Continued from last thread.

I am doing ok.

[hopeless2015]

Have pdoc and therapy today. Hoping to make a med change and looking forward to therapy...I missed last month. Working straight through to 2:00 it will be a long stretch but I'll get most of my hours in today

Got a good night's sleep, all thanks to Seroquel. I think my increased Abilify dosage was making me go nuts. Hallucinating, little need for sleep, hyperactivity, and yet... sad, loss of interest, poor concentration, irritability.

Why do meds have awful side effects and never work the way they're intended to work?

[OctobersBlackRose]

DBT group got canceled today, kind of upset, it breaks up my routine for the week, I already felt weird having therapy back on Monday, idk at least I got a phone call.this time, last time I didn't get a phone call, at least I had therapy that day, or else I would've showed up for nothing. Still got to.write my rough draft of the letter for my case.manager this week, don't really want to do it. Sigh, just listening to music right now, feeling a little down today.

[Moose72]

I got a letter about my medicaid. I read it and nearly fell over! It said something about denial. Turns out that was for my 19 year old son not me. He is off my account now since he moved out. I had to call him to explain to him how to sign up for his own insurance.

[vintagexsoul]

Somehow managing to hold myself together. We're all so much stronger than we know.

[fishin fool]

Hello everyone just stopped in to say hi.

[Unrigged64072835]

I had power out for about three hours today. My husband and I went out for a while, and it was on when we came home. Everything seems to be working. Otherwise not much happened.

[bizi]

Waiting for my lithium orotate to come in....
can't wait.
bizi

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I got a letter about my medicaid. I read it and nearly fell over! It said something about denial. Turns out that was for my 19 year old son not me. He is off my account now since he moved out. I had to call him to explain to him how to sign up for his own insurance.

Same thing just happened to my 19 year old. Her 19th bday was the 14th of this month.

Emotional circuit breakers have become active in my brain that suppress regrets, shame, and anxiety the moment that these thoughts occur, and dismiss them from their usual painful compulsive consideration like a windshield wiper. This is not a conscious tactic... is this bipolar fatigue? Have I been hacked? Am I finally being rewired by my remorseful creator?

Sad and getting sadder.

i just feel like im sinking.on the outside things seem ok...i appear balanced...far from it.
High energy for a couple days..anxious..insomnia creeping...energy quickly faded...crashing.

I really hate myself, my thoughts, my life, i hate myself for hating those things.
I spend way to much time thinking of all the wrong things i have done, all my failures.
Things are looking great for my 2 teens...i cling to that with everything in me to keep pushing....

its terrible but truth is, i dont want to be here. Havent for a long long time.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Imalooney

i just feel like im sinking.on the outside things seem ok...i appear balanced...far from it.
High energy for a couple days..anxious..insomnia creeping...energy quickly faded...crashing.

I really hate myself, my thoughts, my life, i hate myself for hating those things.
I spend way to much time thinking of all the wrong things i have done, all my failures.
Things are looking great for my 2 teens...i cling to that with everything in me to keep pushing....

its terrible but truth is, i dont want to be here. Havent for a long long time.

I am glad that you have your teens to love and care about.
They need you strong for them.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Coconutzo]

I'm feeling really good about my mental health. Maybe this is where I'm screwwy. Last week I was mega down, could barely function, cried about everything. I couldn't do anything without being overwhelmed by hopelessness. Monday I bummed some antidepressants from a girlfriend in the hopes of popping my brain out of the depression. They typically make me manic almost instantly. Well here I am, feeling maybe a touch up and a bit zanier than normal but for sure invincible to mania. I honestly FEEL like that will never be a problem for me again. Logically, that seems like a silly thing to say given my history but I really believe it.

[hopeless2015]

So far so good...I'm starting get to feel a little better. Pdoc wouldn't give me the Wellbutrin I wanted to go on...I really wanted it to help with my concentration but I've had issues with antidepressants in the past and she said I need more time since my lady hospitalization before we can consider this again. She did up my Lamictal though. Will see how this goes. I had therapy last night and that was good for me.

[fishin fool]

Bipolar 2 person checking in again.
I am doing fair, short of middle of the road.
Been that way for a couple of weeks now after being depressed
for a couple of weeks. Oh boy whats next ?

[vintagexsoul]

My plans to do photography today were ruined by the weather.

So I'm in my hole, in the dark, feeling rather down. Didn't get out of bed until past noon, which isn't like me. Feeling like I'm getting depressed over my situation.

struggled yesterday.

heard the first fireworks of 2016 outside my window (fireworks are evil)

in turn making me anxious and confused

[OctobersBlackRose]

Meh, just a rainy and tired day, feel really down and anxious today, my Mom revealed.to me.that she was suicidal the other night (nothing new, I hear the threats all the time), over an incident that happened with my sisters school. She's not suicidal now though. Listening to music to distract myself from my feelings...

I'm not sure how I'm doing. I've been very depressed recently....having what I think are flashbacks of past trauma. Things have been a little on the iffy side for me for some time. Some paranoia, borderline delusions but I can see through them so that means I'm not delusional according to my gauge. Started a new med to pull me out of a deep depression and might be a little hypo or maybe mildly mixed or maybe I'm stabilizing. Only time will tell. I feel hopeful ....I felt more hopeful a few days ago but I might be stabalizing. I think I need to use the momentum I feel building to get treatment for PTSD. It feel urgent and might be the main thing I need.

[Unrigged64072835]

It was a slow day. Mostly worked on Web page stuff. Tried to take a nap but couldn't - anxiety is starting to kick up again. I see pdoc next week so we'll see what happens.

[Nammu]

My daughter made some calls for me yesterday. I have insurance coverage and have a MD doc appointment holloween day. So I'll get my medicine continued by him. There's no Pdocs in this area accepting patients so my daughter called hers and asked him if he could work with my MD to continue my psych meds until a miracle happens and there's a pdoc available. The main thing I want to to taper off the lamictal, it makes me too numb. I could probably find a T with a couple month wait list but I'm not feeling a need for one.

I'm bumping along comfortably handling life as it comes. Knock on wood.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been pretty good. I saw my pdoc today. He wants me to keep taking Zoloft.
I do not know if it's going to work or make me manic yet. It had not been long enough to tell. Afterward I spent time with my youngest daughter. We ate and went to the park. Then ran other errands. I got frustrated and mad about something once we got home. I took a shower. Then turned on my Scentsy and my favorite classic country radio station. After a few minutes I almost started crying. I got up and got something to drink. I'm really trying to relax right now. I have no Ativan

Doing alright today.

Hugs to all who need them! (Whether you've posted or not! )