[Gabyunbound]

Because of working so far away (over two hours) and having to get up in the middle of night to get there, I've finally looked into working locally. But there's nothing available in my specialty, so I'm stuck. Very very disappointed.

Because I had been falling asleep at the wheel, as I've commented before, I talk to my mom back east on the phone both ways to keep me awake. Not only has it kept me awake, but it's brought us a lot closer together. We've run out of current things to talk about much, so now she's been telling me stories about her childhood and young adulthood. I'm really enjoying it. And I know my mother is too. So maybe it was a blessing in disguise (though I'm extremely lucky to not have gotten in an accident when I was falling asleep).

[Moose72]

I'm at Starbucks listening to my favorite CD thinking I need to go to the pharmacy and pick up my meds. Then I need to finish my pill boxes but not before I get some cleaning supplies at the store. By then my kids will be home. Cold rain here. Makes me feel like I have a lower respiratory infection even though I don't.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's taken approx. 12 days to recover from the respiratory virus.

I have started exercising again -- walking. Started with 2 miles yesterday, immediately after PT. I hope to do another 2 miles today.

My goal is to be completing 5 miles a day by March at the latest. Have to allow for setbacks, like this recent one.

I still feel very depressed and this virus added to the depression. Yet, I try to keep my eye on the prize at the same time. (Keep working toward the 5 miles/day goal, despite feeling depressed/suicidal often.)

Love to All!

WC

That's impressive! I'm still struggling with getting out the door, now that it's snow season I have one more excuse not to go.

[Coconutzo]

I feel great today!
Lots of exercise and I cleaned every inch of my house!

[Standup2me]

It is -32 here today, and my heart hangs heavy for those with no home.
I will say prayers that they will find shelter tonight

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Coconutzo

I feel great today!
Lots of exercise and I cleaned every inch of my house!

That's great!

[Faltering]

I'm not okay but it's okay. Less than two weeks until I see a pdoc.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to see pdoc, but husband put down wrong time and I was an hour late. Got another appointment for next week so that's okay.

Other than that, not much going on. Trying to stay calm and not get overly excited. Meds seem to be doing well. I may have some stability after three years of emotional upheaval.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Went to see pdoc, but husband put down wrong time and I was an hour late. Got another appointment for next week so that's okay.

Other than that, not much going on. Trying to stay calm and not get overly excited. Meds seem to be doing well. I may have some stability after three years of emotional upheaval.

I hate missing appointments- especially PDocs. (I need my refills).

Congrats on stability. That's great.

[JustJace2u]

Had my first day back to work since my hospitalization started last Tuesday. It wasn't easy, but I made it through.

[dangerousanimals]

Haven't checked in in a while. Things were going okay, but it seems the seroquel has betrayed me. Gained 20 lbs in 3 months despite increased exercise. Need to get a lot of blood work done tomorrow to see what all is messed up. Also, I drink too much alcohol so the doctors are interested in talking to me about that too. ugh...
This didn't bother me earlier today, but now I'm annoyed because I guess I had gotten used to stability. I think my doctors are considering tapering me off seroquel and starting depakote. I'm kind of worried that I'm running out of meds to try.
I was supposed to go out and party this weekend, but now I have to actually think about not killing my liver or pancreas.

[Moose72]

And depakote puts on the weight too in afraid.

[Wander]

Around 2pm yesterday I saw my pdoc for an hour. It was a gift. He talked about trying to change my trajectory from a path of destruction to one of safety. Achieving this is not so easy. Ultimately, it is a a thought path, and one which is very set in its ways. I explained how my mind feels expansive, obsessive, dissociated, altered states, racing yet oddly calm at times. Despite all this activity my mind can go dead. Yet is can also be on fire. Recently my mind has begun to get tired but wired as well due to insomnia. I am not depressed at all, which I guess is a plus. Well, it is clear something is clearly going in my mind but even my doctor is not being clear on what that is.

The euphoric mania has calmed down as has the PTSD trigger but I am still very unwell with SI at times. WTF! This is so frustrating. The meds keep getting changed and some do seem to help so we keep them.

[dangerousanimals]

Originally Posted by Moose72

And depakote puts on the weight too in afraid.

I'm also considered pre-diabetic, so I'm trying to go on a more restricted diet to see if that helps. Which would involve less alcohol also...as in almost none.

struggling.

my abusive family sent me a christmas card yesterday (putting an end to what was turning out to be a good day)

of course, I tore it right up in to little bits- and I through it away, bt ugg. the memories and the issues with it all. I hate it

Possible trigger:

at 4 in the morning, I felt them in the room with me, shouting and cursing at me to just, " die all ready"

it's messed me up for a while for sure

I somehow need to find the strength to actually get online and order my weekly groceries.

but it can wait for now

[dillpickle1983]

I think I'm manic. I have no desire to sleep, I've been up for 22 hours so far. Probably doesn't help that I downed a 2 litre of Dr. Pepper overnight. I kinda went on a spending spree when my SSDI came in on the 3rd. Well, a big spending spree. I spent all of it in less that 24hrs. I have $0.83 cents in my checking account now, I'll be living off a credit card once it gets here. I'm not hungry, not tired, and I spent money like its going out of style. My dog thinks I'm crazy.

Originally Posted by dillpickle1983

I think I'm manic. I have no desire to sleep, I've been up for 22 hours so far. Probably doesn't help that I downed a 2 litre of Dr. Pepper overnight. I kinda went on a spending spree when my SSDI came in on the 3rd. Well, a big spending spree. I spent all of it in less that 24hrs. I have $0.83 cents in my checking account now, I'll be living off a credit card once it gets here. I'm not hungry, not tired, and I spent money like its going out of style. My dog thinks I'm crazy.

doctor pepper..... omg... I want some myself now

think I have a few cans left

Agitated no more. Yeah!

Thank god. I hate being agitated.

Taking Seroquel last night helped me a lot because it put me to sleep. I think the lack of sleep from this dysphoric episode was only adding to the agitation

Keep having crying fits. I really want to move away from this place. Too many bad memories. A part of me wants to just get in the car and drive away. I'm falling apart at the seams and it seems like nobody gives a flying ****. Why would they?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

That's impressive! I'm still struggling with getting out the door, now that it's snow season I have one more excuse not to go.

Thanks!

In all honesty, I don't "feel like" doing the exercise. I am doing the opposite of what I'm feeling like doing. I hope doing so will bring me closer to goals, in time.

If I don't keep up with walking (and PT), I will be back in a wheelchair, which really makes life difficult. (My tendons, joints, muscles stiffen up and I lose mobility.)

My husband helps a lot by encouraging me.

It helps that I can walk in a mall and/or an indoor track in the cold weather.


WC

[Coconutzo]

I was up all night spinning about the significant financial trouble I've caused myself but I still got to the gym and ran really hard. It was weirdly easy. I think I've come up with a decent plan to fix my finances though it will take a year and a half and a ton of discipline. Please sweet Jesus, keep the mania at bay or at least give me to insight to hand my finances over if I start getting expansive and wild.

[dangerousanimals]

Got my blood work done. The tech at the lab said that she'd been treating her bipolar with acupuncture. No meds in about 4 years, and no manic episodes. I'm intrigued. Although, since I also have OCD I probably won't be able to go without meds.
It is something to think about, though. I know a couple people who can't take psych meds due to other health problems so I'll definitely mention acupuncture to them.

[hopeless2015]

Had to take extra anxiety pills today, been awhile since I needed to that. Think I'm just worried about money and Christmas even though I have most of my shopping done I'm still worrying myself over it.

[OctobersBlackRose]

My case manager is leaving for another job . I will be on my third case manager (first one left for therapy, I still see him around once in a while since he stayed at the place I go for psych services), but first my former case manager (and I liked him too, we have the same music tastes, and got along), and now my current case manager, leaving me. I feel sad, frustrated, and anxious. I don't know who my new case manager will be, or if I'll get one last meeting with my case manager (probably not) to get closure, today was possibility our last meeting. I mean I had one problem with her, and we didn't connect as well as my first case manager and I did (he "got" me which I've never experienced a person "getting" me before). But still my current case manager and I, we did mesh well and I liked working with her, she was around my age (give or take a year or two, idk her real age). I feel like I have bad luck with case managers and losing them, and I feel like over the course of my treatment I'll keep losing case managers. Ugh, I feel so sad, this was just dumped on me today (she only found out about her new job last week, good thing we met today). I mean I'm happy for her, it will be in her degree field, she's a LPC, so she'll be doing therapy. But I do have a right to be sad and have these feelings.

Well I guess this is where my DBT skills of distress tolerance come into play especially radical acceptance, I have to accept that this is happening and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't feel like I'm being abandoned (well maybe a little) but I don't have a major fear of abandonment, it is what it is I guess. Now it is a waiting game of who my new case manager will be and if I'll like them and mesh with them too. Hoping for the best!