Could really use some support

I have been going through maraige issues. Wife cheated on me last summer. Now we are separating, we are at her parents on the beach for the weekend and on the way down she tells me that it will never work because she can't deal with my BP. She is a nurse, and tells me that I am just trying to create drama.

I went from sat to Monday night withou sleeping hardly at all. I made a Plan with pdoc to up my seroquel to 600 for a bit. She reminded me that I am BP and it is foolish to think that I will never have swings. So the first night I took the new dose of seroquel I got up to get some water and made a huge noise.

Shel said seeing me in that state made her realize that she does not want to be with anybody who has a MI. I want a divorce, she has been abusive to me our whole maraige. I am afraid of being alone, even though that is what I need most right now. I am also afraid that I will never be able to sustain another relationship again.

I wish I was selfish enough to end it,but I am not. I don't know why but I want to hurt myself. How the #%^* did I get here? A week ago I was so stable that I was questioning my diagnosis.

Being alone is often a good thing. It lets us know who we really are. Expand on why the aloneness bothers you.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Obviously your wife is a very selfish person. Although it hurts now, you will heal, and when you do there is no reason you cannot have a relationship. Bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the body. You were stable, but a traumatic event happened, your wife was unfaithful. My wife became addicted to pain killers. I had no clue, she hid it very well. She faked pregnancies, and then faked miscarriages all to get pain killers. It broke my heart. She left me after I told her we needed counseling. I believe you will get through this, and be stronger. You are not the problem. You are not the one with the character flaw. She is. She's unfaithful, disloyal, and selfish. You are going to be better off. I hope you have a support system in place. Family, friends, a therapist. My prayers are with you.

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I have never really been alone save for one year. I am afraid that I won't ever meet anybody again. I know that any new relationship is doomed if I don't work on my baggage. But shoot more than half of the reason she is leaving me is my disease. Are there people out there who can empathize with me, ones that wod get this stupid F:&n illness?

You deserve to live without abuse. If that means being alone for a bit, so be it. You will be better off.

My husband is very supportive of my illness, and it looks like you and I have a lot in common with our MI. You might find someone like my husband in regard to acceptance of mental illness and having empathy. Often it may be someone who is also more emotional than the average person (my husband is possibly cyclothymic).

Back when I was hoping to meet my future husband, I wrote a list of all the things I was looking for in him. After every failed relationship, I would say "back to the drawing board!" and come up with a new, more specific list of things I'm looking for. It worked.

Take care of yourself. The way you are feeling right now is honestly her fault, so don't turn your feelings inward to self-harm. Instead, put your focus on how to get yourself healthy and out of the relationship. HUGS!!

I'm sorry your wife is being like that. Especially coming from a healthcare professional that probably sees your MI all the time at work. She supposed to care for these people yet she wants to leave you. I'm going through a pretty bad spot in my relationship because of my BP too so you're not alone. From the sounds of it, you're better off without her. Work on yourself and get better.

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This a good point

I made it through the night. I wanted to end the feelings of hurt but I did not. I should never have come on this "family" vacation. Being at her folks house makes me feel like I am on enemy soil.

You describe a very tough situation.
My heart goes out to you.

((((( jpb4815 )))))


WC

I'm sorry to hear about this. Having been through long-term abusive relationships myself I can understand your doubts. However, there is a better life on the other side of this. It's going to take some work but it's there.

It's hard not to feel like I am always doing something wrong because in her mind I am. I think the kicker was when she had a problem that I upped my seroquel to get some sleep so I did not slip into an episode. Even when I am following doctors orders I am in the wrong. I just can't win.

You're not always wrong. You have an illness that affects your brain. I know it feel like it is but it isn't. Your wife did some pretty nasty stuff to you, and it isn't your fault. You're not going to get any better by beating yourself up over this.

It took me being scared for my and my daughter's safety to finally get out of the last abusive relationship. I'm now married to someone who cares about me and is willing to help me with my MI. So things can work out.

I feel guilty calling it abusive even. She just verbally and emotionally abuses me. She has only once gotten violent with me and never with the kids.

It's still abuse. You don't need that, and especially not with kids on board. My ex-fiance never laid a finger on us, but he was still a holy terror.

The thing that makes it hard to define as abuse is that when I call her on it she twists it all around until I believe it's all my fault. I feel like such a pathetic fool sometimes. In other aspects of my life I am very clear with my boundaries and what I expect from people. When it comes to her I am lost.

I'm really sorry about all that you are going through. You've been through a lot of pain. I can relate and understand that it's hard for you to completely walk away from the situation. It will take time to heal and work through all those emotions. It is an adjustment to be by yourself and the unknown is scary, but it's something to consider since giving ourselves space can make us stronger. Your fear is completely natural. Whatever you choose to do, take care of yourself, try to focus on you.

Abusers can be very adept at twisting things around like that. It is part of the abuse, as it keeps people off-balance and doubting themselves. You doubt yourself in recognizing it as/calling it abuse. For an abuser, this is mission accomplished. Accountability averted. If you can recognize this dynamic, maybe you won't have such a hard time calling abuse abuse.

It isn't easy, I know. Twisting makes my head spin too.

------you can find support groups in your area. People who attend those groups are accepting and understanding. Its a good feeling.

Fharraige is right. She wrote "Having been through long-term abusive relationships myself I can understand your doubts. However, there is a better life on the other side of this. It's going to take some work but it's there." That's true of me, too. I met a man in my city 6 years ago on Match.com. He treats me so well it amazes me every day. I've never been treated so sweetly, kindly, and with so much caring and understanding. One of the biggest reasons it's working for me is that WE DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER. I can't live with anyone! He's find with that. We both like our alone time. We are both artists (his is visual art, I'm a musician, but also do drawing). Our interests overlap a lot, but are not 100% the same. I've been in a lot of abusive relationships. I kept trying, and counseling around boundaries and how to prevent or end relationships with abusers. Divorce, for me, was worse than a death because the person is "still there" -- i.e. still alive and living someplace else -- and I was filled with a sense of failure, and wondering what happened. It took me 2 years go start getting interested in finding a new partner.