[Coconutzo]

Spinning. Drinking. Lack of sleep. My stomach and my heart hurt. My need for sleep is dwindling as well as my need for approval. My love of poetry and silliness are growing. I am having headaches whenever I sleep,10 minutes or 6 hours. I've been drinking so much that I'm constantly queasy and my life tastes like vomit. I know I'm being so trashy and awful with money. Im gross and sick in all the ways.
Woof. Good morning. Good night. December is just always a rough monthz

[usehername]

No!!!!!!

[usehername]

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

Spinning. Drinking. Lack of sleep. My stomach and my heart hurt. My need for sleep is dwindling as well as my need for approval. My love of poetry and silliness are growing. I am having headaches whenever I sleep,10 minutes or 6 hours. I've been drinking so much that I'm constantly queasy and my life tastes like vomit. I know I'm being so trashy and awful with money. Im gross and sick in all the ways.
Woof. Good morning. Good night. December is just always a rough monthz

I kinda feel like this, too, but I'm not drinking (benzos + alcohol = bad).

[Icare dixit]

Day 2...

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I got woke up at 2:30am from the worst nightmare. I've been having terrible PTSD type nightmares for weeks but this was the worst I think.

Mild trigger warning below

I was jumped and badly beaten because of three different boyfriends. The first had his sister send 2 car loads of people to jump me when I broke up with him at 15. At 16, my boyfriend broke up with me for another girl and I guess his stupid azz kept my picture in the sun visor of his car, his new girlfriend found it and thought the worst and she and 4 girls came to my house and jumped me. When I was 17, my boyfriend started cheating on me, I had no idea and the girl he was cheating with and her older sister came and jumped me. My first husband was very abusive to me.

Now that you have some background the dream will make a bit more sense.

It started with my current husband, my best friend since age 13 and I were all young, thin and fabulous. He went out to clubs dancing and were having the BEST time ever. I started telling my friend and husband that if I disappeared or was found dead, to investigate or look for me which thru promised they would. We met up with a group of girls who were a lot of fun. My husband and friend went home and I was still having a good time do said I would go with the girls we met to a party. We went to a house and it started out fun. Then all of these terrifying people wearing human skins started jumping out and terrorizing me. All the hallways were dead ends and all windows and doors barred. I was screaming and begging to get out. Days went by as I ran around being tormented and no food or water and I was dying. I grabbed a hold of a few of my tormentors and said "I know you hate me but will you please just hold me, I'm so scared". They did hug me and I felt better until the ring leader chick put a stop to it and said I needed to slice up my face with a razor blade if I ever wanted to get out. I told her to just do it herself or kill me and get it over with because I didn't care and was done. I told her I wasn't going to slice up my face. Then they kept tormenting me and I decided I would cut up my face and asked for the razor....I just wanted out. That is when my ex husband walked out and it was his girlfriend who was the ring leader. The two of them planned the whole thing. I begged him to let me go and promised I wouldn't tell anyone what happened and meant it. I grabbed him and started hugging and pleading. He hugged me back tightly and I heard him crying and I knew he was going to let me go....but then I noticed it wasn't crying....he was laughing at me and said I'm never leaving there alive. Then I woke up. It took me an hour to even partially recover....it was so, so real!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Wow!
That dream made my heart skip a few beats1 Must have been terrifying!

So sorry you've been assaulted, even once, not to mention so many times! Scary! Sad, too. Angers me that you've been victimized by people.

May you continue progressing on your healing path.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by fishin fool

Hi everyone, I'm here and hangin tough for now.

Good to hear from you!
Glad you are doing well.


WC

[hopeless2015]

Ahhh Monday at work....blah!! At least I'm here

So far, I've really enjoyed coloring! I've found it very therapeutic, as it's immensely helped reduce my agitation.

I never realized how many adult coloring books were out there. My Walking Dead coloring book is awesome. I'm planning on asking for some other ones for Christmas... as long as my parents don't look at me funny.

Still agitated though. Got 4 hrs of sleep last night. Lame

[Moose72]

Went grocery shopping for a handful of things including deodorant and toothpaste for me and the kids. Talked to a friend on the phone. Did laundry. Ate crackers for lunch. Exciting no? At least my phone conversation was fun!

[OctobersBlackRose]

Met my new psychiatrist today, he was nice, and he looks pretty young for a psychiatrist, I'd say late 30s early 40s-ish. But I also suck at guessing people's ages and he could be older, I don't know. At least things went well, which is good.

[Nammu]

It's Monday? So little sleep I've got my days blurred together

[xRavenx]

I have to call out of work again since I'm not yet recovered from this sinus infection/cold, and my voice is barely back yet. Luckily, my boss seems understanding. I had to take some mental health days off not too long ago since my anxiety and depression were getting really bad, so the fact I have to take off again has been concerning me. I have been afraid of losing my job. I'm glad the higher-ups at work haven't threatened me about being terminated, but I still feel inward pressure.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Met my new psychiatrist today, he was nice, and he looks pretty young for a psychiatrist, I'd say late 30s early 40s-ish. But I also suck at guessing people's ages and he could be older, I don't know. At least things went well, which is good.

That's good that you've seemed to get a positive impression of the new Psychiatrist. I always get nervous about seeing a new pdoc for the first time and went through that recently, but it ended up going well. Sometimes younger pdocs can offer a fresh new perspective, in my experience, since the medical fields are constantly advancing (not to take away from the fact that there are a lot of good, experienced older pdocs too though). So even if he is younger, that can be an upside.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

That's good that you've seemed to get a positive impression of the new Psychiatrist. I always get nervous about seeing a new pdoc for the first time and went through that recently, but it ended up going well. Sometimes younger pdocs can offer a fresh new perspective, in my experience, since the medical fields are constantly advancing (not to take away from the fact that there are a lot of good, experienced older pdocs too though). So even if he is younger, that can be an upside.

I wish that mine were a little younger. I had a heck of a time getting him to give me something other than Lithium. He was so stuck on it that I had to get my family doctor to tell him to get me off of it and on to something else.

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling better today. Going back to work helped. I know a lot people do worse when working, but I tend to do better.

[Unrigged64072835]

Presents are coming in, so a lot of sneaky wrapping going on. I also had T today. Otherwise not much going on. I seem to be not sliding into depression so far, and that has been a plus.

[Wander]

Made it trough last night last with the love of a nurse, lots of meds, trying to meditate (that was a laugh) and finally sleep, although broken. I was very high SI so the nurse took a lot of risk and I was thankful she didn't give me the injection.

As usual, I feel fine today, even bubbly. It is only 9.30am. Should be a god day. Most likely followed by my usual crash. I am so fed up with this swinging. Which is why I get so SI at night. Oh, well, here we go again.

[bizi]

wander...I wish some stability for you soon.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wander]

Also had Lithium Blood Levels as I am on a high dose. Will find out tomorrow if i need to adjust.

Still in shock from Day Zero. Found out yesterday that my wife has been in contact with the twisted Iscariot all this time, vastly decreasing the chances that he will decide to ruin us and proving that someone smarter than me is making the important decisions behind my back. I don't think that I can talk to the guy anymore, and I can play the crazy card if I need to make that happen. My mother-in-law, whose labor is my responsibility to advertise and broker, returns from a resupply trip to Japan tomorrow. Both President Obama and Shinzo Abe will be in Honolulu for Pearl Harbor Day, the latter no doubt to apologize for the surprise carnage on behalf of the Empire. Perhaps he'll fly here in his Unit 731 memorial fighter.

[Icare dixit]

Day 3...

apart from lack of sleep, I am doing fairly well today

dare I say it, but I'm actually trying to tolerate the festive atmosphere around me

Agitated still.

Being stuck in the workplace doesn't help, either. It only agitates me further.

I wish I brought something to distract myself with (besides my phone). But it's probably not appropriate to distract myself like I am right now. *sigh*

[Wild Coyote]

It's taken approx. 12 days to recover from the respiratory virus.

I have started exercising again -- walking. Started with 2 miles yesterday, immediately after PT. I hope to do another 2 miles today.

My goal is to be completing 5 miles a day by March at the latest. Have to allow for setbacks, like this recent one.

I still feel very depressed and this virus added to the depression. Yet, I try to keep my eye on the prize at the same time. (Keep working toward the 5 miles/day goal, despite feeling depressed/suicidal often.)

Love to All!

WC

[hopeless2015]

Doing good today, handling being at work pretty good, I don't think it's my bp giving me issues right now I think it has to do with the reality that I just don't like my job. I'm pretty much stuck to, I can't go anywhere else and make what I make now, I'm 21 years in and because of my fmla I don't see transferring to another department right now. Oh well I might as well get over it....it could be so much more worse