[fishin fool]

Hi everyone fishin fool here, still in the ring and still swingin

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by Wander

I am so glad it is going well. Being able to post on FB will definitely be helpful. I tend to post song lyrics that explain how I feel. I only get a few likes but I know others understand I am not doing well. When I have posted that I am IP I have got a lot of support. Really helps the loneliness.

What sort of posts have you got in response?

Yes it will be great! Having 2 platforms to go to for support is amazing. I post song lyrics too sometimes! I'm glad you get tons of support while in IP. I bet it feels great.

I've mostly gotten many likes in support. And some comments saying 'we love you no matter what' 'let me know if you ever need anything' and a lot of posts saying they're glad I said something and that they believe in me.

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Congrats on coming out and for receiving support. I came out in a Facebook group and they all attacked me so it didn't work out. I'm glad yours was a positive experience. (((Hugs)))

Thank you! I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you.

Originally Posted by jtassar93

Thank you! I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you.

Thanks. It was pretty devastating and caused me to get delusional and was just a mess. It got me away from FB though which for me is good. Facebook and Ideas of Reference do not mingle well. At least in my case.

[praxim28]

Originally Posted by vintagexsoul

Somehow managing to hold myself together. We're all so much stronger than we know.

cheers

[Coconutzo]

F&$k you everything. I have all of this something. I have all of this spinning. I can skip sleeping tonight. F$&k you tonight.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

F&$k you everything. I have all of this something. I have all of this spinning. I can skip sleeping tonight. F$&k you tonight.

are you ok????
bizi

[Standup2me]

I am seeing myself from outside of my body tonight. When I speak, it is as if someone else is speaking. I'm so out of body.
Weird

I got woke up at 2:30am from the worst nightmare. I've been having terrible PTSD type nightmares for weeks but this was the worst I think.

Mild trigger warning below

I was jumped and badly beaten because of three different boyfriends. The first had his sister send 2 car loads of people to jump me when I broke up with him at 15. At 16, my boyfriend broke up with me for another girl and I guess his stupid azz kept my picture in the sun visor of his car, his new girlfriend found it and thought the worst and she and 4 girls came to my house and jumped me. When I was 17, my boyfriend started cheating on me, I had no idea and the girl he was cheating with and her older sister came and jumped me. My first husband was very abusive to me.

Now that you have some background the dream will make a bit more sense.

It started with my current husband, my best friend since age 13 and I were all young, thin and fabulous. He went out to clubs dancing and were having the BEST time ever. I started telling my friend and husband that if I disappeared or was found dead, to investigate or look for me which thru promised they would. We met up with a group of girls who were a lot of fun. My husband and friend went home and I was still having a good time do said I would go with the girls we met to a party. We went to a house and it started out fun. Then all of these terrifying people wearing human skins started jumping out and terrorizing me. All the hallways were dead ends and all windows and doors barred. I was screaming and begging to get out. Days went by as I ran around being tormented and no food or water and I was dying. I grabbed a hold of a few of my tormentors and said "I know you hate me but will you please just hold me, I'm so scared". They did hug me and I felt better until the ring leader chick put a stop to it and said I needed to slice up my face with a razor blade if I ever wanted to get out. I told her to just do it herself or kill me and get it over with because I didn't care and was done. I told her I wasn't going to slice up my face. Then they kept tormenting me and I decided I would cut up my face and asked for the razor....I just wanted out. That is when my ex husband walked out and it was his girlfriend who was the ring leader. The two of them planned the whole thing. I begged him to let me go and promised I wouldn't tell anyone what happened and meant it. I grabbed him and started hugging and pleading. He hugged me back tightly and I heard him crying and I knew he was going to let me go....but then I noticed it wasn't crying....he was laughing at me and said I'm never leaving there alive. Then I woke up. It took me an hour to even partially recover....it was so, so real!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent.

[scatterbrained04]

I feel like I'm tiptoeing around disaster. Been listening to the same songs over and over. Part of me wants to snap out of it, and part of me wants to jump in the hole just to feel something.

[Icare dixit]

Originally Posted by Icare dixit

Day 4 of withstanding an urge. Hope no one minds if I now report every day or I might cave. I hope this helps. There's not much to report anyway

This didn't work out: day 1. But I see writing it down as progress. I just hope it's not detrimental.

Optimistic. Only 5 more days and I'll be progressing.

[xRavenx]

I was prescribed cough syrup with hydrocodone in it (Tusseonex) since my cough is really bad, and I accidentally messed up on the dosing last night. I thought it was dosed like codeine cough syrup for some dumb reason and didn't realize Tusseonex is extended release, every 12 hours.

I took some in between the 12 hour period and felt really out of it. I think I accidentally took almost double of what I was supposed to within twelve hours. Plus, I was on Pseudoephedrine for my sinus problems, and that made my heart race. I was getting pretty nervous. The effects finally wore off to some degree, but my head is pounding now, so I'm feeling pretty lousy. Maybe I'll take a nap and it'll go away.

I am having a break from all the christmas music/ christmas spirit/ christmas what ever

today is a "no christmas day"

I just feel I need it.

I realised yesterday just how much christmas food (junk food) I actually got.

dam. it will keep me going for years I think

[Gabyunbound]

I have several days in a row off from work and I've been sleeping some 20 hours a night. At first I thought I was getting sick and fighting off some sort of virus (cold, etc.), but it just keeps going, without any other symptoms. I'm not depressed, so it's not that. So wth??

I have over a 2 hour commute to work and will be calling local hospitals tomorrow to see if there's anything (closer) available. The last time I did, there wasn't, but we'll see. There are pros and cons. For one, I commute to Stanford, where the care is exceptional, and the care around where I live is known to be subpar; from my experience, working in that type of environment can be soul-sucking. But getting up in the middle of the night and driving for that long is too exhausting... I have a big conundrum on my hands, but the least I can do is find out if there's something closer.

To take better care of myself, I need more sleep on workdays (I get up in the middle of the night to get to work on time) and to have a more steady, reliable work schedule (I am a freelancer and my schedule is always changing). Also, I have Obamacare and if it's repealed I'll be scre***.

I'm scared... About change. And confused about how to best take care of myself... Bad hospital, better sleep and less driving, or excellent hospital but little sleep and too much driving. I hope I make the right decision (assuming there's something available around where I live).

[Nammu]

Those are tough decisions to make Gaby.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I was prescribed cough syrup with hydrocodone in it (Tusseonex) since my cough is really bad, and I accidentally messed up on the dosing last night. I thought it was dosed like codeine cough syrup for some dumb reason and didn't realize Tusseonex is extended release, every 12 hours.

I took some in between the 12 hour period and felt really out of it. I think I accidentally took almost double of what I was supposed to within twelve hours. Plus, I was on Pseudoephedrine for my sinus problems, and that made my heart race. I was getting pretty nervous. The effects finally wore off to some degree, but my head is pounding now, so I'm feeling pretty lousy. Maybe I'll take a nap and it'll go away.

I hope you are feeling better from the cold and from the meds side-effects.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I have several days in a row off from work and I've been sleeping some 20 hours a night. At first I thought I was getting sick and fighting off some sort of virus (cold, etc.), but it just keeps going, without any other symptoms. I'm not depressed, so it's not that. So wth??

I have over a 2 hour commute to work and will be calling local hospitals tomorrow to see if there's anything (closer) available. The last time I did, there wasn't, but we'll see. There are pros and cons. For one, I commute to Stanford, where the care is exceptional, and the care around where I live is known to be subpar; from my experience, working in that type of environment can be soul-sucking. But getting up in the middle of the night and driving for that long is too exhausting... I have a big conundrum on my hands, but the least I can do is find out if there's something closer.

To take better care of myself, I need more sleep on workdays (I get up in the middle of the night to get to work on time) and to have a more steady, reliable work schedule (I am a freelancer and my schedule is always changing). Also, I have Obamacare and if it's repealed I'll be scre***.

I'm scared... About change. And confused about how to best take care of myself... Bad hospital, better sleep and less driving, or excellent hospital but little sleep and too much driving. I hope I make the right decision (assuming there's something available around where I live).

I hope exploring your options pays off.


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Still learning stuff while I'm doing laundry and making dinner. Not sure how all of this is going to work out. I don't know what I'm going to be losing here money-wise so I'm trying to figure out what I can do to replace it. Be proactive about it.

[OctobersBlackRose]

I meet my new psychiatrist tomorrow, very nervous about meeting him m, I hope it goes well and that he is nice. I just hope he listens to my concerns and doesn't switch my meds around.

Other than that not much else going on, laying in bed watching TV, lurking around here.

[fishin fool]

Hi everyone, I'm here and hangin tough for now.

Aside from the horrible dream I wrote about earlier that started my day off bad, it's been a good day. My meds are keeping me calm and Today is my youngest son's 17 birthday!!! We had a nice day together and cake and ice cream. My oldest son is sick and parents out of town so it was just the 3 of us but the smile in his face when we turned out the lights, lit the candles and sang was priceless. He loves his gift and is a happy boy. That makes me very happy.

[CloserToTheMid]

Anxious about work tomorrow. been revving up. Little too much holiday spirit.

[bizi]

Drank some vanilla lite soy milk tonight sweetened with stevia. Tasty!
Hoping that helps with hot flashes at night.
bizi

laughable

I was so bored today I took a shower (that must say a lot about my current life, lol)

it is now back to the drawing board of not doing much and pretending to have it all together

well.... I suppose my mood isn't too bad, but right now what's getting to me is this whole sunshine and rainbow attitude towards christmas (my new phrase for extremely positive atttitude)

i'm not a screwdge (let me reasure you), I just have some memories and issues around it, making it less enjoyable

this site is so much easier to work with now that I don't have the difficult editing options, or the signitures

actually faster too

yay