

hopeless2015 · Oct 14, 2016, 09:14 AM

Glad your feeling better gina_re!! I'm glad it's Friday...it's been a long week..can't seem to get caught up at work...I'm trying my best though

gina_re · Oct 14, 2016, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Glad your feeling better gina_re!! I'm glad it's Friday...it's been a long week..can't seem to get caught up at work...I'm trying my best though

Thank you! Hooray for Friday! What an interesting week, to say the least! We can do it! Or fake it til you make it!

Oct 14, 2016, 10:40 AM

Even though I'm totally manic and hallucinating, everything feels great. Colors are more vivid; skies are beautiful as ever, as are the autumn leaves on the trees. Ahh. So amazing and refreshing; breathtaking.

All I want to do is lay down on the grass outside under the warm autumn sun and gaze at the world's beauty, taking it all in.

Today is such a wonderful day! Everything is just perfect -- oh so perfect.

Who needs to go to work when life is as grand as this? I sure don't... so I'm not.

Oct 14, 2016, 01:53 PM

I didn't get dressed today until 12 30 (despite being up since like 2)

****** morning, felt really low and depressed

mood picked up in the affternoon, tore up a horse picture (see my own thread on that), and made me some beef burgers

then ordered some new stuff on amazon

kelly clarkson album, some sparkling apple juice and the new american horror story

OctobersBlackRose · Oct 14, 2016, 04:16 PM

Lazy day today, and cat seem to get warm either, I like the cold, but come on. Anxiety is.for the most part low.today too.

Moose72 · Oct 14, 2016, 04:29 PM

Out to lunch with Friday group. Had to get blood drawn for my hypothyroidism. New med called in soon. Meanwhile my old dose was called in as I have been completely out for days. Talk about exhausted!